Help. I accidentally became a player and I want to change. Here's my story

Help. I accidentally became a player and I want to change. Here's my story.

I met my true love in 2013 when I was 18. We were both virgins (sharing beliefs on love and waiting) and we gave that to each other. We were together for 2 years (living together for 1.5). In 2015 she got pregnant (unexpectedly, due to her severe anorexia). I proposed to her, knowing I wanted to spend my life with her. She said yes. 5 weeks later she died in a car crash. I was broken.

I became a drunk for a year. Flunked out of school. In the next year the girls I slept with went from 1 to... a number I'm not proud of. I would just get drunk and pretend the girl was her. Sometimes seeing multiple girls at once. A year later I was forced to sober up due to an arrest and probation in 2016. I continued to meet and sleep with girls regularly. I wanted something real. But I would always end it for a few reasons. I felt guilty because I loved another girl and always would, they didn't deserve that. Also tne fear of losing someone again; girls would ask why I don't trust them not to leave, but as you know it was more that I couldn't even trust the universe not to fuck me over and kill someone I care about. I would often see a few girls at a time to try to keep these relationships casual. Knowing I'd eventually end it, I often ended them as soon as possible so I would hurt them as little as possible. It didn't always work.

I've left too many broken hearts in my wake. I've been with every type of girl and fulfilled every fantacy I can imagine. But all I've wanted ever was to find someone and settle down. But I already found that person and I feel I'll never move on, so how can I be with soneone else. I'm not proud of who I am at all. I feel regret and shame all the time, but it doesn't stop me from repeating what I've done.

Please. Just give me your advice. Or your thoughts. I want to stop. I want to be with soneone special and marry them and have kids and not want anyone else or feel guilty.

OH here

(Before someone asks how I've picked up X amount of girls, I'm a dom. A really good dom (literally all I have going for me; I'm pretty average looking and interesting). I can win over subs quite easily. Everyone I've ever been with has been a sub. So no, I don't have STDS or kids. I wasn't hooking up with sluts. Just picking up submissive, trusting, girls... which is so horrible of me... I know.)

OP*

nobody cares

I feel for you. Rough childhood, lots of abuse. Ended up drinking for years, doing stupid shit. Lost the girl that made everything feel right a few months back, she decided she didn't want to have only slept with one man in her life. I feel for you OP, you will pull through. Work for yourself.

Only advice I can really give you man is to try to work past that fear of having someone you love torn from you again. Until you can work past that I can't really see you achieving what it is you really want. I mean really first thing I'd do if I was you is just try sticking with a relationship for longer than you'd normally allow yourself and do your best not to give in to that fear

Thanks. I am trying. Right now I've been with a girl for 9 weeks and exclusively with her for 3. It's a big step for me and I do care about here. But I know she deserves better than me :(

I feel you man but in a different way I dated a girl for 4 years and proposed to her she said yes but after that our relationship fell apart she got drunk and cheated and after I told her I can try to forgive her she told me she didnt love me anymore and left It ate me alive because I have to learn to let her go but I wanted to be with her the rest of my life I never wanted to drink ever until that happened to me I used to be so against it but I dove head in and started drinking heavily and doing drugs whenever someone offered I gained a lot of weight to but one day a took a look in the mirror and realized this isnt who I wanted to be Im better than this so I just started working on myself and my issues I not looking for relationships until I completely straighten out and learn not to fucking hate myself my advice to you is to do that and after that find a relationship with a great girl but tell her, if it eats at you, about what happened to you and your story if she cares she will understand and stay if she doesnt shes not worth your time. Just try to move and think if she was here what would she think of who I am know and try to become the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and share that with some else.

TLDR work on yourself, and make room for another women in your heart, you dont ever have to forget or stop loving the original, she will always be loved by you

Then be better for her be the guy you think she deserves

Nice dude, be proud of yourself. From the sounds of it that is a big step for you. Also try your best to keep from thinking she deserves better than you. Thinking like that's just gonna be a detriment to yourself in the long run. From the sounds of it you don't sound like you're a shitty enough person to where she deserves better than you. So long as you make each other happy and the relationship is healthy for both of you then you should be good. Keep up the good work bro, and don't be too hard on yourself if things don't end up working out in the long run

Thank you. I know my biggest problem is hating myself for what I've done. And I know she would would be disappointed in me if she saw me now. Thanks for sharing your experience. The support is nice.

Tof me it sounds like I'm an extremely shitty person :(

This is solid advice

I really will try.

Just because you've fucked around doesn't make you a shitty person. I can tell because you actually feel guilty about breaking some hearts as you've stumbled along in life thus far. Pay attention to the rest of what I said there too. I can promise you that, unless you abuse or cheat on her, there's no way you're as bad a person as you think you are. And if you really truly do think she deserves better, then follow this advice:

Leave this thread you autistic fuck

Maybe just think about that special love you had with that girl, and know that by playing girls you're ruining their opportunities to ever feel that love with anyone. It should be detriment enough.

Just ignore him. He's obviously a forever alone virgin.

>I want to be with soneone special and marry them and have kids

Your life is going to go to pure shit if you do that.

Agreed

yup

Beta males like OP will always cry like little bitches. You just have to ignore these pussy faggots and let their threads die, which they always do very quickly.

Stop being a faggot. Best advice youre gonna get.

>I'm a dom. A really good dom.
No, you are a mentally disabled little faggot. Fapping to pornhub isn't picking up girls. you should shoot yourself in the head.
Just take a mouthful of water, place the gun under you chin (behind the bone) and pull the trigger. That will free us from your shitposting instantly