Tell a funny joke

Tell a funny joke

Communism

Your sex life.

her career

...

An old timer walks into a bar and sees a man in his mid-20s looking sad sitting alone. The old man is a bit of a sage, so he sits next to the twentysomething and asks him what's wrong.
"Well, I have a coworker and she's really beautiful. I want to ask her out, but every time I she talks to me, I get a really embarrassing hard-on. I'm fucked."
"I know how you feel. But I have a solution. take some duct tape and tape your schween to whichever leg you like. This will prevent your erection from being too noticeable."
"What the fuck?"
"I know it sounds weird, but just give it a try."
"Ok, I'll try it."
Several days pass and the old man walks into the bar again to see the same twentysomething looking even sadder than before. He sits next to him once again and asks him what's wrong?
"Well, I took your advice and taped my dick to my right leg. I went up to her and asked her out, and she said yes, but I got super hard and.."
"And what?"
"I kicked her in the face."

A skeleton walks into a bar.
Asks for a beer. And a mop.

What do you call a sand nigger who's been everywhere and done everything?

"Binder Dundat"

>Tell a funny joke

What did the Irishman give his son for Christmas?

A TOY POTATO.

A nigger walks into a bar with a stunningly beautiful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender sees this amazing creature and says, "I gotta ask, where in the world did you get that thing?"

The parrot responds, "Africa."

Lost

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she takes the hint.

LOst

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Doctor"
"Doctor Who?"

Why did the semen cross the road?


Because I'm wearing the wrong sock

High school class gets a substitute teacher one day. Sub wants to get to know the students a little better. Starts asking kids their names and other questions. Points to one girl, she says her name is Sally. Sub says "and what does your father do?"

Sally says "He is a fireman and he saves lifes and gets kittens out of trees!"

Sub points to a boy. Boy says, My name is Mike and my dad is a policeman. He catches bad guys and helps people!.

Sub points to a sad looking young lady. She slowly stands and says, "My name is Mary...." and says nothing else.

Substitute teacher asks, "And what does your father do?"

Mary replies, "My father is dead....."

The room is very quiet. Shocked, the sub tries to recover and says, "I am so sorry! Well, what did your father do before he died?"

Mary answers, "He turned blue and shit on the rug...."

-Daddy what pedophilia?
-Shut the fuck up and keep sucking!

>I have unemployment jokes
>But for some reason
>None of them work
>bud dum tss

"When Britain was an Empire we were ruled by an emperor. When we became a kingdom we were ruled by a king. And now we're a country we're ruled by Margaret Thatcher." - Kenny Everett

Women's rights.

A pirate walks into a bar, plunks down on a barstool, and grumbles to the bartender, "Gimme a beer." So the bartender slides a flagon across the bar.

The pirate puts back the pint in one long gulp, slams it down, and grumbles again, "Gimme a beer." The bartender, curious now, sends another pint down the bar.

The pirate puts this pint away much the same as the first, slams the flagon down, and grumbles once again, "Gimme a beer."

Now, by this time, the bartender's really getting curious, and he sidles over to the pirate to see what's going on. As the barkeep approaches the pirate, he notices the pirate has a ship's wheel down the front of his trousers. The pirate looks up at the bartender and says, "Where's my beer?" The bartender says, "I'll bring you two, but you have to tell me, what is that thing doing in your pants?"

The pirate sighs heavily and says, "I dunno how it be gettin' there, but it's drivin' me nuts."

anybody got any bofa

God fuck
That shit was good

...

...

Bump this for actual funny jokes

How little Timmy first know his baby sister had her first period?

His daddy's dick taste likes blood

Nice rug.

...

two peanuts were walking down the street

>one was assaulted

don't pee on it

I miss Taco Tuesday...

good shit user

Dr. Lipshitz

Ban test

your life

What would you call the flintstones if they were black?

NIGGERS

Nicccce.

What do you throw to a drowning nigger?


His wife and kids.

What's the best way to get a nigger out of a tree?


Cut the rope.

lol