Hey, its Dickish God here. Ask me anything about a Bible event and I'll tell how it really happened...

Hey, its Dickish God here. Ask me anything about a Bible event and I'll tell how it really happened. And maybe some more of Fucked up Dick Timmy.

What happened between adam and the snake

Oh lord please enlighten us with more Timmy stories
What other events have happened and what happened to Timmy after not being able to cuck

>In Heaven.
>Decide to Check on Adam and Eve.
>They're pretty stupid but I prefer them that way.
>No bitching about state of the world and that sorta shit.
>As long as they didn't eat the apple.
>Go up to them.
>What the fuck?
>No, seriously, what the fuck?
>Adam is moaning as is Eve.
>Leaf clothing discarded off to the side.
>Didn't even know they had that.
>Least of my concern though.
>They have a snake in between the two of them.
>One end is up Eve's cunt, other is in Adam's ass.
>Scream at them to get the fuck out.
>"But God!!! We had to eat the apple!" Eve protests.
>Right now, don't give shit about apple.
>Pull snake out of her cunt.
>Fang scratches her vag wall, makes her bleed.
>Decide to give her that shit again once a month so she knows she fucked up.
>Decide to do it to all chicks.
>Toss them all out.
>Fucking pervs.
>Fucking Snakes.

whats the story with noah

bump

explain moses and the red sea pls

>Timmy decides to go to doctor to see if he can fix that mess down stairs.
>Doctor says maybe.
>Medical science has gone pretty far.
>Drats.
>My only weakness.
>Science.
>Need to plan.
>No one outsmarts me.
>Divine intervention time.
>Timmy.
>You will forever have a broke dick.
>Accept your fate like a good mortal.
>Lucky for me, Timmy need to go to Florida for the surgery.
>Finest penor doctor in the land.
>I begin to make my move.
>There will be many causalities.
>But people will pray to me to help after.
>Timmy is given anesthetics
>Dreams of finally having a normal cock.
>Bitch you thought.
>Release the kraken.jpeg.
>More accurately, release the hurricane.
>It comes out of nowhere.
>It is guided by my righteous hand to Timmy's hospital.
>Its a private place.
>Grin.
>Let it rumble closer and closer.
>Let it dissipate at the right time.
>Perfect timing.
>It rams into the building before breaking apart.
>A perfect shot.
>Timmy's doctor's normally perfect skills have failed.
>He cut the exact wrong place.
>Rushes to fix it.
>When Timmy wakes up, doctor stares sadly at him.
>"I'm sorry. There were complications."
>"Like what?"
>"Well, due to a faulty cut I accidentally sliced open a very important vein. In my rush to fix it, I made it so I cannot operate further on your genitals without killing you or removing them entirely."
>I always win, Timmy.

bump to keep the stories flowin

why not destroy the devil?

Oh Lord we need more Timmy stories

>Be God.
>Fucking tired of ungrateful humans.
>Like children that talk shit when they think you can't hear but then ask you for money then say other parents are cooler.
>Look at Noah.
>He ain't perfect.
>But good enough.
>"Hey dude."
>"Yes my lord?"
>"Other mortals are dicks. I'm going to drown them. You should build a arc so you don't."
>"Really?"
>"Yes. Bring your family. And maybe some others so there's no incest. That's shit is unnecessary after Adam and Eve."
>He starts to make boat.
>Fun to watch.
>Like watching an ant make a portable hill.
>See animals.
>Oh shit!
>"Noah! Make room for animals!"
>"What? Why?"
>"They look fucking cool. I designed that shit. Lions are awesome."
>"Fine."
>"Good."
>"What will I feed them?" he asks.
>"Drowned bodies."
>He goes along with it.
>Wrangles all the animals.
>Funny as shit.
>When he finishes, I make it rain.
>And rain.
>More rain.
>Noah looks exhausted
>Tells me he's going to start drinking.
>I'm okay with this.
>I'm entertained, but this was too much effort.
>Never do it again.

Explain dinosaurs

dickish god is based as shit

>Be God.
>one of my sons is acting like a bitch.
>Constantly talking about how he could run things better than me.
>Manages to get some others to follow behind him.
>Send good sons to talk it out with him.
>He refuses to back down.
>Thinks his pretty face can let him get away with shit.
>This ain't high school.
>Send him down.
>He wants to rule?
>Fine. Have this shitty place.
>Not my problem anymore.

He's not my problem. He's doing his own thing.

>740314552
savage as fuck

need more

Why do you make children born into world with deformed organs who don't even survive for more than a couple months after birth that come from perfectly healthy parents?(Dad does Pediatric Ultrasound and deals with this all the time)

What's the real story about Moses?

MOAR

>Be God.
>Watching my latest project.
>Guy walking with a bunch of Jews to find a good place to be.
>He's kinda retarded.
>Slow too.
>It takes him 40 fucking years to cross a desert.
>Finally, he reaches a sea.
>Need to cross it.
>Decide fuck with him.
>Tell him to raise his staff.
>He hesitantly does so.
>Karate chop the water.
>With the sheer force of my awesome holiness it keeps it raised while they cross.
>Moses thinks it was him.
>Brags about it the entire walk through the sea bed.
>Holy kek.

Tell us about jonas

Bump

Yeah I want to know what happens if Timmy tries to commit suicide.

Someone screencap this thread and the original greentexts.
Also give a picture of "Timmy"'s dick for context.

>Be God.
>Want to try to create humans to be more efficient.
>I make tweaks here and there over time.
>Did it more back in the day.
>But I try here and there.
>Make an organ into a hopefully more efficient shape.
>Looks good on paper.
>Nice design.
>Oh shit.
>Horrible in practice.
>Dear Myself.
>Oh well.
>Sad, but like when a prototype robot model fails when you have tons of backups.

>Be me.
>Know I have to make an actual species.
>Decide to go the cool route.
>Fucking giant deadly lizards.
>Oh hell the fuck yes.
>They're awesome!!!
>Bloodthirsty monsters that either devour each other or act like logging machines.
>I am in pure bliss.
>Realize something though.
>They're fucking dumb.
>So stupid.
>I'm at a dead end.
>I'm sad to do it.
>But I need to.
>Make a meteor of pure regret and fire.
>send it down.
>Goodnight, sweet dinos.

...

Do you mean Jonah, guy swallowed by a whale, or the pop star Disney brothers?

Ah, one of my favorite times with him. Keep the thread alive while I do so my based followers.

fucking bump

The Disney brothers

these greentexts made me a god fearing christian

Explain 2king 2:24

Your will be done.

JonahJonah

how about explain that whole apocalypse thing are you really gonna go though with that plan?

Explain why you made Jesus get himself crucified, was it to forgive our sins? Why did it take us to torture your son to death to make you forgive us?

Story of job

FUCKING BUMP
I NEED MY TIMMY STORIES

BUMP MORE STORIES

Here you go everyone. The story of how I kept Timmy away from suicide.
>Be God.
>See Timmy setting up a noose.
>Shit.
>Shit shit shit.
>Who will keep me entertained?
>Send one of my angels to break the rope.
>A rare use of power.
>I also transfer a special nurse over to the hospital that Timmy is sent to.
>He wakes up and sees a hot babe.
>She's obviously pretty, but she very very shy.
>However, they talk a bit.
>All it takes is a spark.
>They finally get one.
>Timmy can be quite the charmer when he's confident.
>Tell him I'm rooting for him.
>I must deceive at times.
>He finally asks her out.
>They go out for coffee.
>A wonderful date.
>Then she gets nervous.
>"I have something to tell you before we go farther."
>"What?" Timmy asks.
>"I have a backwards vagina." she answers.
>He reveals his problem too.
>Match made in Heaven.
>Or is it?
>She unzips his pants on their first romantic night together.
>Gets a strange look on her face.
>"What's wrong?" he asks.
>"Its just... you're kinda small."
>I try not to make a thunder storm by keking.
>Backwards vag girl is also a size queen.
>"Plus your balls look weird."
>"I'm sorry?!" he shouts.
>They fight and break up.
>Timmy however remains optimistic that he'll find true love one day.

BUMP
God!! Where are you??

I'm dickish God, not edgy Satan. I don't have any interaction with Disney. That's his job.

TOP KEK

SCREEN CAP ALL THIS SHIT. KEK

Was jesus a nigger

>be God.
>Despite being Dickish, I still like humans.
>Come up with plan.
>Don't want too many of them going to Hell, seeing how that would suck.
>And prove shitty son right.
>Remember good son.
>Huh.
>Realize something.
>Jesus is like holy acid.
>Toss sins at him, they get eaten away.
>but in order to eat away all the sins humanity is going to commit, need to break the container hard enough that it spreads holy sin eating acid throughout the time space human continuum.
>Have to torture him for the good of everyone.
>Sorry.

Story of Muhammad

It's been years since I've seen a witty thread on Sup Forums, thanks.

Dickish god, please tell us about: Birth of jesus

>be God.
>Plan for apocalypse.
>Going to be great.
>Unless my main men.
>Awesome horsemen.
>Look cool as shit.
>There's a problem.
>Everything needs to be right.
>Can't do it on a whim.
>Needs to be at a peak of either pure evil or pure good.
>No more, no less.

what constitutes pure evil??

can i ritualistically rape a virgin while bathing in the blood of innocents as i busk in the aroma of burning flesh ?

>My main girl is going into labor.
>She wanted a hotel.
>Got stuck in a barn.
>She's going to be so pissed when she knows I could've booked in advance.
>fuuuuck.
>Forgot.
>Thought it'd be symbolic and shit.
>She won't care.
>Send three smart guys to talk shit over with her in my place.
>Tell her to bring her and the babies gifts so I don't seem like a deadbeat dad.

Inb4 Donald trump

ddddddad issss that you ?

divine thread is divine.

Yes. You can do whatever you want. Doesn't mean I'll necessary give a shit.

who are your chosen people now? Like the jews are now just about completely evil so who is your chosen people now?

Dickish God, pray tell us about: Catholic church

TIMMY STORY PLS
the time timmy was a pornstar or a circus act

>>Tell her to bring her and the babies gifts so I don't seem like a deadbeat dad.
You're a good dad dickish god

>Be God.
>hear one of my approved mortals cursing people in my name.
>Aww yis.
>Time to do some weird shit.
>Spin my random animal wheel.
>Female bears.
>How many people should be attacked?
>Remember forty-two is the answer to everything.
>I can work with this.

Holy trips.

>be God.
>Notice Timmy trying to find a new job.
>Grin.
>Use wind to blow two fliers to him.
>one is a porn ad.
>Other is circus ad.
>He gets idea.
>Goes to porn casting.
>Waits for hours.
>walks into the room finally.
>Drops his pants.
>"Holy shit!" They say.
>Examine him like he's a sideshow act.
>"Sorry, there's not way you can act with that. Except..."
>"Except what?"
>"Gay porn."
>Timmy says he'll think it over before running out.
>goes to circus.
>Gets turned down as they want to keep the acts Pg-13.

I'm dickish God, not asshole Allah.

>"Except what?"
>"Gay porn."
absolute top tier kek

Virgin strippers.

My dear followers.
>Be God.
>Even though God, still need sleep.
>Have to get up early and ruin Timmy's day tomorrow.
>But Don't want to lose the posts.
>Decide to give action to the based followers.
Please screenshot and post it my followers. I will save it and restart this thread another day.

Time?

Since you asked, at precisely 9:30 Mountain time I shall make another thread. I may even invite edgy Satan to answer your questions as well.

Nevermind, i have screenshotted it. Sleep tight my followers. Hope to see you tomorrow.

So tell me about the plagues "you" unleashed over the egyptians? And TF did Moses take to hear the burning bush talk? And talking about Drugs the Shepherds, must have been pretty high, too huh?

I shall answer any questions tomorrow.