Hey Sup Forums, need an advice, funnily enough a relationship advice...

hey Sup Forums, need an advice, funnily enough a relationship advice. even though i know most of you are permavirgins who know fuck all, but sometimes i see pretty smart and insightful people on here, so here it goes.

>be me, live w/ my gf for over 4 years now
>had our share of problems over the years, who hasn't
>both work in music, spend a lot of time working from home
>she's an instrumentalist, plays with different bands for living
>she's always been emotional and sensitive, it's okay by me

however, lately something's been really bugging me. we get into fights (basically just get each other upset) over the same fucking thing over and over and i don't fucking understand if it's me that is a stupid cunt or is she being in the wrong.
it always goes like this - she tells me something, like some troubles she's having or that she feels sad about something, i say something to sort of make things look not that bad, basically, "hey, but look at this thing from this side" and then she gets mad/upset with me that "i don't listen to her and don't understand". i'll give you an example:

>last night, laying in bed
>she tells me that she's down about this week, because of lots of stuff she doesn't want to do and she won't have time to work on her music
>tell her "hmm, well but hey what about tuesday and wednesday"
>she says nothing about that and then complains that there's a project coming up with this artist she plays for but doesn't enjoy it
>say "okay i know, but it's not really that much of an effort and he pays well" (music is simple college tier shit, but popular here)
>she gets mad for the reasons i stated above

am i really the one that doesn't listen? is it so fucking bad that i say positive things? wtf. it always is like that, for the 213535th time now.

give me some feedback, femanons especially.

Ex did the exact same shit. Annoyed me to no end.

is that the reason that she's your ex now?

sounds like she just wants you to agree with her complaints
you sure that project wasn't on t/w?

Sounds like the classic:
Men are form mars women are from venus thingy..

Not an expert by any means, but i have lived with 3 different women, and slept with more
girls than the average dude here i presume.

Not all girls want a solution to their problems.
Sometimes they want to vent and just have an understanding and sympathetic ear to whine too.
You as a man are programmed to try and find a solution to what she is complaining about.
Instead say stuff like: umhum, i that sucks. I understand. Sorry to hear that. Is there anything i can do to help you.

>sounds like she just wants you to agree with her complaints
i know, i know, but it's natural for me to sort of try figure out a solution. i mean i don't deny that shit things are shit or anything, i always (especially after we started to constantly fight over this) say that i understand her frustration etc.

>you sure that project wasn't on t/w?
what is t/w?

yeah man, true... but wtf, like i just blurt out stuff like that, not really denying her problems or being a dick about it and just can't fucking control it, it's natural. does this shit mean that for the rest of my life with women i will be on constant fucking guard not to say a word too much, even if that word is friendly kind and all that shit?

t/w = Tuesday/Wednesday

keep trying to solve things. If she's just complaining about her life, she's not in a good position. Try to help her to reassess her jobs/career and sort herself out.

i mean, how fucking hard is it to accept that i'm not being a dick about it and i see she has problems and i'm trying to help and be someone she can lean on, why does she want to almost create another problem for herself by pushing me away and getting us both upset?

solution is easy.
stop trying to make thing sound not so bad or stop trying to provide another perspective. if she wants to bitch or vent just say "uh hu" or "that sucks" or even "fuck them!"
its literally that simple.

>t/w = Tuesday/Wednesday
oh alright. yeah i'm sure, it's next month

>keep trying to solve things. If she's just complaining about her life, she's not in a good position. Try to help her to reassess her jobs/career and sort herself out.

i will. however the problems usually start not when we are talking seriously about stuff like career and so on, but just like bedtime talk or smoke break talk, just casual stuff and that's the main reason that i get caught off guard and say what i think about stuff even though i know she doesn't like it.

i mean, i understand, she wants to vent. but i'm not really a psychologist but another normal human being and reacting and talking is as natural to me as breathing, i just don't think about it and do it the way i'm used to doing it. i would understand if i was somehow saying that her problems don't matter or something, as i said, i'm not being a dick and i love her so much and really care about her, but somehow just like that i feel like classic "i did nothing wrong but she's mad at me"

If you're listening... break up.

>not so bad or stop trying to provide another perspective. if she wants to bitch or vent just say "uh hu" or "that sucks" or even "fuck them!"
>its literally that simple.
dude, i wish it was that simple. honestly i try to do that, but as i said above, sometimes i'm too relaxed and just say stuff like that. i don't know if i can change that and i don't know if i want to change that, basically constantly being on guard and not reacting like i naturally would.

the problem isn't what you said, it is what it represents. to you, you're helping her stay positive in the midst of a shitty situation. to her, you are not validating her emotions by downplaying it to happier points of her life. i've learned (like literally in school) that we need to almost repeat word for word what the other person is complaining about in order for them to understand that we are actually hearing and digesting what they're saying. putting in your two cents before that makes the other feel like they aren't being heard.

it's stupid shit, really, but i didn't make the rules.

i may have to agree with if she doesn't want to bother fixing anything, there's nothing you can do. I think you're already doing what you can.
"don't cast pearls before swine," eh?

do you think it's the situation of how a man is different to a woman or does this apply to everyone?

Sounds like woman-shit. I've gotten my girlfriend to recognize when she's being contrarian for no good reason, but not all folks are so lucky.

You need to tell her you're only trying to help and that it feels pretty shitty to have positivity deflected.

My advice would be to stop her next time she does it and ask her to break down how these things are happening. Ask what you missed, make her point things out.

When you corner the behavior, she'll have no choice but to admit it. If she'll never turn around on the discussion, you might be in deep.

i actually tried that. it ends up in her crying (or crying even harder) and saying that we are discussing things and she's too tired for discussions and so on. i don't know if i'm getting through to her, because it keeps on happening. so, i guess, :(.

It sounds like she's fucking niggers behind your back.

^

none suffering from that affliction here

She just need to be reassured, she's insecure. Tell her she'll make it, be there for her, bring her a tea and some chocolates sometimes when she's working. Not that hard.

OP I didn't even read it all but I can tell its time to break it off.
Be the man. Not the little boy bitch.
Don't cry. Approach her matter of factly and cut her off financially. Not trying to be mean just real.

Sounds like I've had more relationship experience than you listen to me. Not with your heart but your mind.

Kudos though. I'm 29 my longest relationships are 2 years each. Pix obvs unrelate

alright user, here is the truth:
everyones a shit, your mom, your dad, your girlfriend, hell even you. she got her flaws, you got yours. either you guys sit together and talk things through being honest about each other and yoruselves and you can work things out or you decide that its not worth the effort and you leave

sometimes people don't want their problems solved they just want someone to agree with them

This is the closest thing anyone in my opinion has gotten to explaining this. Some people have emotions, and giving them an answer like "You shouldn't feel this way because" isn't the way to fix them.

Here's some suggestions using your example

>>she tells me that she's down about this week, because of lots of stuff she doesn't want to do and she won't have time to work on her music
Yeah I know it sucks when you don't have time for yourself.
>>she says nothing about that and then complains that there's a project coming up with this artist she plays for but doesn't enjoy it
UGH yeah I know it's just some shit tier college bullshit. Why doesn't good music pay well?

OP what you are saying is that you just wanted to solve her problems but if you think about it you really didn't offfer any solution.

she is still busy, she still has to work for college music

OP here.

i actually do these things, i tell here that kind of stuff, but all it takes just a couple of words that are not 100% in line with what she just said and she gets upset. it's ridiculous really. i learned to go out of my way to acknowledge that i see her point of view and understand why things suck the way they are, but as i said all it takes is just few words that are friendly and she gets upset. i don't tell her "you shouldn't feel like this", i say more like "i understand you feel like this and i see all the valid reasons for that and also i just want to say that hmm, what about this, my love?". sometimes actually i just don't say anything other than "yeah, i get it.. shit" and so on, but not the last time we fought but time before that i did that and she still got upset because she still didn't believe that i understand her! shit brothers sometimes it just makes me so mad this shit, like today i can't even fucking start working, because i'm still thinking about that and i know that we will have to talk for fucking hours when she comes back and there's literally nothing to talk about. i was n't being a dick, she wasn't being a dick, we love each other and try to help each other the ways that we can and fail sometimes but not on a some colossal level that it would take 2 hours of crying and 4 hours of talking...

well, i mean there are solutions and there are ways to look at things. i don't think we can solve that shit right now, because as grown ups, we have to do shit that we don't like sometimes but also as grown ups, we should learn to deal with it and one way of doing that is finding positive sides about that, right?

hey OP 2 things:
1. If you tell sb that sth is not sooo bad, you are disrespecting their problem. Sensitive people can not handly that. So either you play more beta and listen to her problems, just repeat some parts of what she said without looking stupide, or you do it like me: Change the topic without making her feel bad.
2. Women work differently. They don't want solutions most of the time. They want that you listen to them and comfort them. I always made a joke to change the topic. Works better than expecting.

Hope I could help you. Never had a real long lasting relationship like you though. Longest thing was like a good half year and I'm probably younger than you.

tl dr

I understand why your chick hates you learn to shut the fuck up

You know what? Fuck her with a rake, smash her face with a marzipanstollen and blow both of your heads with a shotgun. You're both attention seeking whores.

You can't tell anyone how they should be feeling about something.

If you are say complaining about your gf not understanding that you are just trying to help and I tell you just let her yell at you you are going to be like fuck you I don't deserve that and that doesn't help. That is basically what you are doing with her problems.

she doesn't want you to solve her problems for her, she just wants you to listen and empathize

What the hell is that new trend of whining like a 12yo girl on Sup Forums?
You're taking the white male meme to a whole new level

fuck off m8, feels threads have been a thing for ages

well you're the one posting anime pictures matey, so fag away from here

You are always telling her that her feelings are wrong and she should look at it from another point of view. You know nothing about women, just listen and don't keep trying to be clever. Just listen.

Haha, no.
Or right, you're around since 2015.
Your tears are a perfect lube, thank you.

i'm trying, however i disagree that a couple of friendly words are a valid reason to get mad at someone. i really struggle to feel i'm the one in the wrong.

no tears here, not a fag. have a good jerk though i will probably fuck my gf tonight because we will make good anyways

Trust me OP you are doing it wrong. Just listen. Twice married ancientfag here.

I'm good with mine since 12 years.

...

if you are not ready at any moment to leave her you shouldnt live with her

He shouldn't even live himself, that's a fucking waste of oxygen.

OP, look at your relationship from an outside perspective. Do you see yourself being happy with her in 5 years? hell, 10 years? Will she always complain because she's unsatisfied with her life? or is this something she'll be able to get over once she gets the right job, etc.? If you have any doubts, maybe it's time to move on. And if you don't think you're good enough for anyone else, I'm sure you'll do just fine.