ITT: We pretend to be American

ITT: We pretend to be American

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=Wllc5gSc-N8
youtube.com/watch?v=zkW-64uzEGw
youtube.com/watch?v=HB780oK6F9M
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

*gets shot while trying to look up what the lads in /brit/ mean by the term 'nonce'*

>banter an american outside of flag board
"Fuck you fucking britcuck mudslim!"

*monitors this thread*

My hands are sore from all the applause I gave my microwave last night after it was done cooking my shoes

AM I BEING DETAINED!!?

*explains how things ACTUALLY work in your country*

I'll have two number 9's

>*smells free shit*
>Free shit? FREE SHIT!!!

Hurr Durr. I'm fat, stupid and shit my pants at a major chain of department stores. I get shot, have no health insurance, live in a cardboard house, drive a monster truck, eat garbage and I'm a cuckold.....Durrrr.

SIR I NEED YOU TO STEP OUTSIDE WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. ALRIGHT THAT WOULD BE $4 PLUS TIP.

*gets arrested and fined for being uncircumcised*

you also can't handle a healthy banter for shit

>*gets $500000 in student debt*

"I am a dumb retarded murritard son of a whore brainwashed government puppet bitch i love fat weiners and watching my jewish wife getting fucked by black cock."

>*Paradigm shifts*
>*Invents sjwience*
>youtube.com/watch?v=Wllc5gSc-N8

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

Look, grandpa, little Haylen will lead the town's annual burger parade this year! I can't believe I get to see him taking charge in such a historic, important event! This town would be nothing without our burger parade. I'm sure Haylen will go on to achieve great things in life. And everyone, remember to vote Republican so no one will steal Haylen's wealth through taxes when he's older! Gawd bless, yall!

WHAT'S THAT? HOME INVASION? HOME INVASION!!!

HELLO IM A BIG FUCKING FAT AMERICAN WITH A BIG FUCKING SUV WHERE I CARRY MY BIG FUCKING FAT WIFE AND MY BIG FUCKING KIDS TO THE BIG FUCKING DEPARMENT STORE TO BUY BIG FUCKING QUANTITIES OF FOOD TO MY BIG FUCKING HOUSE TO SHOVE THEM TO MY BIG FUCKING FAT MOUTH WHILE I WATCH TV ON A BIG FUCKING SCREEN

jk ily

Alright you went a little overboard but that last bit is true

Hey buddy! My name's Hunter! How's about that weather?

>multiple threads like this per day
>it's just banter

it's a mental complex, an obsession

*healthily banters you*

>Be an American
>Be a precious, beautiful flower in a bog
>youtube.com/watch?v=zkW-64uzEGw

I love you Taylor :/

these are very mean ;_;

I'm annoyed that they are forcing kids in MY STATE to learn evolution. Evolution is just a theory, they should teach creationism as well, and make emphasys on what the Bible says. Creationism makes more sense than evolution anyways.

Hey, eurotards, if evolution is real, then why do monkeys still exist? Shouldn't they be people already?

>not on normal court exercise

theyre you go, you can have that for free

You're not getting as much shit as we, third worlders, (and jews) get. so stop whining

>mfw Europeans unironically don't think America is the best

>this thread
Foreigners seem jelly

Actual jelly or are you calling Jam by the wrong name again?

>Go to work 365 days without annual paid leave
>Get back to your cardboard home to find Jamal on your whale wife
>''Oh well whatever, I'll go to Walmart™ "
>SHART IN THE MART
>''Oh no, this one was different!"
>Your ass has been exploded, irreversibly damaged anus, blood and shit on aisle 5
>$89995 + tip to get an anal resurgery
>Your wife's son(from Tyrone's) hands you the defamation lawsuit letter from Walmart™ back in home
>Say "Our corporate lords are ever just and fair" as you prep your bull for the traditional cuckoldry ritual

...

hurrr duhhhh...
im well versed in geopolitics because i read Sup Forums durr duhhh...

Whoa, you are gonna drink that entire 6 pack? You are gonna get so wasted!

>be american
>get a splinter
>pay $40 000 for hospital bill and get prescribed anti depressants because you said you were saddened by the high bill
>go to buy ar15
>have to do a federal background check
>get denied due to mental issues

>be american kid
>12 years old
>sitting in school cafeteria eating deep fried mars bars and chicken nuggets
>have to pay for this shit-tier food
>decide to mess around
>pretend your chicken nugget is a gun and point it at your friend sitting across you at the table
>the whole cafeteria freezes
>all you hear is the pounding of your own heart in your ears
>30 armed officers from the schools private military rush you down, doing summer saults over the cafeteria tables and sliding on their kneepads to behind cover
>"drop that mosin,user", one officers yells after he's already fired 10 shots into your head
>your parents have to pay 1 million dollars in clean up bills

No one here is jealous of Americans except for actual third worlders

kek

*cross the border with my pregnant wife*

*enters any thread*
*takes moral high ground*

...woah...would ya look at that...

IT'S OVER ANAKIN

you have to go back

Lets just talk about all the times we sharted in public or at home, or at work, or at school.
And laugh about it like its just some normal occurrence

Feels pretty good living in the most free cunt on earth buds.
I hope trumps slows down with all the tax money going to military and lower the taxes on middle and lower class citizens instead. Public healthcare? Umm no sweatie this is a free country go to cuba if u want to live in a communistic shithole you cunt :)

Turkey is our greatest ally, the armenian tragedy is overblown in western history, Praise Atatürk.

Forgot the proxy, scum

Just makin a joke amed chill

>mfw americans unironically believe usa is the best

>turkey is our greatest ally
I was with you until here. where have you heard americans talking like that?
(I personally hate turkey, just for reference)

>Even greatest ally hates us now because of erDOGan
>We used to bully commies together

:^)
(((((((((kill me now))))))))))))))

jelly as in jelous you moron

BANTER AT EVERY SIZE YOU SHITLORD

>mfw no one believes Czech Republic is the best

nah we're calling you a faggot

I don't hate Turks, just Turkey.
Mostly because they kept trying to meme their way into the EU without meeting the basic requirements of a first world country. Also I'm a historyfag and slightly butthurt over Constantinople.
We can still bully some communists, though, if you want. For old time's sake.

I vote republican to get rid of the swamp, fuck jews!!1 oh wait the guy I voted for is the literal definition of the swamp lol 258179378D cheese

Trump is the anti jew and establishment and pro freedom candidate

(I know, it's not like you had any better choices, just let me meme)

> I'm a historyfag and slightly butthurt over Constantinople.


fatih+mohammad = holy mary fucked 1453

*votes an unstable TV celebrity into the highest office in the land*

fug muslems :DDDDDDD

I own enough guns to arm a private militia because society will collapse the moment people realise their money is not backed by gold (buy gold).

Good thing I have a warehouse full of canned hamburgers. They will feed me and my family for when the nuclear winter comes.

Not that there will be a nuclear winter because they'll send us all to FEMA death camps for voting republican! Just you wait and see!

What do you mean the walking dead was not a documentary?

hollywood is exported worldwide
we just cant get enough of America !

>I own enough guns to arm a private militia because society will collapse the moment people realise their money is not backed by gold (buy gold).
You heard me
>Good thing I have a warehouse full of canned hamburgers. They will feed me and my family for when the nuclear winter comes.
Ew canned burger sounds gross
>Not that there will be a nuclear winter because they'll send us all to FEMA death camps for voting republican! Just you wait and see!
coffins havealready been ordered
>What do you mean the walking dead was not a documentary?
it's about mexicans

>tfw only have 27 guns in my house right now
>can't even arm a private militia
feels unamerican man

THIS IS RAPE!!

>impling we give a shit about yuropoors
Lel european union is going to bust in 10 years anyway who gives a shit.
>also i am still butt blasted by smth happening couple of hundred years ago
Grow up m9

There are people in this thread right now that never sharted in the mart
let.that.sink.in

*makes a horrendous post*
*gets ignored because American posts are just background noise*

wewleaf

nah, this one's pretty accurate

Just dropping by to say
>leaf

this one's true
>be my brother 10 years old
>goes to summer camp
>gets a tick on his neck
>father acts like a fucking women and panics
>takes him to the ER
>they pop the tick out in 5 seconds
>charges us $10,000
fucking retarded

I am Italian.

PLS NUKE EVERYONE KIMMY WE R COUNTING ON U

my mom shit her pants in a Walmart once....

I'll let other brazilians do that
youtube.com/watch?v=HB780oK6F9M

>tfw your entire state is whiter and more conservative than most of Europe

feels good famalam

NOW

the fact that you replied proves me right
Americans are just filler and not notable in any way

>microwaving shoes
Dude just use the oven, how lazy are you? I hope you at least made time to take off your pants before you tied your shoes.

At least we get the freedom to ask that man. Turkey is starting to sound scary crazy.

>tfw make crazy good money but I'm dumping it all into my denbts first
In about 3 years I'm gonna have stupid amounts of money, just on what I'm making now. I'll probably be making more by then.

Could be worse, I was a fuckup in high school and missed the chance to get scholarships. I'm glad I got to go to college at all.

Yes but is there anything worth doing in your state?

4wheelers, guns, fire, drugs and alcohol get boring eventually. And you probably have to work a shit job to live in a conservative white place because there is no economy in the fucking woods.

At least not where I'm from. Living in the city is ok but people are as unquestioningly, blindly left wing here as people are blindly and unquestioningly left wing back home.

But if you live in a white, conservative place with a real economy and a good job, fuck yea good on ya bro

>At least we get the freedom to ask that
t. never been arrested

Been arrested twice. Once because I was doing dumb shit and deserved it, the other because my bitch ex called the cops and said I hit her.

>be me
>be american
>wake up at 8 and eat a can of ICan'tBeliveIt'sNotOmelette™ synthetic scrambled eggs with added high fructose cornsyrup
>down a imperial gallon of coolaid™ aspartame-ascention™
>take the pledge of allegiance 10 times
>get in my motorized v8 lilWhizzer™ mobility scooter and drive down to the local walmart
>let loose a big old patriotic fart
>oops! Looks like i got more than i bargained for.
>mfw i realize i've sharted in the mart

>Yes but is there anything worth doing in your state?
Vermont? Fuck yeah.
>4wheelers, guns, fire, drugs and alcohol get boring eventually.
lmao no they don't, you call yourself american?
>And you probably have to work a shit job to live in a conservative white place because there is no economy in the fucking woods.
I'm a software engineer working in Vergennes
>At least not where I'm from. Living in the city is ok but people are as unquestioningly, blindly left wing here as people are blindly and unquestioningly left wing back home.
Cities pollute both mind and body
>But if you live in a white, conservative place with a real economy and a good job, fuck yea good on ya bro
Utah is also like that too. Going to live down there for a little while soon.

>Utah is also like that too. Going to live down there for a little while soon.

But Mormons are literally a satanic cult.

Ok fuck you win I'll be there asap

Nah they're alright.

Fuck off we're full.

It's cool I'm American and white and educated and fun as fuck as long as there's enough alcohol to drown my existential hatred of myself.

cool people don't need to tell other people that they're cool

you're not cool user

Rude. Reported to the european unions office of cyberpoliceing.

Actually, that's literally the definition of cool: when someone else thinks you're cool.

But yea I know. I'm 30 and in a good line of work and am dating my best friend and live in the big city now (DC). I got like 5 good friends and that's plenty.

Dunno why I get nice when I'm drunk, shouldn't I be shitposting instead of sharing way too much information right now?

oh shit I forgot to pay jizya tax

It's okay user I don't actually know you and don't actually believe that a single shitpost is enough to make someone move to a different state. You seem like a nice person.

...

there is something terribly wrong with that bun

Taxes? I AM A FREE CITIZEN

*gets shot*

Under us naval code 2576 i am not required to have proper tags on my veichle, because due to the proximity to the ocean my car is defined as a class 2 vessel under article 5 section 9 subclause 38 and is therefore not subject to the regulations that govern road veichles. I am also not driving or operating said vessel, i am traveling upon it.

*pledges allegiance to a piece of fabric*