Feels thread

feels thread

Well Sup Forums, it's getting to that time again. I've been off and on this board for a while now. From when I was young and carefree, perhaps way too young for the board, to now. A lot has changed. I'd like to say for the better but I'm afraid that might not be the case. As I'm typing this, maybe I'm being swept up in a moment of emotion but I've given this feeling about two years to subside now and I fear I'm going to have to be the one to back down.

Life is all about what drives us. What urges us forward. What pushes us on. Whether we find our true love and live out our days with them or we have a passion in a hobby that leaves us feeling fulfilled. Some of us seek the end-game in their other half. Some of us seek it in doing what they enjoy most. For some of us, what I'd like to think is a rare handful, the fire just fizzles out.

I used to enjoy what I do. I'm probably young compared to a lot of you out there reading this. I'm twenty years old. Barely past my teenage years although forced to live the life of an adult in Britain for a bit longer than I'd have liked. It's the usual cliche: Someone forced to grow up too fast and struggling to do so. Yet, it's all too true. For a while now I've been thinking how much I'd prefer to just not wake up. It started as an almost scientific curiosity. Wondering what happens after. Surely there must be something? It all can't just end? Can we truly fathom what complete nothingness is? Of course, I know the answer. Or at least, I think I do. I know nothing happens after. It can't possibly. All of our humanity; our memories, our experiences, our emotions. They can all be summed up as just chemical reactions. Nothing more. I've never been the spiritual type. I wish I had the faith to be one, though.

(cont)
I've reached this moment where I'm stagnating. Life seems dull and pointless. Everything I used to enjoy doing, from my active study of chemistry and physics to programming, has become fruitless and boring. I find myself stuck in a loop of trying my hardest to get motivation to even shower, let alone do anything productive. When I do manage to force myself through yet another day, the people I run in to are either repulsed by my lack of engagement or just tell me to get over myself. I can't say why it has reached this stage. My early life, although troubling, got better. I live a life most would be lucky to have. I have money, I have a few loyal friends, I have a home. I'm not being selfish and saying I expected more, or need more to feel like this is worth it. I can't explain why I feel like I do. I just do.

I've only spent two years feeling this way and I know there are people who have suffered through much longer. I'd love to tell people in a similar situation that it gets better. Maybe it does. Maybe around the corner there's everything any of us could have wished for. I just don't have the motivation to pick myself up and continue any further.

I'm not sure if tonight is the night. I've backed out more than once and I am not sure if I have the energy for it tonight. I just want to vent this here on Sup Forums, where I feel more belonging than anywhere else. It's almost therapeutic writing this to a bunch of anonymous people I know it will never impact, but who will read it all the same.

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op you will be fine my friend. I feel the lack of drive, had it myself for the better of 6 years until recently. you can push through this, it just takes a little time. is there still things you find fun at all or that give you that but of enjoyment?

I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy or excited without the use of drugs. I used to meet every day with such vigour. It just became a slow decline until even the things I loved the most became a chore.

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I feel you op, if I may share what helped me was finding faith in God. I know it's not for everyone but he is always with you and everyone for that matter. he is always there to listen and help.

I've tried religion but it didn't work for me. I appreciate the sentiment though. For what it's worth I'm genuinely glad it found you help.

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thank you op, I do understand that it's not for everyone. I know it ain't much but I would like to help in anyway I can. not sure how I can really but you never know if there is anything I can do. no one deserves to feel this way

I appreciate the offer but I couldn't tell you how to help either. I'm lost for solutions.

well it seems like venting might help a bit ya know maybe it's a pile up. if ya want I don't mind just having someone to chat with whenever and all that. it might help just an idea anyway. or maybe music might help. it can be used as an escape again just an idea.

I just got a bj from my girlfriend a few minutes ago. Feeling pretty good right now.

I always feel guilty or bothersome venting to people. Even my close friends. I'm not sure how to tell anyone this is how I feel. I don't want to end up under some constant watch, or put on medication to make me feel artificially happy.
I do like music though. Music is a good release. Most of my time now is spent sleeping or laying in bed listening to music.

Glad to hear it. I broke things off with my fuckbuddy not too long ago. It wasn't making me feel better like I thought it should.

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nah op don't even feel guilty and it won't be constant watch my friend. I'd just be there if you needed or wanted to talk be it serious or some shit memes or whatever. Idk just trying to help someone who is going through what I did. sometimes a friend might help. up to you if course op

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I'm willing to have a chat, although I don't have much more to say on top of what I've posted here.

I discovered Buddhism while I was younger and in a dark place. I think what appealed to me was that there is no gods in Buddhism, just yourself. I was strongly anti-religion when I was in my 20s and I did drugs constantly without caring what happened to me. I had no friends, just 'partners in crime' that our only basis of friendship was in our shared need to steal and commit B&Es in order to have stuff. Was it stupid? Absolutely! Did I blame the world for my problems? Sometimes. But I have realized that I am that same dark mooded person who did that same stupid shit. And it is with that acceptance that I am able to form my own life and sift through what is worthy of being upset over and what is just weakness in the form of thoughts entering my mind.

I'm determined to stay sober for the sake of my three year old son.

I want to be a good husband and father. I've been sober for thirteen days. I've been an alcoholic for 12 years.

proud of you user, keep up the great work

ya for sure kik is haydunn_ if you're interested

I've never looked much into Buddhism. I'm glad it worked out for you though.

You're doing a great job and I know your family will appreciate it greatly. I hope it all works out for you.

Family is one thing that keeps me, although marginally, anchored. If it weren't for how I know my parents would react I'd not be here to have made this thread. My father was just given 5 years to live maximum, though. I don't know if I'll be able to hold on to outlast him. I feel selfish for it, too.

hey Sup Forumsros. Not gonna greentext, sorry, more like stream of consciousness.

I'm not really sad, I actually have a wonderful life. I have a fantastic fiance, a beautiful puppy and we have money and all the love in the world to share with each other.

But I'm sad about what I had to give up to be where I am now.

I used to be the perfect kid. I always listened to my mom. Never skipped school. Got good grades. Didn't do drugs, or alcohol, or hang out with the wrong crowd.

My parents got divorced when I was 12 and I was depressed until about the age of 16. I don't even remember much of anything that happened between those times.

When I was 17, nearly 18, I met my fiance on League of Legends. He sent me a friend request and I realized he is my other half not too long after. We got together a month after I turned 18. Our relationship was long distance (he lived a state away) but when we met each other it could have looked like the 4th of July from all the sparks flying in the middle of the cul-di-sac.

I told my mom that I wanted to move away to be with him once I graduated school. I told this to her in a happy setting, sitting on the couch with her, expecting her to support me as I had done everything else she ever asked for me to do for her.

She immediately went crazy and took my phone, took away the internet, made it so I couldn't leave the house and so on and so forth.

She never even spoke to him, all she did was run a background check on him and see that he was 10 years older than me. She called him a pedo and tried her hardest to keep him from talking to me.

I had to call him at 4 am each morning since it was the only time we could speak without mom knowing. I would run to my friends house after school to call him and let him know I got home safe.

Finally, one day mom caught me talking to him. She kicked me out of the house, to go live with my dad.

cont...

Last week was my 37th birthday. Not one of my friends called, texted, or emailed to wish me a happy birthday.

It was July 27th and there was a thread about something "big" was supposed to happen. I just made an offhand comment that it was my birthday. I didn't do it for anything other than just making an offhand comment.

I had about 40+ people wish me a happy birthday. I actually had a lot of feels. Not one of my "friends" bothered, but many people here did.

It made me feel really good. Thanks Sup Forums.

That sounds like it was rough. I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sad to have missed it. Happy (albeit late) birthday user.

So I went to live with my dad for the last 4 months of high school. My stepmom originally said she supported me and my relationship, and my dad said anything that made me happy was fine.

Then my stepmom asked me to chop lettuce one day, about a month into me staying there. I was on the phone with my boyfriend during his lunch break so it was going to be another 5 minutes before I could hang up.
I asked her to hold on for a bit so I could finish my conversation.
She responded with "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!" and then proceeded to kick me out of my dad's house without even asking my dad. Dad works out of state so he wasn't there to see this.

I go and stand on the porch and she tells me to get in my car and leave. So I get in my car and go to my best friend's house.

Best friend agrees I can stay with her until I finish school, so I go back to the house to grab my stuff. My dad is there, and he doesn't even stand up for me against my stepmom's ridiculous assertion that I should be kicked out for not chopping lettuce on time.

So I go to live with my friend. During the whole time I was with her, I did not have any money but my own despite my father making 40 dollars an hour, he never even offered to help me pay for lunch.

My mom haden't spoken to me in months by this time, the last time we spoke was right before I drove off to leave.

My little sister evidently cried for a week after I left, but she never called me so I never knew if she wanted to talk or not. When I called she was almost always asleep or couldn't answer for some reason or another.

cont...

happy late birthday wish user, I hope the year is filled with good things

you should go to her and say "lettuce be friends again"

my grandparents on my mom's side were told I was not to be spoken to by my mom. My grandma on my dad's side was literally the only person who offered to help me or saw that my boyfriend was a good person. I didn't want to take anything from her though since she doesn't have an income and I hate taking anything from my grandparents.

So after I graduate I head up to live with my boyfriend.

And here I am now. My mom won't talk to me or answer my calls. She evidently got cancer just a year after I left but never even told me. We had a perfect relationship until she went psycho about my boyfriend. I don't know why she thinks I wouldn't care to know she could have potentially died.

My grandma on my mom's side is ailing, and I can't even see her without my mom getting angry at her for seeing me.

My grandma on my dad's side came up to visit me twice and I went down to see her twice but I miss her so crazy much. If my family had been good to my boyfriend he would have been happy to move down to be with me so I could still be with everyone. But with the way my family hates my fiance for his age, he doesn't think moving down there would be good for us.

My sister is in college now and she has trouble sleeping, depression and other ailments. She was perfectly fine when I was there and I feel like I've failed her by not helping her more with her life and being there for her like I was for her whole life up until she was 14.

I just wish I could still have my family, and have the love of my life. If only his age didn't matter more than me being my mother's daughter to my mom, everything would be fine.

when I went down to visit my grandma, my dad and stepmom avoided the house so they didn't see me. When dad got back with her, he called me and I was happy to hear from him, saying "hey dad!" he responded, "move your car out of the driveway"

Oh, thanks dad, I can tell you're happy to hear from me. So I got in my car and moved it..
>cont...

after I moved it I just drove away since he obviously wasn't happy to hear from me from his tone on the phone.

Then as my fiance and I are about an hour away, my little brother calls me and tells me my dad fell down and was unable to walk.

I call my stepmom, but she doesn't pick up. I then text her, "is dad ok??" and she responds, "why do you care, you didn't even want to see him"

of course I wanted to see him, but with her wickedness around and his attitude over the phone I infirred that they didn't want to see me.

So I tell her, "just tell me is dad ok? What hospital are you at?" and she says, 'don't bother coming."

So I call my dad out of desperation and he picks up, I'm so thankful because I thought he might be unable to even answer the phone. He says he's fine, but his vertebrate got dislocated. I try to tell him that my stepmom wouldn't even confirm for me that he was alive or where he was and he just says, "welp that's 'stepmom' for you" like he's used to her not telling his daughter whether he was alive or dead.

So you can see she's not the best person to try and lettuce be friends with, lol.

OP here, thanks for the vent and the input here. I'm probably going to go back to sleep. I honestly can't be bothered with staying awake longer than a few hours at a time.

I'm really sorry to hear all this. It sounds rough. I wish I could offer advice or some way to resolve it, or perhaps even just push it in the right direction. Nobody deserves to be alienated by their family for doing what makes them happiest. I hope something changes for the better soon user, I honestly do.

Seeing the world, seeing humanity, the “me”, and the necessity of a total, radical revolution, how is it possible to bring it about? It can only be brought about when the observer no longer makes an effort to change, because he himself is part of what he tries to change. Therefore all action on the part of the observer ceases totally, and in this total inaction there is a quite different action.

You are all sad little faggots and you know nothing of the real world. Allah curses pieces of shit like you, turn to him, and see your life shine like the brightest days of summer.

Or don't, and continue on this path of darkness.

Thanks, I appreciate it. :) I hope your life starts mending itself soon too...

SERIOUSLY DO IT.

Just walk into the mosque, and tell the imam what you're having trouble with.
Pray with them, meet some Muslims, and I promise, you will keep coming back.

Prayer after prayer, your life will start to get better, and then, when you are ready to convert, you will find that life just falls into place.

There will be haters, the kuffar will always try to bring good Muslims down, but don't listen to them, focus on your own life, and let them wallow in their emptiness. While you smile and live life.

Fuck off! No one here gives a shit about your bullshit god and your bullshit religion.