Hi Sup Forums

Hi Sup Forums

2004 oldfag here. Tomorrow, September 15th, I will become a wizard. That is, virgin at 30.

I have been in denial for 20 years about my position in life. The most accurate, pointed word to describe it would be "loser," but not until now have I ever been able to admit it to be associated with me.

If you care to read, user, I will give various facts of my life. What I ask of right now is judgement. No one cares about adult suicide so I think now is finally the right time I can do it without completely destroying my friends and family. Instead, they saw it coming, so it's okay.

So user, read on and tell me, from your heart, do I deserve to die? Am I wasting air on this planet? Should I exit to make room for better potential?

>Borderline Personality Disorder
>Even worse, self-diagnosed
>Screams at close friends when heated
>Heated for stupid, selfish reasons, namely when they disagree about something felt strongly about
>Often toxic, use emotional blackmail
>Feel like shit minutes after, understands there is something wrong with himself
>Apologize every time
>New day is new brain, forget everything, grudges impossible
>Sometimes remember and hate self more
>Was once prospected by a woman, ran away and avoided her like a little bitch because standards too high
>standards too high...
>Is himself an ugly, fat, disgusting sometimes neckbeard
>Try time and time again to change it, can't hold a habit, impossible
>Works loser job
>Real jobs implode within months, impossible to get along
>probably autism, like poster child adult autism
>or was it bpd
>has lost passion and motivation by now, slowly sucked out over the past decade
>no goals, just tries to find things to drive away the boredom and crippling doubt of future
>does not live with mother, lives with friend whose "landlord" is mother
>it's one house, renting room
>too poor for any other accomodation
>girlfriend is an onahole, she will never betray
>has secrets never to be shared RL, including this

Id say do some shrooms before you try and off yourself bro. It may change your outlook on your situation and it may be what you need. Youtube ted talks on magic mushrooms. They cure depression.

Nothing is worth offing yourself. Work on the social anxiety thing and everything else will work out.

You could be a lot worse user

I appreciate the advice. However, if it induces paranoia at any level like thc, I will lose my fucking mind. Weed makes me feel like I am literally dying.

Afaik acid is the psychedelic that induces some paranoia, i've heard mushrooms are pretty mellow

Look it up on Youtube and listen to medical professionals talk about it. Also as long as you stick with like a gram... it will just make you feel fucking great. And its less toxic then a cup of coffee.

Do shrooms affect your perspective regarding anything respiratory? Like, is breathing still automatic or do you go into manual mode? That's pretty much what happens when I smoke. I feel like I'm going to suffocate.

Fucking cancer. Go get out.find a job that will make a new life

>2004 oldfag here
if you didn't insist on revealing your power level everywhere you went, maybe you wouldn't be

Learn not to hate yourself. Learn to love yourself. How can you expect other people to love you if you can't even love yourself?

>How to start loving yourself?
Do good deeds. Try to make other people smile. And seek professional help.

I had gnarly paranoia from mushrooms the last 3 times I did it.. out of 5 times total.

Good news is op can try smaller doses first and work his way up

Just soak 1g of shrooms in boiling water, make tea, drink, relax, enjoy new perspective.

you want off ? take a sword go to syria and die like a samurai.

Just get therapy you stupid fuck.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

$$$

:(

Nope. They make u human again. Amazing shit.

Where do you live?

Connecticut.

Also, based on responses so far the general consensus seems to be that I do, in fact, deserve my life, as selfish as it seems to be, in my opinion.

Thank you, user.

You're stuck in a rut. You need to leave where you are- travel. Research where you can get a job anywhere interesting, maybe on the tourist circuit. Go to London, work in a pub. Somewhere where other people pass through and are looking for new friends, and don't know who you are. Try it, what have got to lose? Nothing.

Try taking CBD oil drops, about 30mg 3 times a day.

Don't kill yourself, you don't deserve to give up and get out.

Conneticut provides state insurance. Go to local DSS office and tell them what's up. They will get you started on insurance docs and make referral for psych. You wait a couple months and then you get seen... tell therapist you think you have bpd and you are interested in dbt, talk therapy and medicine. Things will get better within a year if you are consistent

I am also and oldfag with bpd. So there is hope

I've had husky for a couple years. What's the next step to get the ball rolling? Who do I call?

Looking this up, it looks as though CBD is still Sched I

How do I get my hands on this legally?

I don't know. I'm not a social worker. Just know this is something social workers do (getting you set up with insurance and therapy). It's a state run service so it's free. But you gotta google dss and find local office. Go in and talk to someone. They will know more than I do. Alternatively call and make appt. so you save time

Yeah....i do..this was me when younger.

Across the UK and most of America you should be able to get the NON-THC version (what you want) delivered right to your door without any fuss.

It changed my life, that's all I'll say.

same guy here.. also might want to try one of the more energising strains of kratom (green malay)

it will give you a solid mood / energy boost.

>you're depressed, take drugs
Don't listen to this terrible advice
good advice

Listen, OP, you sound very self-aware. Maybe TOO self-aware. Try getting outside the navel-gazing and focus on other people.

This. 2005 reporting in. Go to the gym. Take a lot of steroids? You wanna kill yourself anyway, rounds probably won't kill you at all and you'll just get fucking massive..

If I had nothing to live for I would do the following

- massive rounds of steroids. Test. Dbol. HGH. Whatever the fuck I could eat and inject. Get fucking epically huge in 6-12 Months. Immediately fix all self esteem issues by doing so

- max doses of Modafinil

- lie on my CV and apply for jobs on management where I can tell at cunts all day and be paid to be hated.

You're being a waste of energy. Do something cool or yeah. Kill yourself

Yeah, you're definitely right about that. I can spend hours focusing on my own mistakes, obsessing over them, feeling helpless because of them.

It's pretty gross. And I know just how gross it is, yet I can't help but indulge. Why?

About the drugs thing, the CBD seems legit to me.

The fuck? Steroids? I appreciate your input, and your overall point is taken, but my dick is already small enough.

It might fall off after all that. Then my onahole will break up with me.

CBD is indeed more pharmaceutical than recreational.

Go for a 5-10% oil with 300-1000mg total CBD content. Aim for around $30-50 for 10ml.

I'm kind of in the same road OP but I'm trying and somewhat managing to take control
I too don't have a goal, lost all passion and motivation which is my main problem
My reason for living is that there is so much to do and if I kill myself now I don't get to know what they are like and I hate that feeling
I guess I am kind of a perfectionist in life kind of like as if life had achievements that I could complete etc. but don't have the motivation to do so

Right now I'm kind of free styling doing stuff that keeps away the boredom while coming up with solutions to get me off this ride and trying them one by one to see if they work

The thing is you need the right type of mindset to get out so you definitely need therapy, I'm planing on going for it soon It might be a life changer

After that I would definitely suggest going to the gym to lose the fat, which believe me will increase your confidence plus it boosts motivation since it feels like you took a step and it worked
I was fat too but I wanted it to stop so I went to a gym as a side activity since I did nothing with my life and lost about 33 pounds (with added muscle mass) and it felt amazing
I didn't use anything by the way not even protein shakes or anything
It also makes you more handsome and there is no better feeling than feeling down or just normal and casually looking into the mirror with no shirt and seeing yourself decent for what feels like the first time, every time

During these get better at your job, maybe get a raise or just find a better one, again therapy is a good choice if you ask me and money is fundamental

Change your style as well, get a haircut, get new shirts because you will need some after the gym, if you have any autistic behaviour get rid of it etc.

You also need a goal it is as fundamental as money so set yourself one. You can start with smaller ones but if you can't just make your goal getting a lot of money and work towards that

Good luck bro, I hope you get better

"I can't get laid" he says
Look at those 2 potatoes. How did they did it? I tell you, by not being bunch of fags

so sad to see all these suicide threads tonight
Ive been where you are OP
It can get better
I promise

This and do sports

hey user. a little insight, i hope, on how you frame your decision. you discuss it in terms of moral desert--as in, do i deserve to live? and you define that in terms of whether you are wasting resources, taking up space and, most crucially, i think, whether you need to 'make room' for others who might deserve life more.

this reasoning simply doesn't scan. the world is not a simple zero-sum system. you are not, in simple terms, taking up the air you're breathing or the space you're occupying from another person, either real or potential.

more broadly, i don't think framing life as a question of moral desert makes any sense. the question of moral desert comes into play for things that are distributed or questions over whether you are getting what you earned, or are morally entitled to. but you had no choice about whether to be given life. you didn't earn it or morally deserve it, and--this is the crucial part--nobody did. you have life. i have life. it's not a matter of whether we deserve it or not.

now you might ask yourself, were you born into a particular position that you deserve or not, or that puts you in some position of obligation to others, or to the world more broadly. having been born into one of the wealthiest nations in the world, having been born (i am guessing) white, you have advantages that you did not earn and have no moral right to. a reasonable response is to make some effort to make the world better, to help others, in whatever way you might be able to. this is just one way of making meaning in the world, which i think most suicidal people, myself included, struggle with.