Welcome Traveler, you stand in a cave...

Welcome Traveler, you stand in a cave, ahead of you is a wooden door (of which snooring can be heard from the other side), to your left there is a broken ladder. In all other directions there is cave wall.

You have with you:
A torch
A sword
An apple
26 Golden coins

Trips decides what to do.

Suicide

Drink my own gizz... I mean piss

Eat sword
Shove torch in ass
Shove coins down dick
Admire the apple

Kill jester

Waiting...

Kill the Jester.

Winrar.

Dammnit OP wake up fuck

You drink your own piss, you try to contain your orgasm but you cannot. You groan loudly, mid orgasm you notice the snooring has ceased.

#killjester

Stub your toe and scream bloody murder

Also trips is asking too much. This worn get anywhere. Dubs for next time mate

Dubs activated.
You may now continue on dubs.
My trips from last post decreeee

DUBS FROM NOW ON

shove all 26 golden coins into asshole, 1 at a time.

Now you have nothing to offer the troll, apart from sexual favours.

reroll

Jump the chasm

Perform sexual favors for troll

eat everything and then ass blast shit chunks as such high velocity that you propel into outerspace and the ducktales moon theme plays

You cannot..

lmao 912 winrar

fucking *911 winrar

put troll in bag

You begin to eat your possesions. You eat the coins, you eat the apple, you even manage to stomach a few mouthfulls of the wooden torch. But when you come to eat the sword you cannot, you slide the sword down your throat and begin to bleed. You gargled screams wake the troll, in a last push against life and death you begin to violently shit. The shit comes out with such velocity that you fly into the ceiling of the cave breaking your neck, upon your death the ducktales theme emits from your anus.

The troll stares in bewilderment.

FUCKING KEK THAT WAS TOP TIER

Will you take another call?

You are dead, next game.

Welcome Traveler
You wake up next to a river well rested, your campfire is still embers. Across the river you see a group of 3 bandits harrasing a fellow adventurer. In all other directions there is thick forest.

You have in your possesion:
An Axe
A sleeping roll
A loaf of bread
An apple
A steel pot
17 Golden coins

I wake up the sleeping roll and tell it to attack the bandits

put pot on head of troll to hopefully utilize a skyrim exploit

You begin talking to your sleeping roll, it does not respond so you begin to yell at the inatimate object. Your yelling alerts the bandits, they move up the river and begin to cross the shallow rapids. You continue to yell at the bed roll.

Attack bandits with steel pot and loaf of bread

WAKE UP YOU CUNT

Kill Jester

Beat them to death with the axe handle

reroll

Throw coins at them until they die

Tell the bandits Jews are just over the ridge, holding a secret council for how to split their secret jewgolds.

Drink my own gizz... I mean piss

sleep

Use magic to turn jizz into sword of the shallow semen which you then use too kill the bandits

Winrar you lazy cunt

Cant be fucked writing these anymore, in the middle of wanking off to some cucks wife thread.

runaway into the woods..... shitting as you go, cause irritable bowel syndrome

Fuck you OP you cunt

write it yourself then cunt

REQUIEM

that chin hair...