I have a situation I need advice with...

I have a situation I need advice with. I work in a open kitchen where customers can come sit down in front of another chef or me, and ask us to make them things. There is one customer in particular, and his wife, that are fucking assholes. The husband is always talking shit to me in front of my boss who works next to me. Calling me 'half a chef', and just saying fucked up shit to me in general....fully aware that I can't say anything back because he is a regular high paying customer. Is there a way I can give it to him without saying anything rude or put my job on the line in any way possible. I know there is a way, i just don't know how.

No, because then he'll complain and, being a high paying customer, will have the power necessary to have you fired. I'm sorry user, I feel for you, but whatever retaliation you decide on will have major consequences.

I bet he drives a nice car then
>Hint

Have you tried not being half a chef?
Sometimes the simplest answer is the best.

Fuck with his food

yeah it sucks...The other day after calling me half a chef, i just didnt even look at him...i was pissed and he just laughed and said "look...he's pissed". i just shook my head and said "you're to kind". But maybe there is a way i can approach his shit talking that would let him know i know what hes doing and not letting it effect me.

I wouldnt do anything crazy like spit in it or anything like that...plus they are right in front of me and i couldnt even if i wanted to..but i wouldnt. The only thing i could possibly do is skimp him on the higher end ingredients a little bit. Even then i think he would notice and possibly say somethignt o my boss since he has been coming in for years before i was even hired.

Figure out what car he drives. If you have time, just follow him and when he goes somewhere, fuck his baby up.
>check for cameras first
>have an alibi for any reason if they suspect you

Honestly man. He's just peacocking. Even if he doesn't have a right to. So what he's a regular so what of he has money. He's just being a dick. You're response to him was right. Fuck him bro. Just keep up doing your job and let him be a dick. I feel for ya bud.

thanks man. yeah it sucks to be stuck in that situation. Generally i actually really like my job and most of the regulars. Last time he talked shit though, i was pissed. I could feel myself shaking slightly. I guess, all i can really do is just kill him with kindness but in a sarcastic kind of way?

kill em with kindness. Act excited to see him whenever he is around and be overly jolly to the point it is annoying. Become his friend, then fuck his wife.

this. you can win by declaring psychological warfare

hahaha, man...yeah i actually used to be like , nice to him as I can but im not someone that can be a total phony, plus you have to actually talk to them so i could start out being overly excited to see him.... hmm...i think you nailed it. I could do just that. Just be overly enthusiastic and overly interested in everything that he has to sa, any little thing i could just be like "Wow, thats amazing!" Then when he leaves...i could be like.."can't wait till you come back" then give him a wink. or is that over kill....maybe a little bit but dont totally over do it.

I just though of this to...when he asks me to make him something i could be "Excellent choice, this guys knows whats up!" but make it super sarcastic. In a way if he ever start shit with my job, i could turn it around and say " i was simply saying his choice was excellent and i was impressed by his pallet. to my boss.

OP I'm not trying to get you fucked here, I feel for you. But I reccomend killing this man. Either directly or indirectly. Find out what car he drives/where he lives. Cut his brake lines, wait until 2am and quick dry cement the doors/windows of his house shut, then douse it up with gasoline and set it ablaze (obviously buy materials in a different state). Figure out a better way if you can. Maybe just wait outside his house and shoot him. Dunno. But honestly killing him seems like the best option.

[spoiler]i just memeing pls no v&[/spoiler]

OP idk if I reccomend this. You'd have to have what it takes to pull it off. He'd see through your bullshit immediately and start ripping on you for it. You would have to be 110% committed to the act for it to work and if you get so upset already, probably not good idea.

Honestly why not just talk to him? Call HIM on his bullshit. Say "that's rude/disrespectful" and call him out on his shit. Dont overdo it and go after him but whenever he makes a jab at you just tell him succinctly that he is being rude. Thats it. Or kill him. I would rather him desufampai

lol, nice dubs. I wish I could...Idk, hes older. I thought today...he will die before I do. Of natural causes or something else eventually. I know you want something else to happen you sick fuck lol.

Ok if he is driving to your place offer him a free beer or two.
Before he leaves call the police to say he's had a few beers and he will Hopefully be arrested for dui

stop caring about your job and call his wife a cunt to provoke him

imagine giving a shit about being a fuckin line cook, you are replaceable. there are also many other restaurants hiring. keep it real next time. destroy him.

how so...i dont know the make or model of his car?

I could do some shots with him though. sometimes he orders cocktails, maybe i could tell the servers to make them extra strong. but..his wife would just drive. wont work. I have to fuck him mentally.

Jesus dude, just find out where he lives and burn his fucking house down or do something to ruin his life. Don't do anything at work, that shit's retarded. Don't do anything within a week of seeing this guy.

Of course, your problem isn't a shitty customer, it's a shitty job, so really your best option is just to find a better place to work but if you had the resources and personality to do that you'd have already realized that's your best choice instead of blaming just one shitbag, but hey, if you'd rather piss upstream go ahead.

I knew how you feel. And yeah, use your feeling of happiness from your other regulars and just overload him with kindness, but make sure you Balance that with making sure his food is pristine

Why does he call you half a chef... are you short? Slow? Did you ever piss him off how does he treat others? Do you think he shit tests people and youre the only one who doesnt stand up to it so he picks on you?

As him if hed ever be interested in being a cuckold and then look at his wife right in the eyes and tell her, "I can help with that." As soon as he gets up to knock your lights out throw a hot pan of cooking oil in his eyes and permanently blind him.

Easy! Agree with him. Thank him. Find a way to make it a compliment. I'm sure it's not always easy but... "half a chef" you could flip on its head and say something like "the better half" or "fuck you"

absolutely i always do. I would never fuck with someones food. I also have another idea to fuck with him. Sometimes his daughter comes into town and they will get their own table. Maybe after their meal i can wave him over, keep the ticket in my hand, when comes over ill look down at it. Point at it and say "Hey buddy, if you dont reply to this receipt tonight your mommy will die in her sleep tonight"

Even thinking that you've done something wrong is buying into this bitch's game. He wants you on the defensive so he can get free shit, make conversation with his wife about something, whatever. He's been brought up wrong or maybe he's just broken inside. The best thing for you, him, and the world, is to simply end him.

Got an idea for you, user.

Get a friend whom your boss does not know to come in as a customer when shithead is there. You can surreptitiously contact him by phone or text message. When shithead starts shitting, he can lay into shithead for being a dickless bully, picking on people whom he knows cannot retaliate, all without implicating you at all.

You just need to keep your friendship a secret from your boss. If the guy is shamed enough, he might even stop being a dick.

wow, thats one thing to think about...just totally ignore him and focus on his wife...ask her her day and what she likes and wants to eat...lol

holy fuck.......this is another un thought of idea

i could even hire some goons. Text them when the time is ready. Talk shit to this dude. paid per shit talk. whats the going rate for that?

It takes a special kind of
pussy to get off on abusing the wait staff who's job it is to be contstantly friendly.
The way I see it you have two choices, user.
>Option one: use this guy's antics to thicken your skin. Not by bottling up rage but by actually not letting it get to you. Pity him for whatever small penis/impotence and cuckoldry has led him to berate the people serving him food and let it roll of your back. He's not the first or the last person to act like this. so long as he tips, fuck it take his money and his bs.
>Option 2: same as 1 except have a set of utensiles and food that has been thoroughly defiled just for him... Cut your cooking oil with some water from the toilet. Maybe you pissed in said toilet first. Wipe your ass with a spatula or two that are just for your most special customer. Pumice stone your feet and mix the skin shavings with the salt you have just for him and his skank wife. Get creative, get cruel, and make sure his meal is fortified with as much of your spit pubes and ball/ass sweat as possible. It's hard to get upset when someone's talking shit to you with a mouth full of your ball sweat.

Literally as soon as he buys her wine just creep up from behind... Ask her about her interests, who she's with, what she enjoys, etc. Get some of your friends to come by and invite her's too. You can all go to the bar after

Seriously, one good, public shaming may be all it takes:

"What is your problem, man? He's doing a perfectly good job, so why are you talking shit at him? How much of a dickless bully do you have to be to insult a guy who can't possibly say anything back to you? Do you think impresses your wife? Can't you see how much you're embarrassing her? Goddamn, what a dickless little bitch you must be. Waiter? Can I be moved to another table, please? I just can't sit beside this cowardly little bitch any longer."

lol, seems like a fun idea
do this OP and if you feel gutsy, ask her if she likes it up the pooper

Feels good to work with a good manager that gets triggered by shit customers

Yeah, a good manager knows that sometimes, it's the customer who needs to be fired, not the employee. It's always easier to throw your employee under the bus, so the guys who refuse to do so are really awesome people.

I had a customer like this one, always came in rude and gave me a hard time. Never seemed to bother anyone else, just me. One day I had enough, followed him home one night to figure where he lived, waited for a good day when I didn't see him in and I killed his dog.

Biggest regret of my life. I was never caught, but killing that dog haunts me.

Jesus, fuck, the dog was innocent. How could you do that?

Not the doggo, man. You could've just burned his house down but noooo.

This is an A+ idea.
But chances are he's not going to learn his lesson and lean into you even more the next time he sees you. That's what bullies typically do.
The most effective way to deal with a bully, in my experience, is to fuck them up. Obviously you can't fight this guy, but you should seriously consider vandalizing this guy's stuff until he cuts the shit out. Don't ever hint that it's you or that you know about it, and don't get caught. If you burn half of his house down or ruin his nice car permanently, and if multiple acts of vandalism happen to him, he'll get the picture that he's being an asshole to someone and maybe he should stop before he loses everything he loves.
That's just my 2 cents tho.

yo, how in the fuck does that even hurt the guy. most assholes probably wouldn't even care if their daughter's/son's/wife's dog died. you hurt an innocent dog, which in turn indirectly hurt another innocent kid, and then the fag never has to pick up dog poo again.

Why is your chef letting you be treated like this? Does he have no respect for you or your work?

Grill your boss. Ask him why he doesn't stand up for his employees. If he had any pride in his chefs, he would do that.