Feels thread Sup Forums? i feel like shit

feels thread Sup Forums? i feel like shit

also whats her name?

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Gonna call her a. She leaves for college in a 2 weeks but too afraid of getting hurt again to say shit

Also, why you feel like shit op

...

my girlfriend broke up with me and she was the only thing that kept my depression at bay, i don't really have any other friends, most of my free time is spent working or drinking

sorry to hear about a user, you should say what you want to hear anyways, in my opinion

My qt gf broke up with me 2 weeks before our 1 year anniversary to be with a guy she met a week prior who confessed that he had a crush on her and she had literally told me "don't worry I'm not going to break up with you for him"
Oops she did that exact thing oopsieee

Recently got sober so can't black out when I get sad to forget my problems. My life is better this way, but it's way harder. Her name is Shannon. Being around her hurt so I alienated her and haven't talked to her or seen her in years. Probably better that way.

This was a month ago btw.
Thing is, I'd still do anything to get her back. She's on here sometimes too, so I can only hope that she might for some reason stumble upon this. I hope you know who you are. I hope you'll come back.

The worst part is that she was in to me but my life is too much of a mess, I didn't want to be in a relationship with her because I cared about her too much to suck her into my miserable existence

Tfw you're struggling to figure out whether to do everything I know that will work out Even though ill hate it, or to go with a passion and see how it works out...

Eventually you realize, no one is really important to anyone. Everyone is actually just out for themselves. It only seems like you're important to them when you're a status symbol, like an accessory they picked up that goes with their shoes that they feel like they should have. And honestly, say the wrong few words, and they'll replace you with any of billions of others.

Humans are selfish apes, and don't value others, for the same reason they do not share things well. It's a mostly shit species.

on good days i feel awful, on bad days i want to kill myself and on other days i don't feel anything at all , like going through the intense pain numbs me

>tfw you didn't have the choice to be important to someone because life.

I want my youth back.

I think that too, and then remember how fucking horrible it was, and for all the opportunities I missed out on, I'm glad its behind me and I'll never have to repeat it.

One month ago I found out my high school sweet heart had been running around with other dudes- an ex and a new guy- and didn't bother to tell me about it. We'd been dating on and off for four years because of some difficulties.
I like that song btw.

Lisa

I wanted to enjoy being young, a carefree life where I could just do things normally. Admittedly I've had some fun experiences but they were short lived. Unfortunately it seems that my life will probably end up being me working harder and never having experiences like love or whatever.

Summer. the thread.

>also whats her name?
I can't utter it here but the name is beautiful much like they are. I just shitpost and lay in bed since they left two months ago. So many years, all my hopes and dreams gone like that. I wish I could fix this, but I have no drive to get out of bed anymore except for work and food.

at least you guys got some action.
I couldn't have one and there are many reasons to why. Im trying to move out so I can truly be free but fuck the struggle us real.

2 years relationship ended really fast,
she was always kind of cold hearted,
had issues and sometimes she made bad decisions, but i loved her because she was like that, like a storm sometimes, one day she said that we have to admit that things change and that she doesn't want it anymore, i was tired of fighting again for her, and thought if she really loves me she will come back, but she didn't, since then i feel like shit, my mistake was to focus everything on her, my whole life went on pause for her, and then i got addicted to her, but yeah, it is how it is

My attempts are futile. I try and I try and when I think I succeed I realize that it's not what she wants. She doesn't want anything more than a friendlt realtionship. My texts are ignored yet i'll see her check every 5 minutes for someone elses. I don't know if its normal to not have a romantic partner, If I fail I feel that life will be miserable.

I got no 'action'. I am Catholic. The closest I can get is cuddling. I have not even had that for a very long time.

I had a shit day today. I realized that I have no meaningful relationships with my friends and I'm the friend nobody likes in at least one of my friend groups. Nobody ever hits me up and I'm constantly left out of hangouts.

Haha what a shocker. Well hang in there man there are other girls.

I fucking hate that feeling. Are you a neet? Try finding other people if you can, humans always need interaction with others.

KATIE. Im breathing in sewer. Hopefully I die in my sleep.
Its my own fault I guess. I can't seem to understand why I do the things I do. I can't really make anyone happy. Its lovely how everyone is al hurr durr keep tryin you'll get it sport! Dumbass I already put in everything I had. What the fuck is this place and why am I part of it?

im sorry to hear about that :( what are your goals with her? do you actually want a serious relationship with her?

and yeah that song is awesome

nickename rice... Best friend/crush for 8 years.... i know nothing is gonna happen between us so ive been trying to move on from her but nothings working

I'm a wageslave at a diner and I'm going back to community college in 2 weeks. The problem is I'm a conservative and its really difficult to be friends with liberals, the political climate is so polarized and politics is creeping into everything. Im in California so almost everyone my age is liberal.

Well I have no goals with her any longer. I broke up with her not after I realized she was cucking me but the way she bragged about it got to me and the way she mocked me for my competition.
Of course I want a serious relationship with her, but she threw away almost four years of history between us for a dude she met at a band camp for a few days.
Deep inside I want to forgive her, and actually let her go, but part of me is still upset and I know I can never let her back into my life.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year a few months and she is honestly the only reason I've kept going. Admittedly we were both quite young when we met which explains a lot of what I'm about to say but sparing you the edgey teen shit, I've spent most of my life being shat on by my family and then blamed for it and I subsequently ended up shutting most of my friends out from my problems.

My girlfriend was the only person I let it, it wasn't a decision or anything, I just let her in without question and believed she would always be there. I had just gotten out of a relationship which i largely destroyed through cheating on her, in my defence it was very long distance and i honestly had to fake who i was around her most of the time. Anyway, back to my current girlfriend, for the first several months everything was utterly perfect, we were amazing for each other and we just clicked. Even though it was only 7 months, I felt deeply connected with her and could always feel that she felt the same.

Fast forward to the present and shes changed; a lot. She didnt change over night but its been worse and worse sense those earlier days which now seem so distant. She continuously chooses most things over me and has admitted that she values both her best friend and family in a much higher regard than she does me. I will not deny being selfish, needy or even clingy. I am a burdenous person but she knew that from the start. If it were not for the first half of our relationship then I would not be surprised by her attitude towards me.

Honestly I'm just left wondering why she changed so much and has turned from perfect into someone I barely recognise. I admit that she probably just grew up and I'm left being too immature to grow up with her and there is a lot more that she does besides what I've said but unfortunately I tend to suppress memories so I cant remember much of what makes me depressed until I actually break down.

Cont.

Alison.

She broke up with me on valentines day. She told all my friends and family that I was abusive, when she was the one that manipulated me into hating my own dad, forced me to be someone I'm not, and hit me everyday where it hurts. The only abusive shit I ever did was restrain her when she attacked me. She would constantly belittle me for not charging people her ideal prices for work I did, and made me hate everything I attempted because it was never good enough.

After she broke up with me, she moved on within 1 month. Met some faggot named Zach, and started staying the night at his place. Started talking to another guy named Zeshawn, and is currently playing them both for free shit.

She is the reason I despise women. I really feel sorry for anyone she ends up with. i feel bad for her dad, for working for a women that only spends his retirement money.

Alison. Charli. I hope you know you broke a soul.

I've made this realization twice in my life and it is the biggest fucking gut punch ever.

>Grow up in busy city
>Fairly large group of kids
>Mostly just acquaintances, no real friends
>Meet this one kid
>Sits on his own
>Will literally go the entire day with out saying anything
>Lunch time
>Dunkaroo's fuckyeah.jpg
>Hear this odd thumping noise every minute or so
>Kid is lobbing grapes at other kids nonchalantly and stares them down when they figure out its him.
>doesn't give a fuck
>Introduce myself
>We hit it off right away
>He does shit like that all the time
>Gets in trouble a lot
>A LOT A LOT
>I love his antics and we have a ton of the same tastes
>Kid is into everything I'm into
>From Pokemon to Bay-Blades name the fad
>We played it all and fucking loved it
>Grow up inviting each other over
>Go to each others family events
>The stuff no regular friend does, this ones special.
>A best friend.
>Fast forward to high school
>He's not in any of my classes
>Literally was hanging out like up until a month before school started and he went on some trip
>Apparently made some friends who were at his cousins school
>Being in the same district all the elementary schools merged into one big high school
>Kid has been radio silence since last half of summer break
>Cant ever seem to reach him at home
>"He's out user..." his folks would say
>First week of class already done
>Still nothing
>See him coming out of the auditorium before lunch one day
>Lugging a big black case
>Hes taking fucking BAND (classical)
>No wonder we aren't in the same classes
>The people who take band get their Phys-ed and a couple other classes messed with.

Cont.

My girlfriend is fully aware of how I feel and has said on multiple occasions that she sees whats happening too and hates herself for it. I've always put her first and despite how I undoubtedly sound after all this, I'm actually a pretty normal guy who doesn't seem anywhere near as pathetic as I really am so it's not because my neckbeard is finally scarring her away or some shit. Regardless, it hurts that shes aware of everything yet refuses to do anything about it

Idk Sup Forumsros, should I leave her, or wait to see what happens when we move out (Which might not be together if keeps going with her current decision), or should I just go full edge and kill myself because honestly I'd rather do that than leave her.

Or (And this is just as likely as anything) am I in the wrong here and is there something I can do to fix this. Ideally I'd want the old her back but I feel like that's long gone, anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far.

tl;dr: I'm a needy bitch with depression who found my dream girlfriend only to have her change completely before my eyes and I don't know what to do anymore

>Must have picked up a new hobby in his time away
>Relief spreads through me
>I go to greet my old friend
>He's caught up to some others who left just before him
>I make the play to head them off
>As we approach I stand in his way
>Probably got some shit eating grin on my face
>"Sup user" I say
>he pretends to not hear me
>Their stride does not waver
>user..? I say
>Excuse me he says using his hand to clear the path
>Strange looks from the crew hes with
>No anger
>No emotion
>Pure fucking apathy

It took me a long fucking time to get over this.

Our families were close, I considered him a brother.

5 plus years of hangouts, sleep overs and family events.

Sharing all our thoughts and hopes. Laughing and goofing off.

Spending whole weeks at each others houses during the summer break.

So much of my boyhood nostalgia is intertwined with him.

All of that ditched and ruined because he made new friends.

>That realization that you were probably slightly more than an acquaintance to him yet to you he was someone you would die for.

Brothers.

Anna. We were together for 5 years. She was the light of my life. She kept me from commiting suicide. Last year we were together she was distant, barely any sex. She was colder. I sometimes acted like an asshole too. She started university. Her English teacher started messaging her. "relax user, he's kinda creepy and it's just fun." I believed her. Last month of our relationship she offered we should pause it. My sexual frustration and anger got the best of me and I slept with another girl. We broke up. Three days later, she fucked the English teacher. Did I fail to mention she's 20 and he's 44yo ex-swat? Yeah. I was devastated. We knew each others password so I looked up their messages. Right after the breakup she told him that it ended for her the last year we were together and that she didn't leave me right away because of guilt and the feeling that I'm her responsibility, also said that we broke up a month ago. Great. The love of my life lied to me. We still talk sometimes. Few days ago, approximately month after all of this I told her I still love her and I want her back, that she's the only thing I think about when I wake up and the only thing I think about when I go to sleep. "I like you user, I really do, I just don't we should get together now. I do t think anybody's changed and that it would fall back into the same routine. But i think we might get back together sometime in the future. " I think she's long over the relationship and sees me as a nuisance, she just doesn't know how to tell me. I fucking lover her. It hurts so much. I'm sorry for all I've done. I fucking hate myself for my mistakes.

I do too, with the exception of when I was between 3 and 5. Those were some horrible years for me. My family moved around a lot during those years of my life, 12 times to be exact, all due to my dad's job with IBM. We were never in one place for too long, so I never had any friends. I didn't bother trying to make any either, because I knew we'd just move again. When I was almost 4, my mom bought me the Fisher-Price Popup Playhouse (Pic related). It helped ease the pain of not having any friends, but in it's own sick way it messed me up early on in my life. On the front of the playhouse was a little dog/puppy. I called him spot and he was my only friend. I would come home after school and talk to him, and a few months later he became my imaginary friend named Spotty. We had all kinds of adventures. I literally live in that playhouse after pre-school, just so I could hide away from all pain of being lonely, and from the fact that my parents didn't give a shit about my well being through all the moves. It was literally "Go play in your room and don't bother us", every day. My own parents didn't even fucking play with me like normal parents. I never even got to go outside on the weekends. I learned to hate my life from an early age, and even though it got better, I've still never been able to escape those years. Now I'm surrounded by a loving wife, 3 kids, and I have a great salaried job, but that loneliness has been a constant in my life. I bought my youngest the exact same playhouse off eBay a year ago for $25. They saw it while I was browsing Pinterest and they wanted it. We still have it in the downstairs playroom, and whenever I feel like shit, I go sit in it and just contemplate whether or not I want to live anymore. I fucking hate feeling this way every day, and no amount of therapy or medication has helped. I've probably spent $50,000 so far to get help, and honestly, I should have killed myself long ago, because that shit was a waste of my money.

>what's her name?
That's the thing, there isn't a girl to begin with. Not yet, anyway. Had a few short lived relationships in high school, went through the whole "this is my first relationship so I'm going to do all I can do keep it afloat because I'm sure this is true love" shit, realized I was being taken advantage of, and haven't really been involved with anyone since. I'm 22 now and going to be transferring to university in the spring, so I'm looking forward to at least meeting new people when I'm there. Ideally meet some girls as well. But until then, I'm stuck, lonely but hopeful.
It gets discouraging after a while, wondering why I've been single for so long, wondering what I'm doing wrong. But I've learned to live with it, and at least I'm happy with myself for the most part. Just wish I had someone to share memories with.

I'm terrible with friends.

I'm like, 50/50 on making friends, which isn't that bad, admittedly. I'm loud, abrasive, blunt, socially awkward, I take jokes way too far, and Im a super nerd into vidya and anime and Star wars.

But I manage to make friends. I have ever enough common interests with people to bond slightly with enough people that I rarely feel truly lonely. But I just can't keep friends. I'm awful at staying in touch, and getting the motivation to go and hang out. If I move? That's basically the end of the friendship. It bothers me to not end because I'll make a really good friend, and then I just can't find the energy to keep that person as my friend. Acquaintances and nod-in-hallway friends aren't enough to make me feel truly happy.

Life moves on user. Im now 3 months out of a 4 year relationship and I didn't even get as much closure as you did. Let the girl go and move on. She'd rather. Be a whore than be with you she obviously wasn't who you thought she was. It's easy to think you pushed her away but how much of your pain and trust issues were created by her. You may have ended it but she pushed you away before you pushed her

I miss her, I love the memories we've had and I wish we could make more, I miss you rheanna

I feel like I'm doing that to a friend/acquaintance.
He's constantly insisting, that we're so close and best friends.
Yet, I do not care about him, told him that repeatedly, tried to explain it to him.
He still thinks we're in love or some shit and that I'm faking my emotions.
Keeps trying to fuck me and makes sexual comments, to the point that I do not want to be around him.
Pondering if I should just drop and ignore him or try to explain the situation to him a 4th time.
> inb4 tits or gtfo
I'm a guy, which makes it even more annoying.

Go out into life and grow strong. Strong enough that a strong woman who would never do that will want you. These privileged little princesses will never appreciate anything.

You keep calling these whores "the love of your life" when they're really "the target of your obsession" think about why you loved them and ask yourself if they still have those qualities. Probably not. These hoes ain't loyal until they run out of options

Enjoy your last two weeks with her user. Before you know it she'll follow a bad crowd and start ruining her life with drugs and shitty friends until it gets her sleeping in a car with her new junkie boyfriend. Happened to me, her name middle name was Arlene. It's been a year since we broke up and all I have to show for lost time is being a college dropout, drunk, and wage worker who lives at his parents. I'm 20.

Sorry I'm a bit a drunk.

Shantiqua
she not black btw
we dated last year and i was never broken up with she just left me and started dating some dude. i haven seen her in almost a year. shits not been the same sice then.

>krista
thanks for reminding me everything I care about leaves me.
Oh and you really drove that point home by doing it twice.
Once when I was in my late teens, and then again at the ass end of my 20's.
>So yea thanks
See you in another 5 years when you have more teeth knocked out.
>you'll probably be dead by then

Her names handy, she's been faithful for two years.

>hasn't had a girlfriend in two years
>it hurts

>Image related

There comes a time
In every mans life
When he meets

Someone

Who lights a fire
A burning fire
That never goes out

But often
These are not the ones
We live
our lives with

get rekt Sup Forums

Wanna chat user? :[

Add me on steam

Meme invader 420

This hit home a bit too hard

>when you realize you aren't as important to someone as THEY thought you were

hurts much more. seriously I cannot have this happen to me anymore, not one more time. The feeling when YOU already know the relationship is going to crash but they didn't realize it yet, but eventually are going to.

youtube.com/watch?v=24IfD-0VUu4

We met, fell in love and broke up before many of you were even born. Accepted a fb friend request a while back. Met and hoped maybe we'd try again. She's more fucked in the head than ever.
She liked a pic I took of myself yesterday. I figure that some day she will tell me that she made a mistake and I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I fear that day.

Meagan the most beautiful perfect girl in the world, I still have her I take in every single second I do Sup Forums wish me luck brothers, I hope this works

ITT: People deriving their self worth from other peoples perceptions of them
I'll never understand 'love'.

Sometimes I miss Mary, my girlfriend from high school. But all I really remember about the relationship is fear. I was afraid of how important she was to me. I was afraid of messing up somehow; that I would say something or do something wrong and she would break up with me. Eventually she did anyway, probably at least partially because I was so subdued by my own fear. Most of the relationship was characterized by negative feelings but I still miss her sometimes.

Do you understand heroin addiction?

Hello, me

Hey bud. It gets better.

I guess. But why would you keep engaging into it, if you know about it's addictive properties?

Always seemed to me like 'love' already contains the aspects that will eventually lead to it's downfall. By expecting behavior from partners, that isn't reasonable to expect. E.g. monogamy, love lasting forever, the person only caring about you.
But what do I know.

Cherish your autism and just understand that you are not the next evolution of mankind, but you should be

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman

truly nothing is worse than confirmation of your suspicion that you are no longer loved

Heh, I already had the impression that more people like me kept popping up.
Seems to be the 'i suddenly see other people as lowly animals, what's going on?!' crowd, taking a step back and noticing the somewhat ridiculous aspects of human behavior.

People like you don't breed

for the most part, but there are like 10 people that i will stick my neck out for

Sadly not a her.

Max, will I ever work this out?

If only you were reading this because I need you but you'll never know.

I'm so so sorry.

I don't know how to do this.

-Henry

Natalie. Cant stop thinking about her.

i wanna die Sup Forumsros

My energy goes through waves of huge spurts of passion and positivity to a depression that stops me from even eating. I care about many people in my life but I honestly know they dont think about me much. Many things that gave me great joy years ago have lost their luster and I am becoming angry more recently i been abusing alcohol and sex to give me moments of relief I am a successful individual last year in uni with 2 jobs on route to become a history teacher but im also an adrenaline junkie I care deeply for things but I hope that N.Korea needs to be invaded at the same time so I can fight in a war my unit has been waiting for a deployment for a long time. I have so much inside me that I feel that I could burst but there's nobody to care enough about me to hear it. I grew up in a war torn nation and watched many people die close friends and relatives and it has made me strong in many ways but also severely depressed and gave me tons of anxiety now all I want to do is make the world better but I believe only through strength can I achieve that. I also feel that I have an obligation to everyone around me who raised me and helped build me up that I must give back to especially my family for all they've suffered to get us to the USA. I have an obligation to do well and care for everyone and the pressure is huge.

Same here, how can I help you keep going though.

Even though most people probably aren't there I am, just a random user.

How can I help you live another day?

Been a month since my break up. Off and on for 5 years. Left everything for her. Now I wake up immediately thinking of her. Take a lot of zzzquil to go back to sleep only to dream of her. I miss ya girl but you chose wrong.

I truly believe I'm developing some kind of psychosis, it's been a looong time since I had something good happen to me, yesterday after crying in bed like a faggot I started to feel absolutely nothing, plus smiling when thinking about how miserable I am. I'm in need of serious help but won't accept any because I hate myself enough.
Thanks, but don't waste your time

I'm not even saddened just angry. False promises from a girl who I was with who told me she saw me as marriage material. Suddenly breaks it off with me through a text message and goes back to her guy who she used to cry telling me he was "emotionally and physically abusive". She didn't even reply to my parting message.

Then starts posting images of her and him together on Instagram. She used to tell me how much she appreciated someone who treated her right, and that it was the worst period of her life when he used to do things to her. And she still went back suddenly without giving a fuck about even breaking up face to face. I'm so fucking angry idc anymore.

I hope he beats her up.

Psychology is weird

kek
we are stupid and blind toys to them user

Ok user, I would say the offer is always open but sadly due to the anonymous nature of this place that is hard to say.

I guess maybe ask for the name 'Henry' on a similar thread in the future if you ever need.

Good luck with maybe getting better mate.

Facts

The boy I'm in love with doesn't want a long distance relationship but honestly nothing seems like it will ever compare to him. I'm glad we're close friends but god I wish he would take a chance on me.

I vote kys cuck

Leave her and do your own thing while eventually finding someone else. Can't paper the cracks moving in with someone who admits they don't care about you as much as they used to. That's a fucking recipe for disaster

tfw falling in love with an ASMRtist who doesn't know i exist. idk what to do Sup Forumsros.

That's fine, it's not based on genetics.

...

Holy fuck this hit me hard. Went through high school with a group of 'friends' who turns out hated me and kept me around as a kind of test to see how they could manipulate me into staying around. Should've realised a lot earlier than I did that I was in denial, but the whole ordeal led to me having massive anxiety issues and depression. That part isn't related to your post I guess, but the next bit is.

Got into a shitload of conflict as I burned bridges at the end of school, so going into uni I only had a handful of friends from school, only one of which was really available to hang out around uni with in breaks and stuff( even out of uni all they wanted to do was get wasted, which I had no interest in). My first semester I threw myself into the work, mostly because it's all I had at the time outside of /tg/ stuff, but the last couple of weeks I started talking to a girl I had a couple of classes with named Natalie.

Didn't take long for me to become infatuated because of my stupid fucking brain, and also because of my dumb brain I was torn apart with anxiety because of it. Spent all of my time thinking about what was going on with her, and about how I had to avoid fucking up. Now in trying not to seem disinterested I kept messaging her during the break about completely boring shit, which in itself was probably pretty fucking uninteresting for her. Anxiety really ramped up around this time, and I just wanted the break to end so I could see her (signed up for a holiday course in the middle of winter to spend time with her, and her course ended up getting cancelled while mine didn't)

Cut to first day of semester 2, August 1st 2016. I had a couple of classes that day before the one we had together, which was fine because I'd still actually be spending time with her. Got to the class a bit late and sit down, see her look around the room and see me. She waves and I notice an empty seat next to her, and so I move over and sat with her

do you live in texas? i'm btw

I'm in Sydney, Australia. Guess it's just a common name

Rest of story
Lecturer tells us he's opened a new tutorial after the lecture, and because I had a 2 hour gap in there I immediately joined. Dropped a comment to her then that I was joining it and she should too, but she already had a class booked then. Lecture goes by fine, we didn't talk too much because of some other frat boy looking assholes she knew who kept talking shit. I'm on my way home (train because poorfag with no license, she drives) and on Facebook scrolling down my newsfeed. Thi she I saw the height of the @whatever letter normie shit and I saw one that was @the first letter of her last name "has a huge crush on you". Fuckwit me though the it'd be funny to tag her in it, after that she ignored me. Started going home early the week after because I was having massive panic attacks in the lectures, and my depression basically crippled me. I'm failing more and more classes now, and I keep having classes with her which stresses me out more. Thankfully I've been going to counselling since September and I have a great new group of friends since around November (and another group I met in February) but no matter what I can't shake her.

I'm torn now, I want to try talking to her and explaining my side of what happened, but I'm afraid I'll lock up and crash again and ruin my already collapsing life. What should I do? I'm only 19, I don't want this to keep eating away at me my whole life