Good evening, user. How are you feeling tonight? Not so good? Need a hug?

Good evening, user. How are you feeling tonight? Not so good? Need a hug?

Let's talk.

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I can't stop being so paranoid about my grades.

Even if they're good.

Right now I have a 3.9 GPA but I'm still not happy about it. I feel like it could go down in a second and fuck up my whole resume.

youtube.com/watch?v=D6Y2e4CXg8s

hi Fenn, I think I've had too much green tea

fenn

I had some extremely traumatic experiences 7+ years ago when I was suffering from bipolar mania
I'm in the process of exposure therapy to deal with these experiences
I hadn't realized how badly the therapy was affecting me because I've been drinking heavily for years now
but last night I just completely broke down
I cried for hours, hysterically, inconsolably
I feel like shit today. I managed to go to work but now I'm drinking again
I don't know what to do with myself

hello hello mister Fenn! there was a thread by a Reimu but it 404d before I could reply ;~; are they a kind person as well?

Your grade going down now wouldn't mess up anything. You're good, user. You really don't need to worry so much! Hardly anybody has grades that good. You're at the top of the game.

Will it kill you?

I listened to almost all of the one you posted in Jill's thread. Adeste Fideles really got to me. Lots of memories attached to that. I'll listen to this new one for most of the thread, I think.

user

Damn, that's hard. Is the therapy making anything better?

As far as I know, Reimu is very kind and friendly. Maybe next time you'll catch the thread earlier.

How are you doing tonight, Love?

>Is the therapy making anything better?
I don't know. I thought it was making it easier to deal with, but then last night I fucking collapsed. I don't know if I can believe my own feelings. I thought I was doing well and holding up okay and that it was getting easier... I track my anxiety during the exposure therapy with a set system and those numbers had been improving. I don't know.

I sure hope I do, then! I'm doing the best I can, how are you?

Sup!
Alcohol is a depressant. You might want to stop drinking.

Hm. Things are hitting you pretty hard. Have you only seen one therapist? It could be that the thing you're getting the most benefit from is believing that you're improving.

I'm trying, but I'm not trying very hard. Things will get better soon.

Hello Mantis!

why aren't you trying hard? is something stopping you?

Hello!
Reimu is a good and kind person. Why did the Thread 404 so fast?

I'm weak and lazy. And don't really want to do anything. And overwhelmed with stuff.

I can handle it.

She deleted it she is a cunt

I don't know ;~; it was on the first page when I saw it, and I was going to say hello to her, and then suddenly it disappeared!
that doesn't sound like you're handling it ;~;
Fenn told me she was nice though, not a cunt? I have more reason to believe his judgment currently! please present me with information!

The mods could have deleted it. Who knows?

Off by one...

I'm handling it. Some things are going to work out.

No it won't kill me, it just fucks with the half life of my injections which makes my head hurt terribly and can potentially kill me if my pulse gets elevated. So actually I guess I should call the mobile team when they have phonetime so they can check my bloodpressure.

But hell, if this kills me I think it was deserved anyway.

I'm just happy I have someone to "listen to chants with". My friends don't appreciate them

I'd recommend you push through with the exposure therapy, how long have you been in therapy ? The first year can be really tough on the mind, but after that it will improve

I know the alcohol is probably making me worse, but I'm an alcoholic. I've been drinking heavily for nearly a decade. Been to the hospital for it because of lung and gastrointestinal problems but I can't stop on my own. I've moderated it dramatically- cut down from one or two bottles of whiskey a night to a couple of beers a day- but it's still hurting me. I know. I just can't stop, it's the only thing that's helping

I've seen so many therapists.... it's disgusting. I hate to get into it but my dude, I have seen social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, forensic psychologists, general practitioners, been in mental hospitals and everything inbetween. My current team is from being referred down from referral to referral after YEARS of being in the system and my current guy is grossly experienced and specializes in exactly what I'm dealing with. He's a good man. I trust him literally with my life. I've told him things I would never tell the woman I love or anyone here, even anonymously. I know he wants to help me. I know he's doing the right thing. It's just so, so fucking hard, and I think that's why I broke down.

I hope they do

she is a cunt
she only make those thread when she's bored or just to kill time

that is information! I should have specified, I like information with evidence to back claims!

I did 8 months of exposure therapy last year for the intrusive thoughts I have with OCD.

This is only the first month I've done it for the old memories from the bipolar mania. We're only pushing through because of how effective it was for the intrusive thoughts. My psychologist explicitly told me that normally, with how badly I'm reacting to it, we would stop immediately, but he knows I am very, very determined and hardy enough to stand it. I want to prove him right.

Getting your blood pressure checked sounds like a good idea... you've got to take care of yourself, man. Got to avoid things like this.

I don't know anybody irl who likes them either. And I wouldn't be able to find any nearly this good on my own. Thank you.

Whoa. The right thing is usually hard, but it's hardly ever this hard. Keep at it, user. It will get better. It may take a long time, and it may continue to be difficult indefinitely, but at least you've got hope of improvement while you stick at it. Don't let that go.

I know you can do this.

I'll talk to 'em next time I see them.

That doesn't sound like a bad thing to me.

Don't be contrary to him just because he disagrees with me. I provided even less evidence for my claims.

Maybe there were technical difficulties
I suggest you go to a hospital. And go through the detox program there. You will be under medical supervision.

yes, but I trust your opinion since we have an established rapport! unless you give me a reason to disbelieve you, I would like to continue that level of trust.
and I hope you see your friends soon!

Why do you do these threads? Thanks for doing these, i bet they helped alot of people.

Hm. Okay. I'll see them soon enough.

I don't know why I do them, user. But I think I've helped one or two people at some point. I'm glad you appreciate them.

Yeah I know, but tea used to be an old addiction of mine that I broke in again. I'll stop having so many cups a day, and it's only happened this once. Luckily I'll get my injection later which will make sure i won't get in too much trouble.

It's kind of hit or miss for me with finding chants, but I listen to a lot of them, so there's bound to be some gold.

Well, I could tell you drinking doesn't make it easier, but I bet you already know that. When you have a breakdown it's kind of like doing a mental travel, like a small trip of a psychedelic. You have to pick up on the small pieces that have fractured and find the meaning in them, and that'll guide you towards what helps alleviate the pain. It's very hard to do at first, and that's why the first year is hell. But soon you'll learn your own mastering techniques that improves on the mindgames

>Whoa. The right thing is usually hard, but it's hardly ever this hard. Keep at it, user. It will get better. It may take a long time, and it may continue to be difficult indefinitely, but at least you've got hope of improvement while you stick at it. Don't let that go.

>I know you can do this.

thank you so much. I really can't tell you how much that means to me right now. I'll keep at it user, I won't give up.

>I suggest you go to a hospital. And go through the detox program there. You will be under medical supervision.
I work full-time and am barely paying off my debt- I support my girlfriend completely and am barely making ends meet for the both of us. Literally one more paycheck with my recent raise and I'm back in a position where I don't have to worry about groceries or gas for my car anymore. I want to go back to school next semester. I literally can't afford to go to the hospital right now...
> It's very hard to do at first, and that's why the first year is hell. But soon you'll learn your own mastering techniques that improves on the mindgames

I sure do hope so. I'm counting on it. I want to beat this so badly and I know I can. I just wish the beginning wasn't so hard.

How many did you have?

I'll admit, I don't actively search for them. I really just listen to the ones you send me. Some of these really are gold.

Good! I'm proud, user. You are very strong.

>Good! I'm proud, user. You are very strong.

thank you Sup Forumsro
I won't let you guys down

Can you afford to keep drinking? I would say no.
It's already given you some health problems. And it will give more..
You said you couldn't stop on your own.

It can and will be beaten, it just requires time and reflection. A lot of reflection.

I had six big cups today. the cup contains half a litre. But I've switched over to water to thin the tea out a little. It was stupid.

And well, if you were actively searching for them yourself I guess I couldn't send you any. There is a hell of a lot of chants, but only few good. The meditative are the worst... too commercialised

Do you brew your own tea?

I'll keep that in mind... recordings made by independent monasteries and convents are going to be near the top of the range, right?

I would be happy to go to rehab or something once I can guarantee that my gf will be taken care of and the house won't be repossessed and debt collectors won't seize my paychecks
Life for a low-middle-class American is bleak
I don't get government benefits
I don't get any breaks
I'm on my own financially, no one can help me but myself and I have to guarantee that I won't be homeless
better to be drunk and risk more health problems later than be on the streets now
I know that sounds harsh but I have to be realistic to survive
I really, honestly, genuinely know that my drinking is a problem but I can't stress enough how much better I've gotten through sheer force of will
at the very most I'll have like 3 pints a night or something. never enough to get sick or black-out drunk, just enough to wear on my body. I know that, especially with the medication, but it can't be helped right now...

>It can and will be beaten, it just requires time and reflection. A lot of reflection.
I'll be looking forward to that. Thanks again user.

Yessssssssss I'm here early. Much love. I need this positive thread

Hey. How's it going?

Hello user! Did you have a bad day?

Going pretty good at the moment. How are you tonight, user?

I need to jack off today, I need some recommendation

Well, you admit you have a problem. That's a big step. I suggest that you get into treatment as son as you're able. Otherwise, alcohol will destroy everything.

No it's prepackaged. But this medication I'm on isn't good with anything, it fucks up the liver, the bloodpressure, body weight and nearly every other bodily function, but it makes the delusions and hallucinations go away, so it's the only solution I have since other medicaments didn't work.

I'd recommend anything that comes from bigger monestaries that look to be a little low key on the art work. Just a simple photo or a drawing. It's the same way I work with black metal, the low key part. Because they don't need to make fancy eye catchers, they already have a name

I wish I could say something more comforting, but time is key to this

Bella Thorne.

A beer and a good night's sleep.

Ohhh, okay. Man, that's kind of bad. But also pretty good. I guess that tradeoff is worth it.

More solid advice. I'll remember that next time I want to find some good stuff. Thanks.

I'm depressed as fuck tonight, will you hug me please?

Eh pretty good. Not all bad. Ran another 2 miles this morning then went to class. Saw a few friends and chilled out for most of the day. I need to still do my math homework though. But I have straight As in all of my classes at the moment and my birthday is coming up on the 15th! Life is good honestly. I can't complain ..

What happened?

Come here cutie. Get this hug *hugs tightly*

*hugs you tightly*

Of course, user. Is there a reason for it, or did this come from out of nowhere?

You're doing good. But if you are miserable anyway, you don't need to force yourself to feel good. Sometimes you can feel bad without a reason, and that's okay. You just need to recognize that.

I'm fine I guess. Just need to relax but having a hard time getting comfortable.

The trade off has been worth it so far since I'm not on suicide watch anymore. I wish I could live without the medicine though, since it is so hard.

The first few months on it was terrible, just growing in weight, and no matte rhow much I exercised it didn't help. But I've come to terms with that I'm fat now, I've started loosing weight since they lowered the dose after they found out they gave me too much, so that's a good sign

What could be causing that discomfort?

That is certainly very good. Maybe eventually you'll improve to the point where you can go off all the drugs.

Hey, it can only get better from here, right?

I hate my job. I used to be a "working for the weekend" kind of guy, but now I find myself immensely dissatisfied with my weekends. I've been drinking a lot more as a result, and have passed out at the last few parties I've been at, which does not help me feel happier. I am angry all the time now, and always need to suppress the urge to smash things or hurl things across the room. My job is incredibly boring, and offers no advancement or skills transferable to other fields, so if I were to quit, I'd have to start at square one again in an entry level position. My job has me working weird hours, so for the most part, everyone I know is asleep when I have free time, and it's quite lonely. I'm filled with alternating rage and depression, and I'm not used to having to deal with emotions.

the doctors told me I could expect a lifetime of being medicated because of the early onset of my schizophrenia, but thanks for the kind words :)

Do you know what's causing this dissatisfaction? What has changed? Do you not have any good friends at work?

Things are getting pretty bad, user. You may not be able to deal with the problems that are developing on your own. Emotions are something that you'll have to deal with forever. Sometimes they are stronger, sometimes you won't feel them much. But they're always there.

A girl that I like a lot recently suffered from a toxic relationship with someone and has gotten a hostile outlook on relationships. She's still friendly to me and has warmed up significantly, it's just a little disheartening when she says things like "Love is pain. Don't get in relationships. Etc etc." On top of all that happened with her toxic relationship, she's got stress and depression problems but powers through them like a champ for the most part. She does have a set death date though if her life outlook isn't well.

I'm not really complaining or anything, just telling you "what's up"

Honestly I'm just sad alot. If i don't keep myself busy I get in some bad moods. So when I sit down and try to rest a bit it just becomes uncomfortable. Starting to realize all my distractions aren't going to be enough soon.

Damn. Well, I guess it's good that you've gotten used to it then. Just another curse to deal with.

You're handling everything pretty well from what I can see.

Hmm. Okay. Sounds like things could be better, user. Maybe she'll get past this on her own. Maybe you'll be able to help her.

Good luck.

Thanks, I hope I can help her

My girlfriend just broke up with me today because all we did was argue all the time. I miss her, but I also feel a bit relieved because now there won't be any more arguments. I've been clinically depressed for 5 years. I started new antidepressants on Monday, I'm feeling the side effects pretty bad. I'm seeing 2 therapists, one at my college, one in my home town. My grades are severally suffering from lack of motivation to get anything done.

I would suggest you find something to do on weekends that takes your mind totally off work.
Do you play a musical instrument? Do you like to draw? Take Walks? Bike ride?
Are there museums in your area?

Jill?

Firstly, tel the doctor about the side effects. Do this now. Leave a phone message or whatever.
But do it now, user.

Are the antidepressants helping yet?

Grades dropping isn't good. Are you motivated to graduate?

Not here.

Aw that's gotta suck.
Can you talk to your therapist about this, and maybe see if it's common or if it just isn't for you? I'm glad you're out of that unhealthy relationship user. I would also recommend talking to your therapist about motivation, and maybe find some meds or strategies to help?

Thank you for being there for her user. Just stay strong, be her rock. You got this user.
*hug*

The weekends just feel shorter, even if I fill my schedule with hangouts and parties, at the end I always feel like, "That was it?".
I'm not sure what has changed. There are perhaps certain friends I used to see more often, and now they are a little more elusive.
I don't really have any close work friends. I work with one other guy in a tiny room in the back of the plant, and he is the worlds worst conversationalist. We have no common interests, and he's gone most of the time anyways.

oh

I'm a Highschool student in an advanced program in which I take college courses and go directly into the work field by the time I'm 19. The thing is that whenever I'm on campus I feel out of place and I can tell everyone on campus hates me even my other brother who's in his senior year. I just want to relax sometimes and not have to live up to everyone's expectations.

Yeah, it is what it is. I've had years to get used to it, that has helped a lot.

I think I'll go lie down so my pulse stays regular until I can call that mobile team.

Thanks for the talk, and have a good night :)

I help all of my friends get girlfriends. Even the hopeless and unnatractive ones, yet I cannot find one for myself. I can just watch all my friends have good times, smiles, and laughs with their girlfriends who I played a huge part in getting for them, while I sit alone. It's been like this for a while

Thanks, hugs are nice

It's getting harder to relax. I used to be a gamer, but video games have lost their appeal. I just can't get into them anymore. I live in the country, an hour away from anything interesting, and the weather is getting too cold to do the outdoor things I typically would like to do. I often just end up spending hours trying to find a good movie I haven't seen before.

Alright, I'll bite.

I've had a stomache bug for 3 days making me constantly gag but never vomit. Like I'll run to bathroom, put my head over the can, and then it'll sit at the top of my throat and a few chunks will come out but nothing major.

It's made going to school fucking agony, because every second it feels like I need to hurl. I've just been prescribed antibiotics but when I started taking them it made me feel worse.

My parents don't particularly seem to care about my health (other than the fact it impacts their lives) and they only talk about my grades. For example:

>hey mom I might need to take some time off school to get through this
well are you doing your work
>yes
well I don't think you are
>mom would you like to see it
no I trust you

Idk. I just generally feel like my whole family treats me differently than they do eachother. Like unless they are directly inpacted by something that happens to me my parents don't seem to care. Like my health wasn't an issue for them until my grades started to slip because of it, and other stuff like that.

Maybe I'm reading the situation wrong but it's been a long-standing issue but I'm stuck on how to deal with it.

This is common among people in advanced school programs. What nobody thinks about is that the students socialization is affected.
I would say just relax and take it easy, when you can.

No user seriously. I'm doing great. I'm more active than I've ever been in my life and I'm losing weight. But honestly user my reasons for even starting to improve myself are really disturbed. Can I share them with you?

It's gonna be okay user. I'm sure most (if not all) of them don't hate you. I find the people who say everyone hates them are almost always wrong. Just focus on being yourself, and everything will work out. You may even make some friends there. As for your brother? Try not to take it personally. You're siblings. It's normal.

Proud of you for being in that advanced program though!

It'll be okay user. You'll find someone that's right for you. Do you have anyone in mind? Just remember, don't rush into a relationship just because everyone else has one. Wait until you find someone right for you, it'll be worth it.

That's gotta suck. maybe you could bering this up with them, and explain how it makes you feel. It could very well be a communication issue. If not, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that kind of environment. Stay strong user. *hug*

Try some physical exercise. See how many push-ups and chin ups you can do.
Set some goals. Put on the warm clothes and go for a run.

they aren't helping yet, it'll probably be about 4 weeks until they kick in. I am motivated to graduate, I know that if I don't I'll o my be able to get a crap job and things will only get worse.

You just don't love it anymore, do you? Maybe your interests and passions have shifted. You need some close friends that you can hang out with regularly, and you need to find something that you really love.

user, you're going too fast. You don't need to be this far in the process at that age. Take a break, enjoy life as it happens. Why are you doing all this? It's unnatural, at least compared to what's around you. There's no real benefit to it.

You're doing good. You are very strong.

Rest well user. I'll see you again soon.

So what if they want girls? So what if they have girls? It's time to start caring about you. Do for yourself what you did for them. Did you introduce them to girls? Were you a good wingman? Use what you learned in helping them to do things for yourself. Forget about them for a while.

That's pretty terrible. You need to talk to a doctor about that, it could be a symptom of a much larger problem.

Jesus, do they really care about you at all? Can you ask her if she cares about your health, and if she could forget about your grades for one minute?

Maybe to her it seems like you're just bitching to get out of doing work.

It's very strange, user. I don't quite understand what is going on, or why. But something seems off.

will do

my next meeting with my college therapist is on Monday. we will probably discuss ways to get my grades back up, I hope. the relationship took a lot of my time up, so I'm hoping now I might be able to do something with the little energy I have.

I do have someone in mind, but I am almost certain she doesn't see me that way

I more or less looked at who they were interested in and helped plant a good image in their crush's head and get their crush to like them enough. I'd say I was a pretty good wingman, but I don't have one of those. It's just me

Good.
The doctor needs to know about this.


Ok, time for me to go to work.
Have a good evening, Anonymous!

Hey you never know until you ask. Just make sure she's right for you. A relationship is only worth it if it's with someone you truly love.
That's good! Just keep working at it, things will get better. I promise they will.
*hugs tightly*

If I ask right now and she says no, I know it'll probably make things awkward and any progress I made to get out of a friendzone will be reset

Hm. Keep pushing through it then.

You need to link your desire to graduate with the work you're being tasked with right now. Tell yourself that you need to get it done well if you want to make it in the real world.

If connecting it to something so distant and abstract doesn't work, set small rewards for yourself, that you can only have after you've studied and done the work.

Are you not confident enough to do it on your own? I think you could do it. Maybe you could make one of them be your wingman. They owe it to you.

Take care, Mantis.

Try to make it more open so that rather than saying "will you go out with me" or "will you be my gf" try to let her know how you feel, and that it's okay if she doesn't feel the same. Good luck user.

They certainly do, but I wouldn't find them reliable for this. Besides, they don't really seem as interested in my life as I am in theirs. So I'd probably get half-hearted effort

Thanks. I guess I probably should lay it down a little heavier

Is there any harm in trying?

Go for the girl. So what if you get friend-zoned? You'll find other girls. You don't know for sure how great she is until you've dated her.

Try not to smother her though. Coming on too strong can be a major issue.

Is this what you do in your spare time? Do you find it weird that random people ask for sensitive advice?

Oh for sure

You guys are great

I don't.
I'm not fenn so I wouldn't know.

Only when I feel like it. It's really weird.

Sometimes.

Is there anything you would like to get off your chest? Who are you?

Lots of things. Nothing I can talk about.

I'm not really anybody. Just some fag on Sup Forums.

Perhaps you like to hear other peoples stories, to remind your self that your struggles aren't as bad as yours? I do that sometimes to remind myself to push on in life. Well I think youre the shrink of Sup Forums now lol.

You can talk about it here, as an anonymous no name person