So, my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to join the British army (I knew my grades would be fucked so why not...

So, my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to join the British army (I knew my grades would be fucked so why not?) i sign up and shit and go on a 3 day selection course. everyone from across the country were there.

1st day of being there, I distinguish the cunts from the cool dudes, that's when I saw him. I don't remember his name, but I remember his skin was as red as a plump tomato, so I shall call him tomato number 8. (We got given shirts with numbers on them so they knew who we were) at first tomato 8 no one really noticed him, he was probably 5 ft and had nasty ass glasses, he made himself apparent later on.

The second day was dedicated to medical and fitness tests, a fuck ton of people for some reason or the other (probably aids) failed the tests and were sent home, me being the dashing young cracker I was passed them with flying colours. So did tomato 8, at about 2:00 we were given a break. I was sitting on the top of a bunk bed conversing with my fellow crackers on what they wanted to do if they joined the army.

Out of no where, tomato 8 starts roasting people, it was obvious he was trying to get attention so for the most part he was ignored.

That was until tomato 8 thought it would be a good idea to take my shoes off my feet. I was pissed. I had bought them especially for this occasion. He put one in a bin and threw the other out the window.

Normally I would have squared up to him. But because I wanted to join the army really badly so I could rape women and children, I let it slide, I picked my shoe out the bin, some kid tried to reach out the window and grab the other (we were on the ground floor).

By now this kid was dangling out the window. Tomato 8 saw his chance. And lifted his legs over his head and he fell out. The kid was pissed, he said how he would cave tomato 8s skull in and shit.

Pls continue

bump I wanna know what happens next

bump I need more

bump

continue

bumperino

bump this has my attention

>2:00
>not 1400
>fake army story

...

>fake army story
British army story you dumbass, of course it's not a real army.

Just google british armerican army irak friendly fire and count the bodies...

That was my only personal encounter with tomato 8, he was a cunt to every one else aswell, acting all hard, thought he was tough as shit or something, any way that night, a couple of the Bois planned their revenge, the time was prolly 10:30, tomato 8 was to busy trying to act cool with the kids from south London who smoked (they were chill for the most part) me and a few others had snuck into the dorm tomato 8 was in, we stole his pillows, blankets and I thought that would be it, until one fucker, I will call the legend, had bought a bottle of his own piss (I think he was from Manchester idk tho) he legend then proceeded to douse tomato 8s bed with his beautiful golden liquid, we went back to our dorm and hid his blanket and pillows in some closet. Tomato 8 then came bursting into our room shouting incoherently, we all know what about. "WHERE DID YOU CUNT NIGGERS HIDE MY BLANKETS" all the good stuff, turns out he didn't know that we had doused his bed piss. Yet. About 15 mins go by and by this time we were all tired and wanted to go to bed. We gave tomato 8 his pillows and shit and told him to fuck off. Next day we were all woken up, we waited outside for our instructor and there he was. Tomato 8, he looked fucking tired. Like really tired, we learnt from operatives in his room that he had spent most of the night crying. We knew he wouldn't snitch. We to much dirt.

Bump

>Not having it written beforehand

he thats something that would happen in a summer camp/school camping trip
school warfare best warfare

It was the last day, today was the make or break it was a mile and a half run (piece of piss) people with an ounce of common sense knew that before a run you should eat lightly, maybe a yogurt and some fruit, but not tomato 8, no, after the piss siege, he thought to forget it all he would have a nice full English breakfast with fried bread and all, this, would awfully, come into play later.

It was time. The moment we had all been waiting for, the run that would mean a career of murdering children. The instructor signaled for us to go, i started off with a light jog, nothing much, most of us stayed in a group, I had no idea where tomato 8 was and frankly I did not care, nearing the end, I ran like i Ea sheen chased by jimmy savile, I had made it, I had secured my place in the British army. So there we were red faced, congratulating each other, but then we hear them, the sound of foot
Steps, running, it was tomato 8, he hadn't finished the run, we had all finished lien 3 mins ago what the guck was he doing, he crossed the finish line, his face so red it could create a black hole, then all of a sudden, tomato 8 collapses onto his hands and knees like he was praying to allah, no one knew what he was doing, that when it happened.

A wave of vomit exited his dirty little mouth, I had seen people throw up in the past but this, it was a tsnaumi of vomit, baked beans being cleary visible to the naked eye, the instructors rushed to his aid, getting vomit all over their shoes, we were all bewildered the stench was unbearable.

No one made a sound, tomato 8 was taken away, I got into the army. And I thought that would be the end of it. That was until I was sent to an insight course to the place I would be doing basic training. I met a few people I knew from selection even the legend, I was speaking to one when he said "you haven't seen number 8 have you?, I don't want that cunt to be here" I had completely forgot about him.

what regiment?

It was the. That I saw him, in tomato 8 had somehow made it in, I was bewildered I was shocked I was trembling,I couldn't believe it. (This is my first time telling a story on 4 Cham and it's prolly shit, however this story may continue if anyone remebers it)

No regiment it was selection

Yeah no shit, what regiment are you going into afterwards?

Shit fam make it more clearer, I'm going into 1st RTR

...

En el ejercito mexicano los tratamos como mierda hasta que se largan o muestran su valor como hombres de verdad

royal queens guards

its just called the Queens Guard you faggot.