Theater doesn't serve crab legs

>theater doesn't serve crab legs

funny post thank you

...

what about the showers?

>they don't hand out complimentary bullet proof vests

>no VIP suite with surround sound

>singles policy is laissez faire

>ticket costs under $50

>the staff has males

>celebrities don't frequent the theater in hoodiea to catch their premier here and there

>theater unironically showed star wars over hateful eight

>no post movie spa

>no valet/red carpet entrances

>the movie theater doesn't have an artofical intermission built into 90 minute films

>cell phones aren't dropped off at the door

>no leather couches

What went left?

>heading through cinema obstacle course to get to seat
>fall through tiger pit cleverly disguised as popcorn and candywrappers
>have to watch the rest of the movie via hand mirror
>cinema crows keep dropping acorns and small rocks on me for the entirety of Drive
>miss the after movie horseshoe toss and get banned from the front seats for a week

First 3 lines were funny. 6/10

Who /theater mischief/ here?

CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE CRAB LEGS JOKE? Where did it come from and what is it referring to?

Most top of the line cinematiques carry crab legs and sometimes lobster (lobster rolls), ceviche, coq au vin, Prince Edward island mussels, and caviar. You have to crack the crustaceans yourself while you eat them (always get extra butter). It stems from reality.

does your theater seriously not have crab legs? what bumfuck backwater are you from?

Serving crab legs is the lowest baseline to meet for an acceptable kinoplex. If they don't even serve crab legs they're not worth your time.

>fail penis inspection
>lose popcorn privileges

>theater's showers are poorly maintained

It comes from theaters serving crab legs? are you fucking retarded?

>someone ripped the poop scissors off the chain in the bathroom

>not just using a good friend's penis

Plebs never learn

In the uk they serve a whole brown crab at the cinema , the joke is that americans only serve the legs

>navigating the pizza and pasta pits to get a good seat

>"enjoy the movie!"
>don't

>be me
>watching top Pixar Kino (Cars 2)
>get to the scene where Lightning McQueen poops oil and antifreeze all over Mater
>a single tear rolls down my cheek as I realize we've hit peak filmography for a ln entire generation
>the immersion is broken instantly as fucking Agent Smith dude pops out of nowhere
>Sir, we need you to retract your foreskin to check for smegma buildup, its kinodome policy
>I didn't shower before, there's noticeable cheese on most of my glans
>get banned for a week
This is fucking bullshit, penis inspections at the door used to be standard policy before the niggers started raising hell about it

>no sneeze guard at the cinema salad bar

>he's that guy who overdoes a joke and ruins it for everyone

>enjoying a foreign silent kino
>theater attendee kicks me out for violating the no singles policy

its not fair!

/thread

>he's the guy whose head gets too hot and melts everyone