>Be me
>31 with 8/10 wife
>Decent paying job, house, a dog, regular sex. Life's good
>Wife comes to me one day while I'm lurking on Sup Forums
>Her face looks pretty serious
>hereitcomes.jpg
>"user, I have to tell you something really important"
>My heart skips a beat and something goes off inside me, like a switch was flipped.
"I've been feeling kind of odd lately, and I haven't had a period in a while..."
>This is it. The moment I've waited for all my life.
>"So I got one of those tests, to find out, and..."
>Say it. Say the words that I've been waiting for since I was born. Make this the day that everything has built up to
>pulls out pregnancy test. "I'm pregnant"
>I stand up.
>Look her dead in the eyes and say it
>"Hi, pregnant. I'm dad."
>Her eyes go wide
>My smile goes wider as I laugh
>She opens her mouth in a scream that I do not hear over my laughter
>She's screaming because my skin is shedding
>My mouth is stretching more than any human's should
>Laughter is echoing through the planet
>A golden chorus sings
>I feel my essence rise from my mortal husk
>I don't need it anymore
>She sees me leave my fragile human form
>Immediately gives birth
>The fetus crawls towards me on half-formed limbs
>Nah bitch, I'm done here
>World shrinks away from me as I step through the fourth dimension
>Take a short jaunt to the end of all things
>Embrace the oblivion, for my task is complete
>As I close my eyes, I send out this thread, to let others of my kind know there is hope
>Farewell
Be me
...
10/10
best thing I read all day.
good job user
screencapping, u did good, op. u did good
No he didn't
Fucking retard
>Father of 3 week old son.
>Day off work.
>already changed 3 shit filled nappies and its not even 11am.
>pretty sure he has stomach ache bc wife isn't sterilizing bottles correctly.
>feeding breast milk but using a pump bc baby won't latch, even with milk literally flowing out.
>zero sex life no bj or even a hj.
>you gonna love it.
>
Post pics of wife faggot
You fucked the wrong girl dude.
did this alpha male just call me a retard on the internet, I truly feel put in my place x
lol, butthurt
Kys retard
>lol
The newfaggery is permeable.
fag
>implying the new zozzle and kek aren't newfag memes to replace lel, lulz, lol, etc
Fukin tard
...
Damn
Didn't see that one coming
Can confirm. My wife was horny as Fuck the entire pregnancy on top of normally having a high sex drive.
Also wtf not sterilizing bottles? Man the Fuck up and tell that nasty bitch to take proper care of your kid.
put me in the screencap
im having a hard time believing this happened