Tard stories thread.
>Be me
>16
>Mother forces me to go to a summer job
>Makes me volunteer to this Christian tard place
>"Sure I can deal with some downies"
>Go there
>Tards are absolutely fucked
>Disfigured and twisted
>No human speech is heard other than the prayers of the caretakers as they hold these things in their hands
>I have to feed them
>They have names
>One of them was called George
>Not sure where to put spoon of food
>Teeth are everywhere
>Lillie kept screeching, her arms and legs were bent all around, spine was also hideously curved
>Stay in the same facility as these monsters for 2 months
>Third month rolls in
>almostover.jpg
>By the end of the third month something finally happens
>George's older brother had given him half a heated kidney bean or something (enough to not kill George)
Cont?
Tard stories thread
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no.
cmon OP deliver
this
this is kind of why I'm pro abortion.
you know down syndrome has pretty much disappeared in Iceland because women there just abort the pregnancy when tests show its going to be a down baby.
Fuck off we don't get enough tard stories anymore.
agreed
deliver or i will hunt you down and kill you
>George pukes
>Shits himself
>Pukes again
Rinse and repeat until room is contaminated
>His parents come
>I have to clean up
>Smells like pure death
>Try my best not to leave any of that septic stuff
>3 buckets full of this waste and water
>Mop is unusable
>Manifest idea
no
Why not, go ahead OP
bump
please pretype next time OP
...
Part III
>Hide buckets in an empty locker
>When going home go to a hardware and gardening store and pick up one of those plastic barrel things that have the little tap on the side
>Next day
>1 week left
>School starts in 2
>Transfer as much fermented tard shitpuke as I can
>2 buckets
>Can't let them go to waste
>Smell is too pungent
>End up spilling it out in the yard during the children's nap time
>6pm parents gag as they come to pick up their children
>Priceless
>Go home with a small plastic tap barrel full of tard juice
gettin good
lurkn
Part IV
>Be in my room
>3 febreeze cans emptied just in case
>Barrel remains in closet
>1st day of school
>School is quite poor
>In the basement there's a water supply for the drinking fountains
>Use the tap on the barrel to fill up a bunch of water balloons with tardjuice
>The rest I dump into the water supply via piping the next day
this didn't happen
>ohshit.jpg
Holy shit OP why you taking so long
I am a special ed teacher, heres a few crazy stories
> have student who is wheelchair bound for 13 years
> student gets surgery, can walk now, but must watch his diet or his surgery "wont take" and he will be back in the chair
> student, before this point in his life, ate a ton of bread and sugary stuff, now can only eat vegetables. non-verbal, so gets mad when but cant really express it outside of angry faces/motions
> leaving cafeteria one day and another kid is driving me fucking crazy. have tos pend a ton of energy watching him instead.
> student on a diet manages to steal bread from the trash can
> student locks himself in bathroom to hide that he is eating bread, eats it too fast, chokes and passes out
> about twenty minutes go by, im like fuck R is taking a BIIIG dump and the teachers are cracking up
> ten more minutes, panic sets in
> unlock door, hes doubled over on the floor, not moving, bright red/purple
> perform CPR, he lives
story 2
> student "Y" has this one syndrome i forget the name of, but its a severe autism that makes him very violent. his mother has it too
> another student "M" is autistic as well and she sings virtually 33% of all of the day. not words, just sounds. and its not particularly b ad, ive gotten used to it and its sort of soothing in a way
> student Y HATES it, cannot STAND IT
> one morning we are sitting down eating breakfast and M is singing, not eating, its driving Y crazy
> student Y grabs M's braids
> think nothing of it
> with retard strength (i dont use this term lightly, not all of them have it, but Y does), he pulls her head full fucking force, down onto the table and breaks her glasses, they fucking shatter, and they cut her face up, her head is also split open
> M is covered in blood, still singing btw, cuz im sure its a nerves kind of thing
> control Y
> later on that day, M was letting Y feel her tits, thru her bloodstained shirt
maybe not the funniest stuff. its a hard job tbh
Alright this is where I call bullshit
Part V
>5-10 waterballoons of tardjuice left
>Also had 1 water bottle just in case
>Formulate idea
>Day 4 of school
>Bring 3 bottles
>Bleach, Ammonia, Tardjuice
>Do my superglue firecracker to side of bottle
>Go into cafeteria 1 minute before everyone bursts in
>Dump half the tardjuice bottle In cafeteria drinking fountain
>Transfer in some bleach
>Smell makes me gag
>About 25 seconds left
>Mix in ammonia
>Shake
>Light firecracker
>Everyone bursts in
>Panic ensues for a good 4 seconds as someone yells "BOMB"
>Everyone in my class already knew I went in there early
>Zip out the room
>Bang
>Screaming and maybe even someone vomiting can be heard
>Door instantly opens everyone runs out
>Suspected, suspended, expelled
Op is fucking retarded
huh, better than OP's. I couldn't imagine doing shit like that.
OP here, nothing happened. Not gonna waste my time elaborating.
>be in 5th grade
>teachers made all of us read to kindergarteners.
>every 5th grader was assigned one kindergartener
>got assigned to the retard
>through out the school year had to deal with the little tarts shit
>would never read and when I asked him to read with me he would lock himself in the little bathroom they had
>everyone else was laughing and having fun while I had to deal with a fucking downie
this reads a lot less fictional than OP's story
Yes, I watch Fox News too.
they always pair the mentally retarded up
what?
Shit, man. When I was in 8th grade they always brought in the tards when I had physical education, they always fucking sat under the baskets.
Final part
>Water balloons give in
>Room smells like shit for about a month
>"Not gonna waste my time elaborating" (Dumping via piping)
>Let me elaborate
>By piping I meant hose
>Water supply is basically a huge water tank with a small cover on top
>Water supply wasn't actually used that day
The only reason I added it in was to make it clear that I had lost a huge portion of the juice
i mean its not fiction lol. its a crazy job bro, every day there is some crazy shit going down. one of my coworkers got arrested because she assaulted one of the children. i wont say how becuase it would be identifying
your fake story is retarded. It sounds funny in your head, but it's just cringey. You're a perfect retard story BTW.
more I find this shit fascinating.
kid, you need social skills to tell a convincing lie
...
Near Chicago? I heard that those schools can get pretty damn crazy. Well, seems less like a school and more like day-care for special needs people. I knew a gal who told me she quit something like that because of low-pay/high expectations bullshit, said it caused her to reevaluate her career path.
> be me, teaching at middle school this time, helping end of year cuz they lost a worker and i was asked to help
> meeting all the students
> girl name S is wheelchair bound, no motor control of mouth, short arms, but very intelligent. like, is profoundly physically disabled but actually really intelligent
*it should be noted that this kind of combination is REALLY rare (that level of physical disability is usually accompanied by other stuff)*
> S wants to play checkers, the other teachers intentionally withold that she is pretty smart
> get defeated in checkers by someone who is drooling like two cups an hour
> rematch.jpg, this time i wont go easy and i remember the rules better
> fucking defeated again
> mfw the other teachers didnt tell me how smart she was for like two weeks, and i figured it out because she wrote me a really nice letter about how i was a great teacher and how she was really happy i taught her soccer even though she couldnt play well in her chair
really a good moment for me, i realized i didnt lose to a sub100 IQ checkers player AND was she was really genuinely appreciativ
Texas
I am actually paid pretty well, but Texas is an exception. They pay their teachers pretty well here, compared to say, Colorado (a difference of about 15K a year)
The quality of the schools is horrible, however. This particular school has water coming out of the faucets that is brown/undrinkable, broken toilet seats, rodents, everything.
Op is a fag. Here's my story:
>Be me
>Around 17
>Qt girl
>We're good friends
>She's one of those people
>The ones that care about everything and everyone
>She constantly volunteers for everything
>My autistic mind wants to impress her
>She volunteers for a tard camp
>I do too
>We both get different schedules
>She worked in May, I did August
>Kids are a bunch of tards, typical shit, downies and so on
>One of these kids was more special than the others
>Richard
>Midget 15 year old downie with severe overbite
>I have to help out in the kitchen, help with simple maintenance and entertain the tards
>Richard made everything a living hell
>Richard was incredibly fast and violent
>Within a day he has asserted his dominance
>Something's happening among the tards
Cont?
>I worked in a group home for a year
> filled with adult tards
> working the over night shift with a black women
> house has three floors
> we start to hear weird noises
> black women and I look at each other. No idea what the weird noise is
> we start up the stairs and the noise starts getting louder
> we start up to the third floor. The sound now sounds like a cat getting ready to fight . That real weird moaning kind of sound.
> we're wondering how a fucking cat got in the house.
> get to the third floor and it's louder but we still can't find where it's coming from
> we go to the attic stairs
> motherfucking cat must have gotten in the chimney some how
> we quietly open the door to the attic stairs
> we know where in the right place
> I run and grab a towel to throw over the cat when we find it
> we creep up the stairs. We get to the top and see this retard boy banging the living shit out of retard girl and she's got her hand between her legs rubbing her pussy and moaning like a fucking cat
> black women and I look at each other again. We head downstairs. We don't get paid enough to pull the retards apart.
>
yep
>really a good moment for me, i realized i didnt lose to a sub100 IQ checkers player
you're fucking insecure, aren't ya?
>This particular school has water coming out of the faucets that is brown/undrinkable, broken toilet seats, rodents, everything.
What the actual fuck?! Who owns the school?
>tards watch porn for five seconds
>turns into a fuckfest
I genuinely wish this was fake. It happened when i was teaching at a high school a few years ago so I believe this completely.
if you lost two games of checkers back to back to someone who cant verbalize a word it might make you insecure
>During meals Richard would always receive more food than the other tards
>Richard would also go over to other tards aged near him (Downies) and he'd intimate them and take their food
>He always took the most food from the strongest tards
>He also bullied the smaller tards a lot
>One day Richard got mad at me for not giving him the bologna that I was carrying off to the kitchen
>Pushes me, I don't fall, he goes into an autistic fit of rage and in the process of throwing empty or weak punches he then takes a bowl of soup and dumps it on me
>Begin to hatch revenge plan
And this is why I'll never go into special ed. The IEP is bad enough
the state. it has been reported multiple times.
people wanna talk shit about flint michigan, which is fine, but bad water is a horrible, horrible issue in Texas for poor communities, and the schools are no exception
Totally. That may be tards but are horny as hell. There was another guy that we always had to reprimand for playing with himself ( not the girl fucker). Telling him every 5 minutes to get his hands out of his pants got old quick. What he lacked in intelligence he made up for in cock size. He had to be close to 12 inches and thick. He was a black yard of course
as someone from a country where cracks in a school wall constitute a scandal this is really fucking weird
what's going on in the lone star state? no money?
our governor has rejected funds from the federal government year after year, and school districts here are self governing bodies. they rely on bonds/taxes from local property to fund stuff. low tax revenue = no money. people who dont vote = bonds for education dont get passed. governor who grew up rich and is a rich fag = we stay poor
I am goign over to a friends place. I will try to answer questions best i can from mobile
Go on
>low tax revenue = no money. people who dont vote = bonds for education dont get passed. governor who grew up rich and is a rich fag = we stay poor
sounds like they do things in Zimbabwe
have fun at your friends place, I'm going to bed now, it's past 4 am
>be me on Tuesday
>at doctor to refill my prescription
>doc is taking forever to get me
>tard girl walks in, mom sits her down
>while mom is signing her in tard girl jumps up
>looks at an elderly lady
My doctor is one of the ones that give the old fucks their pain meds
>starts fucking screaming
"UUUEEEEIIIIIIHHHHHH!!!!!!" in the poor ladies face
>mom tells her to sit down and be quiet
"ukey"
>few minutes go by and tard pulls out a cellphone and looks at me
>she's looking at pictures of Pokémon, must have seen me playing showdown on my phone
>starts screaming at me now
"LUUUUUUUUK!!!! HEEEHEEEHEEE"
>mom continues to try to quiet tard
>tard ignores and starts squealing incessantly
>feel like my ear drums are about to bust
>grabs her mom's phone out of her hand and is Googling pictures on both phones
>mom tries to get phone back, tard smacks her hand away and screams louder
>dad shows up and tries to calm her down, tard takes his phone too
>tard now has 3 phones image searching pictures and squealing loudly
>start getting angry
>about to tell them to get the fuck out. Tell them their tard is scaring the old fucks and annoying me
>suddenly get called back to see doc
>sigh of relief
>doc spends an hour trying to convert me to Christianity before giving me my script
>Begin to convince Richard that he's "the big boss"
>It was a shopping day
>There was a supermarket and tards could go and buy things with their pocket money
>"Hey, Richard, you know what the others are afraid of?"
>I point at a DVD of Dr. Doolittle
>"This man"
>"If you put this next to you when you eat nobody will even dare to come near you"
>Richard was carrying around a Dr.Doolittle DVD everywhere with him until the next shopping day.
Cont?
Go on
>be me
>be in this stream
>youtube.com
>working a wage slave job in a gas station
>making coffee
>lady and tard come in, lady runs off to bathroom
>tard looks at me and start giggling
>"how you doing today?"
>tard responds by knocking the hot coffee pot off the burner
>pot shatters, tard gets cuts and burns
>lady hears the call of the potato and runs out
>starts yelling at me
I ended up getting fired.
its on Sup Forums no shit still a good story
Twas a terrible story
>Each week had 3 shopping days
>I convince Richard to buy more Dr. Doolittle DVDs
>I begin convincing him with autistic shit like "These DVDs are actually government experiments and that you can brainwash people with them"
>By the end of week 3 Richard is carrying around 9 copies of Dr. Doolittle
>I also have a copy
>Every time in the cafeteria I go around the tables showing the others my copy of Dr. Doolittle and saying things like:
>"Whoever has more than 3 of these DVDs is a villain and must be stopped"
>Richard has 9 copies of Dr. Doolittle on his table displayed like a fort
>During free time he keeps telling the other kids the things I've told him.
>Everyone begins to think that whoever has the DVDs will be an all powerful entity
Cont?
yeah is shit in full start was good
This gay straw man is the only way to make a Christian look smart in a fantasy world.
>Christian uses god of the gaps fallacy the entire time
>Athiest has language of 12 year old troll
>atheists don't have religious books
>they don't claim to know the origin of life they just think that you filling in ignorance or pack of information with "it was god then"
0/10 try again
I'm stoned so it fell apart at the end but you're still stupid
everyone would have died, you suck at story telling bud.
this is grate
Keep going
>highschool
>tards are inconceivable horrors
>get high all the time, run into tard
>thisthingshouldnotbe.jpg
>recoil in horror
>tell the girl I'm sweet on about how fucked up this thing was
>it was her sister
>cockblocked by tard kin
abort that mission if there's gonna be a downside, i say
atheism is the lack of trying to find meaning, or even the lack thereof. Only lazy teenagers are atheists.
Fox are anti-abortion what
>This didn't go according to plan
>Everyone was supposed to turn against Richard, but now everyone's fighting over the DVDs
>One of the tardguards manages to take away 4 of the copies
>5 copies left (6 with mine)
>Since I have to entertain the tards I organize a scavenger hunt with the support of other caretakers and staff
>I went to the supermarket and bought the remaining DVDs
>There were now 15 Dr. Doolittle DVDs on the premises
>I announce the scavenger hunt to the tards in the cafeteria
>Richard, in his autistic mind, thinking he's a movie villain or something, autistically says "I will have them all"
>I managed to take the 4 confiscated copies
>I have 10 copies, 5 remain lost because of tards
>Scavenger hunt gives me an idea
>As entertainer I dubbed week 4 as game week where tards to activities and compete for prizes
>I find other 5 Doolittle DVDs in bushes and under rocks and one was halfway buried
Continue?
>Be me
>high school junior year
>first class heard teacher looks like a viking and is one of the best teachers in the school
>forced to sit next to this tard during English 1st and 2nd period
>he wears a creeper hoodie and nike sweatpants
>smells like onions ohgodwhy.jpg
>cant move seats we are arranged by last name
>assume it's just because it was the first day of school he probably just woke up late
> Oh god was I wrong
continue?
Midland has some terrible water.
Yes
what amazes me is how much you guys do and how little you get paid for it. that's some fucked-up shit right there.
somebody doesn't have google i guess
it's because there's a lot of people actually willing to do that job. I don't meet very many people and I've personally met 2 tard wranglers.
Tard Olympics day
>They all compete for Doolittle DVDs
>Staff leave me to it
>First game was a regular footrace
>Chuckle at how pathetic Richard is with his stubby feet
>Other tards just sorta run forwards
>Winning tard recieved 2 DVDs
>Next game was tug of war
>Winning team's captain recieved a DVD
>Mediocre activity stuff
>All DVDs are distributed
>Tards have a fight
>Some other tard who I'll call Alex ends up forcing the DVDs out of others' hands and puts them in his pants swiftly
>He runs off
>Day before the final day
>I go to the store
>Find copy of Dr. Doolittle amongst other movies
>Buy it
>I painted the disk itself yellow
>In the cafeteria I pull out the 16th copy
>Disk is "golden"
>"If anyone here wants this DVD, you'll have to bring me the other 15"
>Someone's yelling at me
>Another personnel is telling me shit's going down in the bedrooms
Cont?
OF COURSE
This shit happened to my wife, once upon a time.
>Be her, teaching and shit
>Give the downers typical easy classwork
>One of the students is on the baseball team
Good idea, tards with metal sticks
>This student starts getting frustrated with his work
>He asks for help, so you try to help
>10 minutes passes and it's time to turn that shit in
>All baseball tard has is a bunch of dicks on his paper, besides the equation you did for him
>Tell him you will have to give it to the pricipal and fill out a write up
>Baseball tard starts frantically begging for you not to
Pleading skills 0
>Say you have to no matter what
>Baseball tard grabs bat from bag
>Start freaking out and press the emergency pager button
>Walk out into the hall to get away
>Baseball tard frantically beats the shit out of the "smart board"
>Baseball tard swings at you
Blocking level 69
>Bat hits you forearm instead of skull
>School police officer, across the hall, comes to the rescue
>Baseball tard gets kicked off the team and has to pay for the board, also gets 3 days of out of school suspension and has to take anger management with the guidance counselor.
>Tards are in the bedrooms
>Screeching, yelling trying to find the DVDs, damaging property in the process
>I can see Alex searching under his bed
>As Alex prepared to present me with the DVDs Richard pushes him
>Alex lands on the DVDs
>Silence
>DVDs are broken
>Richard bites and scratches and fucks up Alex. Alex is sent to hospital
>Parents heard about the ordeal
>Still have golden Doolittle DVD
>Visit Alex in the hospital
>Give him the DVD
The next week at school:
>Meet girl
>She heard about what happened
>She hates me now
>Family had to pay damages from the searching
>continue?
just tell the fucking story, ffs
>Alex is out of hospital
>Girl volunteered there again
>Apparently Alex carried the DVD everywhere.
>Also Richard was there (he apparently stays the whole summer there every year)
>She calls me a heartless jerk and that I need a soul
>From what I got out of her, Alex and Richard still fought over that DVD
>Day 2
>find out from friend who has shop class with him (vocational school) tard's name is Matt
>Matt is in the same outfit his hoodie still has pizza sauce from yesterday's school lunch
>he somehow smells worse than yesterday
>he takes off the hoodie
>HE IS WEARING A FUCKING RAGE FACE MEME SHIRT
>IT WAS 2014
>teach wants us to do ice breakers goes around asking everyone where they'd want to go on vacation picks me before tard
>I was coming down from a weeb phase at the time say japan
>Matt fucking growls at me
>apparently his dream vacation is go to japan and see Miku Hatsune preform live
>half the class is so confused 50% are chads on varsity football team wanabee gangsters and cholos
>i assume he is poor feel bad for him
> lunch comes around he's not poor he has a brand new windows 10 touchscreen laptop playing mincraft at full blast
>a cool tard offers him a box raisins
>he's shreiking he doesnt like raisins
>cool tard says calm down harry potter (he has greasy black hair and wears the potter glasses)
> more shreiking he hates harry potter
>have him in history right after lunch
>friend throws raising saying expelliamus
>lotsa growling
bout to pass out gonna continue tommorow
>be me
>senior year of high school
>normal day
>suddenly principal runs down the hall screaming
> DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY
>niggawut.jpg
Later found out 2 tards had gay sex in the bathroom. One ran off the grounds and they had to call to police.
we shouldn't let tards breed
seriously who put a seed in his mom?
Most retard story threads are like fluffy pony threads but with less gore.
Can you stop taking seriously shitposting
Fake and gay
>tard forgets he locked his own bathroom stall
>hear him say "oh no"
>door starts violently shaking
>see his tard face squeezing between the door and the frame
>he bends the hinges backwards
>the door doesn't even open that way
>after he pushes one foot out under his face the door breaks open
>he sets himself free
>YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY IM SO SKINNY
>tard follows me around open poo swim when I was softmore
That's it