F E E L S T H R E A D.exe

F E E L S T H R E A D.exe

Hello, Sup Forums. I've been a reader for a long time now, missed the goldenage but sticked around since 2013 or so. Always felt like this was the only place where I'll be understood, in the best and in the worst times. You made me laugh, you made me cry, you kept me company for such a long time. Anyways never had the balls to tell you guys how I felt, but today I feel like I really need to tell somebody my shitty faggotry problems and you guys are my only real friends. The only ones I can really trust or rely on.

Feel free to share your feels, I'll be starting the greentext now.

Faggot.

Im here bro

As an oldfag, i feel like being a Sup Forumstard is like being in those lovecraftian horror stories where you can find any dark twisted pleasure your heart desires, but at any moment you might find yourself someone elses dark twisted pleasure.

That's waaaay more romantic than it actually is, but fuck it, it's more fun to think of that way.

Post traps and blacked OP.

we hate you

This is fucking sad, dude. Not in a feels way, but in an "I feel bad for you" way.

You need to get the fuck out of your house. Make some friends. Get a therapist. Good god.

i had by bank account emptied. everything i have worked for for the past 8 years has gone. im curled up on some clothes next to my bed. im feeling shit op. fuck you.

That's the beauty of a computer screen and your imagination dude, it's whatever the fuck you want it to be. Interesting take

blow some coke and listen to Hungarian rap you faggot

> you guys are my only real friends.

Not really, but people can relate, that's about it.

So whats your fucking problem, just say it already it's been several mins nao.

I hate my life

Well, here I go. I'll give you some background.

>be me
>lonely girl, bullied at home and at school
>actually pretty (they say)

Until my 12y, my routine used to be everyday the same.
>problems with mother before school
>get hit or pulled of the hair
>get bullied at school
>go back home
>more problems with mother
>be forced to do PERFECT homework
>like for real, if it wasn't perfect I'd got smashed by her
>be punished without entretainment
>cry myself to sleep
>wake up again

Got several anxiety issues as a child, puked every morning and cried every single day. Also started to have nighterrors around 8-9y.

>be me
>14yo
>started to have "friends" irl and online
>first love
>he was actually fake, a made-up person
>broke my shit down
>still got bullied
>still had same mother issues at home
>dad never gave a fuck about the situation
>straigh A++ student
>wasn't enough

It was then when the people issue started.

You and everyone else here on a Friday. Tried xanax?

Fake, made-up person? You fall in love with a bot?

be me
>my father died 2 months ago
>have to study Aerospace Engineering
>not anymore fat
>realize I am ugly
>build mussel
>do not have a scoial life
>mother 24/7 depressive

How dare I? I should be ashamed of myself. That's blasphemous, what I do. He was my family and he was my heart. But now it's to late. You must understand that if I had my brother alive, the strength that I would have, but I don't I'm just a selfish bastard and it makes me sick to my stomach. I only realize how much I liked them when they're gone...

"Friends" gave me a way to escape, helped me evade. But they started to see me as a "propiety". They'd shitstorm me if I talked with new people, attack me anytime I did something they didn't see okay. And they always said the same.
>"we're protecting you user"
>"it's for your good user"

>17yo
>first real irl relationship
>handsome, Sup Forumsro, gamer
>spent nights playing Fallout together and watching good stuff
>browsed together Sup Forums a lot
>then he started to change
>felt attacked by my "friends"
>made them go away
>started to get over my life
>24h/7 speaking to me and getting pissed If I wasn't paying attention
>literally couldn't finish a league of legends game without him being mad at me for not answering
>things got more agressive
>only "friends" who sticked around were scared
>"user dump him he's bad"
>"user this is how it starts, it could end bad"
>"user this could get worse"
>it got worse
>he started to usea agressions and public humilliation
>started to force me to do things
>tried to dump him, he would follow me around
>he was literally EVERYWHERE
>got isolated in home for over a year

He lied to me in everything, plave of living, age, likes, absolutly everything. I think he just wasn't really real at all, just a big construct.

>started to force me to do things
>tried to dump him, he would follow me around

So why not go to the police? Simple as that... my advice: start to think.

Why didn't you get a restraining order?

Tits or gtfo

>and you guys are my only real friends.

many times some user told the same thing - and I'm one of them.

pic related - another one of our real friends

>isolated into roleplaying
>roleplayed my ass everyday around 8h/10h on GW2
>got a big clan, 150 users
>felt nice even if none of them were from where I live
>then this guy discovered I was a girl
>18yo now and suddenly got boobs
>like I used to be like fucking jinx and that year they pooped out of nowhere
>he got obsessed
>tried to get control over all my characters, kidnapping them or sending them to jail
>he would try to kill every other player who tried to get involved with my characters
>saw him on a travel and he followed me around the city
>got to run to the metro station and he was there, running behind me
>then the calls started
>blocked him from everywhere
>he stills text me nowadays with other's phone's cause' I already blocked his numbers
>worst part: he wasn't the only one
>another two guys got obsessed
>left the RP and isolated myself again
>19yo, started to heavydrink and do drugs to avoid thinking
>home panorma got better, they were scared
>I also attemped suicide for first time

Was too scared of him, now I feel pretty stupid for not doing it back then.

Do you think it was manipulation or he may have just been very paranoid that you weren't real?

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Yeah I mean you could've at least done something. Not like with HS where they cry about your bully being a poor SPED working on how to be a human being. I was a SPED, it's just they don't tell you it's a haven for psychos who get coddles instead of consequences.

...

Who's the cutie?

That's actually really good advice

Any cut fags in here?

...

>>blocked him from everywhere
>>he stills text me nowadays with other's phone's cause' I already blocked his numbers

For fucks sake, change the fucking number... problem solved.

More pics like this Sup Forumsro's?

I feel like an idiot for not having thought that. Then again it's been 93 degrees, and I've been feeling shit all day...

...

>got new "friends"
>20yo birthday was awesome
>had my first real girl friend (always used to go out with guys, it's easier to me to talk to them)
>let's call her Rose
>got a new boyfriend
>entered in philosophy which I loved
>this guy was pretty good, sensitive and always taking care of me
>same thing started happening
>at the 3rd month he started to freak-out anytime a guy talked to me
>tried to break my ties with everybody less Rose
>asked me to be aroun 24h/7
>showed up in my university without saying it to take me home by force
>got back my old anxiety issues
>failed exams and mother got nuts
>started to have heart problems
>luckily managed to dump him before he touched me
>Rose was there
>"user, do that"
>"user, dress like this"
>"no user, I do you make-up"
>"no user, we'll go there"
>"no user, today you sleep in my house"
>"no user, don't dress up like that get this from me instead"
>"no user, I'll dye your hair"
>"user, I'm your only friend user"
>"I'll never let you down user"
>discovered she was behind all the problems I had with my "friends"
>discovered she filled my ex-bf head with lies and insecurities
>she was a manipulative bitch who isolated all of us to have me has her toy-friend
>illnevertrustanywomanagain.jpg

...

Is that a yes? Fun fact. Im turning twenty soon. Expecting my gf to leave before then along with my remaining friends.

I never really knew.

>I've been a reader for a long time now
>since 2013

Fuck off newfag

Go to tumblr, tons of them

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Yeah, same here. I have no friends. I come here for social interaction; sometimes I comment. I would never go up to people IRL and just join a conversation.

No one on b is your friend that's for damn sure

The fuck is this emotionally abusive shit?!

im so "depressed" i havent masturbated in a week, i dont even wanna do it because ill just disappoint myself like i always do, i mean ill choke the chicken expecting a good nut and its not even gona be good, i quit all sugar and started brushing my teeth 3 times a day because if i have to ever go to a dentist again ill just fucking shoot myself, tea actually tastes better without sugar for some weird fucking reason, also no more shitty food, started doing push ups and pull ups every morning then a nice cold shower after that to cool off and do breathing exercises to relieve anxiety ( and i MUST admire my "muscles" infront the mirror for like 20 mins before i actually get into the shower) fuck warm water its too mainstream and it dries out my skin, quit league of legends ( gold 3 jungle/sup main) for good because im sick of spending time with fucking retards who cant even play video games properly, hopefully i can start that 32 week welding course soon, a good old fashioned manly job would do me wonders

>thanks for reading my diary

same OP i have been here since 2014 and ima share my feelings
>17
>seinor in highschool
>popular but still bullied
>get in car crash on way to school
>get fucked with all day by a fat kid who would beat my ass if i tried to fight him
>get yelled at whole ride home for nothing
>i know i sound like a bitch but you are honestly the closest thing i have to a real family

Have you tried looking up sexually enticing things on the net?

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...

Now, the present.

>all ex-bfs still try to contact me
>all the ones who got obsessed still are
>had a good bf this time
>he understood me
>he stood by my side with all my problems
>helped me with anxiety problems
>he introduced me to his best girlfriend
>we got instant conection, became besties
>anyways it was hard because it was a long-distance relationship
>I'd stay in his house one month and be back where I live the other, that during 5 months
>really loved him
>first time I ever felt safe with somebody

In this context this new issue started to show up. I can't be alone at night.
>people would follow me around
>say nasty things to me because of my looks
>stalk me
>got several scares going back home at nights
>cars following me
>people following me
>guys even grabbing me to tell me things
>started to get paranoid
>in fact yesterday got followed for around fifteen streets and the guy didn't stop until another guy saw him and came to tell him to fuck off
>people never take me seriously
>not friends
>not random people
>not even the one I loved

My collegue got fucked up due to my travels to see this guy, not enough money to keep paying the career. And my relationship is about to end in three days: I'm alone at his house now.
>he started to get paranoid
>stopped trusting me
>distance issues
>we discovered his did the same Rose did to me before
>she would create insecurities in me and in him
>she would always be there
>"user I know him, trust me"
>"guy I know her, trust me"
>sabotage
>we told her to fuck up a few days ago but I still feel deeply betrayed and hurt
>he would not trust me anyways
>everything is so cold now
>he started to get mad at everything
>he would not allow me to go see him anywhere where his friends would see us
>anxiety came back stronger than ever
>everybody tells me what I should do
>nobody cares about what I want or feel
>also one of the obsessed ones came back today spamming me and trying to make me feel bad for going away

what? like porn? nah im done with porn for good, i was a legit porn addict and i still sometimes find myself watching porn on my phone when taking a shit or something, its fucked up, i easily beat meth, weed, gaming addictions but porn is just a different beast

Jerry! Jerry!

Yeah, or sometimes weird will work too. Like guro, whatever gets your brain excited or terrified.

I feel like I have no control of my life. Everybody just wants me to be their pets. I can't go out alone without something happening. I can't trust anybody who knows how I look. I can't trust anybody because always happens the same with me. I don't know why but It just keeps happening again and again. I feel like this will never change, people will just keep trying to get over me in control and do the same. My insecurities have gotten so huge I just can't handle them anymore. Anxiety is really screwing up my heart again and there's literally nothing that makes me happy anymore.

I really want to die because I don't know what to do and I'm so tired of this.

Thank you, for real.

honestly for me watching porn after not watching it for a while feels like sniffing a line of meth, and im serious, but now that i stopped wanking and watching porn i feel like a totally different person, its crazy, maybe its just a placebo but whatever it is im enjoying it

Alrighty then.

noone reads your greentext, you do know what?

>>nobody cares about what I want or feel

Then tell all those people to fuck off, do what you want etc.

They just seem to never take me seriously, is horrible.

>at a party
>see hot girl
>popular jock sees me eying her
>loudly declares that the "nerd" is trying to "get it in"
>pushes us together
>she starts grinding on me while I stand there, limp
>everyone is laughing
>she tells me to get into it
>stutter out, "B-back that ass up."
>the laughter pierces my soul

Hey OP just wanted to know that I got out of my way to write this to you.

I have a similar story of my own - my best friend and girlfriend turning on me. My family didn't exist.

I just want you to know that Sup Forums is always there.
Sup Forums isn't a place - it's a feeling. The feeling of belonging. Being in a place where everyone belongs and no one is left out. It's because we all have something in common. We really deep down hate ourselves. Maybe the world would be better without us. But it's like a group of friends who know everything about each other. The only difference is that we know nothing about eachother. We are all here.

I've had huge anxiety problems and I've managed to fix them.

I've tried killing myself a total of 4 times.
I've tried every method in the book but I survived.

Before you cease, quit college. Dump all social media and phone numbers and start driving. Drive 3 states over even, and find a 9 to 5 job you would like to work. After you get your first paycheck change jobs. Start talking to people. It's you whos calling the shots, take your time. Do this until you feel the spark of belonging, interest, enthusiasm Sup Forums had. Think of people as your best buds, and get to know them. Be the cute girl without a past appearing and disappearing in people's lives.

Think of your affect on those people.

Then think of your previous life.

>be me
>employer tells me he's got the right girl for me
>afterwork dinner with coworkers
>fat slob appears
>eww.jpg
>everyone laughing at the "new couple"
>feeldepressed.jpg
>slob tries to get flirty without touching me
>seems like she didn't expect to have to actually flirt
>end of dinner, employer willing to drive
>front seats, he and his skank
>back seats, me and the fat slob
>can't even crack a joke
>eventually stop to leave slob
>don't give her even a byebye kiss
>she disappears in the alley
>next stop at my house
>get off and go to bed without even showering
>next Monday employer asks me if I did meet her again
>nope.exe
>at least if I was texting her, or fb, or whatever
>nope.mpeg
>tells me not to worry, she will surely try to get in touch again with me
>she literally ghosted
>and I ghosted as well

Thank you for this, for real.

Anyways there's a problem with the driving plan, but I'd totally love to do it. I live in an island and it's pretty hard to get away, if kinda helps the feeling of being trapped sometimes. But I really get the idea of what you're talking about.

But thank you user, thank you a lot.

Perhaps you should do what # did and ghost. Fly away, to somewhere knew, and leave everything behind. A reset can do wonders, sometimes

if OP is still here and if it matters, im here and im reading your story and i actually feel sorry for you
u seem to be a decent person who could truly find joy in life but ur circumstances dont let you
and dont know how could i help u but im here now for a good while if u want smb 2 talk 2

n i C e

man i just fucking hate fat people so much, if i see a fat person i berate them in my head, i guess because ive been in a good shape my whole life i hate seeing people wasting their bodies by getting fat and ugly, but on the other hand everyone is free to do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies, i just hate fat fucks

So fucking edgy

Thank you user. I'll be here for a while too.

I don't know. I just always try to do things the best I can, I don't like to upset people. But it always seems like it's not enough for anybody, and I always end up punished one way or another. I feel useless.

It's really just getting away.

I hate my old town. The sight of it is repulsive to me.

But when I arrived here - I don't know if it's because it's a large city or what.

My first night was me sitting on a rooftop enjoying the summer atmosphere and that same feel. The hot concrete from below radiating with cozyness and with every car in the boulevard passing I felt a feeling I can only describe as absence. I feel real but I'm not here. I'm experiencing something beautiful but it's slipping past me just to reappear. Like watching a movie.

Anywhere I'd go in the city, at night particularly - I am here.

Stuck in space.

Floating adrift.

Maybe somebody will find me.

I wonder where I'll land.

I also felt lonely as fuck for most of my life
But I started smoking pot, met with local potheads around my age and they are now what I can call friends, so I guess I am lucky
I cant advise you anything that could truly get you out of all this shit, but I guess pot, art, music and exercise can truly help to find yourself and become mentally more independent
But I dont know, maybe its just me, coz I love smoking, drinking, literature and music like really and they help me to escape from this reality and have a good time just by myself
I guess Sup Forums is similar like these shits
and sorry if my english is broken sometimes

I really thought she was into me, she was only into leading guys on and toying with them. still lonely. what's wrong with me

My friend went through this. It hurts my heart to see you thinking lowly of yourself because other people treat you so. Just remember you're a decent person worthy of anything just as anyone else

Just curious what you're up to nowadays?

You already learned that people are not to be trusted etc. so what will you make of it now?

I sounds really good, peaceful. I used to feel similar when I first visited a big city, where this guy lives. But it just turned dark with time. I'd love to walk alone, at night, during hours and in non-party days so there'll be no one in the streets. But with the recent encounters I feel unsecure being out and alone.

Maybe when I get back to my island I'll try to go alone to my grandparent's house. It's in a small town, far away from everything. Pretty isolated of civiliation (they literally didn't have internet till' a few months ago)

>be me
>just got a bj from my girlfriend a few minutes ago
>feeling pretty good right now

I do also enjoy music and art, but not much people around gets that here. I'm the weird one who enjoys going to museums or spending a whole day just writing/painting. But lately everything lost it's shine a bit, and it really gets me sad.

Don't worry about your english, mine is pretty weird sometimes too.

Thank you for that user. It's really hard for me to see myself like worth or decent, but reading you guys is making me feel better.

ayeeeee stoner here

you're all sad fucks, instead of sitting here and writing meaningless shit try to find the source of your depression and try to fix it, your life will not get any better if you gona sit here and write sappy shit, if you cant beat depression and anxiety naturally then go see a doctor and get on medication, get off the computer and read a book or draw, clean your room, mediate a bit, shit like that is healthy for your brain

I'm not sure. I'd love to just vanish, read and write somewhere where I can't get hurt anymore. But I've to get hurt. In fact I'll probably be devasted in 3h when he comes home: I'm not going back to my island till' tuesday and is being really hard to keep the apparences while living with somebody that actually hurts me. I still kinda love him anyways and I don't want to hurt him in anyway. But he's hurting me, I'm not okay and I can't pretend things are allrigth anymore. Less knowing that everything will be over forever this Tuesday.

I highly encourage you to take measured risk like that.
It gives you perspective which is what you need most in a moment like this.
A point of reference out of more angles.

I mean your whole story hits home I'm tempted to greentext.

I guess it's our similarity of lack of self worth and individuality

What do you want?

this

It's so nice to feel understood, to not feel alone at all.

Sounds like you need a bodyguard to bust some heads in. I suggest hiring a tard from /fit/ or /k/ to just follow you around and threaten some fucking stalkers. Hell, they might even do it for free. I know I would.

nowadays rather just cigs and some beer, with friends some pot but yeah i used to be pretty much of a stoner

>they laugh at me for "cutting the cake weird"; "haha look at how he cuts the cake"
worst part. get this type of shit all the time

I want the pain to go away, I just want to be able to do what I like without feeling weird or bad for it. But people is just always in the way. I just wish this whole situation would end nicely and soon -which is not going to happen.

I mean, I think I'll really be happy again if this guy stopped doing the same that all the others did before. If he just came back home and gave me a hug. Just, I don't know. A "hey user let's watch that bad horror movie you wanted to see and cuddle till' you stop crying" thing. Or a "let's play some Fallout" too.

jesus h fuckpop you are gullible

>In fact I'll probably be devasted in 3h when he comes home
>really hard to keep the apparences while living with somebody that actually hurts me.
>I still kinda love him anyways and I don't want to hurt him in anyway. But he's hurting me,

So you're living with your "BF" in a house or whatever, he is hurting you.

Just tell him it's over, rent an apartement in hotel or something sleep there etc. just say it's definitive end of that relationship, if you're not feeling that you're yourself and you're hurt end it before it gets even worse. Then move on... if he's going to "stalk you" or whatever else, just tell him you'll take legal actions against him, if he ignores it just do it and you'll easily win.

Anyway you said something about islands, where are you from?

Also you don't love him, you're telling yourself that you do "still love him" beacuse you want to love somebody.

>emotionally abusive
you're the reason for all the bad things in life
get harder, milquetoast shitstain

I am here for you, if you want to we can play something together like Dark Souls or Overwatch.

My username on Steam is Angerpull.