Has anyone here had a psychotic episode? What did you see? What did you believe? Did any good come of it?

Has anyone here had a psychotic episode? What did you see? What did you believe? Did any good come of it?

>be me, 28 year old atheist my entire life
>serious relationship (lived together 4 years) came to an abrupt end
>got obsessed with Blood on the Tracks around this point
>this turned into an obsession about Bob Dylan
>decided to listen to Bob Dylan's entire discography
>also had to read all his books, find every written and video interview, watch all the documentaries etc.
>soon Bob Dylan is nearly the only thing I am thinking about
>go on holiday with ex-girlfriend as we had already paid for it
>she was unbearable to be around but made me feel guilty if I went and did my own thing
>took all my strength not to ride to her insults
>started writing songs instead
>didn't feel like I was writing these songs, more that they were being delivered to me by a higher power
>was writing what I saw as hit potential songs in ten minutes with no musical background
>felt sheer elation at this
>asked for a sign from God that night
>the wind immediately started blowing yet I saw a bush freeze
>dismissed it as coincidence and returned to my hotel room
>immediately struck by the image of a black branch on he hotel room wall that seemed pure evil - a sign of Satan (pic related)
>thought it was trying to swallow my soul
>prayed to God and felt an electric current racing through my body
>believed I was levitating briefly
>woke up the next morning as a true believer, touched by God

(Continued)

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Do continue, user

>first thing I do is go to the beach and listen to New Morning and Saved
>start believing Bob Dylan is a "messenger of God" and that I might be too
>finding things relating to my experience in his music everywhere
>"the answer is blowin' in the wind" fucking literally
>"I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin" but where was the blood?
>"where black is the colour, where none is the number" - definitely describes what I saw
>believe Bob Dylan is a prophet and that I have been chosen to deliberate on his Nobel lecture and explain a system in his music to the world
>work on this speech for days whilst continuing to write songs
>too excited to sleep, task at hand felt too important
>start arguing with ex a lot about this, she doesn't grasp the importance of my speech and thinks I am losing my mind
>suddenly I realise the blood on the branch was to be hers, I had a vision of it sprayed across the hotel room wall
>believed I was given a warning she would commit suicide in that room and it would be my fault
>also believed she was the "Sad eyed lady of the lowlands" as described by the "Sad eyed prophet" (Bob)
>I have a problem where it's exceptionally difficult to cum during sex - "where no man comes"
>booked the next flight home thinking it was the only way to save her life
>she arranged for a doctor to give me a sedative for the flight
>was supposed to put me to sleep but just pretended until she left the room
>I knew what I had to do then
>I stared into Bob Dylan's eyes on Bringing it all Back Home, glowing white hot
>I looked into my own eyes in the mirror, like a dark vacuum or an empty warehouse
>I said "do you want to make a deal"
>I believed either Bob or I would drop dead on the spot, hopefully him, in order to save my ex's life
>believed I would have to hit the road with my songs
>whilst trying to absorb Bob's soul the song It's All Over Now Baby Blue came into my head
>I burst out laughing and at that moment realised I had gone fucking nuts

>"you must leave now" - get help
>"the highway is for gamblers, better use your sense" - you're not a fucking musician
>"take what you have gathered from coincidence" - it was all coincidence
>"look out, the saints are coming through" - I had literally seen a saint in the light on the wall minutes before
>"it's all over now baby blue" - self-explanatory
>went and saw a shrink as soon as I got back to UK
>didn't need to be kept in as I recognised I was psychotic though did believe there was a system in Bob Dylan's music that leads you to that one song where you realise you are fucking nuts
>fully recovered now though have let up the songwriting and learned guitar quickly
>my songs are good, they are mine, and if there is a God I can't overthink it as I would just look for signs in everything and go bonkers

All in all I am kinda glad it happened. Feels like a new lease on life. Still love Bob but he's not a prophet!

>whilst trying to absorb Bob's soul
kekkeled

What was your treatment like?

I have a lot of those moments, looking for signs, and inevitably I start seeing them and going crazy again. It's just hard to look away from that nonsense when you've seen (or hallucinated) some pretty damn convincing stuff.

Interesting, glad you're doing well. How's your ex?

My treatment has been fine. I was on 100mg quitiapine at first but it was too sedating for me. I am now on 5mg aripiprazole, a very low dose. Psychiatrist hopes I will be medication free around January. This all happened about three months ago and was deeply unusual for me and is being treated as a stress induced one off episode. I think it's unlikely I am bipolar and I am definitely not schizophrenic, the only time I hallucinated was after being infected enough diazepam to knock out a hippo.

Thanks user. Fortunately my ex is fine, although she really fucking hates Bob Dylan now!

Have you been able get on good terms with her?

Better but I am trying to keep my distance. She expects a lot from me, she is estranged from her family and I think what caused the a lot of the problems in our relationship is that she had started to treat me like a father figure. Even she has admitted this now. Much better to move on.

youtube.com/watch?v=3qI-Koffmpk

It's good to set boundaries.
I hope you two will still be in each other's lives in a positive manner. I also wish you good luck in the future and wish you (mental) health

That comment could be construed as a deal with God as well (the chief commander). It's a curiosity, whether Bob believes it or not I would love to know but my suspicion is he is just enamoured by blues tales of the crossroads and doesn't actually believe in it.

Gorilla and the Bird is a book that came out today about a guy who has bipolar disorder. I read it. It is a good book.

Thank you user.

Yeah, I've had a few drug induced manic episodes. Being a genius prophet of eternity is fun for a few hours, but it's hard on relationships.

> No, REALLY, I'm TOTALLY GONNA WIN A NOBEL PRIZE

This wasn't drug induced but I know exactly what you mean, haven't felt so fucking great and full of confidence in my life.

I can't green text worth shit on my phone. But I have psychotic breakdowns where spiders and shadows are all over and I see people thatbarent there telling me to come with them. Heavy shit

I mean at the time. Now I know my thoughts on Bob Dylan were not even totally unique, a few oddballs think that he has been proselytising since John Wesley Harding and it's of interest only to religious nuts and Dylanologists.

Yeah man, one night I was rolling around on the floor thinking God had answered my prayers re: financial trouble by giving me MS (I don't have MS) and making it so I could go on disability or something. It became tied up with me thinking I would be a TV star for being an atheist God talked to. I was smiling and laughing my ass off; called my gf and left a six part voicemail message explaining the situation.

Good times.

Hah, that is brilliant user.

God spoke to you, your mind just couldn't handle it so it retreated into fantasies about Bob Dylan

If I actually believed this shit was real I wouldn't post it to Sup Forums of all places.

There was a funny wee bit I left out.

>after days of working on the speech feel that I have earned the right to a break
>go to the hotel spa for a swim
>it's empty and as soon as I hit the water it feels perfect, like a gift from God
>an organ rendition of "God only knows" by the Beach Boys comes on
>the most beautiful girl I have ever seen comes in at the same time
>alabaster skin, raven black hair, just the image of perfection
>tell myself she might be an angel sent by God as a gift
>after fifteen minutes of giving her the eye I pluck up the courage
>tell her she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen
>she doesn't speak English

Left laughing to myself, pretty sure she had a vague idea what I said but she was so out of my league I had a nerve even smiling at her. That one I accepted as coincidence.