Help me get laid Sup Forums!

Help me get laid Sup Forums!

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They make pills for that

I can give you something to smile about.

Will it legitimately make her laugh or just trolling?

NYPA newfag

oh you're actually trying to get your dick wet? i think you posted this on the wrong board, my dude

"I can cheer you up"

"Is it normal for my pee-pee to get all hard and start to cry?"

This

"You know who can smile on demand? Edward. That guy is really amazing you should suck his dick "

Dubs

Am I doing it right?

If dubs reply saying

"My chode gets hard on command. Wanna see?"

You seem chill af, can I get your credit card number?

more winky faces and eggplants

"Are you as nervous for our 7th grade English test tomorrow as I am??"

What can you do on command then?

Invite her over for dinner and a movie because she's already decided whether she's into you or not. If she isn't down, you aren't going to convince her over text. Take the shot.

winrar

Now hwat?

...

"You will never see a dick as small as mine"

At this point it's 50/50 depending on how permiscuous she is imo

Rolling for keks

wasted dubs

roll

"Have you ever tried meth?"

Op here. I'm tempted to use this. Any objections?

rolling

[Speech 37/50] I can sing ed sheeran for you

With my duck

"I can eat ass like a fat kid with cake."

roll

Depends what you CAN do on command

Send her a dick pic

Rerolling

Pic of sunglasses on top of your dick. Dick nose face guy.

"Dinner somewhere nice?"

Hippoty hoppity, women are property

winrar

smooth

I have a tiny dick and for once you won't have a sorethroat like with those big black cocks

You scrubs

Get personal with her/romantic girls like that stupid shit. Tell her when you're feeling down you like to take walks or listen to music or I don't know say something that makes it sound like you genuinely care for her.

now we're cooking with gas

Hitler did nothing wrong

Ugh..

better luck next time, OP guy

Proud of you OP

Roooooollll

not funny, you wasted a good thread OP

I was just kidding about the meth part. I don't fuck with that. I'm much more into shrooms. Do you send noods?

Oh op, why lol

It doesn't fucking work with it all smashed together you fucking asshole.

Pick one and only one.

Should have picked the highest dubs, which was 99

If this bitch responds she wants to fuck you

Dear diary, today OP was a faggot again.
Fuck this I'm abandoning thread. Every thread you idiots can actually get laid yet you fuck it all up because you type everything like a dumb acoustic.

Booooooooooooooo

like I said, I'm a bit nervous talking to someone I admire so much.
Any chance I can see those milk makers?

Reroll

You would've been better off that that sunglass dick nose thing. I'm out of here.

Fucking acoustics

got any Lemondade?

If that doesn't work I can always murderrape you

retard

wants to see your tits, care to show them?

Sorry, my cat stepped on the phone. What's your favorite 5 shapes of pasta?

Also I was wondering if you were into fisting at all? I tried it last week but it didn't feel so good, maybe my anus is still too tite!

listen OP, i used to love the movie gremlins. its still ok but not the best movie I've ever seen. anyway. i met this girl who also loves the movie gremlins. she said that it reminds her of her childhood. and for some reason the mogwai really turn her on. i ask how thats possible. the mogwai have absolutely no sexual features. no rounded ass, no raised breasts, no genetalia of any type. could it possibly be the fact that they transform into those slimy green gremlins? what is it? she refused tell me. i spent many nights afterwards watching gremlins and hoping maybe to get turned on a little bit. one night i got half a chub but I've since realized that was most likely just the air conditioner. eventually i couldnt take the mystery anymore. i MUST know what turns her on about the movie gremlins, if for no other reason than i want to be able to fuck a mogwai in the comfort of my own home. why should she be able to get so turned on by gremlins but I'm not even allowed to experience it? i corner her. she backs up. scared. my slow approach has her shaking and asking, "logan, whats gotten into u?" i tell her this is the end of the line. she must tell me why gremlins makes her pussy drip. here and now is the time or she will die by my average sized cock. I can tell that she's finally about to tell me, she's finally about to break. she takes a deep breath and dramatic music begins to play from the lunch room loud speakers across from mrs. shabotski's 5th grade class ( this was the song: youtu.be/dPiEVyd3-4k [Open] ) above the dulcid tones she tells me the thing i swore never to repeat. but i will tell it to you hear bros. i will tell it to you from my death bed. i will tell you the sexiest thing I've ever heard. that girl lets the real life gizmo live in her pussy. shit gets wild after midnight.

I'm a dumb sperg in real life. *tips fedora*. Plz respond

I just spermed

Only crack heads and whores are named Virginia anyway op.

You fucking dumbass

Send her this. Now op.

you remind me of Amy Schumar, but less sexy

You guys are too kind

"Harry Dean Stanton died ;)"

I can jizz on command.

I'M GONNA FUCK YOU TO DEATH

Do you want to command me?

just got erect looking at myself in the mirror. do you get erect thinking about me in the mirror too?

Don't Fuck it up guys

if you kill yourself you'll never be sad again. if u sleep with me youll never be happy again

I also eat pussy

Are... Are you retarded? Are you literally fucking retarded? Why the hell would you even say that? Because it's an anonymous board and no one knows who you are? Do you not feel embarrassment? Do you not wish to kill yourself? Are you not going to say sorry, for saying something like that? Do you see all these people? They all think you're retarded now. It doesn't matter that you posted anonymously, they know that this comment - that very comment, has been written by a chromosome-less retard. They know that you are the biggest failure on earth and the death of you will only mean raising the IQ of this world. Please, I ask of you, with all fellow Sup Forumstardas, kill yourself, in the most painful way possible. End it, your and our suffering of your complete stupidity, of your lack of self awareness, and of your completely irrational judgement call to say such a completely retarded thing. My regards to your mentally ill mother and your brain dead father, for creating such an abomination as yourself. Remove yourself from existence. May your final meal consist of rat poison and nails, and wash it all down with bleach, retard.

"Don't; women are only good for three things, cooking, cleaning, and vaginas"

I once fucked my sister for a cherry icee.

Fuck. She's as dumb as you are. I guess ask for tits.

roll

that's a bingo

winrar and kek. OP don't be a faggot and add your autism again.

No pls

"You're not 18 yet, right? ;)"

I preferred the cherry ice, it didn't make me feel so weird after

By the looks of it, it was before that pic was taken

Ignore and do this If you didnt already scare her off with that last shit she wants your dick, dont fuck it up

OP for the lulz to make this an amazing thread just say "I was just trying to make you laugh, let's fuck"

WINRAR

This guy rolled 99 which is the highest dubs

Second

>boooing

and the ugly people losers try to trap me ugly way so ill tell there secrets and the ugly people losers outnumber everybody and cheats and smell worse then dog shit and try to hurt the ugly popular people ugly way to be better then ugly popular people ugly way so fuck this shit socitey and the ugly people losers try to be better then ugly popular people ugly way and smell worse then dog shit and outnumber everybody and take anything
and the ugly people losers smell worse then dog shit and outnumber everybody and going to bother people that is better then them ugly way and the ugly people losers smell worse then dog shit like my short ugly loser gay short ugly father that is always gay to me ugly way but no one will do anything cause iam outnumbered by ugly people losers that want to eat my poop just like my short ugly loser father

Gimme summa dat doo doo puss.

Mmmmmmmmm