What's the best way to dispose of a dead body?

What's the best way to dispose of a dead body?

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Take out into the woods somewhere and bury deep on flat terrain. The chances of someone finding it are slim to none, just make sure you drag it out far from the road in a random spot, and dig about 3 feet down, then cover down flat and place branches/leaves over the spot to help avoid accidental discovery.

eat it

3 feet! what are you, a miner? Just cover it with leaves OP and you'll be fine

Either eat it, or cut into small pieces and run through the garbage disposal.
No trace.

Also you could do this.

Human flesh tastes pretty good. you can cure the ass meat into bacon since it is very tender and sweet. Bicep muscles should be grilled with garlic and salt, maybe some parsley too. Don't eat the eyes, brain, testicles, or otherwise. And leave the skin alone as well. It's too tough to consume.

Deep fry any leg muscles as they tend to be very chewy and tough. Bread with flour and butter then drop into some hot oil for a delicious meal. Freeze the rest, mark as beef.

Bones can be ground up and dumped into the dumpster.

Lmao nigger doesn't own a shovel or a work ethic

fuck if i know, but common sense says "acid"

Typically eating the body is the preferred method. If that's not a viable option, inserting the limbs in your anus until the body is completely concealed in your anal cavity is usually the next preferred method.

Of course, there are other methods of properly disposing of a body, however the two aforementioned methods are the "industry standards" so to speak within the community.

Hope this helps.

Of course there's a trace. There will be finite amounts of blood and tissue. This is why the above two methods are best.

just store it in one of your inventory slots until you can find lava or fire, retard.

i always figured this would be the simplest.

freeze down meat if you really must, but it coudl be so simply cooked in a day, and thrown into a gutter or soemthing for pests to eat. the bones you'd have to cook and break down and then probably cook again, but in time it would be all taken care of. pulverize, mix with concrete or clay.

why do people bother with going out and digging and such, only to have the feeling that it may be discovered for like 3 years lingering.

Nah just bury it in the woods. No one really goes looking for bodies, so unless someone accidentally stumbles across it he'll be fine. If he digs 3 feet under on """"""FLAT"""""""" ground no one is finding that corpse.

I say flat, because if you're in a rainy area like I'm in, the rain might wash away the dirt after a while and expose bones if you bury it on any kind of slant. Bury it on flat ground about 3 feet deep and no one will find it.

Invest in a pig farm.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

don't make the mistake of burying it out in the woods somewhere where a groundskeeper will find it. often remote seeming places receive a few visitors a year. go somewhere really remote and far away.

Give it to a nigger. Cops will believe a white man. Tell them he did it.

This takes way too much time and effort, and people will notice a fuckton of pigs.

As for the body thing, this is true, which is why you need to tie it up and drag it in order to transport.

Cutting up a body might leave evidence. You want your residence clean as a whistle for if the cops ever come knocking. Blood stains or missed messes can be used as evidence to get a warrant if you are a suspect. Best not to take the chance.

Call the police and they will take care of it for you for free.

If anyone doesn't follow these instructions, you deserve to get caught. He basically has given you a free pass.

wrong. Use Acid or dump it in a boiling vat of Lye water.

>learn how to mix concrete
>dispose of meat/liquid by digging a hole and and dumping meat inside, critters will have a hayday
>mix bones into cement blocks

do with them what you wish

Post photos and coordinates.

Post photos OP? Remember
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
moot got you covered

Post your name and address and Sup Forums will come round and take care of it for you

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Burry it deep underground and burry a dead animal in the same place but like a meter above the body. If the police gets involved and they use dog, theyll just think that he sniffee an animal and move on

Nice tabs open. "How to take screenshots" kek

>Get a mincer, and sausage skins
>Mince body and make sausages
>Dump sausages into supermarket bins
>Just looks like shop is throwing away waste product
>hobos eat evidence
>profit

summer's almost over fag

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>buzzfeed
Disgusting

This is a good one

made me kek

Throw in hole, fill in halfway. Throw in dead dog, fill in the rest

What kind of sicko would you have to be do kill a dog?
Sheesh

Just get some roadkill

Just get some roadkill

thats not bad

I've heard those drainage opening fluids work well since they are designed to dissolve organic shit like hairs etc.

wrap the body up to avoid making a mess in your car.
drive the body into a countryside area where carnivorous animals are known to live.
if possible gut the body up a bit to let the smell get out then leave it for the animals to chow down on.
if you have time before the kill you can get some animals trapped and starve them and then leave them the body and release the trap so the first thing they will do is chow down

You are 12, yes?

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1. do you have a dead body?

2. Pics then if yes

These are some dumb ideas.

Going out into the woods and burying it? You know... people live in rural areas. The people who live out there will call the cops about a strange car in the middle of the night being in the area.

When I was younger and used to booze around with friends we got the cops called on us out in the middle of nowhere cause some house waaaaay far away saw our headlights.

What would be the best way to dispose of a dead body? I'd say just toss it into a body of water. I heard about a guy who committed suicide by jumping into a river and his body was never found, apparently it went out to the ocean and got ate by fish or whatever.

That's what those mafia guys did and they were professional criminals hahaha.

As i said, i have no clue basically. But you have to transport the body to bury it. That is a huge opportunity to get caught or seen. If you have acid you are left with nothing i would guess. Or maybe some sort of slush. And you dont have to leave i guess. Then again, i dont know what the reaction of human body and acid produces. Might be fairly disgusting, smellwise.

nuke

You really need A LOT acid for a whole body

this, but not just throw it into the middle of the river, you also need to weight the body or it will float and be found easily

leave it at an unemployment center, where everyone will ignore it.

Do a Dexter
Get plastic
Cut up body
Put into trash bags
Go out into ocean (bring deep sea fishing gear if possible, for a good story)
Toss into water
Fish for a while
Catch bags with body in it by accident
Throw in water again"
Leave

And you still have a massive vat of acid that's not all that much easier to dispose of than a human body. What about putting it in a hole under your house and filling it with concrete? Would the bodily gasses crack the concrete eventually or would it be dandy I wonder.

>I heard about a guy who committed suicide by jumping into a river and his body was never found, apparently it went out to the ocean and got ate by fish or whatever.

if his body was never found, how do they know it was eaten by fish? how do they know he even jumped in the river? did a bunch of people see him jump in and think "aw, he can probably swim, fuck him"?

Learn Japanese and find an old Japanese man to train you in the art of making sushi. Make the body into delicious sushi rolls then go to local coffee shop and invite all of the hipsters over for a big sushi party. Now just use a Mr Clean Magic Eraser and some stain removing toothpaste to remove bloodstains, since that stuff is supposed to be pretty good.

you have never smelled a decaying dead body, have you? i suggest you bury it under your house, so you'll find out.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=iSYCh0NuBuY

I saw too many cases on tv when a body was found many years later in the basement concrete, so I think gasses and cracks will be no problem if you dont do it tooo thin

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acid is easy to neutralize with charcoal/limestone/CHALK. then just down the sink

OP, please don't put it in a vat of boiling water and lye. If you ignored my previous request and now have some bones and hair left, then definitely don't make your own thermite, start a giant fire and use it to melt what remains.

This.

He left a suicide note in his car for his family.

I'm saying to completely submerge it in concrete? Perhaps you should fully read comments you respond to.

6 feet or the stink goed out

you need hungry pigs they eat everything!

Maybe it was 11D chess from the FBI and now they'll catch serial killers who dump bodies in rivers.

how tho? they cant search all rivers

Cut the body into smaller pieces then freeze it. Slowly over the course of a few days or immediately afterward start cooking up even smaller pieces of the body from the original cuts in your house. Afterwards, dress it up as regular food stuff a person would eat and either eat it yourself or feed to local wildlife. If you've a healthy appetite or significant amount of wildlife nearby, that body will be gone pretty quick. At least the actual flesh and blood that is. You'll still have the bones, you can crush these into a fine dust after a few baths in hot boilng water or you could try breaking them straight away and scattering the pieces at random locations.

Call this guy

underrated post

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bury it in a cemetery, no one will ever know

kek

Love you

that takes time, smells, needs space and STILL ends with bones and small shit to remove, not to mention "purchased a shit load of acid around the same time someone disappeared, but dosent work in any sort of job that even remotely needs acid" is a hugggge fucking flag. youd need to literally give personal information to acquire that, while a shovel and a drive into the woods requires nothing

I love you Bricktop

See "The Breaking Bad"

You only need to look into history to see the botched methods murderers and hit men have used, to dispose of bodies. Then look at the Mafia and the Secret services around the world, to see how to do it successfully.

I suppose the ultimate way to dispose of a body, is to make it look accidental or like suicide. This would require setting the stage, falsifying indicators of mental illness and instability, in order to force an open and closed case.

If that isn't possible and I was a criminal, I'd likely consider the following.

Rural areas are a no no. The heavy footfall risk, combined with dog walkers, makes the risk of detection huge. Combine this with the long term effect of rain and the wind on soil, you have a corpse ready to discover.

Homes or under patios, again, is a recipe for disaster. All it takes is for you to be linked to their disappearance or the council to need to do work on your property.

If I were a criminal trying to ditch a body, I'd go for a place that had these elements:

Extreme habitat- High temperature, high PH water e.g swamplands. This erodes evidence a lot quicker.

Remote- Less chance of human discovery. The more difficult it is to access, the harder it is for search teams to navigate the area.

Low risk of animal disturbance- Scavenger animals will dig up if they smell "food". You need to know that it will remain undisturbed.

As for the method, the Mafia had the right idea.

Find a relatively remote, wooded area, and have the following items:

Shovel (pick also if hard ground)
2 2L bottles of cola
2 16oz containers yogurt
Boxcutter
The body

You will need to dig down 4 feet, but keep the size of the hole constrained. You're not digging a grave. It's a hole. Once dug (about 2 feet across is enough unless body was a fatass), place the body face-down next to the hole, ass centered on the hole. Roll the body over, and it should land with its mouth and/or ass facing up. Reposition the body so both are accessible and relatively level with each other. Cut the gut open and dig into it a bit with the shovel. Dump a small amount of yogurt into the cut and pour about 1/3L from both cola 2ls into the opened gut cavity. Cover until the ass and mouth are almost buried. Pour the yogurt (yogurt drinks might work, but this is not all that hard) into the colas, then place on in the mouth, use dirt to stand it up, and place the other in the corpses'anus and stabilize it.

The acid in the cola will help break down the tissues, the yogurt will essentially start decomposing the body, and ripping open the gut and dumping the two in that cavity, then feeding from both sides means these processes will proceed rapidly. When replacing the dirt, carefully pack it down but do not dig down. You want the soil to roughly be replaced in reverse order, as soil layers being disturbed is a giveaway. You will have some excess dirt. This should be placed in underbrush or piled against tree trunks. Use the litter around the area to mask the recent soil disturbance. Never return there.

The best way is to kill someone obviously.

and they believed him? hah. dude is probably snorting cocaine off hookers' asses in North Vegas as we speak.

i'm saying concrete isn't airtight. but please, go ahead, encase a corpse in concrete and let it decay and let the decompositional gases work their way out of the non-porous material. i hope you enjoy the smell.

all you fags who are saying "cook it and eat it" - do you mean the intestines as well? full of half-digested food and shit? you're gonna cook the bladder full of piss as well?

american cooking can't be that bad, surely.

You know those dumpsters at construction sites? They incinerate all that shit. Vacum seal the fucker, put it in a box or similar or perhaps wrap the body in a carpet then dump it in the container.

dumped in front of a police station?

> HURRRR DUURRRRRRR NERVE GAS DUMB FAGGOT

You can also do the dexter way of doing things. Get a boat, or steal one, you nigger. And then go far away from shore, drop the body in the water and also chain a leg to a piece of concrete or something similar. Then you watch it sink. Make sure to bring some fishing rods.

Alternatively, you can cut off the fingers to lure fishes over faster. Idk, depends I guess if the corpse is bloody. That would also attract fishes.

I like fishing.

you need to spray mace on the body or animals will dig for it.

The less you handle a dead body the less proof you leave. Make sure to wear gloves, hair net or full covering hat and something to cover your mouth. Best is to dump the body in any moving water, stream, river etc. The water will work as a hiding place, transporting and wash away/destroy evidence.