Hey Sup Forums

Hey Sup Forums,

Any tips on how to fix an f'd up heart? I tried to write things down on /adv/ but sadly to little avail. Can copy the whole story if anyone's interested, it's quite a long one.

Buy a new one

I saved some money recently, now the question is

Buy guitarro or buy heart

Also not interested

Go for it.

I wrote this in a vent thread, it's letter-style.

Your family thought low of me because of my age and beliefs, and seriously hampered the atmosphere of your daily life by doing everything they could to get us to abandon the relationship we had so carefully (and, in the beginning, awkwardly and slowly) built up. We both were attached to each other in a way I think we still can't really put into words, but it suffices to say that we could depend on each other at all times, and never felt any love like this before. We spent years talking to each other with genuine interest, whether it was about music, our beliefs, the way we thought we could make the world a nicer place, and trying to provide support and advice in each others hard times. We were each others best friends, and the type of love that came from it was one I believed to be movie material only. We both had difficult pasts, but found a will to go on in each other. After an awkward first kiss that felt like a gigantic relief after all these years, we were both so blown away all we could do was talk more, and more. Times of pure ecstasy followed, still unmatched to anything this day.

I remember when you left to study in Korea for 6 months a while later. As I was still young, I was frightened by what the voyage could change about you, but at the same time excited for you to see all the things the world has to offer. As I asked you if I could come say goodbye to you at the airport, your father (who would drive you there, a 4 hour drive, unable to be done by anyone else at the time) got into a fit of rage and told me that if I wanted to come along, he wouldn't drive and would prevent the whole family, including your two young brothers, from saying goodbye. According to him, it was a family affair to say goodbye, something I shouldn't be part of. The days after are vague to me, despite remembering you begging me to stay home for the sake of your family.

I abided to your request, and spent the day of your departure crying in my room, not understanding what was wrong about me that made it so hard for them to bear me. In our years before and during the relationship, I tried to help you with your difficult family whenever a problem arose, and was massively emotionally invested in your situation. I did my best to be the best boyfriend and man I could to make your father and mother happy about and proud of their daughter. Time upon time, I was told I was 'the son of the devil', problematic to your development, and someone not to be trusted. I didn't understand. Young and with a naive but loving heart, I did all I could to change their minds and prove them I loved you more than anything else. I failed to realise the problem wasn't with me and couldn't be changed, but was with their mindset, a form of overprotectiveness that rejected everyone that wasn't 100% optimal in any way. In the process of completely abandoning my self-respect and self-worth for the approval of your parents, I started losing my emotional stability as I invested more time in trying to help you.

During your time in Korea, everything was great. We sent each other letters, little food packages, and used Skype to talk during the evenings. These sessions would often end up in all-nighters for me (or you) because of time zone differences, but we loved it. When you got back, we jumped into each others arms, happy to see each other as we were. Regardless, problems in your family started growing bigger. Your father became unemployed, and often screamed at his wife or sons while maintaining a belittling and patronising attitude towards you, despite you being 19. As we lived our lives together again and hung out more often, your father threathened to leave your mother if you wouldn't leave me, and kept on belittling me, emotionally abusing you and me, and never saying a word whenever I came to visit. This resulted in an inferiority complex.

Eventually, the problems became too much, and we ended up in arguments about things we realistically wouldn't even want to argue about, but just did because of the stress and frustration of the situation. You started performing worse and worse at school, I started picking up unhealthy habits like smoking and depressive thinking due to thinking I'd never be good enough while still loving the hell out of you. We both wanted it to be over and live happily like we had in the beginning days, but failed to realise it was already too late. Your father had talked you into believing I was the factor that drove your family apart, and I, emotionally broken because of all these pressurizing (and, I can assure you, terrifying things) being put on me, our first amazing and fun conversations turned into heated arguments about 'solutions' to the problem. You started caring less and less, and I got more desperate to convince you all I wanted was to help and love you. In fits of rage, we broke up twice, but quickly after realised we simply needed each other and still cared after all. The last time we got together, your father wasn't allowed to know and your mom tried to help to keep it a secret. Arguments became prevalent once more, and your mother brought us to a psychologist to talk about the family situation and my role as a boyfriend. This is the point that I broke down entirely. Your psychologist had been called before by your father, who found out about us and spread words about how 'bad and evil' I was, and essentially the person supposed to help us completely destroyed me in front of the person I loved. All I saw in her eyes was agreement, and it broke me down entirely.

I realised he had done it. The pressuring had worked, you wanted to get rid of me for the sake of peace.

For a couple weeks, you still wanted to have sex, but became emotionally distant and slowly shut down all the memories we had made over the past 2 years.

As we sat down in park during night one day, we tried to talk about the problems we had both noticed were there, and tried to find out if there was a possibility we could fix this up. We had faint dreams about living together one day to simply get rid of the pressure her family put on us, but she was more and more convinced it would simply be better to leave the whole thing hanging. As we sat there discussing it all, her father 'caught' us, and came up to us with a speed I haven't seen before in my life. He started shouting insults at me, calling me a cancerous person, piece of shit, and violently trying to pull his daughter away. He threathened to beat me (mind you, a 17-year old with a really naive, soft heart) with a baseball bat if I followed. You started screaming in panic and disbelief, and I ran after you in complete shock and emotional overflow. Your father violently pushed you away from me, and threw punches at me. I followed you still, trembling on my feet, as I saw you walking back. Your mother came out of the house, screaming at you and taking you inside. Your father insulted me more and told me to never get close to you again. You were taken inside and I could hear the screaming continue for a solid 20 minutes, being unable to move in absolute panic and mental instability. Then, your father came out with a baseball bat. He had seen me, and ran after me until I was almost home again. I arrived at my mother's completely in tears, with a look in my eyes she said she never saw before. Later that night, you called me to tell me you were breaking up.

Fast forward to now. I'm an emotionally broken 20-something that doesn't know how to deal with feeling of inadequacy, the love of his life being taken away by her family, and lives his life feeling like a ghost from the past. We tried to talk a little while back, but all you said is that you wanted to 'friendzone me before anything happened'. It's like you were an entirely new person.

Last part.

I've heard my friends and people who know you say what you've changed into. You're a party girl living her life loosely now, apparently bedding guys in the blink of an eye. Whatever got into you, I want you to know I don't blame you. It's been an incredibly tough situation that put permanent marks on the both of us. Neither of us is really to blame, but I feel like I can't live with what happened. To see something so beautiful be completely destroyed without reason, to see all this blackmailing happen (and even -work- in the end), to see all the conflicts and sadness come from something we both valued so deeply.

It's over now, you've told me a hundred times I'm sure. But there's not a day I think of you, sometimes about your beautiful smile and all the great things we could share with each other, sometimes about the way you kicked me down when I was emotionally broken, but always with a sense of craving. As an unsolved puzzle, I'll walk by life wondering why I was so recklessly invested in a hopeless cause. And as an unsolved puzzle, you will probably walk by life wondering whether it was me, you, or your family that permanently put an end to who I used to be.

Sounds sad Sup Forumsruh.
couldn't help but get the feeling that she was saying different things to her parents.

That's actually entirely possible, her family was always very secretive. None of the children were allowed to talk about the home situation, and I've noticed (when things started going bad) she started lying or being secretive about some rather important topics. A couple friends suspected her of cheating at the lowest point, which I refused to believe in because well.. naivity? Either way, I learned a lesson or two about trust~

Nothing you can do about it. It's a choice thats made in the past.

Maybe a different selection of women?

There's some real fucky shit going on.

I'd say move on, easier said than done.
Or forget it but I know.
Delete the memory?

Kinda hard to forget a traumatic experience.

Minor jerry springer drama. But as you can hear from your friends. She turned into what she wanted to be.

Maybe coax her into porn if she likes the D

Truthfully, she was probably always like that.
Red flags motherfucker, red flags.

i didnt read all your whiny shit, but you have the choice to continue being a beta faggot or not

if you choose 'not', then dont get in a serious relationship until age 35 with a girl whos 22-25

Huh?

Right. I think it's something that got into her or became more clear to me over time. When we just started off I basically only knew her family was problematic, but she'd always (acted like) she was just an ordinary kid like me looking for someone to share their journey through life with. In hindsight, there were a million red flags and I should've dodged them, but I fell for the whole 'fix it and live a good life'-meme resulting in.. well.. whiny-ass stuff and traumas haunting me. Either way, your point stands, I think you're right.

Can you tell me what you think of 22-25 y/o girls?

But the sex though.
Thats what I was like at that age.

The pussy blinded you dog.

theyre old enough not to be fully retarded, yet young enough to have few kids with before the kids start becoming autistic

anything younger and you'll probably get divorced, anything older and your kids will be retarded and you'll have an old used up wife

Well, I gotta hand it to her. She was amazing at it. Shared our first time, so we were basically just 100% attuned to what the other liked. She digged the sex a lot. I did too, but I think I was generally just blinded by her innocent-ish face and trying to whiteknight people hating on her. Didn't want to see there was a message of truth behind all of it.

Guess that's true. Might sound stupid though, but the whole college party life is something I don't really dig in girls. I was really just hoping I could be with one person and cruise through that period. Gonna try my hand on just living by myself and enjoy the heck out of life

lmao women can lie about virginity. Not that you should really care, but the chances of that- with all the things you've said- are slim.

the more you want a girl, the less you'll find one

the more you have fun and live your own life, the more girls will want you (as long as youre not just sitting inside playing video games)

but improve yourself and the women will flock to you

You're a mentally older dude- You seem like you're not done with heartbreak. Wait- You just wait- remember this post if your shit gets angry.

I mean, it's not that I'd care about it being taken by someone else as much as I'd just feel more like my trust was betrayed even more. Every insight you guys give me just makes me realise more and more how much I was tricked. Kinda sad it ruined my trust in people for so long (up to a point where it still affects me today)

Sound advice. These are the replies that make a difference, as simple as they may be, it's just motivating to hear. Thanks!

Lighten up dude- It not like you havent lied before.

Thanks, I appreciate the kindness. I'm indeed far from being done with it, despite realising very well that I've been tricked for a longer time now. It's just the emotional attachment from before I realised that that still sticks

This is kind of a scale that goes undefeated to this day. I can handle people bullshitting about stuff, this is just next level.

Fill your time with other things, distract yourself. Go travel. Make some cash. People naturally are inclined to take the path of leeast resistance.

When you want to party- you need money.
College frats and people in that scene usually spend more on partying than other things. NEEDED. Solution?
Use yourself to get what you want.

There is a group of women out there, the only way you can 'keep' them around is by getting them preggo.
Promises of a white picket fence lifestyle doesnt appeal to them. So if you're at a party looking for a soulmate- you're in the wrong place partner.

I'd go on a women hate rampage- but I dont hate them- I know plenty of nice women but they're not for me.

Women like the chase. Like to feel important. Like a human would. But there are signs that you might just be into hoes.

Intense self searching is what is needed. Smile more. Even though it might seem fake. Hoes will be Hoes. But dont expect a hoe to fall on your lap. Or the housewife you're looking for.

Move on, all women are whores, and as edgy as this sounds, all people are shit, you only have yourself, people around you are happy you are doing bad. Stop being a beta and move on

I think you might've misunderstood what I meant. I tried to point out I'm not looking for the typical party girls and actually don't at all dig hoe-types. I'm genuinely looking for girls with chill vibes that for once feel like relationships are meant to get two people to thrive together instead of just FWB'ing it and then calling that #couplegoals. Regardless of that, I appreciate what you wrote. Because I felt like shit when it just happened I kinda let myself go and picked up some bad habits, but right now I'm working on finding things to be distracted with. Also picked up a copy of the Dhammapada to work on personal improvement, and planning on releasing my second EP soon. I'd love to go travelling but at the moment my university doesn't really allow for lots of time to spend on making/saving money.

All will be good in due time, but wake-up calls are definitely a necessity to keep going at the moment.

Thanks for your input!

I think this is the kind of opinion I'd hold if I stayed stuck in the place I was when all of this just happened. I firmly believe we have only ourselves to work with now, but I refuse to believe there's solely shit people around. Just looking on boards like /adv/ it's becoming clear to me I'm not the only one looking for something genuine in today's mess of selfie-culture, hook-ups, and calling women hoes on the regular. You might think that's beta, but then again, you're browsing Sup Forums.