Most Embarrasing moments thread, I'll start

Most Embarrasing moments thread, I'll start
>be me age 11
>starting to discover sex via internet but have no idea about any of my body's functions
>home alone one day, parents won't be home for a few hours
>decide to explore a bit
>hop on dads computer in his office
>find video of girl with huge boobs dancing
>peepee gets hard
>take off my pants and touch it a little
>feelsgoodman, touch it more
>cum for the first time and have no idea what happened
>freak out and go full retard
>placebo and irrational fear make me think I have a stomach ache
>call mom, sobbing
>"my tummy hurts really had mommy what should I do"
>"it's probably your appendix, user. I'll come home right away"
>mom comes home and I'm sobbing and clutching my abdomen
>takes me to hospital
>mom does all the talking and they usher me into an operating room
>female nurse comes in for prep
>"what where you doing when the pain started, user? Physical activity has been known to trigger this blahblahblah"
>start jerking off in the operating room in front of the nurse
>nurse leaves, speechless
>she must've talked to my mom and explained I'm a retard
>mom comes in visibly angry and grabs me by the ear, drags me out
>silence in the car ride home
>don't even know what maturbating is, let alone that you aren't supposed to do it in front of medical professionals
>get beaten by father for being retarded
>cry every night after i realize what I've done
>This event drives a wedge in my parents marriage
>they get divorced because of me and they both blame me
>been nothing but a fuck up my entire life

You're not to blame man. Your parents were probably gonna divorce anyway.

Also bumping while I greentext my great moment of shame which I still haven't recovered from

This is why Sex ed is important.

be 13
> in bed at night fapping because what else am i gonna do
> go onto my new favourite thing, pillow fucking
> destroy it while pretending I'm doing my homeroom teacher
> my head is buried face down and my butt is going 100mph
> talking dirty, just random shit 'you take it you slut, I love your tits, I wanna bend you over your desk and fuck your hot juicy cunt '
> just loving the moment, feeling like a real stud practising for when the real thing happens
> hear a random bump noise but don't pay any attn, to busy working up a sweat pretending to fuck Miss Johnson
> 'ummmm..... user????? user what are you doing?'
> shit. Thats my mums voice.
> she is standing at the end of the bed.
> I lie completely still and say nothing wondering how long she's been there
> 'I just brought you a glass of water,' she sounds real shocked and disgusted
> 'are you OK?'
> I can't speak I won't speak pretend I'm asleep
> 'user?'
> .....
> 'alright i'm going to go now'.
> I let out a weak feeble beta 'thanks mum'
> boner completely gone.
> worst shame ever
> can't look her in the face for the next 7-8 years

Wow man, you're a pretty big piece of shit, not going to lie.

TopKek! Moar!

My parents are pretty open about Sex Ed and I've never been in situations like the described before. I now realize that has been very helpful.

Things that never happened

>Mom enters at night to bring a glass of water.

Not going to lie user. Your mom heard some noises and wanted some of your small D.

This happened a few months ago, and I don't know if he has still recovered.

> Be me
>14 year old brother
> Brother goes to take shower
> decided it will be funny to hide on the bottom bunk of his bunk bed
( He has a bunk bed for when step brother sleeps over)
> Lie still under the duvet, awaiting my time to pounce
> brother comes back and goes up on his bunk
> all is silent
> decide to jump out soon
> Start hearing him breathing heavy
> start hearing the sounds that only a teenage boy can make
> oh fuck
> wat do
> have 3 options
> 1) wait underneath and leave when he finishes
> 2) Stand up and leave silently now
> 3) try and creep out now
> decide option 3 is my best
> put plan in to action
> just as i'm halfway out of the bed I look up and he is peering down at me
> user what the fuck
> " Suprise"
> stand up and leave in silence
> we haven't spoken about it to this day

Oh man incest coming through
>be 5 or some shit
>user being dumb tv
>sister tells me to get in bed
>whateverokay.jpg
>throws sheets over us
>tells me to get on top of her
>wtf okay
>rubbing our bellies
>tells me to kiss her
>okay
>making out
>wowWhatisThis.jpg
>sheets go to the moon
>mom
>starts beating me, telling me i am disgusting and a disgrace
>sister is free prisoner
>tells me im gross and thats wrong
>wtf i dont get it we were just rubbing bellies and kissing
>gets angry and shoe comes flying
>fall back
here i am now and i still cant forget that day, i havent been able to talk to my sister normally ever since then, once i realized what the concept of sex was
confronted her one time and denies it ever happened
hate myself cause my purity was stolen
also she's my half sister
same mom, but mom was raped and she popped out

KEK

...

Honestly, your parents are the dumb ones user.

They should understand, what the fuck.

Recurring themes happening ITT.
Some comic gold. Being a stupd kid / teen can be cringey

O

>>get beaten by father for being retarded
>>cry every night after i realize what I've done
>>This event drives a wedge in my parents marriage

omg what a shit pair of parents.

Fuck yeah. So hot

This thred seems to be just as much about child beating as embarresment

OP If I was your father, I would have been laughing my ass off.

>be 13
(why is everyone around the same age)
>my male cousin was here
>had fun and all
>played outside in the snow
>freezin cold
>my father said he will let us a hot bath in
>we both went up
>got naked and jumped both in the bath tube
>suddenly my cousin and I complained about our dick sizes
>he comes up with the idea to have sex and imagine the other is a girl
>eh sure whatever
>both getting later into bed
>giggling
>were totally embarrassed
>started sucking each other's dick
>then he said he wants to fuck
>get's behind me
>tries like 5 min to get his dick in
finally_it_got_in.gif
>was like wtf this feels strange
>suddenly he stopped
>what's wrong user?
>i guess i heard your dad's room door opening (it was next to my room)
>he jumped over in his bed, and we pulled our blankets up
>like 5 min late my father walked in
>he was acting like he didn't hear anything but i guess he he heard everything

my cousin and i repeated it several times until we were 14. We have never talked about it again and hardly meet anymore

soo many keks

>be me, 6, first grade
>have the hots for this total babe 5th grader
>be a faggot
>I'll win her heart with these fake flowers i asked my mom to buy at the dollar store
>ask teacher to go to bathroom
>"sure user, just be quick"
>take backpack with flowers and walk out, not knowing people were probably staring because I took my backpack with me to go to the bathroom
>walking down the hall thinking I'm the slickest motherfucker in town
>show up in her classroom and present her with flowers, extremely flustered
>people in the room audibly go "awww"
>she's so hot to me at this point that I'm basically retarded and don't know what to say and stand there staring for a few seconds until
>"Boobs"
>she drops the flowers and her face goes to null
>everyone else in the room either silent or giggling
>she starts sobbing and I run out

>later, school over and we're all walking out
>notice girl behind me looking very sullen
>I should probably apologize to her
>slow down a little so she catches up to me, ready to say sorry
>instead crane my neck back like a swan and lick the crook of her elbow like a dog
>whatthefuckiswrongwithyou.png
>she starts crying loud and runs away
>I don't even understand how retarded I am yet

Wat.

This truly did happen as I describe it. I wish I was lying. Unfortunately not. The only good thing is she has no idea who I am

> been sick last few days, first sign if hunger
> getting takeaway pizza hut
> got my order, walking to the door
> struggle opening it because hands are full
> cute chick walking thru parking lot
> gives me one of those looks, shes into me and im instantly feeling alpha
> I hold door open and give her a nod
> she puts her hands out and pretends to run to me with a big smile on her face, like a love scene from a movie
> and she's cute af, maybe if I play this right I can get her number
> suddenly my nose twitches, have urge to sneeze brewing
> shit why now? Its gonna be big. I'm gonna struggle to hold it in
> user just hang on til she gets inside, stay cool man
> can't hold it, sneeze with the power of a thousand suns
> just at the moment shes standing in front of me
> my heads flies forward, smash my forehead against the door frame
> FUCK THAT HURT
> spray all sorts of saliva and juices over her from my nose and mouth
> I look at her. 5 seconds ago she thought I was god, now she's looking at me like I'm a total tard
> shes disgusted, wiping my spray off her face
> put my head down, cant maintain eye contact
> see a green glob on her top
> fuck off back to my car real quick
> buckle up, look in rear view mirror to inspect wound on my forehead
> shit its looking brutal already
> also have massive booger hanging from my nostril
> realize its right about now she's discovered my snot on her nice clean white shirt and is probably cursing me out

> how to go from hero to zero in mere seconds

re-roll

>be me, 7th grade,
>have intense crush on 8th grade girl, the prettiest, hottest, most popular girl in the entire school.
>never told anyone about it
>school requires everyone to be giant gays and participate in a play every year
>All of the school at practice
>Girl gets the lead role
>Be on the last day of practice
>I was told "user go hold the door open" or something like that.
>Giant crowd of every student comes through the door
>Girl goes through the door, but then stops, turns towards me
>She fucking caresses my arm.
>I stood there in awe, wide eyed, she's all smiling at me with that girlish smile.
>I didn't know what to do.
>Went full tard and ran.
>Later on realized I just killed my chance of dating the prettiest girl in school.
>EXTREMERAGE.gif

I like how this threads gone from random embarrassing sex shit to guys spilling their spaghetti in front of potential gfs.

wew

LEL

are you gay now ?

>>Also highkey the loser of the school at the time
>>No friends either
>>Whole school hated my guts

And I killed it. LEL

Most embarrassing and saddest moment in my life

>9th grade
>first month of school
>leaving the lunch room to go to class
>didn't have bookbag on
>was the faggot who made my bookbag straps super tight so I had to put my arm way out to put on bookbag
>puts one arm in
>reaches out my other arm to slide my bookbag on
>hang goes straight into my crushes cleavage
>pulls arm back
>freaks the fuck out and says sorry
>she runs out the cafeteria
>didn't see her at school ever again

also interested

Top 10 anime storylines

..........................................

bump

>>he comes up with the idea to have sex and imagine the other is a girl
>>eh sure whatever

>EH SURE WHATEVER

Bump

My fucking sides

Top 10 Sad Keks

>10th grade
>tripping on acid
>decides to go to school prom that night
>has been talking to the hottest girl in my school for a few months
>sees her at prom
>makes bet with friend
>if I get his crush to talk to him he gets this girl to talk to me
>walks up awkwardly to girl
>"he thinks you're hot, wanna talk to him?"
>she goes and talks to him
>20 minutes later he brings miss goat
>didn't expect right now
>tripping hard
> her "hey how are you doing tonight"
>complete anxiety and fear goes through me
>stands there for 10 seconds
>"hey I gotta go it was nice talking to you" and I run the fuck away
>she wouldn't speak to me again after that night

>be me, 14
>on some school competition abroad with some other students
>engineering competition, lots of asians competing
>on our team is a total koreaboo, really annoying but kinda cute
>one day in to the competition
>me and koreaboo goes over to the korean stall because she wants to talk
>she makes friends, I just stand there like a beta cuck watching them
>the korean kids offer to write our name in korean
>it was pretty cool and I took the paper home with my name on it
>few hours later
>two korean kids come over to us
>ask us to write their names in our language (welsh)
>mfw you don't change names from english to Welsh
>ohfuckwhatdoido.jpeg
>they give us piece of paper
>I look at koreaboo, asking what to do
>she says under her breath, 'just welsh-ify it'
>okay then, look at korean kid's name
>Yungju
>I panic and literally just write the Welsh words for 'young' and 'jew'
>I give the paper to Korean kid, hoping no one will notice
>koreaboo looks at me, furiously
>snatches paper out of the korean kids hand, writes something else and storms off
>she tells the teacher
>I get in loads of trouble
>still haunts me to this day

ok silver child

lying little cunt

...

U jelly bruh?

I rejected one of the hottest girls in high school when I was 16 because I have a small dick and was worried she'd tell everyone. I still have a small dick but didn't fuck that rocket.

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Newfag found

Jelly that you make up stuff on Sup Forums no not at all.

M8, everyone makes up shit on Sup Forums, lol this is Sup Forums. Go to reddit for ACTUAL stories.

I wish I was lying.

>leddit

You're probably a lazy, fat, uneducated American redneck loser anyway.

Story of my shit attempts at getting pussy in middle school
Or should I say 6th grade. By 7th and 8th I learned to just not try and talk to girls (or anybody)

Euro cuck lol

>be nerdy awkward band kid in 8th grade
>band practice after school every day
>after band practice one day meet girl that comes out of orchestra practice
>somehow start a conversation about music we had a similar taste in or something
>start hanging out for a few days but I'm still extremely awkward around her and girls in general
>invites me to movies
>being an idiot i thought it was going to be a date or some shit
>oh this guy i know and these other people are coming
>show up and meet her in front of the movies waaaay before the movie starts
>don't know what to do so quietly follow her around as shes meeting her friends
>meets with a lot of her guy and girl friends in a large circle
>im outside the circle
>"user why are you following me around and clinging to me so much, its weird" laughs at me
>think oh fuck and cringe at myself, say "oh im thirsty ill go buy a drink"
>get a drink and just hang out alone for a bit so I don't draw attention
>ill go meet back up right before the movie starts
>go to meet up everyone is gone
>doesn't respond to my texts
>wait behind the theater alone in the dark until the movie is about to end
>call parents to pick me up
>"hey son did you have a good time"
>"yeah..."
>next day after band practice shes somewhere else
>never talks to me again

Americunt retardican Christfag. Go eat some McDonalds fatass.

answer this

You're a fucking legend

ouch

Bump while I type my story.

f u c k i n g k e k

At least my woman arent getting fuck by dune coons.

Not really embarrassing, but it makes me feel embarrassed and makes me cringe when I think about it
>be me
>2005, 8 years old (20 now)
>parents watching Harold and Kumar downstairs
>past my bedtime, but thirsty
>walk into living room
>battle shits scene
>watching out of curiosity from behind the couch
>super turned on, but don't really know it
>scene ends
>run back upstairs
>hide under my blankets
>dick is rock hard from thinking about girls shitting
>start touching and rubbing cock
>cum
And that was the first time I jerked off. I still have a scat fetish. t-thanks, harold and kumar.

>thinking his women aren't being fucked by dunecoons
Kek, pay closer attention user

I haven't had many embarrassing moments in my life since it has been pretty dull and I was in special ed for awhile. But I do have a funny story
>be 15, in boarding school
>class in finished for the day
>chilling in my room, roommate has been in the bathroom for awhile
>seems odd, been about 20 minutes now
>go tell buddy from across the hall that we should spook him or something when he gets out of the bathroom
>friend lays on bed immediately visible from the bathroom doorway in a girly pose to say he "wants" the guy or something
>I'm going to lob something at his head while he's distracted by my buddy
>joke that he's probably jacking off
>joke about what he's jacking it to
>guy gets out
>guy in bed is laying in some exaggerated pose and says something in a British accent about how he loves him
>I throw a ball right at his head
>he just stares at the ground
>his face is red and covered with tears
>realize he was crying, not masturbating
>says he went in the bathroom to be alone, had just gotten a phone call from a relative about another relative passing away
>we feel like total shitheads

>Trump

That doesn't sound impossible.

> 6th grade summer break
> at a birthday party
> all the kids at the party watching some horror movie (I think it was "It")
> my crush was there
> we were just friends, she was interested in another guy
> friendzoned.jpg
> looking for the remote control
> it's in her hands
> I ask her to give it to me
> she refuses
> I reach out for it, trying to take it away from her hand
> she pulls back in a playful manner
> my arm grabs her breast instead of the remote
> I feel both glad and really awkward for a brief moment
> she smiled or laughed
> haven't talked about that event since then (haven't seen her for years anyway)
> she has probably forgotten it (probably like on the next day, lol)

LOL what an Americunt retard.

i lol'd a lot idk why exactly

samefag

its true tho

Samefag.

LOL kill yourself American.

Not samefag, just mobilefag.

y don't u use clover faggog

Nigga you just mad you dont have Trump to keep the dune coons out lmao

Found the newfag

Trump is a sexist racist fascist Nazi.

>Still thinking Trump is keeping dunecoons out
Nigger when was the last time you looked out your window holy shit

>5th grade
>have my first crush
>cute pale Mexican girl with glasses
>we were actually close friends
>used to spend everyday after school talking on MySpace or playing Pokémon Crater (popular Pokémon fan game at the time)
>basically best friends so she always told me who she liked
>always get jealous but never let it show
>eventually reveals to me over MySpace that she only told me she had fake crushes to see if I would get jealous
>reveals her feelings towards me
>tell her I also like her back
>I was an awkward little shit so the next day at school I told her that it wasn't me on MySpace that day and that it was one of my younger brothers playing a prank
>godimstupid.jpg
>months go by act like nothing happened
>end of the year dance
>both go
>she had her hair done, make up done, nice pretty dress and look so beautifully and for the first time in my life I was completely infatuated
>spend most of the dance talking to my best friend at the time

Continued. Also, my first greentext so give me pointers? Much appreciated

>racist sexist
Yes
>fascist Nazi
No, you're stupid

Clover and overchan (fork) are both good, i prefer overchan, can watch multiple chans

>Euro fag think we have dune coons
kek

I'm not the user you're arguing with btw, but jesus that's some shitty b8

Continued.

>spend most of my time there with my best friend at the time and a few other friends
>they ditch me to give me a hard time because they knew she liked me but didn't know I liked her
>spend 1 on 1 time with her
>genuinely enjoying myself
>she asks if I wanna dance
>"uh, let me use the restroom first."
>call mom to pick me up
>hang out with crush for 10 min until mom gets home
>"darn maybe next time see you next year"
>whyamisostupid.png
>continue to talk like nothing happened on MySpace
>feelings still mutually strong, she's still unaware of my feelings for her
>eventually summer ends and we start 6th grade
>no classes together but we had the same lunch along with all our past friends
>friends constantly tease me for her liking me (we were still kinda young so we were immature shits about these types of things)
>get visibly annoyed only because I didn't want them to know I liked her back
>try to avoid her bc I'm awkward and stupid
>one day she messages me asking why I don't talk to her anymore
>give bs excuse
>"sure.."

Continued.

Samefag.

Kill yourself you ignorant inbred Americunt.

>12 years oldish
>at my aunts 30th birthday with my parents (Not blood related, been my parents friend for well over 20 years
>Hanging out in back room with the other kids while the adults have their boring adult party
>We're watching WWE VHS's my uncle gave us to keep us entertained.
>Naturally, the group of 7 or so kids start play wrestling
>I'm currently 25 and 6'6 - so i've always been a bigger dude, and naturally I was a pretty big 12 year old.
>Jump on bed while me and this 11 year old are fighting each other
>Get over excited and try to replicate move in the VHS we just watched
>twist the kids arm behind is back, twist it so high It lifts him up, then throw him straight to the ground off of the bed
>A loud snapping sound fills the room as we all go silent
>Kid is wailing in pain
>His parents come in and calls an ambulance
>Turns out I broke his arm, AND popped it out of the shoulder socket as well as fractured his ribs as he landed
>I start crying because I genuinely feel bad
>My aunt thinks I ruined her party
>The broken kids parents are actually pretty chill with me and console me
>My parents were basically like "Well, this is what happens when you lock a bunch of boys in a room with wrestling tapes'
>They're not wrong.
I really fucked that kid up though haha.

Continued part 2, continue harder.

>feel like an absolute jack ass
>hate myself
>try to be super friendly with her
>kinda confess, she confesses as well
>don't date yet because we're still too shy
>was really happy though
>go home and get hit with the worst possible news ever
>we're moving 60 miles away so I'm switching schools
>whyyyyyy
>word spreads throughout the school that I was moving
>spend as much time as I could with crush
>both sad but both didn't show it
>my last day
>I'm cleaning things out of my locker
>she helps and follows me from class to class as I collect signatures
>start joking around
>flirty shoving
>random teacher walking by sees us and accuses us of fighting
>we both get in trouble
>in office filling out incident report
>crush is crying from sadness because she's never been in trouble


Continued again. Sorry for all the continues, never really post on this site so I'm unaware of the character limit. On the bright side I'm typing all of these out and posting them one after another.

>Amerifag
We do have dunecoons
If you don't think so you are actually blind
Walk 10 feet down your street
This is not difficult to realize

...

If you're gonna call somebody ignorant don't also call them inbred. Christ you're a walking oxymoron

Continued cubed.

>even though I knew I wouldn't get in trouble since it was my last day I was still scared shitless because I was a major pussy
>blame everything on my crush right in front of her
>principle knew I was moving out so they said I could leave
>leave like a bitch
>crush gets lectured and punished I assume
>school day ends
>look for crush but never find her
>sadly go home
>for some stupid reason I deleted said crush from MySpace
>no contact with her or anyone from that school for years
>finished high school
>she was my first crush and really special so not a day went by that I didn't think about her
>look her up on Facebook
>prettiest girl ever, got crazy good with make up, loves video games and anime (not an anime fan myself but hey w/e), biggest fucking tits ever, despite getting older she pretty much stayed the same
>stay on her page and wonder what could've been
>I'm now 3 years out of high school, in a relationship but her name still come into mine every once in a while.

Well, time to cut them out of your life and pretend they're dead. You'll be happier. And if you ever start thinking about your sister? Drink alchohol. Still thinking about her? Well you're not drinking enough alchohol user

Still not samefag, still just mobilefag
I don't even like Trump, I think he's a fucking retard
But he's not a fucking Nazi
If you think he is then you are retarded

Gr8 b8 m8, I r8 8/8 I appreci8 the constant infl8ion of quality b8.

He's literally a Nazi. He's just like Hitler.....

Sry I can't do this XD m8 you fell for the b8.

wow that story was a fucking retarded waste of time. fuck you, dude

Get out summer fag