Story tiem, shit just hit the fan real hard

story tiem, shit just hit the fan real hard

>be me
>recently single
>getting high playing rocket league @ friend's place blazeit420 fagt
>get a call from a girl
>have known this slut for 6+ years
>always had flirty relationship but nothing more than that
>had opportunities but didn't want to cheat
>invites out drinking
>might as well
>hit the bar with my friend
>table of roughly 7 people
>"heeyyyy!!" jumps up to hug me
>fondle her ass as I'd usually do
>"you fucking perv!" as she playfully pushes me off
>only seat available is next to SOLID 2/10 ham planet
>donotwant.jpg
>try to ignore ham planet and talk to the whole group
>girl notices me ignoring ham planet and squeezes herself between us to make it less awkward I thought
>get more drunk
>starts stroking my leg
>"so I heard you and X broke up..."
>boythatescelatedquickly.jpg

cont.

>feel like I have it in the bag
>touching, whispering in her ear etc
>mention I'm high
>"OOOoh when was the last time we smoked, ham planet?" says the girl to her apparently bff ham planet, to my dismay
>mention to girl quietly I have some back at the apartment
>"we should TOTALLY get high tonight ham planet!"
>why.jpg
>get keys from friend
>we all walk back
>brainstorming ways of ditching the girl
>actually considering grabbing girl by the hand and sprinting away, leaving ham planet huffing and puffing behind
>nearly back at the apartment
>fuck still nothing
>should I push her in the dumpsters and just lock the door behind us?
>fuck fuck fuck
>we all enter the apartment
>get comfortable on the huge ass couch
>I get the bong out

cont

cont please

Yeah

the great cuck is coming

>bong is out
>lights are dim
>put some chill wave on
>we blaze it like a couple of cool rastas
>proper shashed by this point
>girl takes a huge hit and they do the kissing-exchanging smoke thing with the ham planet
>stare like a retard
>initiateboner.jpg
>"does that actually work?" I asked for obvious reasons
>"what you've never tried it before?"
>girl takes another hit and we make out for a solid 30 seconds
>jeans getting tighter
>ham planet's turn to take a hit
>goes to do the same with me now
>honestly don't even give a fuck at this point
>fuckit.jpg
>make out with that chunky ol gal
>before we know it we're all making out and touching each other
>try to avoid ham planet as much as I can
>girl takes off her shirt
>takes off my shirt
>climbs on top of me with bra on
>grab her tight ass still in jeans grinding my boner against her poontang

cont

O yeah

>Poontang

>ready to splatter inside my jeans
>girl gets up, smiles and starts undoing my belt
>glance at ham planet
>ohfortheloveofgodwhy.jpeg
>ham planet has undressed herself while we were making out and is now only wearing panties
>first time seeing fat tits
>vomit a little in my mouth
>ham planet rubbing my dick through jeans while girl is getting pants off (edgy hipster belt with 1000 locks and trinkets)
>don't even care about grossness of her fatrolls
>just lay there blissfully with eyes closed and a shit eating grin on
>girl finally finished with belt
>fuuuck this is happening
>"I'll go freshen up real quick" and gives me a kiss before leaving for the bath room
>now laying there only in my boxers and socks
>pitching tent the size of statue of liberty
>piglet sitting next to me with her tits out
>her hand still on my cock, now through boxers

cont

keep going

yes

>so fucking horny at this point
>"might as well"
>grab her tit and start playing with it
>one tit is all i can manage
>her hand has slipped under the boxers
>she is now giving me a genuine grade A legit hand job
>grab other tit with other hand
>so fat and squishy
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>she leans herself so that her rumbling fat-tits smother my face
>without hesitation pop a chunky nip in my mouth
>milk that cow like there's no tomorrow while getting my cock stroked
>she climbs on top of me to position herself better
>suddenly handjob starts feeling really fucking awesome
>what is this feeling
>she gets real close to me and starts hugging me
>realize her hands are around me
>realize my dick is in her vagina
>realize that a condom has been placed on my dick without me even noticing

cont

...

that last bit though? was good until you didnt notice she had put a condom on you, how can you not notice that

because he's high as fuck.

flesh and moisture all over the place, very drunk

MOAR

I need more

>so horney and drunk at this point
>start thrusting into her with power chasing that good sensation
>try to grab her ass for bonus power
>honestly can't reach her ass
>grab her fat rolls just to hold on to something
>realize I'm fucking a ham planet
>omg i am boning a whale
>where is self respect
>where is evolution
>question every decision I ever made
>her breath on me feels sickening
>finish up
>boner gradually starts dying
>she crashes on top of me
>dodge her kisses and try to manoeuver my way out
>search the apartment for girl
>no sign of girl, her shoes and coat gone
>get back to living room
>ham planet layed out on couch in all her glory smiling at me "seductively"

cont

Come to daddy

Fake and gay underage b&

well this is escalating more

You lost me as soon as you brought in ham in general

not halal certified green text

this

how are you gonna live with yourself OP?

yea op how does this tale end

>>halal
My sides

The old bait and switch..but did you lose?
>stillgotlaid

thank you my dear sire much certify such wow

>don't say a word
>begin to feel oddly sober
>shame and anger flood through my body
>try to call girl no answer
>take my shit and go change in another room
>ham planet follows
>finds me stumbling around trying to put clothes back on
>"whats up user?" planet still smiling with fat crinkling up at forehead
>"don't you want more?" says the lipid
>now feeling very ill
>can't even speak
>push past ham planet to try and leave room
>half a ton of fat girl blocks my path
>where do you think you are going user we are not done here
>what the fuck are you doing fatty gtfo
>grabs my shoulder with the iron grip of a 40yo man
>ohfuck.png

cont

lmao

bout to have to take a shower like strawberry Peter

I swear to god this guy is gonna get fucking eaten

Let's see what ham planet looks like a comparison will do OP

yea post a similar image or an image of ham

obviously new here

it's pasta

PASTA is something you eat you fuck tard

no, it's something you post again and again and again

usually after copying it

copypasta

kill your self nigger lover

op died of shame before finishing story, RIP

How do you know it's pasta. Post sauce then

hey dont be mean bro

>okay porky.. what the fuck are you doing
>you are going to love inside of me again user
>seriously btfo or i am burning down taco bell
>grasps me tighter
>fucking ouch why this manstrength fuck
>fire behind eyes
>now feeling seriously threatened
>get off me you psycho bitch what the fuck
>noavail.gif
>grab nearest thing behind me on table
>quarter full bottle of JD
>smash bottle over hamskull with the force of a thousand suns
>screams and falls backwards onto coffee table
>that some damage right there
>run out of apartment without saying a word
>call and meet up with a friend to hide out at his place
>explain what happened
>delete and block both girls from facebook
>post this on Sup Forums

what the fuck do i do Sup Forums am i going to jail?

image of the ham incoming but hang on need to look through friends posts, blocked her on all platforms

rip in pieces user

Ok guys stop it. Out main topic is
>>ham
Not
>>pasta

...

I don't have to do shit faggot.

I'm right, until OP proves me wrong.

Which he won't, because like you he is a tremendous faggot who went from posting every few seconds, to not posting at all once he got shat on.

/thread

If you make a claim, the burden of proof is on you, dumbshit.

simple. delete your facebook account. next problem

LMFAO best thing I've read in a while

no means no, OP, you'll be fine
unless she's dead, in which case you're fucked for life

If this is legit
Delete all your social media
If cops come tell them you didn't consent and you were drunk while she was sober
Tell them she assaulted you
You hurt her in self defence

Unless it's pasta in which case... Kys op you cuck

This man couldn't just get his nut off, now he's going to jail for animal abuse

Sue for rape, OP.

Literally go to cops, file assault/rape charge before she opens one. Be an adult.

this

...

Rape allegations incoming, she has your cum in her

deleting all social media is kinda fishy though...i'd just go on as normal but block them on every platform and if cops comes to you just say you didn't consent and were forced into the first time

condom block fag read the story

i would of smashed the whale again if i were you, i recently shagged a fatty and it wasn't all bad but she did wanna cuddle afterwards but i just sent her packing

I need to see this whale of a woman

not real but good effort idiot

whens that pic comming

...

Fucking hilarious xD

Dubs dont lie Faggots

...

OP here facebook is down for maintenence... the fuck bad timing. will try find ig

Should've smashed the bottle on the wall instead and held the neck of it to her and said "I SEE YOU THINK I'M FUCKIN AROUND" same level of that & no damage

pic needs to hurry up, let us see her face and body before the thread dies

lol

So is it a ham pasta?

cy@

or a side of double live whale

OP you will regret not banging the whale again. I've been in your shoes once, I fucked the fat friend so hard that she told the original hot girl I had a thing for and she got megacurious about it and ended up fucking her too a week later.

i fucked a fatty around April time, fucked her once and fell asleep and waking up to her in the morning was horrible but i wish i would of shagged her one last time

soo many keks

Fuck you and fuck nb3, piece of shit streamer for 12 year olds

I got one, just happened last night.

>be me
>uni fag
>friends and I are bored af
>want some more people to play cards against humanity
>one friend suggests going down to student center and asking a small, random group of people
>we go down, get ice cream
>I spot two qt3.14s, approach them and ask
>one looks suspicious, the other says yes
>seems like that one was dragging her friend along
>walking up hill to dorm, tried talking with them but they didn't seem interested
>grad student female friend starts chatting with them, still not that interested
>must have been nervous or retarded
>soon, we were to find out which
>get up to dorm, initially walk into my room to play
>leave for lounge cause roommate gave alcohol to a freshman and got her drunk
>start playing cards, they thought it was like apples to apples but for adults
>we play a couple rounds, they don't seem to understand any of the jokes
>when they are card tzar, they seemed to choose randomly
>one didn't even know what a coat hanger abortion was
>not even 10 min into playing, the one who didn't want to come said she had to leave to call her mom or some shit
>they left

Joked about it after with friends, god they were fucking retarded/innocent. Funny enough, I asked cause the one who wanted to come was cute but her friend actually ended up being cuter. Her friend was also more logical as it was kinda weird that we randomly asked people to come play on a 10 min walk up to our dorm room. I was so surprised we were able to do that shit. The one who had to leave was fucking stupid because she knew she was going to leave soon but came anyways.

good shit

i dont get it, so you failed to play cards with a few people you didnt know on campus?

what is interesting about this story

Because we ended up picking the worst possible people. They didn't even get any of the jokes. Didn't even know what coat hanger abortions were. Have you ever played cards against humanity?

>no sign of girl, her shoes and coat gone
what an asshole

make sure the landwhale is dead, duh.

You know i think they made a show about you user, its called Atypical

>be me
>reading story thread on Sup Forums
>first story seems fake at the end
>second story complete shit
>no third story
>I have problems an Sup Forums can't distract me anymore

are you me?

Nah man, they were the retarded ones. They made shit so awkward when it didn't have to be. Especially when they were too innocent to even play the game.

fuck you mane

Anytime I make new friends have to dail down the ironic humor and autism other wise my friends and I scare people away feelsbadman

I played cards against humanity 1 time
>1 friend had a party
>most of his friends were semi sjw, liberal with stick in the ass
>he and one friend were brit lovers (we live in Germany) so they like sarcastic jokes and the friend just came from London and brought cards against humanity
>most people didn't get the jokes, we had to translate, one chick always chose the card that had cute animals involved, at least another chick hated the french so she was kinda british
>game seemed nice but I didn't have the right people to play it

>/threading own post

autistic newfag detected

I saw that coming well before you said it.

Fucking kek, you got played hard.

tell me OP. Is she still your friend?