A Good Friend

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I cut your father's legs off and left him to burn to death?

He was a good friend.

So what did he talk to Qui-gonn about?

So was I

also the light saber you're holding right now was used to murder 30 children

it is an elegant weapon for a more civilized age

>Ah yes, Qui-gonn. He was a good friend too. But he was not Annie. Now there was a friend. Qui-gonn taught me everything I know about bitches. That is why I am still a virgin at 62.

kek

and abstinence makes a 50 yr old man look 70

>Luke
>Have I ever told you about how I escaped a planet of 20 or so pilots, a handful of bureaucrats and an underwater civilization of cartoon rabbits?
>Cruising through the blockade set up by battleships owned by the """"Trade"""" federation our ship was damaged
>We had to crash land on tattooine, yes this very planet
>My master Qui Gon went out to find the parts for the ship while me and the guard protected the queen on aboard her ship
>Only the queen went out as a decoy, that's right, my master took a girl, a slow moving droid and a cartoon rabbit downtown to in his own words "not draw attention"
>He then reportedly went to one of the smaller dealers first where we was scammed by a hebrew called Wattowitz using an older than dirt sales trick on Qui Qon making him believe he was the only one who had the part
>Here he met with young Anakin who was a slave back then and there
>Using mind tricks on Wattstein didn't work but neither did Qui Qon change up the currency somewhere else
>Infact he conducted a plan to help young Anakin and help him to escape this captive life.
>He made a bet that Anakin wouldn't die a gruesome death in a podrace.
>After my master died a lot of banther ensued offscreen while on screen we mostly complained about each other when Anakin became my pupil
>A decade later I cut off his legs and watched him die on a volcanic hill
>And he was a good friend

...

About how to become one with the force.

There's actually a deleted scene where "qui-gonn" is talking to him in episode 3. It's fucking horrible.

t. mr. plinkett

>Luke, did I ever tell you about how these blast points are too accurate for sand people? Even though a Tusken Raider hit a podracer from well over 300ft away? I was a senile friend

>"That's it Luke, just put the light saber in your eye and you too will be a Jedi, just like your father".

>Luke did I ever tell you that Jedi can use super speed but we only used it once to avoid battle droid fire 30 years ago. It was a good skill.

>49 times, we fought that beast. Your old man and me. It had a chicken head with duck feet, with a woman's face too. And it was waiting in the bushes for us, then it ripped off your dad's face. He was screaming something awful. In fact there was this huge mess, and I had to change the floors.

>"Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend."

That was Darth Vader not Anakin Skywalker

What the fuck is wrong with Anakin's eyes?

>Luke did I ever tell you about the time you were born? Shortly after, your mother died of grief. You and your sister were good kids.

Bane

I have no idea how I didn't stumble upon this before, but it's fucking ace.

>Mace Window

i laff eferytim

Sith eyes

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the jew alien that enslaved your father? He was a good friend.

ikr I've listened to it a stupid amount of times, over 49 at least

>the floors?

>You see, his blood it drained into the boards,
And I had to chaaange 'em. But we all got a Chicken-Duck-Woman thing waiting for us!

Why is there no floor is lava joke in the song, rly makes you think!

...

for you

>luke did i ever tell you...?
>for you
This doesn't add up

>He was a good friend
>for you

Thanks, I have found peace now

> Luke, did I ever tell you how two of the last Jedi left allowed an omnicidal racist evil sorceror to opress the galaxy for decades while hoping that, somehow, some dirt poor farmer we didn't even bother to train would somehow defeat his evil cyborg father who was the chosen one and has been killing shit, with some of them being Jedi masters, since he was 10 and his master, the most powerful member of their evil cult in all of galactic history? It was a good plan.

>Luke
>Did you know
>An order of 300 jedi got exterminated once order 66 got executed
>And he was a good thread

I was trolling but thanks

>also the light saber you're holding right now was used to murder 30 children

>a lot of banther ensued
KEK

>Ray, did I ever tell you how my father used that lightsaber to cut a nigger's arm? Maybe allowing your black friend to use it was a little unsensitive.

*insensitive

These are honestly the best threads on Sup Forums

These and Sheev threads

Say what you want about the prequels but Sup Forums thrives off of the content they produced.

>RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH I HATE YOU, DONT FORGET TO GIVE MY LIGHTSABER TO MY SON RUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAGH

Thinking back, it's hilarious how Wattowitz wasn't affected by jedi mindtricks.

>luke did I ever tell you about the time yer old man threw a hissy fit coz he never go to be a jedi.

>luke did I ever tell you about when yer old man force choked yer mum out , he was a wife beater and a good friend.

That was amazing

> Did I tell you about the time when everyone in the Jedi council was worried that your father was about to turn to the darkside as he was showing symptoms of becoming evil and instead of keeping me, his master, to look over him and care for him, Master Yoda sent me off on a mission where I rode on a giant lizard and thought a giant 4 armed robot by jumping right into the middle of his army and just happened to not be gunned down by 1000 droids at once.
All the while Yoda allowed the dark spirited soul that was your father to spend time with a woman we all suspected he was having an affair with and allowing him to speak to that very suspicious chancellor who now I think about it, sounds a lot like the emperor. Anyway, Your Father went to commit genocide, kill your mother & have his legs chopped off and have his body burnt to a crisp by me. I eventually took you and your twin sister, who now I think about it, I haven't told you about yet, to different parts of the galaxy. You where your father was born and raised and your sister to be given to royalty and mothered by a barren queen.
Also, I made sure that you would keep the same name as your father, Skywalker, as a way of making sure that your father would never find you. As yes, your father - He was a good friend

>Luke, as your father - or the little bitch he had become - stood below me and threatened me, I told him to stop as I had the higher ground and it was no use to come at me.
>Even though I once killed my own master Qui-Gonn's killer while dangling from a thingie even lower and force jumped like a boss and sliced that motherfucker in twine.
>Let me add, your father was a way better warrior than me. But his force jump was more like a hippitie-hop of faggoty proportions compared to my epic vertical leap.
>I was so disappointed in my student's weak little skippedeedoo I fucking cut off his limbs and left him to die in a pool of lava.
>Anyway here's his saber.

her face is literally prrfect here. How is she so cute,bros?

The Force is what gives Rey her qtness

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I'm going to pause to catch my breathe but your father will still decapitate me anyway?

> Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was a super-acrobatic evil Sith assassin who killed my master and then got killed by me, even though it was over because he had the higher ground. Some years later he came back as an evil cyborg, but not just a regular shitty cyborg like your father but a magical evil voodo cyborg. He joined forces with his brother no one had ever heard about and killed my waifu. Then he just kind of dissapeared, but he will probably get shoehorned into future events somehow, maybe by fighting you as a solid hologram or some stupid shit like that. He was a good friend.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time Master Yoda fought against Emperor Palpatine? They were almost equal in power and Yoda even managed to reflect that Force Lighting thing that the Emperor likes to do to people back at him, but he got knocked back and decided he wasn't ready so he fucked off from there and made plans to wait 20 years while Palpatine fucked up the galaxy till a teenager would show up and he would train him for like 2 weeks. Because, apparently, a farmer with barely any training stands a higher chance of killing Palpatine than a 900 yo Jedi Master. He was a good a friend.

>> Luke, did I ever tell you about the time your edgy and rebellous father jumped from a flying vehicle in the middle of Coruscants traffic so he could chase an assassin hired to kill your mother, Senator Padme Amidala? Did I tell you how he managed to land without a scratch from a few hundred meters fall? He was a good but stubborn friend.

I laughed all the way through.