So I'm just gonna talk to you guys, been with you all since I was 13... 20 now...

So I'm just gonna talk to you guys, been with you all since I was 13... 20 now, dad died two years ago before my 18th birthday, been living with people who hate me, smoked a ton of weed at one stage, almost killed myself a few times, currently drunk as fuck because a girl I absolutely love got back with her ex for the umpteenth time. I just want a reason to live. Pics of Pepe will be much appreciated.

Just going to keep posting to vent my shit. When I was in grade 10 I started feeling the effects of depression, I was on medication which did fucking nothing except make me even more socially retarded. Decided that 2014 would be my year of change. (Surprise it wasn't.) Worked as hard as I could but still hated life. Dad was struggling to find a decent job, and his shitty son who hated the way his dad was didn't make it easier. Lived on pennies for so long. Was abusive to my father. Would swear at him and treat him shittily while he just loved me to the best of his abilities.

2015 came along, decided to actually change. Planned for A's in school and not miss any school. Was at school earlier than usual every single day. Never bunked for the first two months. Was happier than ever. Became rep. class leader (big deal in my school as they were the voices of change). Sitting in class on the 12th of February I got called down to the office, day before the elections of the RCL leaders, go down and see my aunt half in tears... Thought dad was in an accident...

Turns out that my dad had a heart attack, my aunt was there to take me to the hospital dad was in. While driving the car broke down, we waited in the centre of town (South African fag here, the town here is shit and filled with nogs who have been known to flip cars and burn people in tires), we waited for my uncle to come fix the car. He gets there, sorts it out, we drive to the hospital, turns out that after my uncle left my dad had another heart attack, which caused him to have a stroke which was very fatal. I never got to truly say goodbye to my dad...

I'm sorry user. I wish there was something I could say.

I sat in the hospital for hours, and waited. It became quite late and I needed to rest. Got in the car with my uncle and drove to my old place, collected all the essentials in case someone robbed our empty house, then he dropped me off at his. I barely ate... Worrying about my dad who I felt I hurt so badly... My aunt got a call from my uncle at around 8 or so and just kept quiet. I knew then, my dad had passed on... I didn't cry until late that night... Missed school for the next day and the Monday I came in to collect class work. Got hugged by everyone who knew what happened, apparently while out they elected me as vice RCL which was big for me. I tried hard for that year to get high marks. But something always fucked me up.

Too bad you were unsuccessful at killing yourself

As long as I know someone is reading, I feel better...

I dated a girl from the UK, she came down in the June/July of 2015. We fucked like 44 times. I was head over heels for her. I even asked her to marry me. The days when she was down were the days when I was really happy. She was short and horny, every shy chubby guy's dream girl. She distracted me to a point where I became disassociated with my family. My family hated her and I hated them. She then left me the next year because she apparently thought I was cheating on her... I have never cheated on anyone, nor would I want to. 2016 was my year that I would try better myself and make some bank.

a peep for you good sir

tahu pepe, fuck yea

Laptop crashed,will retype 2016

Get dumped early 2016. She went onto my skype and assumed me sending a message saying I missed my Danish friend was me cheating. Wanted to kill myself. Hoe ended up getting a new boif in a few months. Started stoning after she left me. Was caught in dead end job, kept failing my driver's tests, wasted so much cash on them and on lessons. Was left with less than around $150 (not sure as South African currency is garbabe). Work ass off and close to the end of the year finally pass. Decide to move on finally, get Tinder and pray I am handsome enough to get a girl. Match with 1 girl over the 3 or 4 months I am on Tinder (important for the story)

So anyways, close to the end of 2016... Decide life isn't worth living. No one wants to talk to me on New Year's Eve, drive to local bridge and sit on it... Close to jumping off and ending everything... Friend messages me and asks me to come to his for the night, do so and decide that 2017 willl be a better year for user. Boi.... 2017 starts with me getting a new job, earn 15k in my currency, meeting new friends and really cool people. See psychologist to get all bad thoughts out my head. Then managers decide that they hate me, get warning for no reason, then get another because the night before my tyre on my car got stolen... Drop CV off at local restaurant which I know gets busy, manager there tells me I must come see him on Monday. Monday comes, he isn't there, asshat who I will call Lithpy is though, tells me that other manager is away and will be back next Monday, they don't need staff, come in next Monday and Lithpy is thtill there. He says I should leave my job and they will make a space for me. Leave bartending job and go see them. Tell me they don't need me.End up spending more than half my cash on new room I am renting, partying and weed. Meet cool chick at Damian Marley concert, get close to her. Get rejected. Start working at restaurant because new management. Not making much cash, but hey. Job is a job.

Working at restaurant for 2 or so weeks, become competition for best waiter, write test to become staff member and what would you know, my wallet falls out my pocket. Shitty customer steals wallet, got video footage and everything. Give evidence and testament to the police... Nothing... (To this day the detective has yet to contact me), decide to fucking expose this fat fuck on Facebook. Get phone call from Big Boss who tells me to take down posts right away. apparently I commented some shit in an angered state about spitting and cumming on burgers lmao... Got the guy's name, deets and everything within an hour of posting it on FB. Still nothing from police. Big Boss asks me to see him, get given final warning. Super low on cash, struggling to make rent because business is slow as fuck. Decide to go with friends and co-worker to surf comp with free live music. Meet pretty cool chick, we kissed that night, next day tells me she has feels for someone else.

She ends up blocking me, decide to stop caring about girls for a while. Fast forward to week before last, go to bar to watch friends of mine play live music, see familiar looking girl. Super cute, hair like mine, alt looking. Smiles at me. I go to her. Is Femanon I matched with on Tinder. Remembers me. We chat for a long time, sit close together, vibe quite well (my opinion.) Chat for the week then decide to visit her at where she works after I finish work, spend night chilling with her. Feel something for her I have never felt, didn't even feel it with the girl I proposed to. Talk to her about everything because she is so amazing, she worries about me because I drift my car and race it. Decide to try be safer for her. Saturday morning I get tattoo which has my dad's name and a fishing lure as he was a fisherman. Visit her that night again and we chat a lot, make her smile a lot. She makes me feel so warm inside. Loves my tattoo. Sunday we don't really talk. Then comes today...

Take care. Doesnt mean much coming from some retard from Scotland you'll never talk to again, but take care.

She messages me after I ask her to go out for coffee with the reply
>"user, I would love to hang out with you cause I think you're amaaaaaaaazing snd super rad ! And someone I like chatting to . But I've been getting a vibe. Like is it just me?"
What kind of vibe? I asked
>Ok now I feel stupid (laughing emoji) like you kept trying to kiss me, does that mean something, cause if it does we should talk about that

I fucking knew this would happen. Meet a girl I like and she would want nothing to do with me. I stop talking to her for a few hours. Then highlight tyhe message and say
I assume it's because you have a boyfriend?
her response is
>well yes . we got back together yesterday

I was putting my all in for a girl who got back together with her ex who she has had on-offs with for three years
T H R E E Y E A R S

Decided to get drunk (Stopped drinking after event in 2016) and texted some shit to her that I regret. Including the link to this post.

I really like you, and I would take much better care of you than your boyfriend could ever... I may be fucked up, I may be flawed and I may have problems.... But when I am with you I feel like I am flying, like nothing could ever hurt me...

I think I am done venting, thank you Anons who decided to read this bullshit. Even if you are from Scotland.

I'm tired, I'm depressed and I wish I was dead. But I won't do anything stupid... Hoping that one day she will be mine... Or that I can at least find someone like her...

hang in there user
you seem like an okay guy

I'm not really, but thanks user

at least you are trying and you arent a complete social reject like 80% of this board

I used to be. No jokes, but if you see how I look, honestly look like hipster garbage.

Points I missed out:
>Alcoholism
>Addiction to weed to a point where I forgot who I was
>Getting rejected by a close friend who wanted nothing to do with me
>Destroying multiple friendships because of being a weak ass human being
>Social anxiety to a point where I ended up puking when I was done with work

Loser.

I've met children smarter than you.

YOU LINKED HER TO THIS THREAD?!

Never said I wasn't.

So have I lmao

Only you can make yourself stronger, or lose.

Yup. Because I am a big dumb idiot who is head over heels for a girl who will never love me, and will probably never read this lmao

I plan on working on myself, I realised that the alcohol just made me feel sick and gave me the shakes. I am quick to see some of my flaws.

No woman, or girl will ever love you but your mother unless you give it up and focus on loving yourself. Fool.

>Because I am a big dumb idiot who is head over heels for a girl who will never love me

Ay dude, be happy you're like this over a real girl. I was like this over a girl I met online. I'm the real idiot.

See this has been my flaw, as my mother left me with my dad from a young age, and loving myself has been a huge mission. I loved myself for the better part of the last few months. But these past couple of days have fucked me up.

You don't learn anything by wallowing in your own shit

My man, I was engaged to a girl in the UK. Imagine how much of a dumbass I am lmao

Weakling.

I just wanted to vent and get my feels out.

Yo nig. I'm also in South Africa... would you wanna meet up if you're in ct?

I chased a girl I never met up with IRL man, you probably at least got to pound the poon a few times.

Durban boy, but if you got kik we can chat my man

That is true...