How we publicly embarrassed ourselves. I'll start

How we publicly embarrassed ourselves. I'll start
>Be me, be 7
>After school, mum talking to teacher for parent-teacher evening
>In playground, need to shit but wanna play on slide
>half hour passes
>anus is rupturing
>finally go to toilet
>run inside building, run down hall to shitter trying not to soil myself
>run into bathroom
>go straight to urinal, do not pass go
>turn around to go to cubicle but its too late
>thegateshaveopened.jpeg
>tighty whities become tighty brownies
>absolutely terrified
>cannot even move for fear of loosening shit from pant cradle
>decide to take off khaki trousers
>remove pants, put in trouser pocket
>'hopefully it won't run'
>walk out toilet forgetting i'm half naked
>the janitor spots me
>hear a pathetic squeaky noise
>mfw
>janitor looks mentally scarred
>stand there for 3 full seconds frozen in fear
>rush back into toilet
>mum calls
>panic
>put on trousers with soiled pants in pocket without bothering to even shake the shit out
>speedwalk out toilet towards classroom
>notice janitor quietly inch away as i walk past
>find mum
>get in car
>endure silent 20 minute drive home with shit-filled pants in pocket
>go to my room and quietly sob for the rest of the afternoon
I saw that janitor every morning of every day for the next 2 years of my life.

bump for greentext

bump

I wonder if one of these bumps isn't OP

Both are

fuck it
>be me, be 6
>large vocabulary but don't know what any of the words mean
>walking dog with parents
>bump into guy that is a friend of my dad's but i've never met
>introduce mum(who they also had never met) as my wife
>all 3 of the grown ups burst into laughter
>i keep asking 'what's so funny?', getting increasingly louder and louder
>people are starting to stare
>mum says she'll tell me when i'm older
>mfw it took me 2-3 years to realise that meant that we would have been married
most embarassing moment

>Be me 17
>Three years ago
>Watch anime
>Get redirected to some ecchi site becuase of ad shit
>Accidentaly like it by accident
>go on to Facebook later and see some of my relatives posted on it.
>Plan comes to mind
>Like shit loads of porn and garbage websites that aren't porn
>Log off for several hours
>Parents come to me
>acted confused and logged on
>Pretended to be shocked and said that I was hacked or something
>Deactivate account and never touch Facebook again.
>They all bought it
I was able to prevent embarrassment unlike you stupid fucks

bump (not op)
i need greentexts only they can sustain me

K
>be me 5
> In kindergarten
>Scared to go to the bathroom alone
>Scared I will be alone in the bathroom during a fire and burn alive
>hold pee in all day, everyday
>Recess
>long line for swings, like always
> count 10 aligators to swing
>finally my turn
>sit on swing
>instantly lose bladder control
>stay on swing
>my turn is way over
>kids crying
>cant get off swing bc soiled undies will slip off from under my dress
>stay on swing until recess is over
>create many enimies bc of this incident that remain enimies thru grade skool
>teacher comes
>consoles me to get off swing
>get off swing
>wet soild panties slide off
>crying/shame follows
Another pee incident

>still in kindergarten
>still scared of burning alive in the bathroom alone
>hold pee in all day everyday
>group play time or whatever
>everyone wandering around the classroom to assemble into groups
>holding pee all day
>it hurts!
>stand in middle of class room
>start to cry loudly as I piss myself
>entire classroom becomes quite
>teacher freezes
> takes me to the nurse
>they give me man tighty whities
>MENS UNDERWARE
>have to wear gross boy underware all day
>keeps sliding down my dress
>I am the pee girl
Ok last part..

Not my greentexts but I have a few saved

>3rd grade
>finally not scared to pee in bathroom alone
>rationalize that I will probs not be alone in the bathroom if a fire started
>feels good
>no more public peeing
>go to bathroom alone
>sitting on toilet
>fire alarm starts blaring
>smell smoke
>sit frozen on toilet
>slowly get up
>wash hands etc.
>open bathroom door
>flames burning 10 feet infront of me
>screaming
>this is my literal nightmare
>crying
>a teacher lady sees me and scoops me up
>go to field where all the other students are
>go in corner
>piss myself again
Not very thrilling but I always peed infront of everyone from K-5

Moral of the story: Go to the public toilet. If you see a fire and you're in the toilet, piss on the fire.

Yes hello this is my fetish.

bump

Pee girl here
I have another embarassing one
Bump

Well don't hold out on us

Please do share.

Also, tits with timestamp. If you can green text, you know the rules miss.

>be me, 12
>in 6th grade
>at an awkward terrible stage of development
>look all kinds of jacked up
>see prettier girls always try to make friends with them
>go to skool wearing fashion jeans at the time
>light blue almost white skinny jeans
>have class with my crush
>sit next to him
>all the hot chicks are in that class too
>get up to sharpen pencil
>boi crush says "hey you have some chocolate on your pants"
>turn around
>its freaking dry blood all over me
>panic
>sit back down
>sweating
>hottie comes over
>"are you on your period?"
>she had boobs and everything so she would know
>say yes
>she calls all the girls over to "aww" at me
>helps me out and gives me stuff to fix myself
>the other chicks go ape shit on all of the boiz
>full sjw
>accuse them for making fun of me bc if my period
>dude are shocked and confused
>so embrassed..so much
Ahh sorry its a period story
It makes me cringe every time tho
All the hot ppl in my grade saw my bloody pants and at first thought it was poop or chocolate

K I will post an oldie but goodie for fun

I have a bunch, I was particularly tarded as a child since i had fluctuating ADD/ADHD, those were fun times
>1st grade
>show and tell
>nigga i loved me some show and tell
>brought in the neighbour's cat toy once
>brought in a rock collection with real raw copper and silver
>dunno what to bring in next
just got new wash off tattoos
>get mom to apply one
>black widow hanging from a skull with a snake coming out the eye
>AWESOME
>mom says "step into my parlor" before she gives tattoos
>jokes that she's a tattoo artist
>next day
>show and tell
>"nigga I don't got nuthin to show, but i gots sumthin ta TELL nigga"
>tell the class my 5'7" 120 lbs mother is a tattoo artist
this is where my story changes narratives
>next day
>be my mom
>120 lbs 5'7" fitness instructor
>work double shifts to help pay for idiot son and the house
>go directly to school to pick him up after work do not pass go
>waiting for the bell to ring
>someones mother is talking next to me with another user-mom
>"did you hear about that user's mom?"
>"Jimmy told me she's a tattoo artist!"
>"and she GAVE HIM A TATTOO!"
>"NO! that DYKE should be locked up!"
>walks up to the moms
>"hi, I don't think we've been introduced, I'm user's mom, the 'tattoo instructor,' well SURPRISE! I'm a fitness instructor!"
>beat my child when I get home

my ass is STILL red to this day.

Such a fucking dipshit.

Dont want it

normie

miss-typed tattoo artist, my bad. here's another one.

>2nd grade
>wake up one day and can't see shit that's 3 meters away
>keep squinting at the chalkboard in school
>tell dad
>"shit son, you need glasses"
>go to optometrist's office
>have retardedly bad vision, optometrist says my parents should have noticed by now but this is the first time I noticed it
>pick out tie dye glasses cuz they look funky
>get told that I can't pick up my glasses for a week cuz this is the early 90's
>tell teacher at school, teacher tells class that I have to sit at the very front until I get my glasses next week
>that weekend
>parents take me to C.N. Tower cuz canada-fag
>buy sunglasses with dinosaurs on them
>at home, we get a call that my glasses will take another week
>show up monday with sunglasses
>everyone starts laughing at me
>kids start calling me "Rex"
>your eyes are just as bad as the dinos on your glasses, they say
>if he's running, get out of his way before he rex you, they say
>also called "the blind kid" cuz I showed up with sunglasses instead of glasses

only saving grace was smoking pot at 7 with the 8th grade stoners cuz they loved my real glasses.

This kids, is the tale of my awkward ass.
>Be me
>9 - 10 or so
>go through massive awkward faggot stage
>at petsmart doing god knows what
>see random lady
>say hi and then spark up a conversation because awkward faggot
>most of the shit i tell her is lies that are supposed to make me sound cool
>she visibly wants to get away from autismo joe
>i walk with her
>she finally escapes my grasp
>she says bye
>say i love you
>mfw

if you truly smoked pot in 2nd grade youre fucked for life, m8

also fake and gay: most kids get classes in 5th grade its not considered "late", and canada "fags" as you call them say grade 2 not 2nd grade.

>8 year old kid smoking pot with 15-16year olds

nice try fagtron

Alright fuck it here we go.
>Be me 18
>Yesterday
>Decide to get really high with my friends
>Procede to smoke 3-4 blunts in a row (pathetic, i know)
>The weed starts to kick in
>Laughing like a moron while proceeding to walk like one of those disabled kids
>Munchies start to kick in
>Panckakes.png
>Go with this one guy to a fancy restaraunt to get some
>While eating them, my 6/10 chubby proffesor sees me and comes over to greet me with a hug.
>AutismoMode activate
>Made the most awkward hug in my life (my head clunched against hers)
>Feels good man
>Got told by one of my friend the cringy look that she made
>mfw

>still second grade
>there's this girl in my class whose like 6 feet tall
>probably only 5 feet but I was short so she was a fucking giant
>some weird dance rehearsal assembly is going to take place in front of some teachers or some school representatives or some shit
>he have to dance to the teddy bears picnic and the fucking chicken dance
>dumbfuck teacher pairs the shortest kid (me) with the tallest girl
>she steps on my feet alot
>my head is at basically her crotch area
>smell is terrible
>barely giving a shit to the dance instructions for teddy bear picnic cuz there's no repetition and teach keeps speeding us up faster
>am a master at the fucking chicken dance though
>that shit's my fucking jam
>love me some chicken dance
>day of the dance rehearsal shit
>open with the chicken dance
>we have to dress as chickens suddenly
>I'm basically wearing a yellow raincoat and red testicles on my chin
>zero fucks given, dancing the fuck out of that chicken
>getting a little to into the chicken dance now
>start moving faster than the song but stay in time
>if chicken dance is 4:4 time I'm dancing in 2:4 time
>getting WAY too into the chicken dance
>hit giant lady in the thigh with chicken wing
>she steps back
>other foot gets kicked out by the people next to us when she staggers into them
>I'm still dancing like a fucking madman
>giant lady goes down like a sack of bricks
>knocks over 2 kids and the rest start falling
>there's a pile of writhing bodies next to me
>I'm still dancing the fucking chicken dance
>dance shit is stopped early
>still don't really know who the fuck was watching us, but they got a show

never had another dance after that.

I looked exactly like the kid from Jarry MacGuire, there was on 8th grader in particular who would constantly call me her boyfriend, she's the one who got me to take a single puff one time in grade 2, got me interviewed by the police when my parents found out to try and find out who did it.

smoking pot actually levelled out the ADD/ADHD fluctuation, go figure it's now prescribed to people with ADD/ADHD.

you got pedophiled dog

bump

nope, only smoked pot with some 14-15 year olds who were tripped out by my face and glasses.

If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

bumping for greentexts

Just your daily reminder that threads like this one are the reason why you are depressed.
Everyone fucks up from time to time, but if you focus on the bad things like it is done on Sup Forums you'll get depressed.
Others just move on and focus on good aspects of life.

just a reminder that reminiscing on past events for shits and giggles doesn't make you depressed, this faggot is just trying to get other faggots to think they're as fucked as he is.

If we believe in nothing, if nothing has any meaning and if we can affirm no values whatsoever, then everything is possible and nothing has any importance.

So you're saying that the content you spend your days thinking about has no influence on your mental health?
Don't you think your constant consumption of gore and porn hasn't corrupted you? Changed you?
Emotional influences go even much further. Think of rape for instance: If you were an unfeeling asshole you may ask a rape victim to just shrug it off as nothing important happened and the bruises will be gone within a week, but - the emotional component is really really important for most people. (I'm sure there are *some* people who could just shrug it off though.)
Now the same applies to remembering past events. The emotions you felt get repeated in your head, and you may feel slightly more happy or slightly more sad. If you spend literal hours in a thread like this you'll keep searching and go through all the messy memories you tried to forget further enforcing your negative view on life itself.

Are you high right now?

so you're saying that by posting a memory from +15 years ago one time in a thread, I obsess over it unhealthily?

where exactly did you get your medical degree from? Princeton? Ringling Bros. Clown College in Fairfax?

no, just remembering times I publicly humiliated myself when I was young and laughing about it.

Something seems off about you. Maybe just a shitty storyteller. Still reading it though

>be me
>13, weak beta bitch
>loved star wars
>always thought princess leia was fucking hot
>start masturbating to pictures of carrie fisher
>at one point, cum to a pic of her next to c3po
>a few days later, to to the mall with family (it's around christmas time)
>see star wars toys
>ohno.jpeg
>somehow cum in my pants while letting out the loudest, most bitch ass beta moan ever
>i can't watch star wars anymore

expecting decent structure in a greentext is like expecting modern art to be interesting.

Old greentext was interesting as was old art

back in my day we had to work for our god fearing greentexts, they didn't just drop from trees like you young people seem to think they do!
Why, you'd see whole FIELDS of us picking greentexts out of the shit on the side of the street with nothing but BURLAP SACKS to cover our BARE ASSES while we used our dicks as fire kindling to heat our nipples while walking 400 miles to and from work uphill both ways!

And we thanked God for our greentexts, we did!

LA raping this hard

what?

Fuck. On mobile.
LARPing this hard

again, what?

how is typing like an old man on the internet live action, or roleplaying?

do you even understand what a joke is?

how do you understand memes since jokes are a foreign object?

Story of when I was high as shit
>playing WoW circa 2010
>best time of the life
>decide to light up before my guild raid (25H IcC)
>I'm main tank so decide to reward myself with another roll during the start
>down Mr. Bonestorm, already high as shit, roll and light another because I was forgetting how high I was
>can't even continue after 3rd boss, too high, say I had extreme diarrhea
>decide to browse Sup Forums for a bit
>it's like 11pm by now, so sneak downstairs to grab some snacks
>grab chips, drinks, and a small bowl of ice cream
>go back to WoW, everyone messages me pissed off for some reason
>sister calls for me from downstairs, seems pretty mad, she doesn't usually yell at me
>High as a satellite by now, call up my friend to toke in the park
>Tells me I'm retarded and to fuck off
>huh, he's usually down
>finish ice cream, roll into bed and fall asleep
Cont.

bump

Nice try, OP

Do you understand how immensely stupid you seem to anyone paying the least amount of attention to your posts?

She's not attention whoring. Tits are always appreciated, but she's fine. You're a faggot tho.

Actual events as recollected from everyone else
>start raid at 5pm
>I'm doing stupid shit like changing my gear every few minutes
>Get put into the off-tank position, act like I'm still the main tank
>raid puts up with it until about halfway through (there were 12 bosses)
>get booted after spouting shit jokes in voice chat
>browse through threads not even opening them (I have a raid setup to hold video recordings for past 12 hours)
>about 6:00 I head downstairs
>think it's night time because I put on sunglasses because I thought my monitor was bright
>grab three bags of family sized chips, a 2-liter, and the entire tub of ice cream
>entire family watching me from the living room
>go back to room get back on WoW
>get flamed by entire build for being a jackass and leaving them tankless
>sister starts yelling at me after discovering I left the fridge open, dropped half the pantry in the floor, and brought every spoon we had to my room
>Call up friend at about 6:15 to smoke in the park, he tells me to fuck off because idk when or where I am
>eat one spoonful of ice cream and a few chips
>leave everything open and strewn about as I fall asleep halfway on my bed
No recollection of this next part
>come downstairs and try to open door with bike key
>doesn't work, go to watch TV
>Change the channel by hand while family overlooks
>can't find something good, go back and go to bed
>mfw sister tells me everything I did

YOU FUCKING NIGGER

hard to believe

> be me, 17
> originally from New York, city boy. Not that upper Manhattan type.
> in Florida now. Make the football team. Not a huge football enthusiast. I know the rules and how to play but never been the diehard fan.
> I'm hyped during a game.
> on sideline for this particular game because of knee injury.
> on crutches. Our defense is on the field.
> I'm hyped, screaming out "LETS GO D!"
> a few plays go by. Chat up some chick I was seeing.
> go back to the game. Continue cheering for defense. All is quiet while I'm doing so.
> friend on team leans over and informs me that we're on offense now...
> mfw I've been cheering for the opposite teams defense.
> mfw I realized I was doing it for a solid 2 downs and knowing my whole team and school heard me...
Doesn't sound like much but it's the only time I can remember being thoroughly embarrassed.

are you the tard in your school?