Who's got a good story? I'm fucking bored

Who's got a good story? I'm fucking bored.

i got one.
>op is a fag

HA! Classic

But I am so it's accurate

Bump

How about I tell the one of my mini race war?

>Be me 15 y/o Slav kid.
>Dad was an immigrant from the Crimean
>Attend American school that's chock full of nigs, spicks and my fellow Slavs among others
>One day, I witness my fellow Slav being beaten on by a spick.
>GopnikSupreme.exe
"Hey cunt, why are you fucking with Vlad?"
"Back the fuck off user, this fucker owes me $20"
Cont?

Continuing anyway
>Go full Slav
"I'm gonna breeki your cheekis"
>ThefuckdidISay.jpg
>Proceed to punch him square in the face
"If I see any of you spicks fucking with my boys again, you're dead"
>Tfw I made it about race
>tfw

Ayy heres one from about 5 weeks ago. Enjoy!
>Be me
>18 year old, first night on University campus.
>Be playing OSRS, makin' dem hard gainz boiz.
>Hear knock on my door.
>Hamplanet thinks my room is a janitor's closet.
>Tell her "no, it is just my room"
>She nods and tries to hit on me.
>Fuckno.jpeg
>This bitch is a 2/10 at best.
>Politely decline, but secretly think, "Fuck off you fat lardass."
>Notice she's been acting weird.
>Randomly sitting down and standing up.
>Find out she's drunk as fuck.
>She is an 18 year old, pre-biomed major.
>Later that night
>Be talking ti some the other people on the floor.
>Turns out she tried to fuck the black guy that lives down the hall from me.
>Thought his name was Dequan.
>It's Richard.

about a week after this...idk extortion?
>I now have a full on crew of squatting gopniks, celts, and the two italians in town.
>Niggers do their own thing for the time being
>Even with my full on crew, we're still outnumbered by spicks
>Today, I decide to go to a party at one of the only niggers I like's house. Let's call him Jamal
>Jamal has the dankest kush in town
>Not saying much because most of it is shit weed, which I learned after I left
>He smokes me up
FuckI'mhigh.jpg
>Spicks show up
>Me being paranoid and stoned think that the niggers set me up
>Head spick gets up in my face
"The fuck is this adidas wearing fuck doing here?"
"The fuck are you doing here Carlos?"
>OhshitwhatdidIJustSay.wav
"The fuck you call me?"
This is where shit hits the fan

user has more stories. more?

I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

>Be me
>Come to Sup Forums
>Sup Forums
>Click on this thread
>OP is a fag

cont
>Jamal stands up
>Gets right up in head spick's face.

His actual name was Dustin, but whatever I wanted to piss him off

"If you're gonna start some shit, then you're getting the fuck out, or gettin yo ass beat"
"Yeah, and who's gonna do it?"
>mfw
>Jamal proceeds to single handedly beat the shit out of dustin and one of his boys.
>I'm still stoned off my ass because I'm lightweight as fuck
>Dustin gets carried off
"I always hated that motherfucker. Lemme know if you ever need anything."
>Nigs are siding with whitey against spicks.

Fuck you. I got more.
>Be me
>Junior Year of High School
>Am the Autist of Sup Forums in the school
>My other friends are pretty bad too, with one in particular being completely fucking random.
>Let's call him Junior.
>Junior and I are in Chemistry class.
>Class has 2 other of the friend group in it.
>Let's call them Bobo and Boobert, as these are their nicknames.
>Junior gets an idea.
>He corners Boobert in the corner, and we follow suit.
>BeginRapeMode.exe
>We begin to viciously hump Boobert, all three of us.
>The whole class notices.
>"user what the fuck?"
>MFW we were fucking jackshit retarded.

cont
Three weeks or so since the party
>Other than a few minor fights everything is calm
>I'm generally not involved in them since my mother is in the hospital. Diagnosed with cancer.
>I'm bringing her some soup from home. I walk to the hospital since it's only a few blocks from where we live
>Gaggle of spicks spotted
>Try to avoid them so I don't lose mama's soup
"Hey user, long time no see."
>Of course, it's Dustin
"Yeah, I'm just bringing my mom some soup."
>He slaps it out of my hands
"Well, since you dropped it, guess you've got some time"
>Nobody fucks with mama's soup
>ExtremeRage.exe
>Go straight for his jaw.
>Bite onto his neck because reasons.
>Now literally quivering with seething rage as his posse comes up on me
"Unless you want some of this, back the fuck off"
>They see him bleeding there.
>Thankfully it was just a flesh wound
>He doesn't die but I kind of wish I'd fucked him up more.
>I go to mom's hospital room.
>Learn she's only got a few days left from my dad.
>Learn they've been hiding her cancer from me
>Storm out of hospital and run down the street.
More to come

>be me woke spic in high school
>pretty boring first 2 years
>local nig nog school closes
>mfw our school was one of 3 to take em in
>not there a full week and a literal race war breaks out
>was getting to the point fights were as normal as walking
>started hanging with white kids for safety.
>one day we were sitting outside
>wild group of nig nogs appeared.
>they charge towards us
>allofmywats.jpg
>mfw they run past us to grab a mexican kid
>mfw i realized i looked white
>mfw the nig nogs and mexicans were all fighting for shittiest race in front of white ppl

Alright anons I need help.
>Met a nice girl on tinder, 21
>Let's call her Carrie
>Carrie and I hit it off and go on a few dates together
>She's a really cool person, never eats and doesn't get enough sleep
>Last date we had a bottle of Skyy vodka and downed half between the two of us
>This girl goes unconscious as fuck so I take her to a buddies house
>Doesn't wake up for 17 hours
>Family has filed a missing person report on her so I get into contact with them
>Meet up with carries family in a parking lot
>Carrie is still unresponsive
>They call an ambulance
>12 shows up, gets statements and shit
>Carrie gets taken to a hospital
>Still hasn't woken up after a full day

How fucked am I?

Cont
About a week later

>@ mom's funeral
>Died in her sleep
>Only solace I can get is that it was fairly peaceful.
>My crew and Jamal show up to comfort me
>Babushka flies in from Ukraine
>My mother's and father's families along with my friends all go to the grave site, and since it's next door to the funeral parlor, we're carrying her.
>Dad, myself, Jamal, Vlad, and Tyler, my Celt friend.
>Literally about to break down before I see him
>Dustin. Smirking. He's over at Moe's (cheap version of Chipolte's if you don't have one)
>Somewhere between dropping my mother to dropkick him and crying
>Decide to just keep my cool

Couple days later

>See Dustin in the halls at school
"So you got to let your mom down one last time huh?"
>he learned just that in Ukrainian because everyone knew I spoke it.
>If you've ever seen someone get kicked in the chest, into lockers, that's what happened.
>We're both on the ground when Jamal comes out of nowhere and drags me off.
>He sends me off campus because he thinks that the school is gonna call the cops on me
>they don't
>I get out of school suspension
More to come

That was actually a good story.
Is there more to it? Did you eventually ram a milky way up hi ass?

Encouragement

>I'm a retard who made something about race when it wasn't
Yeah, no wonder your only in high school

>What's a stale pasta?

Cont
>I spend the week I have out of school planning how I'm going to take that motherfucker down a notch.
>I know he's got money
>I know he's got a pool
>I know he's planning a party this weekend.
>Mostly people from school
>I know the DJ
>PlanForming.Jpeg

Day of the Party

>I pay the DJ to add one song to his playlist at exactly 32 minutes in. He has to cut the song it's at in half.
>I sit in the woods behind Dustin's house
>He leaves with his parents to grab shit for the party.
>Perfect
>I know a guy who knows electronics really well and math and shit
>He made me a little waterproof and electronically opening capsule filled with bullion.
>I put it into his pool filter. Small enough pool that there's enough bullion to make the whole thing smell like soup.

Party time

>I'm sitting within range of the transmitter
"And this song was requested by user"
>Hardbass begins playing
>Dustin looks around terrified
>Press the button
>Within minutes the pool starts becoming yellow
>Midway through the song my voice comes over the speakers
"Nobody messes with my mother's soup
>I watch them all run out of the pool
>Dustin screams my name as I dart off into the woods
>He must have heard me because he comes after me
Final showdown up next

These are good

Chick couldn't hold her liquor and gets hospitalised while you spaghetti out about what to do?

I'd say at least one rape allegation, but otherwise fine.

>How fucked am I?
Depends how many roofies you put in that vodka user?

Come on user need to witness the finale

Final showdown
In the woods
>I book it for Jamal's house
>We planned to celebrate taking Dustin down a notch
>The whole crew is there
>Hear dustin absolutely ROAR my name
>Definitely more than one person with him
>I have about a 3 minute lead on them though
>Jamal's house is only about 2 minutes away
>He's got a bat in the back yard that I grab
"You motherfucker! You embarrassed me in front of everyone. You think you'll get away with this?"
>The crew hears him
>I whistle
>They're out in a moment's notice and Jamal has his dad's glawk fawty
>I have a horde of Celts, Slavs, and Niggers
>Dustin brought 3 of his peeps with him.
"30 something to 3 Dustin. Let's make this fair"
>He's only wearing shorts so I take off my jacket and shirt.

Now I should state, I'm not built. I'm fat looking. In reality though, I've got muscle under fat.

>Throw down bat
"Let's fucking go"
>He starts with a haymaker
>I go under and between his swing and get one right into his face
>use my left hand to get his body
>Slams his whole arm into my face because tired from running
>He pulls a knife and flips it open
>Goes for a stab
>Dodge
>Pick up t ball bat
>Hit his arm
>Break it
"Come on Ese, you were ready to kill me a second ago. Now you can't even get off the ground."
>I hit him in the side, might have broken a rib or two
"Start apologizing bitch"
>He's begging at this point
>Let him walk away
>He and the other spicks leave me alone for awhile
More to come

>Throw down bat
"Let's fucking go"
>He starts with a haymaker
>I go under and between his swing and get one right into his face
>use my left hand to get his body
>Slams his whole arm into my face because tired from running
>He pulls a knife and flips it open
>Goes for a stab
>Dodge
>Pick up t ball bat
>Hit his arm
>Break it

Epilogue
>Spicks are halfway decent in the sense that I and my crew aren't being hassled anymore
>One day though, Jamal gets jumped by Dustin's underlings as he's in the hospital
>I find them after school and hold the same t ball bat I'd used on Dustin.
>Let them know I'm not inclined to care
>bitchmodeactivated.jpg
>Tfw I'm now known as Bat man

Hey, which is more important, facts or embellishing a story?
Truth be told, he tried to stab me and missed. I hit him with the bat. Maybe didn't break it, but the knife wasn't in his hand or in me after so it's decommissioned.

I have another story Sup Forumsrother.
>Be me
>Summer before senior year.
>Bobo, Boobert, Junior, and a few other friends are having a bonfire.
>It's at Boobert's house
>Boobert had a license at that point.
>Decides to drive his car into the fire pit.
>Boom.jpeg.
>Fire pit is everywhere.
>Fire is everywhere
>By the end of the summer, that ifre pit has seen some hell.

1 months later
==========
>Another bonfire
>We go to dollar general to buy some random shit.jpeg
>We buy pool noodles, firecrackers, and mortars.
>For those that don't know, mortars are a kind of fire work that is filled with gunpowder, but not enough to eb illegal to sell.
>We get back to Boobert's house
>We start fucking around, soaking the pool noodles with fire starter. lighting them on fire, and throwing them in.
>We also bought silly string.
>ThrowThatShitIn.wav
>We come to the firecrackers.
>We agreed to not throw the mortars in cause we're not dumb.
>Throw the firecrackers in. Boom.
>Junior gets an idea.
>He randomly throws shit in.
>Cans of soda, Canned food, you know. pressurized shit.
>Shit explodes.
>He then throws a mortar in while noone knows.
>Suddenly, a huge explosion goes off.
"Yo Junior, The fuck you doing? that coulda killed someone"
>He throws them all in.
>Oshiofuckoshit.jpeg
>Begin DuckandCover.exe
>The fucking firepit explodes.
>Pieces everywhere.
>His parents never knew.
>I left cause I'm fairly certain that someone called the police for a noise complaint...

I got more firepit stories. More?

more

n33d moar

Firepit Guy here again.

At Boobert's house
>Be senior year
>Boobert's dad had bought another firepit cause the last one "Broke"
>Boobert's tells the group.
>We decide to go all out this time.
>Boobert has a bunch of Canned Asparagus.
>This shit is expired.
>We chuck them all in, the we take sledgehammers and beat the fuck out of the cans in the fire pit.
>For the nonscience cucks in here, Heat plus force plus pressure equals boomboom.
>After about 10 seconds we run for the fucking hills.
>Junior decides to stay and Pour some more fire starter in there.
"Get the fuck away from there you idiot.
>He's not dumb, so he listens.
>For somereason nothings happening.
>Bobo walks over to the fire pit.
>Turns out the cans had been damaged previously
>All of them. Except 1
>Expired asparagus goes all over him
>Luckily, he's wearing a jacket, so he isn't buyrned too bad.
>The asparagus is fucking rancid.
>This shit is everywhere.
>For the rest of the night, Bobo doesnt wear a shirt cause he threw up on it.

>Pic related. Is Bobo Stripping after the explosion.

bruh, that's fucking hilarious. I did the same thing but with bug spray.

More?

I got one
>be me,gypsy from romania
>16, in geography class
>do something about america
>i did not knew there are 2 washington in the us, thought the one close to canada is dc
>i show her
>''user that's washington not washington dc''
>in my mind ''there are a lot of ppl in washington,that must mean there are a lot of babbies''
>but then
>brainblast.exe
>babbies need diapers
>they cost money
>there are 305,125 niggers in washington dc
>starts with 3
>3 looks like e
>niggers has an r,i,s
>300 hawaian islanders
>l
>e,ris,l
>israel
mfw jews have a monopoly on diapers in washington
mfw the jews are gonna come to kill me

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Bump because kek