Hey Sup Forums

Hey Sup Forums
Im just a normal guy
Arent we all here on Sup Forums
Yeah iv had a hard life but im guessing a lot of Sup Forumsro's have

I wanna know something, Have you ever been in that point in life feeling so down remember all the shit thats happend in life to you and thinking why me, i cant escape it why me!
Then thought you know what I think i might become a killer later in life
I sometimes get that but never do anything on these urges
I always have vivid dreams of killing the people who treated me like shit
the dreams are normally always the same im weak and helpless, they beat me again and again, then leave me on the floor turn they're back and i pull out a knife, stabbing them over and over again each dream more vivid than the last
Oh my god when i stab them it feels so good
Some times i wake up with cum in my bed from the dream
*before you say something like FBI* I have never acted on it and my psychiatrist say's its normal because of my past
I just wanna know if any of you Sup Forumsros have experienced this (I know my grammar is bad)

Uh no. Do you let people give you shit a lot?

Im not going to lie im a complete pussy, im 18 and never had a fight but have been beaten more times than i can remember, im not smart, im not strong, and i have very bad socail anxiety which just makes the bullying worse

Oh, it's normal then. It's just your subconscious trying to process all feelings that build up from that shit. Our body and mind adapts to almost anything. No matter what we do, they try to balance it out.

It's hard to do something about the smarts, but you can work out to get stronger and you can deal with social anxiety by working with a cognitive behavioral therapist.

>bad)

stopped reading right there

I have 6 therapists i have had them since i was 9
I did act on my feelings once and wacked my brother round the head with a 12kg weight but he only got a bloody face then he pinned me down and called the police*they didnt arrest me though because of my known illness + i was trying to do something about it for years*

Look OP some advice from an oldfag if you want. I have been lurking Sup Forums for longer than I should admit and I am old as fuck.
Don't let people treat you bad. Ever. Don't take shit from someone because they are a friend of one of your friends. Don't let random people give you shit, don't let anyone you work for treat you like shit.
There are no minimal life spans, you could be dead tomorrow, don't let your life be a shit fest

Are they cognitive behavioral therapists though?

Having 6 therapists is your problem. Just.live your life the way you want. Make your own choices. Don't let people tell how what to do.
>including random fags on Sup Forums

I kind of have friends now, because i do drugs with them like coke
However they are my first friends and i dont feel happy
They spray me with water guns but they put diffrent stuff in them each time, like fairy liquid which was sprayed into my eyes while i was pinned down

they beat me when we go out for a ride in the car

One even forced me to do something to him but i managed to talk him out of it (he was very high)

People who treat you like that aren't friends user.

one is for my EUP
One is a paid one by family that i see every 2 days which iv been seeing for years i tell him everything but iv seen the sheets and it say's i havent improved in a few years now

the other ones are from cahms i dont know why i even have them
^^ apart from one who comes to see me I like her she is nice she takes me to places to get my social anxiety better but i hate it, i only go because i get to talk to a girl *she's around 35*

Yes they are, they laugh and its alright, i tihnk they will have my back in a fight
I mean all it takes to be mates with them is to have a laugh at my expense and im used to that , and then i get to smoke weed with them well they hot box and i might get a took

Why did you start seeing them from the beginning?

The therapists?? I was made to after i tried to commit suicide
I took around 30 asprin
*turns out asprin cant kill you like that they fin your blood and make blood clots*

This user gets it. Those are NOT your friends

They spray shit in you eyes and beat you up.
It even sounds like one of them was close to raping you.
People who act like that wouldn't have your back in a fight.
Friends laugh with you, not at you.

^^

So i have nothing?

You have some red flags that you can use to figure out if people are viable friends or not.
You gotta learn to stand up for yourself and even like yourself, once you get that down, you'll start getting actual friends.
I'm speaking from experience here.

Good advice there

Its hard to stand up for myself i look like a kid
Im small
Im weak
Literally skinnier than some girls
I cant even take drugs well i will get high from 1 joint easily

I know your gonna tell me to go to the gym but i went for a year and had very little success
I ate alot of protien and had a good balanced diet just never really gained alot of muscle
and the muscle i did gain i lost it quickly for no reason i kept eating right just stopped the gym because i was suicidal

also when i did stand up for myself to one my my mates who punched my stomach out of the blue *it winded me* and i was already annoyed because they soaked me and i was just sat in jeans had no top on and they had chucked my shoes in a forn bush
I punched him in the face and he wobbled a bit but then all of them ganged up on me i got knocked out and they recorded it and put it over snapchat

You don't need to be all cut. Looking weak is an advantage. Go take some self defense classes. Learn how to fight, not how to lift.

Attitude counts more than appearance.

I am 5'5" , not super ripped, no one fucks with me.

tl;dr
OP is normie faggot

Please teach me Honestly i dont like life i dont like how i am, iv had 15 year old kids start on me and i just dont say anything because i know i will lose *IM FUCKING 18*

I know it's hard, your brain is telling you that standing up to people will make them dislike you.
Which is partially true, assholes will dislike you, but regular people who witness you standing up for yourself, will see you as someone worth standing up for. Because that is the position you're putting yourself into when you stand up for yourself.
Think about it this way, do you think anyone deserves getting treated like you do?
If not, why are you accepting it for yourself?
Having a low tolerance for drugs is not only cheap, it's cost effective. If you're with faggots who give you actual shit for how much weed you can smoke, instead of good humored teasing that thinly veils envy, they are not worth hanging around with.
Look at that situation user, that situation went to shit way before you decided to punch him, they're torturing you for shits and giggles and you're reacting like a puppy that just wants to be loved.
Get away from those assholes.

And by get away I mean, tell them you won't be hanging out with them anymore, because they're treating you like shit and you won't stand for it anymore.

Look OP, no one can teach you how to have more cofidence in yourself. It has to be something that you decide you are going to have.
You won't always win fights, life won't be perfect. But no one can take away your belief. We are our own worst enemy when it comes to that.

But if you want it, decide how you are going to be. It doesn't matter if you have had a lifetime of being beta, it's not about all the things you could have done, it's about the things you still could do.

Well the main guys mum just laughs when they do it, i was talking to her once while she was planting in the garden because i like plants its like one of my only hobbies in life
anyway he punched me in the rib and again i was winded then i sat down his mum laughed a bit
later on he brung it up again when i was high and he grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against his shed wall, but the others told him to stop so they do sometimes stop each other e.g. they do care about me

No they don't. They just don't want things to go so far they get busted by the cops or have to go to the trouble of disposing of your body

But if i murder i wont be beta and i will have stood up for myself
And i know i will like it because when i hit my brother wth the weights i felt so good i thought i was gonna cum

Nope, people who like killing are generally beta. They usually pick on people weaker than themselves or animals.

All you will become is a bully

Or they know he might actually seriously hurt you, because his impulse control is inhibited while high.
Wouldn't want to break their new toy.
You gotta get into your head that friends don't usually beat each other up and grab each other by the throat like that. Not unless they are wrestling enthusiasts and spar a lot.
You gotta stand up for yourself at the first infraction, not the 84th which angers you to the point of homicidal rage.
Killing people isn't standing up for yourself, it's letting people shit on you until you snap.

...

you u need to be powerful, stronger and more social. You should beat them on other fields. Be friends with other strong guy's group have them be with your side. if its necessary give them money. If you are weak you have to use your brain go to karate club asap.

That is the text of a bored bully.
Why are you making yourself available to bullies?

Im not very smart i thought i said that, im sorry thats my bad, i did try tai quando but i was really bad at it

Ignore that shit. Don't hang around those people.

Because im not good at making friends heck im not good at talking to my therapists let alone people who arent paid to listen to me