Doing a joke competition tonight, looking for bad jokes like:

Doing a joke competition tonight, looking for bad jokes like:

What do you call a white guy with a big dick?
Michael Jackson

Give me what you got!

What's yellow on the outside, black in the inside and screams?

a school bus full of black kids going off a bridge?

A deaf nigger covered in mustard

What did the nazi say to the black Jew?

i like yours better

P: Doctor, doctor, what can I do for my diarrhea?
D: Have you tried with lemon?
P: Yes, but when I take it out it starts again.

Get in the back of the oven

Spot on!

sounds like the gook i raped back in vietnam when I jammed my alabama snake up in her.

- Daddy what's a pedophile?
- Shut up and keep sucking

What's the worst thing about child molestation?
Getting the blood off your clown suit.

@746694576
Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?
Cause they're good at it

What the best thing about child molestation?
Your dick looks huge in the pics?

How do Jews remember their phone numbers so easily?
They have them tattooed.

What did the country girl say after sex? "Roll over dad you're crushing my cigarettes"

You fucks belong on /r9k/

A man gets home to find his girlfriend packing her bags.
'' Im leaving!! I just found out you're a pedophile!''
''Woooooh'', he said. "Pedophile?"
''That's a big word for a 10yr old.''

I like rape but don't like niggers...

I don't know how too feel

roll trips and I an hero

C'mon trips!!!

A pedophile takes a kid to the woods at night.
K: "I-im scared!"
P: "Don't tell me! I'm the one who's coming back alone!"

You know who invented astro turf right?
The jews.

What is the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?
Your mom cant take a joke.

How did the Jews survive gas showers?
They didn't!

Knock knock
Whose chair?

It's analgesic not anal-gesic you need to stick it in your mouth!

what did the pirate watch the movie?
because it's rated R'

What's the best thing about twenty six year olds?
> There's 20 of them

Whats red and is bad for your teeth?

Whats the worst thing about eating bald pussy?
Taking the diaper off.

Whats the difference between a womans track team and a group of wild pigmys?

The pigmys are a bunch of Cunning Runts

The kids on the estate used to call my mother the village bike, she wasn't promiscuous or anything, she just went missing from outside my house and they found a week later in a canal.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.

A girl wants to buy a pet crocodile for her boyfriend's birthday.
Pet shop employee asks her what tier she wants.
We got low tier...
Looks old and ill, very skinny and gray skinned...
Nah! Something better?
Medium tier?
Looks ok, birght green skin, but it somehow still and not much lively.
Mmmh... What else?
Top tier!
Awesome beast: sharp white teeth, shiny green skin, swims and roars, but it's kinda wild...
Well something safer?
God tier!!!
Elite crocodile specimen lively and perfectly trained!
Employee demonstrates training:

- crocodile open yer jaws
(the crocodile opens its jaws)
- good boy (puts arm in crocodile's mouth) close them slowly!
(crocodile gently closes its jaws)
- good, now open yer jaws...
(crocodile opens jaws)
See?
Wow this is awesome! I think I'll get this one!!!
Wait! One more demonstration!


- crocodile open yer jaws
(the crocodile opens its jaws)
- good boy (puts dick in crocodile's mouth) close them slowly!
(crocodile gently closes its jaws)
- good, now open yer jaws...
(crocodile doesn't open jaws!!)
- COME ON OPEN UP!!
(nope)
- OPEN UP!!! OPEEEEN!! (punches crocodile on the head)
(crocodile finally opens jaws)
...
See? Sometimes it gets stuck, but overall is very obedient... Want to try too?
Ok, but don't punch me on the head!

Fire extinguisher?

Lumberjack's walking in the woods and hears a noise from above.
He sees a cow on a treetop...
What u doing up there??
Imma eating the apples!!
But that's a pine tree!!
So? I brought them from home!

So, I bought my report home and ask my mom if it was ok.
She said, it needs more A's,
So I said: okaaaaaaaaay

Extra sharp red glass shards
(Standard answer is candy or a brick)

Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.

I started telling people I love shooting myself in the face... so when I finally do... they'll say "at least he died doing something he loved"

That was close

"Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there."

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: How do you get a witch pregnant?
A: You fuck her.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand, and says 'make me one with everything'.

I have to kids, 5 and 6. We never were good at names.

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died, which is just as well because he trod on a landmine

As a vegan I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

That blonde would tip-toe past the medicine cabinet so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

What would you get if you breed a kangaroo and an elephant?
Huge holes all over Australia.

A blonde lawyer will do those things that even a blonde won't do - and when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

> Notice the clever use if "it"

A blonde gets pulled of by cops.
As she rolls down the window the cop pulls out his dick.
"Oh come on, another alcohol test!?"

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Lol smart

My fucking sides, wut?

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr dre

Dr dre

Dumb fuck.

Poop?

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? Well, she missed.

how do you circumcise an arab?
you kick his cousin in her jaw

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 18 restrooms.

a brick