So Sup Forums my boyfriend of almost three years cheated on me with my best friend of 10 years and now I'm kinda stuck...

So Sup Forums my boyfriend of almost three years cheated on me with my best friend of 10 years and now I'm kinda stuck. He says he didn't think it was cheating because we've had a few threesomes with her and he's adamant that he "didn't know where the boundaries were, and thought it wasn't wrong" even tho in the past I had told him that she is kind of my rival and I'm petrified that she would steal my man ( to be clear, she wouldn't and the whole situation was actually kind of rapey in the sense that she can't say no to people while intoxicated, and she was every time). He said before all this happened that he understood it made me uncomfortable and would never do anything with her behind my back. liar. I found out because she came to me about it a couple weeks ago saying she felt like he was taking advantage of her. As it turns out hes been trying, and on occasion succeeding with her for over a year now. I'm planning on dumping his stupid ass, but I'm in a hard spot financially. We just moved and I don't have a job because I figured we'd be alright for a while and I could take a well needed vacation. But that's fucking blown up in my face. Bottom line, I need his money right now until I get a decent stable job. But for now how do I deal with this? He wants to fix things and keep going, but I just can't, I have no respect for him and no trust. Plus I kinda told my friend something that I really shouldn't have, now I can't even try to fake being in a relationship because its now a known fact that he's scum of the earth. So how do I break it off cleanly?

That sounds shitty user, sorry.

Thanks. how do I deal with this?

Damn OP, do you have any family that can take you in, 8n the meantime until you get a stable job? I'd suggest doing that. It sounds like the more you're with him the more unhealthy and toxic that whole :"relationship " will be if you just stay with him for the money

I wish I had any advice at all but I'm soul-crushingly lonely, am a student without job, and don't know how to be an independent adult.

that sounds all fine and dandy, but we started renting from my grandparents and had them kick out the previous tenant for us, i'd feel really fucking shitty if i had to move out of this place because they rely on the rent.

Would family be able to help you in this situation? Parents or anyone provide a place to stay until you get a job?

just go full crust punk for a while op

okay... whats crust punk? legitimately curious

>He says he didn't think it was cheating because we've had a few threesomes with her

That's what you get for being a degenerate.

Tits or gtfo

you show tits guys or get the fuck out, that's how

tits or gtfo

Just invite her into your relationship, cant you share?

tits or gtfo too!

Post your tits or gtfo you whore

tits or gtfo

unfortunately I can't do that, we pushed the limit with the threesomes. i couldn't do anything with her sober.

You can fix this if you want OP. Every dude makes a mistake. She your friend and hes your bf, ever consider a threeway relationship OP?

>we've had a few threesomes with her
So basically you are a degenerate person, complaining that you cannot have virtuous outcomes. We people, like you, began to turn away from religion - and commitment to family and community, you adopted what is known as "moral relativism." Basically it means that you, as an individual, are beholden to no one else's standards - and instead live by your own design, for your own benefit. People like you engage in poor life choices, have premarital / extra-marital sex, abort babies, and basically live like there will never be a judgement. If you honestly believe there will never be a final judgement, then you are basically saying there is no God - and all life is completely accidental and pointless. But putting aside your faithlessness completely, you should know that you can do everything I have described, and never face condemnation by the community in which your live. People will not reject you for your sins and shortcomings. They are common. They are expected. Men will still date you - they assume you are a filthy whore without knowing anything about you, simply because that is the common expectation.

So what would it take for you to be happy? What would it take for you to have a stable, loving relationship with a good man? How can you raise good children, and see them go on to have happy relationships? How can you find someone to grow old with? How can you live in a community filled with families such as I have described? How can you be what White people were always meant to be? If all races are equal, how do I know you are White just by reading what you've wrote - when race is never mentioned, and this board is internationally accessible? My suggestion to you is that you watch the Greatest Story Never Told, about National Socialism and Hitler. The people that support your degeneracy at the highest levels do so because they view you as their enemy. They support your ruin.

Tits or leave please.

Why? What was the 'limit'? This is an user board dude, you can say.

its like being homeless with good music

It's pretending to be homeless while living on a trust fund and listening to shitty music for the sake of appearing edgy even though the whole punk shtick is completely old had.

tits or gtfo

You fucking deserve it for wanting to use his emotions for the money. You also fucking deserve it for not making boundaries clear before having a fucking threesome. also, tits or gtfo you filthy slut

bunch of fucking faggots forgetting the rules. also op, tits or gtfo

why would you waste your time writing all that out? its kind of pathetic actually. but to each their own i guess.

I have standards for my women, i like women, don't get me wrong, if i could id date a lovely lady. but my friend is not a lovely lady. she a fat asshole who is actually really gross. I was just really drunk and kinda desperate at that point.

But i don't have a trust fund :/

No crust punk for you then!

not seeing any tits so fuck off

its being homeless for me

Why would you think not using capital letters makes you appear aloof? Why do you try to convince others that putting effort into expression is beneath you - when in fact you have no meaningful rebuttal?

People of your generation, and I'm a teacher so I know this well, think you are fooling everyone when you pretend like you could win any debate - you just can't be bothered. You say "tl;dr" and "lol" "whatever," and the tragedy is that you honestly don't know you lack the critical thinking skills needed to have a meaningful discussion.

I'll say this simply - you cannot debate the concepts. You do not have that ability. It is not a choice you are making, you are fucking retarded faggot. No matter what insult you make, everyone will see that you could not even take a swing at it.

Not that guy but the insight is filled with quite a few truths. Better yourself. Don't leach off of someone no matter the abuse to you have received. Move on. Be better.

i know your feel, i almost had a threesome with a friend like that and it messed up my relationship with a 10/10 qt even tho nothing really like actual sex happened

here's some tits

Move in with your best friend and find a shitty job to survive on while you look for a decent one.

Alright, but riddle me this, how the hell did a faith preaching Christian who idealizes Nazism get into such a position as being a teacher? Who let that happen?

Lol it would be funny if she moved in with her best friend and had to deal with listening to her fuck her ex every night. Cuz that would happen.

Or even better, throw him out on his ass and have the best friend move in while doing the shitty job until finding a good one thing.

That's what you get for being a whore OP. Now show us your tits.

pretty much

He'd have to be out of the picture in what I propose user.

honestly I'm working on it, I'm seeing a therapist, working on my own self image, trying to fix my own head all the wile trying to lose weight and get myself financially stable without the help of family or friends with a man who is willingly giving me the ability to do so without having to live on the street. I feel like a piece of shit for extending this as far as i have and using his money for my own gain is a repulsive thing to do, but its eat or be eaten in this world and i don't plan on being eaten.

right....you plan on doing all the eating. now show us those fat tits

I like this idea best, but the cow has an annoying as fuck kid. I don't like having my ears bleed because of a spoiled brats tantrum

Why do you keep responding to this thread in clear violation of the Sup Forums rules. Stop being such massive faggots and demand togtfo.

...

You fucked up.
Your friend is right.
Move away.
????
Profit

Hmm yeah that would suck. How about you tell your grandparents to look for new tenants as fast as possible and sticking this out until you can leave without them being detrimentally affected?
Also you should make sure to tell your boyfriend that he has no chance of remedying this and that you are just roomies until you can find a job and your own place.

honestly the best advice I've heard so far, I'm just a pussy and don't want to break his heart yet.

you're not playing by the rules

Dumb the boy and the friend, you never said she was fat. I understand now. Fuck nasty fat bitches who think they are entitled.

and your not getting any tit picks so eat a massive black cock, choke and die faggot.

Life is tough choices. Now you have to make some tough choices. There's no easy way out. Sorry. Maybe get your "best friend for 10 years" to let you couch surf at her place until you get on your feet, since she was sort of central to this problem or tell your bf that it's over but sorry he has to put you up until you get a job. Good luck.

He broke his own heart by acting like he did, not wanting confrontation doesn't make you a kinder person, it just shows a lack of maturity(please don't take this as an insult). If you wanna be your own person and deal with your shit, taking these confrontations is key.
Op isn't a attention whoring though, she came here with a story where her gender is pertinent to the thread and she didn't even directly state what it was.
Stop being a thirstyfag.

I'm not Christian. As for Nazism... it is not what you think it is - or rather what you have been taught. I have no problem teaching minorities. Does that surprise you? I actually like diversity - in this true form. Diversity means people are different. It means people have unique characteristics and qualities. Do you think the Nazi hated other races?

You might be surprised by what a little research into that reveals. It is not hidden - it doesn't need to be hidden. People have been conditioned to think Nazism is evil. Have you ever wondered how the country next door (Soviets) killed three times as many people, yet I can walk around with a sign praising Stalin and no one would give two shits?

user there is so much to learn. Do you have any specific questions?

you don't get it do you? it's not about the tits

Also if you are concerned for his wellbeing, leading him on in a dead end relationship isn't very kind of you.
It's better to tell him how things are going to be.

Seems like you didn't make your boundaries clear.
Or didn't know your boundaries.
To be honest threesomes with people you have a close relationship with need a lot of talking with all 3 persons involved.
If he hurts you after you set up the threesomes, it's your responsibility to be able to be emotionally able to handle such complex situations.
And to talk, and not just exit situations.
Love triangles are 4 times more complex than pairs.

You failed.
You did stuff which was outside your ability.
This is 80% your responsibility and 15% his and 5% hers.

See if you agree with this user.

You seem like a very well educated person, considering your supposedly a teacher I guess that's not surprising. But if you don't have any real advice for me about the topic I have stated, I will no longer be interacting with you.

you are right. fuck I'm such an asshole.

And to add:
I would never add such an emotionally immature person like you to my poly-network.
If you cannot handle it, and are unwilling to grow and talk, stick to the monogam stuff and don't play with stuff which is way outside your league.

Don't be too hard on yourself, if you're still working on you own shit, being anxious about confrontation is rather normal. I've been there myself.
You just gotta try to look at this pragmatically and deal with what needs to be done.

Not a problem. But remember that some problems in life are circumstantial, and some are systemic.

A better, or at least improved, personal philosophy will go a long way to improving your everyday life. Consider adopting a strong value system to be like building a house on stone instead of sand.

Treat the symptoms or find the cure. Best of luck to you buttercup.

this is all really rational thinking, and It makes sense. I feel like if i really tried i could easily get over this and continue on to build a stronger relationship with him. but i fucked up in another way and told her something about him that i really shouldn't have and now its expected of me to dump him. with good enough reason too, but its such a fucked up situation and i'm having a hard time dealing with it. not to mention that I have Borderline personality disorder so that kind of fucks any attempt i make at having a healthy relationship with proper boundaries and open communication. I know that I shouldn't have even attempted down this road, but he just kept pushing the subject and i'm a people pleaser so I tried to make him happy and its all fucking just exploding around me.

your right and i really shouldn't have tried to open that door. not until I figured my own shit out and fixed my head first.

thanks user, that actually helps

Thanks for the advice, have a good life user. Hopefully your teaching career goes smoothly.

You need priorities:

- first yourself
- then the ability to have a stable relationship
- then friends
- and then everybody else.

You have protect the more important stuff from the less important one.
For example if the whole world thinks you should dump her and him, fuck the whole world.

If she thinks you should dump him. Tell her why you now think otherwise. (She's your long term friend she will understand why you changed your mind)

If your friend want's something from you which will destroy you. You need to protect yourself from him/her.

cont

You're welcome, I know how beneficial it can be to have a person around to tell you not to panic about shitty situations like this.
And look at it like this, you're here asking advice on how to responsibly take care of this situation.
This is leaps and bounds beyond what I've seen other people with BPD, having a willingness to do.
Keep on working on being a mature and responsible adult and you'll be fine in the future.

Now a different perspective.
You have the chance here to change stuff.
Not for the stuff/or relationships sake but for yourself.

If you are a people pleaser you might have the tendency to ignore yourself to show an face which isn't you.

Change it be yourself show how hurt you are.
For your own well being. Allow yourself some of the pain you might have had from other things in the past.
And don't hide it from people.

Show it to her show it to him.

You might lose him or you might be surprised.
But showing yourself will give you something more important then the money you might extract.

jesus, i miss the days before this place became a parody

user maybe you should post on /adv/ considering how most people here are 12

you are probably right, I'm a new fag tho and completely forgot there was an advice board.

I think you would not be here asking in one of the shittiest boards in the whole internet if you don't have doubts.

Don't do what is expected of you.
Do what your heart wants.
And you might not clearly see what it want's because of the pain and the expectations and fears.
So clear them away show the pain, to somebody to him to her.
Ask if they might support you if you act against expectations.
And then you should hug them.
It seems like you love both of them, and the main problem is that you have a really big fear of being left out, and being dumped.
Show them your fear.
And then you will see how they react.

If they dump you, there is nothing you could have done to prevent this in the first place.
But they might accept you.
Either way you stand more true to yourself.
And might gain something from a situation which atm might look shitty.

honestly, I'm torn. I like the idea of staying with him, but this whole situation has brought up alot of repressed feelings about this relationship. I feel like I could truly grow as a person if i lived on my own for a while, considering I've never actually been single or independent before. I'm 21 and need to start getting my life together, but i have a fear that if i do i might downward spiral. I have a really fucked up head, BPD, Eating diorder, depression, and high levels of anxiety and I'm a right fucked up mess. he sees this and still loves me for some fucked up reason and its hard to let go of that, but I think I might need to. this is the first time I've been sober since all this happened and all this advice is doing is making me realize that no matter how i spin it, I'm still gunna get fucked up in the end.

maybe I'm just growing out of this relationship, like i did with my previous one. or maybe i've just got a case of the grass is greener on the other side. i don't know.

I don't know @grown out.
But I don't think you need to end fucked up.

Thinking this way usually makes people miss opportunities to change their live.

(And if he truly loves you for what you are, this is valueable.)
But do what your heart wants.

Do have have a psychologist, for your problems?

> was actually kind of rapey in the sense that she can't say no to people while intoxicated, and she was every time

good bait.

Either way, I would suggest you take as much personal growth from this with you, as you could.
Might get handy if you have an emotional package to carry in your life.

but props for her not going to tumblr

Start camming OP

100% serious. You can start while still living with him, establish a basic income that will keep growing, and in a few weeks kick him to the curb while still keeping your place.

Not to mention the positive attention from people will help with your mood and self-esteem.

Sounds like you're feeling pretty shitty already. It's not likely to get better, so I think you should concentrate on your own situation without regard for other people's problems. Surely family are more likely to understand than a stranger, especially if they know you need to get out of an unhealthy situation.

No. A shared experience doesn't entitle him to cheat. All that "didn't know where the boundary was" is complete bollocks.

I do, and she helps, but I think i need meds or something.

thats what I thought!

threesome-virgins detected

>pic related

Know that feel user.

strangely enough, this all makes total sense.

>Op isn't a attention whoring though, she came here with a story where her gender is pertinent to the thread and she didn't even directly state what it was.
This guy gets it.
Nice to see it's not ALL newfags user.

You sound very based.

This is a rare and good character trait.

The world sucks with all the manipulation expectation and other stuff around it.

And it might take you a few years until you realize that a lot of the problems are in the way people act with each other.
And on some level you are in parts the sane one.

(Or it might never happen and you destroy yourself by trying to please the idiots)

cont

Some interesting sources for someone like you might be Jordan B Peterson and the book "Radical Honesty" - Brad Planton

Worth a look if you are searching for a different life-path.

Do you love him, or are you co-dependent?
Sounds like you could do with a doctor, not a (cheating)bf.

I see you are also a degenerate. Your convoluted reasoning is evidence that degeneracy makes you stupid.

That's because you're also a degenerate and can't think straight because of your degeneracy addled brain.

I have love for him, but Im thinking it might just be co-dependency

Nope, just don't think it gives either me or my wife the right to go it alone. Particularly in secret - that's just cheating.