Stupidest shit youve done what while horny

Stupidest shit youve done what while horny

Tried to use Icy-Hot as lube

Tried to suck my own dick and failed, but all men have probably tried at some point in their lives

Stuck my dick in my xbox

Was able to when I was younger. Tons of fun.

Ouch

same man same, i knew there were icy hot condoms so I thought huh it must feel good. Tingly for a minute, then felt like my cock was skinned and dipped in lemon juice.

masturbated while walking
oh well i was 14 at the time and it felt so damn good
also recently spent more than 10 hours straight downloading CP which i earsed just after ejaculating

such a waste

>Let my small dog fuck me and lick my wee-wee
>fucked myself with a cucumber
>Cum in my mouth - immediately regret
>Wore my mom's and my gf's lingerie

Idk, probably there's more of it.

>10 hours
wut?! how many gig did you download?!?

He was probably looking for it for 9 hours.

Shampoo is equally bad. Greentext time;

>19
>in the shower before work
>decide to clean up while jerking off to save hot water
>use a copious amount of head & shoulders for line
>feels good
>feels cool
>feels tingly
>head starts throbbing and shaft turns purple
>OH FUCK
>IT BURNS
>scrub off all the shampoo, dick won't stop tingling
>decide to rinse off my dick under the running water
>hot water + tingly shampoo cock + nearing orgasm = uh oh
>intense orgasm is paired with the worst pins-and-needles feeling I ever felt
>shouting at the top of my lungs
>dick tingles for 4 hours after the fact

at least I smelled good

mfw

jacked off with antibacterial handsoap

how much did you fucking download

>>Be me 250 lbs fatboy
>>spend the night at friends house cause too drunk to drive home the night before.
>>wake up before everybody and sneak into friends moms room to sniff her used panties and masturbate.
>was a full house too.

paid for porn

Suck a feminine penus

Same here user
>best pusspuss in front of me ever
>also my best friend
>shewantsmydingledorf.jpg
>try to give her a back rub with icyhot
>mfw they should probably add a warning for extra stupid people like me

Fucked one of my friends call girls behind his back for free and the condom broke so I ended up driving her back home and spent the night with her. We fucked for hours. I was 18 and she was 29. Bitch gave the best head on the planet. Still get off thinking about it. Too bad she was a junkie ho. Probably caught something but who knows. I don't care

Try to see what happens when I block my asshole with chewing gum and then poop.

The poop wouldn't come out and the gum was stuck in my asscrack hairs.

>be me
>Went to drink with a buddy
>Get too drunk
>Gotta a go friend, user to drunk.
>Live far from friend
>Drunk walk sounds fun right now
>Commited
>Walk down long straight rural road
>No street light or nothing
>Spooky
>Remember thinking sasquatch will pop out and rape me
>Sasquatch rape
>Get horny
>Jerk off while leaning on road sign
>Jerk off but very drunk
>Take like 20 min to nut
>Car coming
>Put dick away
>Pull out dick
>Fap furiously to thought of sasquatch rape
>Nut
>Walk home
>Sleep in van until morning

Also me
>download whisper
>talk to girl for an hour
>she says she's horny
>asks me to come over
>okay.jpeg
>call me when you're close user
>I call when I'm on her road and she tells me to park all the way down the street, kinda fishy
>I do it anyway I'm horny as fuck
>walk about 7 minutes to her house
>her parents are arguing in the living room; I hear it from outside
>she opens up the front window and tells me to climb in and be quiet
>I do so
>she tells me her bedroom door doesn't lock but hee family doesn't care about her so we're all good
>she's on Molly
>she's drinking Jack Daniels straight from the bottle
>she begins sucking my cock like a sloppy whore and tells me to drink from her bottle of Jack or I can't fuck her
>I down a ton of free booze
>she gets horny from me drinking and sucks me even better
>I take her head off my cock and slam her onto the bed face first
>I pull her shorts down and expose her thong
>she's swaying and arching her back as I massage her hips and ass
>I pull her thong down and rub her clit
>she tells me to enter her
> i begin to fuck her and put a finger in her ass
>she cums within 20 minutes and I shoot a load in her as I finger her ass deeper
>feels good man
>she tells me I'm the 57th person she's slept with this week
>I laugh and say good game
>awkwardly crawl out the window and find my car while a bit buzzed
>drive home
>next day she calls me and asks for a ride
>i say sure but on my way over to her place I change my mind and block her

She was a 9/10 and had the best body/hair/face I've ever witnessed on a woman but she was batshit crazy, unstable and has weird makeup. Would do again but not in this life

>autism

One of the few greentexts I've enjoyed reading on here.
Good job user.

is no one going to comment on that normie tier meme?

Its ironic friend

>in shower
>jerking with body wash
> feelsgood.jpg
>wait
>soap in dick hole
>fuck sake
>burns like fuck
>try to piss
>feels like pissing fire
Couldnt piss for a good 10 hours after the worst pain ive felt in my life

Fingered a morbidly obese girl to screaming orgasm then let her swallow my cum twice

correct

came home really drunk, tried to get my sister to fellate me

so yeah, that really did not work out well at all

Same. I'm too fat now

I guess you can say you rubbed the whales blow hole just right, ya know, because she blew you after. Finger probably smelt like rotten ocean cheese and plankton.

This is not a new meme

Story

There really isn't one. I was absolutely steaming drunk, got into the kitchen, she was doing a fridge raid, I was like

>pleeeeease I really need a blowjob I won't cum in yr mouth ahhh go on pleeeease

and she just stormed off to her room and slammed the door

Breakfast the next morning, awkward as fuck. But not as awkward as it could have been I guess.

Correct. She was very desperate and would do anything to please. Scratched the living fuck out of my back. I honestly feel dirty after the whole thing.

Felt my friends ass in his sleep. Stupid in the sense that he could've easily woken up, but surely not regrettable.

you should totally try again

Your friend was awake. He was hoping for something to happen.

I came in my gfs mom underwear drawer. Shes not even hot but i was horny. The thought of getting caught was a rush lol. And i did this like 4 times i found a nice white pair and just kept cumming in them. I went back in there recently and those white panties are nice n brown from my cum.

Actually i remember one time i was awake and another friend felt me up, almost started fingering me until someone's phone alarm went off. fun camping times as a teen.

And you didnt think to bring this up?

I bet she got grease and dirt along with tons of other fat woman germs that loved beneath her fingernails under your skin that's now a part of you. Best hope she didn't keep some of your cum alive in her mouth to impregnate herself with after you got the fuck out.

100% this

Kek

Yeah its hard not to wakw up when someone is touching your ass. I know because my gf wakes up everytime i do it. But she knows i get horny in the middle of the night she usually just me do whatever to her tho. God i love playing with her pussy when shes "sleeping"

>be me
>digestion fetish
>get gf to eat as much food as possible and drink a laxative
>gf pooted when i nutted
>bad meme

>3 cute loli girls in school uniform
>black tights
>pale skin, small tits, slim, nice long legs
>they slowly strip each others clothes off in front of me
>just down to panties
>one walks over to me
>unbuttons my jeans
>looks straight in my eyes while her hand slips into my pants
>as soon as she touched my dick I came and started farting

In the heat of the moment we do some dumb shit

Yeah right.

...

Jerked off so many times in one day I gave myself blisters on my nob

fished one of my sister's turds out of the toilet bowl and masturbated with it

I am not proud of this

What did you do with it?

Same here,no regrets

same, was too lazy to keep up the stretching for flexibility

the usual stuff

rubbed some on my dick
painted my nipples brown
licked it, just tasted salty
pushed a piece up my ass

beat off, came buckets, had three scalding hot showers, never did anything remotely like that ever again

>be me
>sees very op grill in leggings
>I use dandruff shampoo as lotion
>go boom boom until I explode
>the next day my nutsack hurts
>I inspect it and it looks damaged and is crusty
>my foreskin looks like its peeling
>spend the next couple days peeling stuff off my peepee
>feels bad man

> be 13
> sleeping in a bed with my dad (had to share because of guests
> he's a really heavy sleeper
> had not fapped in like a week because of family everywhere
> started jerking off under the sheets in bed to muted porn on the tv
> came in my pajamas
> stayed in bed till I fell asleep

...

Oh dear lord why

Shaved a landstripe on my dick after seeing it on tranny porn. Shaved it off after I came.

>Usual stuff
Nah nigger, it ain't usual

photoshopped Ronan Parke's face into boy CP

Yes this happened to me too. Some kind of icy hot lube we used for anal. It worked for her but it made my dick soft in 2 minutes with burning pain.

>sleeb wib daddii
>make cummies in peejays
>dad licks me clean long after I fall asleep

I got married. Luckily I came out of the divorce richer than I went into the marriage so it wasn't all bad.

I once taped a bag full of hydrogel (normally used for gardening) around my dick, then pissed in it and felt it swell up and immerse my dick in gelly hydrogel which I then started fucking. Then I started looking at websites that sell male sex toys and then my mom walked in on me. I was between the age of 15 and 17. Legit true story.

male or female?

>How ironic $75 -> $0

watchml.dugera.com

what?

When I was like a 13 or 14 year old faggot I would put my schoolbag on my lap and "twitch" my dick ob his own. Mostly on the ride back home from school.
Always thought of the girls in my class while doing this. Sometimes the train would be full and I would have an ass like 10 inches from my face and managed to cum without even touching my dick.

idk he spammed that in a bunch of threads

Looked at my ex girlfriends Instagram (while fapping) only to see she's a total slut. Orgasm followed by cry :[

>usual stuff
>painted my nipples brown

My sides

>jerking off
>male or female

?

Ok here goes what I can remember....

>>masturbated on a plublic restroom bathroom stall(walmart)
>>masturbated on a fast food urinal(wendys)
>>fuck a girl on the side of the road we both got fully naked on the side of the road
>>fucked a girl outside in fron of her house.
>>fucked my ex on her dads office on top of the desk
>>made a hole on a melon...fucked it
>>massaged my prostate with fingers...came
>>massaged prostate with hair brush....came again
>>grinded my dick agaisnt the shower wall with conditioner....came
>>used plantain with hole to masturbate
>>masturbated using maple syrup
>>rubbed my dick against some panties i got from this girl I fucked
>>went to titty bar and when i got out i jacked off in my car
>>jacked off on cam online
>>Ate my own cum
>>have taken pics of random womens asses on the street

All i can remember for now

Fucked my best friend, while being in a relationship

>>Ohh and jacked off while my sister was in the same room as me

You're livin the life

jesus how many women have u fucked? it seems almost contradictory seeing all the weird fucking autistic shit u do

these all seem pretty reasonable unlike mr. brown nipples up there

>what while horny
huh?

I was asking if the person in that post was male or female...

I get some decent action mate. Right now i have a fwb and have another girl that is pregnant that wants to have some sex.

Anonymous 08/16/17(Wed)19:52:17 No.742285561â–¶Also me
>download whisper
>talk to girl for an hour
>she says she's horny
>asks me to come over
>okay.jpeg
>call me when you're close user
>I call when I'm on her road and she tells me to park all the way down the street, kinda fishy
>I do it anyway I'm horny as fuck
>walk about 7 minutes to her house
>her parents are arguing in the living room; I hear it from outside
>she opens up the front window and tells me to climb in and be quiet
>I do so
>she tells me her bedroom door doesn't lock but hee family doesn't care about her so we're all good
>she's on Molly
>she's drinking Jack Daniels straight from the bottle
>she begins sucking my cock like a sloppy whore and tells me to drink from her bottle of Jack or I can't fuck her
>I down a ton of free booze
>she gets horny from me drinking and sucks me even better
>I take her head off my cock and slam her onto the bed face first
>I pull her shorts down and expose her thong
>she's swaying and arching her back as I massage her hips and ass
>I pull her thong down and rub her clit
>she tells me to enter her
> i begin to fuck her and put a finger in her ass
>she cums within 20 minutes and I shoot a load in her as I finger her ass deeper
>feels good man
>she tells me I'm the 57th person she's slept with this week
>I laugh and say good game
>awkwardly crawl out the window and find my car while a bit buzzed
>drive home
>next day she calls me and asks for a ride
>i say sure but on my way over to her place I change my mind and block her

i fucking kek'd so hard that's so something i would do
great greentext user kudos mate

Busted a nut twice in the middle of health class.
Still the best nut to date. No regrets.

Twitch?
Elaborate

>Masturbated with Maple Syrup
Fucking what

kek'd

That's why you use fingerboxes

Calling people "normie" is pretty damn cancerous. It's like you want to feel special for being a loser.

>Found a pair of panties in tumbler dryer at college laundrette.
>These now become my go to wank accessory for next 2 years.
>GF finds them hidden in my bathroom
>Couldn't face telling her creepy truth, pretended I'd had a fling with a random slut
>dumped.gif

Stole one of my dads condoms and maturbated with it on. It felt worse than if I just didnt have it on. Instant regret once I was finished. He never found out tho.

You did learn a valuable lesson though: condoms suck.

wiggle

same, felt like shit afterwards

Lol kill yourself my man

Thanks bro, she was a crazy whore. I'm glad I left it at only one visit for unlimited future fap references