I was a victim of child porn from the ages of 10-13. I am now in my late 20s. AMA

I was a victim of child porn from the ages of 10-13. I am now in my late 20s. AMA.

bump

do you have your own films/pics? then pls post them

I do not. The family member who took them probably still has them.

homo or no homo?

no homo

Male or female?

your mom?

I was 13 and was a prostitute for older daddy types with strangers.
Turned out fine, loved it, and made money outta it. OP, you'll be fine.

Pics or it didn't happen

Did you ever enjoy it while it happened? was it something that happened often like a routine or just a random casual event?

>Turned out fine
You're here so that's debatable.

How did it start?

I am female.

Dad.

>The stories and information posted here are autistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

i had something similar happen to me when i was age 3-4. it doesn't bother me at all though possibly just because it was so young. do you find it difficult to cope with on a day to day basis? also is it difficult to have relationships with people now?

What sort of stuff did you do?

This

I lol'd hard. We all have reasons, diff reasons, for being on Sup Forums.
Yeah I was messed on when I was younger, but everyone is different. I loved it when I got old dudes on me. No regrets. I'd imagine if it was forced, that's fucked up.
I had a cousin who tried to force me / rape me. We kicked him out of the family tree.

After i found the first camera i begged for there to be no more. Several cameras later, i obviously wasnt successful. I was forced to masturbate in front of my father. Not the same thing as being 13 and choosing to fuck. Although i appreciate the "its going to be ok" sentiment please dont pretend you know how i feel about it.

/thread
No one reads the fuckin rules anymore.

It was mostly videos but i dont have any of those in my posession. If you dont have questions gtfo

Was it penatrative sex? Was it violent? How does it feel knowing that I would probably masturbate whilst watching it?

When it first happened there was a big break before the second occurrence. Guess he got cold feet. But after the second time it became routine from that point forward. I was under what i now know was conditioning of "its not hurting anyone so its not wrong" and although i hated it and felt guilty, shameful, and dirty there was an aspect of the attention and being wanted that seemed positive at the time.

Found a camera in my closet, confronted dad and he decided to use that as an introduction to it no longer being a secret of his and he became the director.

pedo dad should get shot.

Ok? And? Applies to every fucking thread now doesnt it? Doesnt stop your dumb ass from reading it. Move along kid

I do find it difficult. I have a gnawing paranoia that i am being recorded at all times especially in rooms such as bathrooms or when spending the night anywhere. I know the satisfaction i feel when im turning on a partner now isnt healthy, i feed off of it and my self esteem relies on it.

Mostly masturbation.

Admit it, you liked daddy's cock inside you.

No regrets and you werent forced. Yeah, you have no right to tell me im gonna be ok simply because you are.

My apologies then!

Why did you not tell anyone? Or record him getting all close and stuff?

Did you ever masturbate him?

There was only one time there was penetration but it hurt too bad and he apparently had enough of a heart to stop it right there and just do our normal gig. Knowing youd masturbate to it kills me because that is the whole reason it is produced and without people like you who enjoy it my last years of childhood may have been spared.

Yup, thats why im a totally normal and healthy functioning adult on Sup Forums

You know the rules.

Told my mom and she didnt believe me. As i said im in my late 20s so this was in the 90s, cam corders were the rage and everything was on tape. I didnt have anything to record with. The one camera i brought to my mom my dad took the tape and ripped out the ribbon, said he was doing it to make sure i was safe in my room and that he destroyed it to prove it meant nothing. I know that makes no sense but my mom believed it and i was too young to present a real case about it. It was swept under the rug after that and i dont have the energy or willingness to stir anything back up when theres no chance of closure no matter what happens to him.

Was he circumcised? Did you ever voice your objection to it whilst it was being filmed? Did you cry while he was trying to penetrate you? How sexually developed were you when it started?

Yes.

I'm sorry but i find the sexual abuse and humiliation of a child extremely arousing. It isn't just the fact that there is no consent it is the fact that it is causing both physical and mental trauma that excites me.

Yes. I did object but he would reiterate how it feels good right? No ones actually hurt, right? Its insane how you can be so far conditioned and not know it when its happening. I trusted him. I felt special because of it.

would you mind further explaining that second part? what exactly are you feeding off of?

must be difficult but just remember you're not the only one out there.

Has it resulted in you having an aversion to intimacy in adulthood or has the opposite occured?

Have you ever considered or sought professional help?

I guess you cant help what youre turned on by but you can help what you do so i hope those desires stay in your brain only and arent expressed

Had you developed breasts or had your vulva started to mature when he began to make you masturbate?

good question

What has happened to the human race in the western world?
Have they just turned into scam-machines for welfare and/or pity and attention?
>my life was so rough, please feel bad for me. I had to give myself pleasure, I am scarred for life.

Christ people here are entitled.
You did not have a tough time, countless of girls in other parts of the world have REAL problems, and still deal and move on with their lives. You know why? Because they fucking have to, and can't just sit back, cry to their shrinks and anyone who would give a shit, because surprise surprise, nobody does give a shit.

>but but, people are different, I am not strong like they must be.

Exactly why you would have been left behind to die in the past, not fit to survive.

Now we learned to cure the people that should have died long ago, help the shits that can't take care of themselves and pamper them - and for what? An overpopulated planet heading for self-destruction since we can no longer sustain ourselves going forward.

Thanks, OP. You are what's wrong with our planet.

Oh hell yea. I know what gets me off is completely fucked up. I would never act on the impulse, I dont even view child pornography because I know that what turns me on literally destroys lives. My mental fantasies are as far as it goes.

>Was he circumcised?
Nigga what

How much i rule them in that moment. How powerful it feels to give someone such pleasure. That they fucking love me in that moment. That their mind is cleared of other thoughts, its all about how im making them feel. I feel worthless if i cant provide sexual satisfaction to a male. Its the only time i feel good about myself or beautiful. Ive never thought deep about it because i normally do everything to keep myself from thinking about it.

Fucking saved, lol!

Down in the pasta box it goes

The complete opposite. Intimacy is all i really feel. If im not able to achieve it through sex i will abuse drugs so i can feel something

I need it so bad but i cant afford it

Serious question. What led you to this? What happened when you were young?

>I am a whore and a slut
>I abuse drugs
>but it's okay, I masturbated when I was younger

My breasts were doing the weird puffy nipple thing the first time it happened. No idea about down there because at that point i still thought it was a slit i peed from with a spot at the top that felt good when rubbed. I didnt even comprehend there was a hole down there until i learned from what he did

i came to this thread

please send help

Do kids REALLY like the taste of Cinnamon Crunch or is that merely a ruse so their parents aren't upset by it?

...

What does your dad do now? Do you even talk to him? Sorry if already answered.

Im not entitled. I work for every god damn thing i have, and have since the day i was 14 and could work. I moved out the night i turned 18 and have supported myself since. Ive had to move on, albeit with psychological trauma. I figured people would have questions on this, I don't ever hear anyone else in my shoes share their story. Get over your butthurt, sorry you feel you have invalidated pain but trust me i dont need the "there are others going through worse" lecture. I never got to sit back. I never saw a shrink. If yiu have questions i will answer them but other than that you should get over yourself. Hope your dick feels bigger.

>victim
Why is nobody proud of this shit? Swear to god this world is full of whiners bitching about their successes.

Are you overweight now?

Do you masturbate and think about what happened?

Well then i have to say i appreciate you and wish others with similar thoughts to yours could make the same decision. Thanks for not being 100% a piece of shit.

lmao, not everything has environmental causes

Pretty much. It is what it is. Im just here to answer questions.

Youre disgusting.

They really do like it.

Am I just really tired or was that a puzzle of an answer I need to figure out? I was looking more for something like, "He sells cigarettes and no I don't. "

How is your relationship with your father now?

Trapped in a labor job at an old age and i do talk to him

Nothing thag I know of led to this. I have always liked that sort of thing, women/girls who are causing or having permanent damage inflicted upon them.

Im on the higher end of the healthy range for my height.

How did what he do make you realise you had a hole? Was it when he tried to penetrate you? What drugs do you abuse?

And no i dont

Hmmm... well, you intrigue me. I don't know why? Maybe I just want to figure you out... I dunno?

Are you pretty much open for any man that touches you now or do you consciously choose partners?

Incredibly awkward but i cant help but still care for him because in all other aspects he is a good man. I mostly view him as a mian who is just very sick.

He doesn't deserve to have you speak to him, but that's pretty noble of you, I guess.
What about You? What do you do?

Sorry, I have no idea why. I remember when I was younger watching a young woman smoke and thinking it was sexy that she was killing herself and ruining her lungs. When I found out about female genital mutilation it excited me that abgirls sex organs were damaged.

Exactly. I had never looked at myself down there prior. I knew one pee pee went in another pee pee for sex but i literally thought it slid up and down the slit and diidnt actually go inside (because i was unaware of an inside in the first place).
Ive experimented with a lot of them but when it comes to actual substance abuse its mostly taking turns between cocaine and benzos (klonopin, xanax, etc.) And i of course smoke weed everyday.

There are ways you can seek help without massive financial burdens depending on where you live. Please, for your own sake, look into it.

Pretty much open although i do have certain standards

Im a completely replaceable office person but ive been there reliably for years so i make okay money.

So it really just was that way from the get go for you? Very interesting

Do you think that you wouldn`t have been abused if there was no market for cp / if no one would watch it?

Why did he stop? Has he ever apologized? I love drugged girls

Did she really take that poor bait so easily?

This!

Yes pretty much. I guess my brain was wired a bit fucked in the fetish department

You know, i like to tell myself that. But I think eventually something would have happened, even if it wasnt something big. However i dont think it would have been something that was routine or to the extent that it was without the market for cp fueling the timing.

Oh. So the thread was bait all along, thought it was interesting for a min.

Im not sure why he stopped to be honest. It just reached a point where the next time never came. I probably got too old for him and i never realized that until now. In the sexual sense, and in the sense that i was harder to continue brainwashing. Also entering middle school where id probably be introduced to the notion of telling an adult when something like thar happened.

Also might i ask why you love drugged girls?

> n-n-no one know how *i* feel
go fuck yourself stupid cunt

I can guarantee it is not bait. Just something that happened in a time before smart phones and social media, when families really did just keep their shit hush hush. Hes probably tried to be a good man to make up for it if im honest with you.