Sup Forums tell me about the last time you got lucky

Sup Forums tell me about the last time you got lucky.

best story wins a dollar on paypal

i slapped the living shit out of my nob and slashed a wicked line of muggy cum all up my bifolding doors

need dollars wouldnt normally share
>got home from work
>fap

I'm fapping now.

moar

>Be me
>released from psych hospital
>fuck wife for first time in probably a year because I'm feeling much better now, Dave.
>Daisy, Daisy...
>mfw

I don't need your dollar and instead you're going to hear about my first time.
>be me19 years old, with new gf of 3 days,
>Staying at mates house after a party, pretty fkn sloshed.
>Me and gf sleep on his single bed together, 2 mates sleeping on floor.
>Friend is broke af and has those oldschool pokemon bedsheets, clearly old and soiled.
>proceed with a couple seconds intense fingerbanging, followed by a few secs of nothing
>100% think we're getting away with it.
>after some convincing pull her ontop.
>fuck the same way we were fingerbanging, thinking we're being quiet.
>after a while realise mouth too dry and i just wanna sleep, don't end up finishing.

The next day there is blood all over my jumper and i don't realise till after we've already eaten breakfast together and been chatting for past hour or so. Friends were awake whole time muffling their laughter into pillows

utter filth that mate reminds me of my days in the wirrall laaaaa

Fuck off wool.

I've had sex with my wife twice this week. Given the stereotype of how marriage generally goes, I guess that could be considered lucky?

Go on...

I'll continue in bed.

get this man his billz

I won $10 on a lottery scratch-off.

Guess you don't need OP's dollar then, pillock

LFC win the treble. i slide off me bills. sit in my leather recliner. scope the proximity for wools. then i give it to myslef raw laaaaaa.

I put some cheap handcuffs on my girlfriend of four years, then she laid on her front and I positioned a vibrator just under her clit. She came before I even got inside her. Then she came again with me inside her then she got on top and rode me til I came. Nothing special 5/10 we've had much better.

feels good as shit when a chick cums on your dick, has to be said.

I'm the beta-provider friend of a bisexual girl that is in a relationship with another girl. Sometimes we fuck because she "misses cocks". Last time was on sunday.

not that you'd know what that feels like cuck

Stories?

Greentext? Asking for a friend

Yeah, like, I know, but it still gets old after a while. Everything does. I think her being able to cum from my dick and just a bit of clit stimultion is a bit of a curse. Means we don't try anything new and just go for the quickest route to orgasm. idk. Trying to make her squirt is my new goal.

I read this as "I put some cheap handcuffs on my girlfriend for four years" which seems like a really weird kink

I hear that. Squirting's also on my bucket list. She's got to be willing to do it though or it'll be a heck of a lot harder.

kek

Eh, making a girl squirt is different than making her cum. I'm not the guy you replied to, but every girl who has done that with me didn't know she could and felt super embarrassed. I love watching and feeling a girl cum, but it is definitely different as far as squirting.

>last night
>gf horny
>gf on rag
>didn't want to shower again
>had burritos, no anal
>lift up her dress
>whip out hitachi
>too intense directly on her clit
>pull her dress back down
>make out with her
>she cums so hard she wets the dress
>I can tell she wants more
>kneel in front of her
>she gets the picture
>pulls out my cock and gets to work
>I turn the wand back on
>the closer she gets, the deeper she goes, the more she moans
>can't hold out
>empty all I got in her mouth
>she knows just how to keep going
>cleans me up
>still looks horny
>push her down and start fondling the shit out of her
>switch the toy to high mode
>start poking her asshole through the dress
>thisalwaysworks.exe
>kiss my way up to the nape of her neck
>ooooooh she's close
>go in for the kill
>put the french kiss to shame
>I can taste her pure pleasure, with a hint of me
>her second orgasm lasts even longer than the first
>she's out of breath and words
>go feed the dog

what about spraying shit? that nice? that wet your vistle?

Yeah. Part of me is convinced its just piss, but I'm fine with that tbh. She's slowly coming round to it.

kek. Would love to chain her up and keep her somewhere for a while, but that's not likely to happen.

is piss.

But it's SPECIAL piss

Yea. Always makes me laugh when guys on here call squirt piss as if that makes it any less hot. Doesn't bother me at all.

Like I said, I'm fine with it.

trust me its shit not piss.

my cock is a wand, get real

Pay attention. We have and were using a Hitachi Magic Wand.

Bro, so a few days ago I hooked up with this thot from tinder who goes to my college. It definitely works if you've got game bro. I just joked with her about how lame the student union food is and invited her to toss some disk on the quad after bio lab. Needless to say we ended up back at my dorm totally doing sex. My roomate/ bro Scott was there studying so I was blown at first, but he put a headphone in. I was so cised. That's a real bro. My RA brian walked in on us but he was totally chill about it. We did sex for nine hours, and she came more than thirty-six times bro. Anyways I gotta go, the Lambda Pi rush week pie eating contest starts in ten. Luckily it only take me 5 to get there on my longboard. Might even have time to catch a slice! Later bros

yeah. im saying that my cock is as effectual and powerful as a hitachi magic wand.

+1

moar

you've clearly never used a hitachi on a woman

maybe so, but i've use it on my prostate and Goodness Gracious Me It Was Fucking Majestic

I'm the guy you were replying to. Whenever we've managed a tiny squirt it's not when she's cumming. I want to combine the two. Is that realistic or is that just a porn thing?

sorry to be a newb but how the fuck do you 'use' one of these on a 'woman'

No experience here, but seems like a porn thing. I would think the muscle spasms of orgasm would cause a shy bladder. The contrary is definitely true, having to urinate can easily prevent orgasm.

Last night.
My penis went into her vagina.
We both climaxed.
Fin.

It goes in the "woman's" area referred to as "the anus" or "the vagina"
if the "woman" is skilled enough, she'd be able to change channels with either "orifice"

moar

i once sprayed shite all over me dog by mistake like... pretty sexy right?

im not so sure this is coroct but i jabe mot tojer sourc

>be me put benis in daddy butt butt say "owieee" but thin make wite rain out blemis taste like tunafish

get out of my site

$11 > $10

>No experience here

I found the fact that you felt comfortable enough to comment in that much detail with no experience really funny.

quints inbound
i wank hard

you got it all wrong

rolling

ohhhh, those. my physio uses one of those on my ass cheeks

dude gross

I just wanted to be upfront about my educated, but ultimately unsubstantiated, guess.

3 nights ago.
Same girl.
I was in shower.
She gets in.
Puts my penis in her mouth.
I climaxed.
We both finish shower.

Who won, op?

This guy, obviously.

ok well yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to be a dick. You're probably right about the shy bladder I just asked the gf and she says the sensation of pissing while cumming just wouldn't feel sexy, and would be too much to focus on when all she really cares about is the orgasm.

random chick on tinder we didn't even match I just adde her snapchat that was in her profile ... it was a couple weeks of me commenting on her snap stories like damn your tits are huge when u gonna let me fuck she would always say I'm not gonna ..then one day I did and she was like tonight I didn't think she was serious but she was so I drove to her house.. he tits were huge cuz she was fat as fuck which I didn't know but I was there I was all in ..as soon as I walk in she brings me to her room .. as soon as she shuts her room door she gets on her knees takes my cock out and starts sucking it after a lil she said ok your hard enough and bent over her bed so I just started fucking the shit outta her it was quiet at first but after a few mins she was screaming .. her window was open and I saw people walking on the sidewalk and they looked up I'm assuming they could hear but that just made me go harder she get louder ..eventually I bust a fat nut on her back ..immediately after she goes ok so you're bout to leave now right ? and I was just like yea lol and left

this story could have been so much better using the
>memes arrows

pics?

I can't tell what's worse, your grammar/syntax, or your blatant lie

>girl
>cum

DAMN OP CHECK THIS SHIT OUTTTTT
MY MAN

I don't have any saved but I saw her on POF the other day but about 2 weeks after I smashed she started posting pics with sum black dude and said it was her bf .. I kept trying to fuck tho again anyways and she blocked I think.. so I could drop her snap on y'all

45 min drive / 30 min of action /45 min drive back
no regrets

you shouldve written your story with greentext ">"
>like this
wouldve made it a better read

Also any pix of her? Since you have her snapchat stories, post them?

I would just comment on her snap stories I didn't SS they weren't worthy I could just tell her tits were huge .. I can even see my snap convo with her anymore cuz I think she blocked but I could drop her snapchat user name since she blocked me lol she didn't even know my full name