True green-text stories

True green-text stories

Mine's embarrassing:

> Only child
> Potty-training age
> Adoptive mom kept wet-wipes in "my" bathroom and showed me how to use them
> "Never flush these or you'll wreck the toilet, user"
> Strict mom so afraid to disobey
> Liked how they felt so always used them
> Threw dirty ones in trash like she said to do
> Got older and suddenly just TP around
> She never mentioned toilet paper to me, only wet-wipes
> Remembered mother's words and thought I had to throw away used shit paper just like with wet wipes
> Always saw TP in trash cans at other peoples' houses so never questioned
> Certainty of trash cans before shitting; otherwise I'd hold it
> Took loads of shits this way at family members' houses, friend's houses, etc.
> Realize now how many relatives and friends/families probably found my shit papers face-up in the trash can next time they went to poop and thought "wtf"
> Never took public shits because the idea made me uncomfortable anyway
> Emergency number 2 at church one Sunday when I was 9
> Walked in and spotted trash can near entrance
> All systems are go
> Diarrhea'd everywhere
> Collected my 3 wads of very visibly shit-stained paper after finishing
> Opened stall and rounded corner toward entrance/trash can
> Noticed adult washing hands at sink to my left
> actcasual.webm
> Whistling quietly to self as I walked by
> Whistling stops
> Notice his eyes narrow on my shit stained paper through the corner of my eye; then widen into inquisitive look
> He stares incredulously at me and even stops to glance back at me before leaving the bathroom
> The greatest day of my life was when I was 11 years old and realized that flushing TP was not going to wreck the toilet
> No longer carry used feces paper around in random bathrooms looking for trash cans

Kek

lol

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1000 keks. I did some pretty autistic shit as a kid too, you got nothing on me

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That's like the kind of shit you can't even admit to your friends OP

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i heard somalians do that because of a cultural thing

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Was working as a receptionist at a busy office, but was having financial problems because I'd recently been evicted. As a result, I couldn't afford to do laundry at the laundromat and was washing my clothes in the sink with soap and water. I guess I wasn't doing a very good job because I got called into the supervisor's office and was told to go home and bathe because of repeated complaints that I stank.

The worst part was having to come back after going home and showering, knowing everyone knew the reason I'd been sent home.

That makes me feel about 1% better. I can never go to that church again

Indians do this. Their underdeveloped loos can handle poo but not paper.

>back in highschool me and a good buddy decide to do shrooms
>a few hours into the trip, its around midnight
>we decide to smoke a couple bowls, grab our shitty jury-rigged soda can pipe and head to our usual nighttime spot, the public pool
>always go into the far back, behind some plants
>after we start smoking see some oldass lady walking up the ramp to the pools gate
>we get noided and hide the weed stuff
>she slowly goes around the pool and straight up to us
>asks what we're doing
>for whatever reason friend replies that we live here
>she kinda stares at us for a second then says I'm just tryna smoke a bowl
>she sits down next to us and we smoke weed and chat up this random bitch who mustve been at least 70
>immedietly after leaving almost die trying to drive to mcdonalds

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Bump

i'm stoned rn & this is hilarious
Post your funniest shit

I get this feeling whenever I'm super high/catatonic as well, feels bad man

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Reminds me of the Sup Forumstard who posted here about losing his job because he was doing a presentation on a projector and a Captcha popped up on the website he was using. He "niggerized" it without thinking right up on the screen in front of everyone.

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Damn man. That's tough.

> be me, 8 years old
> camping in the desert
> really need to poop
> family brought pic related
> jumped on loo and doing the poo
> something pokes my butthole
> stand up and look in the toilet
> giant black and orange beetles are everywhere inside
> didn't notice because I sat down so fast
> scream my head off

And that's how I lost my anal virginity to a monstrous dung beetle

samefag

>> Only child
>> Potty-training age
>> Adoptive mom kept wet-wipes in "my" bathroom and showed me how to use them
>> "Never flush these or you'll wreck the toilet, user"
>> Strict mom so afraid to disobey
>> Liked how they felt so always used them
>> Threw dirty ones in trash like she said to do
>> Got older and suddenly just TP around
>> She never mentioned toilet paper to me, only wet-wipes
>> Remembered mother's words and thought I had to throw away used shit paper just like with wet wipes
>> Always saw TP in trash cans at other peoples' houses so never questioned
>> Certainty of trash cans before shitting; otherwise I'd hold it
>> Took loads of shits this way at family members' houses, friend's houses, etc.
>> Realize now how many relatives and friends/families probably found my shit papers face-up in the trash can next time they went to poop and thought "wtf"
>> Never took public shits because the idea made me uncomfortable anyway
>> Emergency number 2 at church one Sunday when I was 9
>> Walked in and spotted trash can near entrance
>> All systems are go
>> Diarrhea'd everywhere
>> Collected my 3 wads of very visibly shit-stained paper after finishing
>> Opened stall and rounded corner toward entrance/trash can
>> Noticed adult washing hands at sink to my left
>> actcasual.webm
>> Whistling quietly to self as I walked by
>> Whistling stops
>> Notice his eyes narrow on my shit stained paper through the corner of my eye; then widen into inquisitive look
>> He stares incredulously at me and even stops to glance back at me before leaving the bathroom
>> The greatest day of my life was when I was 11 years old and realized that flushing TP was not going to wreck the toilet
>> No longer carry used feces paper around in random bathrooms looking for trash cans
>sink adults were using was actually holy water for baptisms

I had similar but different TP problems

>Be me in middle school
>Don't wipe my ass properly my whole life
>Get by with some lucky poops that don't ruin my life, try to clean up as best as I can but I know I'm doing it wrong
>I don't even get how to do it and there's always soooo much fucking shit to wipe from my ass
>Miraculously, I'm a moderately popular kid in my middle school years hiding this terrible secret
>My ass is always a muddy fucking mess after every shit and I have no idea why it's so bad
>My technique was basically wiping a bit and then just stuffing my ass full of toilet paper hoping I didn't get skidmarks
>This went on until I was like 13
>One day decide I'm retarded and I really need to learn how the fuck to actually wipe my ass
>Problem is mostly fixed, no more stuffing ass with toilet paper after wiping

To this day I still get minor issues with it where I can wipe my ass for like 30 fucking minutes, bone dry, no brown on the paper, and later on I will STILL out of nowhere get skid marks. But it's pretty rare. Happens like once every 3 months now where it used to happen constantly.

How does one "niggerize" a captcha?

Are you Andy Dwyer?

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>Get with first girlfriend in a while
>Still a virgin
>Have a major foot fetish
>Girl is shy and has never been with someone
>Immature and playful
>As a joke she puts her foot in my face and tells me to smell it
>I back away and she continues
>Holding my cock between my thighs I avoid it again
>She rams me down with her foot to my face
>I take a sniff and instantly feel amazing
>Nut in my boxers and my bulge is visible
>She sees it and looks shocked
>She's not bright about sexual things yet so has no idea what she did

I had to sit there and explain how feet for me horny and she had just made me bust in my boxers unintentionally the first time

She's a totally submissive slut now though

Disgusting.

>foot fetishist

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