How do you lie and convince 3 judges to believe you?

How do you lie and convince 3 judges to believe you?

you don't

suck dick

tell the lie
kill them

can't kill

accident*

If you can't do the time, Don't do the crime

can i ask what you did?

>commit crime
>get caught
>have to go to court
>make post on Sup Forums about it not telling what you did
>people ask you what you did
>tell them
>feel like a badass

speak the truth

It's not a crime, i just have to lie to save a friends, i'm a witness.
I have to tell quite a long story and i'll be questioned a lot so there's that.

>lie to save friends
hah

Sounds like quite a pickle, faggot

Yeah man

Ok

man, obstruction of justice is biggy. If they were really friends they wouldnt put you in this situation. Unless you had something to do with what they did, you said you were a witness, I don't know the laws in your state but I am pretty sure there is some sort of guilty by association..? Are you also trying to save yourself?

for starters read the lie out a million times so it sounds natural, and ask your yourself why every 5 fucking seconds. you need an answer to each why, no matter what. they WILL ask, and if you stutter your shit your fucking fucked
secondly, dont

these people get paid more a month then you make in a year because they are that fucking good at fucking your shit

tell the truth
>they think you lie
> then tell your lie
>you tricked them into deciding not guilty

One off

I rather not

You have to understand that these people get paid alot of money just for this reason. They really are that good. Does not matter how good you think your lie is, they will find out if it's a lie. especially if other people are involved.. the chain will break at some point. Trust me man, don't lie.

...

do u know the story u have to tell
u need to belive the lie your telling
that version needs to be the truth to your self
other wise ull trip over your own lie and wont be able to pick your self up again

basically read everything to myself and live the story myself?
what are some red flags they might pick up on if they suspect i lie?

Bribe

you stutter, you start looking in different directions. nervous ticks, licking of lips, sweating. any movements in your hands. you tripping over your words, timeframes in the story, if you don't answer in a proper time frame. Ever wonder why they write a shitload while they are listening to people give their story, they are writing notes on what your saying and later will ask a question based on an aswer but ask it differently. Also depends how long your going to testify for, or if they ask you to come back. How involved you are in the case also has alot to do with it, and how essential you are to the prosecution.

lie to yourself

Construct a story that is as near on the truth as possible, best do so together with your friends
Lie to save friends is ok
Friends and family over everything as long as we are not talking mass murder
I wouldn't do it tho I think, I would just stay silent

maintaining eye piercing eye contact is the best?

OP if you are a nigger lynch yourself, it's better than to lie.

Perjury is a felony and can land you with 5 years imprisonment

The only way to get busted is if there is hard proof against what you're saying. If it's just your word against someone else's then say whatever the fuck you want.

They might not believe you but you won't get caught out.

yup, just don't change anything in posture. Maintain a strat face no matter what. Practice that

Thanks
Any more tips?
Not scratch myself or anything of the sort.

learn a fake story. When they will ask you to repeat your story DON'T say the same thing, dont respect the same order of the events, don't use everytime the same word.
Watch : The Lives of Others
it's about the Stasi, the secret police of DDR The firsts scenes explain how the main character spot the lies.

Basically this

Tell your friend that you won´t lie for him... I would never go down for anyone else

fug

as an attorney I would urge you to not take legal advice from /b

faggot

Have the money to pay for Jonny Cochran

>don't take legal advice from /b
>is therefor giving legal advice in the same statement

exactly what kind of autistic attorney are you?

You need to convince yourself first

nigger lynching is by default the best justice system this world will ever know

Chewbacca defense

This literally points to you first, fucking idiot.

Considering the last proceeding I was in, where the arbitrator tried to ignore my evidence and just wanted to talk rhetoric, this is as good as any, I'd go for it.

Then it's a wonder why people go for the idea of drain the swamp.

It depends on what country you're in. But I think University, your best bet is to bribe a random person to back up your account of the story if that's at all possible. And even if it's not a random person then find somebody who can just take the stand and say exactly the same thing you're saying.

It depends on what country you're in. But I think your best bet is to bribe a random person to back up your account of the story if that's at all possible. And even if it's not a random person then find somebody who can just take the stand and say exactly the same thing you're saying.

You don't have to lie you can just leave details out

The trick is you have to believe in the lie. If you believe it is sincere truth you can sincerely lie. I have talked my way out of 3 DUI

You don't. You hire a professional to do it for you.

this, good lawyer will get you off anything

Bump

Story ? What happened?

Believe your lie is the truth and you life is a lie

Biking again

This is America dude. Judge assumes your guilty and are therefore always lying if you say you are innocent. The part NIGGERS and poor assholes don't understand is that judges don't care about the crime they only care about the law. Get a L aWYER they speak judge and will be able to show the court that even though you broke into the store and stole the shit.. its still cool because the piece of shit cop broke the law arresting you. Spend the money. Go free.

I'm in Europe.

Bumping

Don't lie, but try to manipulate the outcome with truths

Lie a little, but be transparent enough for them to use the lie as an defense for your actions.
In other words, give them a reason to expedite the proceedings by handing them something to slap you on the wrist for instead of hanging you at the gallows

Lie a lot, crash and burn. Nothing you could do worse than walk into a Court with Dirty hands.

>piece of shit cop
Extraordinarily unlikely this will be the defense over:
user's a complete fucktard, he's not likely smart enough to pose a significant danger to the community, and too stupid to learn from being reprimanded. Just chew him through the system with the biggest fine you can issue and we'll move onto defendants that aren't a complete waste of everyone's time.

If you are telling a long story then you can't lie. Your friend is so suspected of doing whatever he did that he has a court case to go to and possibly is in jail right now.

This means they have facts that can easily break your lie and the longer your story the easier it is to find inconsistencies.

Also if you lie in court you go to jail.

Plead the 5th and deny any statement?

Can't

It's a long ass story, 8 years with critical dates etc.. Involves a lot of abuse and problems since childhood.

Just don't appear maybe?
You are no criminal so they could have a hard time forcing you into court

You can always invoke your 5th amendment rights, assuming you're in an American court.

get a +20 on your speech roll

Be a woman

You can be compelled to give statement, and moreover not proving yourself a defense isn't exactly a strong play.
If you read the amendment there are quite some "Unless" and "Except in" written in there.
You can also be held for obstructing, and / or be held as an accessory to a crime by concealing information

I'm obviously not a lawfag however

be a politician

How hard is it to just act like you don't know anything? Just put on your "honest but stupid" face and play ignorant.

Those laws are on the books but nobody gets charged for refusing to give witness testimony. It's not really worth the hassle to prosecute.

What does that mean

I already said i'll do it, no backing out now.

When you were partying I studied the blade...

lost

I don't know how it works in Europe but in America a witness has no obligation to testify and you can back out at any time. Don't you people have rights?

Well if your story contradicts their story in any way then you both are fucked.

Criminal investigators have been doing this shit for a long time.

The only way to get away with it is if you and all your friends all make an alibi that matches each other.

If you can't do that, sell them the fuck out.

>If you can't do that, sell them the fuck out.
that's why i ask for tips on how to sell a good story my dude

What did your friend do?

rip OP

This won't work

fuck off nigger I hope you and your friend rot

I'm white

This is classic Sup Forumsait I can't believe how many newfags fall for this shit everyday. LURK MOAR!!11!1!

kys

get angry

>Any more tips?
you are so fucked. hahaha

shieeet this guy is a killer

lol

does morphine have any relevance to the story?

Hair cut and paste

bumping

It does not, no pictures on my computer.

the best liar tells the truth as much as possible

what does that mean lmao

First judge needs a 3 charisma check
Second a 6
Third is a 10, that motherfucker ain't falling for your shit unless you've fucking out some serious points into your charisma AND a few into your bluff

what?
i should be charismatic or serious?
how can you do both?
it's either you're dead serious, no change in tone or posture or you're charismatic with hand gestures and openness.