Hello, Sup Forums, this is Satan. I've decided to take an hour or so to answer your questions. Ask me anything

Hello, Sup Forums, this is Satan. I've decided to take an hour or so to answer your questions. Ask me anything.

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What's the bitch boy you possessed like or are you just a bitch?

I rarely possess anybody. Mostly the lesser demons prefer to do that.

Why are you such a Pussy?

"you think people would do that, just lie on the internet"

what I mean is your some larping homeboy and your not really satan at all

Believe what you want, it doesn't matter to me.

Michael, get off the computer.

What do you do with gays in hell

Why have you choose to indirectly take over the world instead of just take it over head on?

Do you fear the Jesus Warrior?

Being gay doesn't actually get you sent to Hell. As for gay rapists, we put them through the same treatment as straight rapists, only with considerably more sodomy.

The world's really already mine. And my job isn't conquest, it's testing mortals.

As much as I fear God

So what happens to straight rapists

What's your end game?

Do you run a shot milk farm

Hello Satan, am I going to hell? What is my first name?

What are my initials, Satan?

Glock in my closet. show that bitch the Benz now she drippin like a faucet

Satan can I make a deal with you so I can use dark magic to seduce women

They're forced to endure every rape they inflicted upon others.

Nope

Uncertain

user

Not even I know that yet.

Would you SUCK MY DICK?

ANYTHING

Depending on the circumstances, perhaps

Funny

Do you consider yourself not bad? Worst thing you've done?

Can I kill myself and not be tortured for eternity?

Do you ever plan to run a shota milk farm

Dude this place sucks donkey balls and not in the good way, when the fuck are you coming back to run the show? this god asshole is fucking the place up.

I'm not really evil, I just play a less-than-luxurious role in the universe

Hard to say, really?

No.

Yes, suicide does not automatically give you an eternity in Hell

I am always with you, user

Hey Satan my dog, so why do I have a demon chant random shit as they leave my body in the form of burps and belches? Am I a portal to hell?

Hi, just wanted to say love your work.

No, I think that's just Azazel goofing around again. I'll have a talk with him.

Thank you.

Are traps gay. Also is anal fisting okay

Favorite book? Any book you recommend?

Blowhole

Can I marry you

Why did you put Lizard people in the government?

Yes

If all involved parties are okay with it, then sure.

I rather enjoy The Tragedy of Doctor Faustus.

Sorry, user, but no.

I did not.

Aaw why not Satan?

What punishment did you give Hitler?

Cool man. Azazel seems to like Bellicheck.

Do you have mad amounts of weed in hell?

Would you say I should study Mandarin, Korean, or Japanese? I'm already conversational in Japanese, but have nostalgia for Korean and love Chinese characters.

what's your favorite language?

What's hell like for people that don't believe in god?

Satan: Was gods right hand man until the day he asked god "Why?"
why the fuck would you do that to your creation. God is a little spoiled brat a two faced turd. Satan is not such a bad guy, god has more of a body count and blames the devil

Ok so is all of this shit boiling up because the apocalypse is near or is it just gonna blow over. Also why do pennies exist?

how awesome would a nuclear hurricane eclipse be?

when do i die?

I'm simply not interested. Sorry.

He's suffering through everything his many victims and followers endured due to his actions. He has still not repented.

Oh, of course we do.

Might as well go with Mandarin.

German

Same as it is for everybody else. Your religion isn't a factor.

Not exactly how it went down.

None of us angels know exactly when the apocalypse will happen, but it's possible.

Poor planning and lack of foresight.

Pretty amazing.

I do not know. I am not omnipotent.

Soooo, why do you torture in hell? I mean yall could just chill with the people who didn't murder or rape and just got there for not believin or for doing a dumb deal with a lesser I mean what do you get from all the torturing? If you're turning them into mindless soldiers alright I understand but if not what's the point?

dude we died a long ass time ago

>Might as well go with Mandarin
Why? Seriously asking.

How do you coordinate people in groups of three walking slowly just in front of me? I swear it happens every time I go out. Can you stop?

Can I take advantage of loopholes if hopefully never I land I hell?

is being a furfag wrong or is it cool with you

Which is cuter big penises or tiny penises

So did you help Hitler and the Allies access occult technology aka majestic twelve/Vril ?

Also what color fur did my dog have ?

Is Donald J Trump, the anti Christ? Also, is he a time traveler?

who determines what is moral and what is not?

Daddy!?!?!?!
why haven't called?

hes black. duh!

God doesn't actually damn people for petty shit like that.

Let's just say you might need to know it soon.

I told Azazel to stop that crap

Maybe, but my lawyers are good.

It's a sign of mental illness, but as long as you don't hurt anybody, it's not a big deal.

Tiny

No

No

I did not

God

What should I do while fisting a traps ass

Why are ther jews

All those gays down there being pig roasted?

you still sleeping with Saddam Hussein?
youtube.com/watch?v=AS-ts5_nuF8

impossible, theres no way i died already

You're welcome :)

>Let's just say you might need to know it soon.
ok, save me a spot? Preferably a studio apartment in North-East Dis. How is Dis this time of year, btw?

You tell me.

God

Being gay isn't actually a sin

Nah, he's a jerk

Wait, lawyers? Better knowledge than a burning stick in my asscheek, literally, tell me more about how things work down there and up there maybe? No lies and no taking advantage of loopholes in this one, this isn't a deal btw

Hey, no need to get personal. Let the guy have relationships with whoever he wants, we're not here to judge.

Can I be your friend

Do aliens exist?

Would I go to hell if I smoked a j with you?

Pretty nice, actually

No problem. Okay, essentially the way we do things in Hell is that we force sinners to endure all of the suffering they caused others. If they repent by that point, they're sent to Heaven. If they don't, they're either tortured again, or given the option to reincarnate.

Of course, user

Azazel sound like a fun guy don't give him the crap :( tell him to make fun accidents you know car loses control almost hits person but ends up crashing onto a pillow store fling off the car with just a few scratches and landing on a bed

How much shit is Billy Mays selling in Hell?

what happened between you and god anyhow?
are you and mastema different beings?

Yes

No

Azazel, get off the computer and get back to work

He's making a killing down here selling various torture devices.

No, we're the same

give me demon strength.

Azazel, you're a cunt. Stop making people walk slowly in front of me.

Hm, have I reincarnated before? I had a vision there was a dude it was 2 person vision btw I was on an X made of idk what it was red the sky was red the ground was burning without flames and a guy was staring at me blonde hair a crown idk what it was and a long staff thingy on his hand and a small person next to him looked like a kid

What I mean is like should you make them worship my feet, put a diaper on them, or slip my other fist in

You sure? Speed kills

Are adult baby diaper lovers okay?

well my mother's white so that explains things

Why are u such a baddie m8?

>Not exactly how it went down.
how did it

storytime

Is this the face of God?

Does it piss you off when people accidentally spell your name Satin?

how close was Anton Lavey

How is adrael doing by the way?

is it true your dick is a snake

Are you and God two sides of the same person?

Yes I'm fucking sure. I don't care if the people in front of me break fucking speed of light. Just no more groups of three walking slightly slower than me.

No

Could be.

Look man, that's up to you two.

Mental illness is not a sin

If he wants it to be.

Not much to say, really. God gave me a rather special job to do, so I staged a fake rebellion in Heaven to weed out the disloyal, then put them to work with me testing mankind.

Not at all.

Not nearly as close as he claimed to be

He's fine.

When I want it to be

No

i'd like to know if this is the face of god

What do I do if my 14 year old wants to wear diapers

It's your funeral but ill be getting the crap for it since when do I take orders
From now on you're getting extra traffic extra slow walking people and oh, no matter when you fly where you fly, there's gonna be 5 crying babies 1 in the back 1 in the front seat and 3 on your left side seats

Stop that shit I don't want no spooks in my fucking house

Take them to a specialist and hope they can be helped.

Azazel, I want you in my office.

No

Can you get trips?

Ha!