All right /B fags, Listen up, I'm a legitimate Certified Black Mage...

All right /B fags, Listen up, I'm a legitimate Certified Black Mage, tell me your problems and I'll cast a spell to fix em right up.

I'm a poorfag and need money.

Same

I have no money and I lack a partner (preferably one that's not an insatiable twat)

I'm a student and I have no idea how I'll get anything done because I have no money and I can't seem to find a job. Wanna help me out? I could really use it

There's a curse on me. I've had nothing but misfortune happen to me left and right. It's been happening every since visiting my grandparent's haunted house. Please help OP. Lift the curse

It has been done, You'll recieve about$5,000 in 2 months time. Next!

Sigh, things are just a little down. I feel like every part of my life is falling apart, my girlfriend, my job, my personal interests. My abilities to feel and do things or even want to. Literally this may be just a last option double check thing but please?

I believe I was next :3

i have smal dick, plz fix.

CBM here, its been done, the curse has been lifted, however, I have also shortened your life for a few years by doing so. Everything has a price.

I want a cute gf pls mr black mage.

Bada bing badoo, get a job. Fixed.

I need to pass all my classes, please

That's quite alright OP. Thank you

I need to lose weight and I need money please and thank you

Are you a Lich? only those who have achieved lichdom may become a Black Mage

No spells needed here, simply find a hobby and relax for a bit, Lighten your mood and you'll find something for sure.

Indeed, after being a virgin for 65+ years do you truly become a Lich, I'm almost there myself.

i want to see every nude of every girl i've ever knew. that would be great, thanks a bunch milton.

It is done my friend, Simply wait one week and she'll be looking right at you, take that chance and she will say yes.

also I got a huge chunk of glass stuck in my foot. I'm trying to get that out on my own.

Hmm.. Let me see if i can find any spells for this one..

Pull hard my friend.

Wizard I demand a sammich and a shutdown of this salty account

I'm not the black mage but a white mage, post pics so I can think up a concoction for you to heal

How do I become a Black Mage? Is there a god?

HUZAH, it is done. Now lay of the damn soda and sugars.

My gf needs to go away

>mfw op is actually a black mage and is secretly cursing us all

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What is the price for your services, oh dark one?

erase human being from this world plz.

In order to become one you must be a virgin for a set amount of years. It various from person to person. Even just the tip counts. Also, there is no god, you just rot in the ground sadly while society and the people in it move on about thier lives while you are well forgotten.

If that's okay I have another issue (You didn't say we weren't allowed to post twice) But I'm not a half bad looking woman, for some reason though men won't look at me twice, I have very low self esteem because of it and I really wish I could be more attractive in other people's eyes, maybe it would help make some of my fantasies come true aswell, who knows.

Certified by who? Hogwarts?
I thought you kids had school tomorrow. Go do your homework.

No request just wanted to thank you for giving people hope in this shit world

Hmm. I was planning on being a virgin and living long. Thanks user.

Price various depending on demand.. be careful..

ok I literally just got the glass out. it's been 2 days. IDK if the black mage did anything but wow.

Holy shit, this white mage is for real.

Then even you too shall become far more powerful than you've ever dreamed of.

Help me quit smoking please.

Increase my luck without any backlash, is that possible?.

Alas my friend it was the dear black mage that hath aided this man. I the white mage simply did nothing as alchemy is my real prowess.

I want to make amends with a certain someone

It is done, this is a one time offer however, I have been using the dark arts for everyone, how do you think Trump won? There is always a price, I have helped you.

My Kundilini is not flowing as freely as it should be. Getting back into meditation but help would be nice.

After the set amount of virgin years, how do I become a Black Mage? Do I just be blessed with knowledge that only a Black Mage would know of?

um op black mage please don't do anything for me and please don't be offended. I think I can handle this now that the glass is gone

What does it take to become a black mage?

Hey "black mage," your pentagram is the wrong way around to invoke the Goetia.

I'm afraid not.. I can increase your luck temporarily but your bad luck will return to compensate for your increased good luck! IT is done.

>I'm a legitimate Certified Black Mage
I want to believe but I can't unless you show me your black mage certificate. You're certified so that shouldn't be a problem.

You must be a virgin for a certain amount of years as OP said.

Absolutely, It shall come flowing to you like a rushing river.

I often feel depressed

Im a friendless virgin idiot. How can i be more sociable?

Need help with extreme anxiety .

I gotta know, who certifies Black Mages? The Mage Council of Uritrea? I got a problem maybe you could solve, too many Ceritfied Black Mages, maybe you could kill one for me...

Impoverished, unemployed, live in ghetto

Just got it today actually. been practicing for years now.

Make usps find my package and get its shit together already and drop it off already. Its been stuck in package limbo for a while now.

Simply go outside more, take a walk, no spells needed. Talk to the first person you see.

I need to lose weight and I need money.
Please help me.

I get crippling panic attacks that can't let me focus on anything, help me out here, cheers mate.

It is done, They just got their shit together, but expect your product to be damaged slightly.

Can you mame me more attractive? If not super strength, or if you are feeling generous, both?

I no have friends...

I really try, but i have a very low self steem and the most awkward person ever

Yes.. us mages have waged war together through the ages, tis not a pretty sight to behold. All sworn in must vow to never harm a fellow mage so as to not disrupt the peace we have endured.

Ill be your friend user

Lmao "they just got their shit together"

Let your akwardness be your strength, you would be surprised that many others are far weirder than even you.

I dream of being a very talented artist that stands out from the rest. Maybe even a porn artist I don't care if I become the next Shadman but I would be so happy if you would make my wish come true.

The power of the black mage..

How do I use Magick?

I'm an actual mystic and professional tarot reader. The Dark Mother is here, watching. I make no promises, but address the Dark Mother and I will pass your comment on. Do so of your own Will, and accept the consequences.

It is done my friend, You shall be better than Mittsies, Gideon, Shadman and the like

Am in the middle of a thesys and applying for a scholarship abroad.

I need to finish my thesys first but my counselor is a lazy fuck and sometimes only gives me hints on what to do.

I want to graduate, and I want to go abroad.

I beg a thousand pardons for ever doubting you.

Any strings attached if you do something for me?

i need luck.i am handsome,rich guy but i just dont have luck.grant me some luck grant master mage

You Shall Graduate, But at a heavy cost.

Great Dark Mother, please enlighten me onto the ways of becoming a fulfilled and healthy millionaire?

Sorry but can you refresh my memory on what tarrot cards are?

What is your question young one?

Before I make the request or give consent, what is the price for causing my lesbian coworker to decide to have sex with me and act on that?
Cis male here. She had stated that she's not entirely unattracted to guys.

If youre rich and handsome youre already pretty damn lucky

No.

She will fall in love no doubt. Is that a price worth paying?

Before you go to sleep tonight, ask the Dark Mother to come to you in your dreams. You will know it's her because she has no face and a grey cat.

I'm at work and I don't have shit to do. Make me have to poop so I have an excuse to go watch YouTube videos.

Not OP here... Describe yourself. What's so allegedly unappealing about you?

Ill have that in mind. Thanks mage

I would like to be passing all of my classes by Friday. What would have to be taken away or given up if you were to do that for me?

My tooth enamel is so worn down that it's translucent. Pls halp

The woman I love doesn't seem to notice me

Not the ugliest bitch in the world, or the dumbest. But ive never had a boyfriend. Will i die alone?

Paid gladly, thanks.

Just for my peace of mind, will it require blood or something more mundane?