I cant shit

i cant shit

im sitting in my toilet and my anus hurt i had a headache and i want to puke im constipated help i live alone

pic unrelated

Drink oil. 2 or 3 shots should help.

olive oil?

Buy some prune juice

Yeah. Any oil will do.

Try taking the shower head off and insert the hose in your anus. Only thing I could think of.

Benadryl my nigga

And don't sit all the time. Try running/walking a bit. If that doesnt help, there is a drug named bisacodyl. You don't need prescript for this.

Use a stool so your legs are higher giving you a squatting pose

PUSH HARDER!


HAHAHHAHA

Use a small spoon coated with lube to scoop the shit out manually. I've done this before, if you aren't a fag used to buttsex it will hurt a bit but it works.

What the fuck?

use a vacuum cleaner to suck off the log

Oh kek wtf

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Enema with lube will help. I have had some monstrous shits from holding too long that surely would have tore me up without this method.

Hello OP, i will stay with you until you feel better.
Want to talk about something to distract you?
I really wouldn't take medical advise from Sup Forums.

>i cant shit

doctor.. see one. asap.

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What is that?

a toilet plunger lul

That should do the trick

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go to the store and buy some kefir, take a 1/2 cup in the morning, 1/2 cup in the evening.

In the meantime, here is some poetry:

Here I sit broken hearted, came to shit,
but only farted.