Hey Sup Forums. I need you to help me find a painless way to get put on disability

Hey Sup Forums. I need you to help me find a painless way to get put on disability.
Preferably still with hands and eyesight for vidya.

sever lower vertebrae

then you wont be able to feel anything below the waist :D

tell us what you are trying to get out of first

how bad is your job. if its that miserable, maybe talk to your supervisor about changing positions.

Tell them that you're on Hot Fudge Enema Therapy

Changing positions is not an option now.

i was born with this and still can't get on disability because I can still walk. The office told me I have to hurt myself working in order to earn it.

Read up on a physocotic break with reality. Pretend to have one.

are there websites that have instructions on how to self harm?

try to carry boxes down the stairwell, trip, make sure you do a barrel roll.

This
>Thanks Satan

Claim you are just too traumatized to work anymore due to anxiety.

Get prescription for "medical" marijuana that way too.

PTSD

Fibromyalgia
Impossible to diagnose, treat, or disprove.
Can fake it as long as you want to.

chronic socialism. claim you're a social justice warrior and are oppressed and identify as a trans-queer. then go work at Google. you will make $120,000 every year to sit around bitching about patriarchy.

face tattoo

I think ill try that

That's how fatties get out of work.

A state of rest is natural.

Psychosis like Satan suggested. It worked for me. My life's been neat for 7 years.

It's pretty fucking self explanatory you colossal retard

This

non-epileptic attack disorder

They're seizures that aren't caused by epileptic activity and is actually a psychiatric issue. But people who get them cant work and can't drive and shit. All you gotta do is literally fake seizures in front of people to get diagnosed. I was getting tested for actual epilepsy and there were a bunch of people with "non epileptic attacks" who were on full government disability

mental disabilty but you gotta get a dr note and prove u get meds, try social aniexty disorder. a lot of hippie towns believe in that.
all you gotta do is smile at shit for no reason, dont make eye contact and barely answer any questions. like if they ask you ur name just smile and stare at them then look at the ground for awhile before answering

cool, soo far we have fibromyalgia, psycotic breaks with reality, and non- epileptic siezures.

Keep em coming.

grow the fuck up and stop being a drain on the system

Eat shit

just smoke weed, take a drug test the same day and say you are an adict, no need to lacerate yourself retard

This.
Lazy faggot.

Then they'll probably send me to some gay ass treatment facility

Literally go mcfucking kill yourself you probable-nigger

No, life is worth living comfortably

Huff bug spray, literally the easiest way.

Thats retarded

cunt

Well guys,

all this stuff seems like too much work.

I will just have to continue being a pro house sitter.