Feels thread

feels thread

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youtube.com/watch?v=FlM0nYfhBJ4
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...

i am not crying

dude :'(

This is way past a simple feels thread

more like final push towards killing yourself thread
[spoiler]
Go on.[/spoiler]

>That feel when you had it
>That feel when they leave you after 8 years
>That feel when 2 weeks later they're with someone else

>That feel when you realize that's way too convenient and she was probably cheating on you for weeks if not months

I feel a lot worse for you all now. But at least your best years are still probably ahead of you

>at least your best years are still probably ahead of you
>not knowing it's all downhill past your twenty-somethings for most people
Adulthood was a mistake

>be me
>never good at talking to people
>play vidya all day
>not bad looking
>8 or 9 out of 10
>just have actual crippling depression
>year 2009
>seinor in highschool
>get a septum peircing cause i like body mods and tattoos
>girl ive had a crush on since freshman year comes up after school when im walking home
>she says
>"omg that looks so good on you!"
>she hugs me and says we should hang sometime
>she has a boyfriend
>we dont ever hangout

fast forward a couple of months and ive graduated

>she sees me when when i walk the stage and she screams my name.
>only her and my mom make noise
>after i walk out of the school she runs up and give me a hug
>she gives the best hugs
>we take a picture
>she says she has to go but i should hit her up
>gives me snapchat
>we talk for a bit and i really like her now
>like all the same music and says she wants to learn how to play vidya
>tell her one of my cats had kittens
>shes wants to come oveer and take some
>ok
Cont?

youtube.com/watch?v=FlM0nYfhBJ4

cont user u fag

cont pls

I'll bump,been feeling like pic related for the last month or 2, idk why but my only friends have changed their behaviour and attitude towards me so much,i'd move on if i wasnt bad at making friends/talking to people

I feel this is going to be disappointing but hell why not, cont.

It's not like I got anything better to do.

What years are supposed to be the best, because I'm pretty sure I'm living them right now, and I have to say, if this is it, killing myself is actually a good fucking idea

> freshman on university in Denmark
>meet cute girl the first day of school during welcoming speech
> she is freshman too, even in the same class
> being a richfag, she is poor
> star dating
> fuck her on first date (i shouldve seen the signs)
> date for about a year
> she cant afford paying for campus room anymore
> make deal with my landlord so she can move in to the small flat/atttic thing in our building for a silly price
> summer cames
> get a good opportunity for internship in Australia
> gtg there for about 2 months for training before it starts
> get back, ready to drop it all bcs of her and stay with her instead
> didnt tell her i am coming, wanted it to be a surprise
> come to her floor, the door is locked
> weird but i got a key
> open the door and she is fucking some guy in the bed
> wtf bitch
> say nothing and go away
> return that night
> grab n choke her to unconciousness
> slit her wrists
> erase all the evidence of my presence in that flat
> gtfo to Australia where I earn 100k per year and fuck bitches all the time
> authorities think she killed herself because I wanted to leave her forever

cont

>she comes over with 3 friends
>most people ive ever talked to at once
>its fun
>we talk about cats and i learn her boyfriend broke up with her
>my nephew comes over
>hes 4
>mom asks me to play with him at the sandbox
>her friends play with the kittens
>she comes over and talks to me and nephew
>she likes how good I am with him
>we talk about how i still havent showed her vidya
>she wants to come over tomorrow

Next day

>she comes over and we sit in a spare room
>too nervous to let her in my room
>not messy but MY space
>i sit on the couch
>she sits close to me with her legs up on the couch
>she smells good
> she lays on my lap and i awkwardly play with her hair
>she sleeps
>this is awesome
>its now 9:50 and she has to be home at 10:15
>wake her up
>she yawns a cute yawn
>like a cat
>we stand up
>hug
>then she kisses me
>and tells me thank you for hanging out

...

Damn dude thats some heavy shit.

...

> being this beta

Shit man even your most awesome feels story sucks. I am sorry.

>That feel when after feeling like user in OP's post you meet just the right girl by pure chance but she has to return to her home country after just 5 wonderful days
>That feel when after staying in touch she tells you "i love you user" and you love her to, like you never loved anybody before
>That feel when after some failed attempts to meet again (easier to break out of prison than to leave her country...) and a period where everything seemed hopeless you finally visit her and for just two weeks experience everything you missed out on in live, having the best time of your life with a person you love and who loves you back. everything is perfect
>That feel when you get back but know that the only possibility to ever be together is marriage (mfw)
>That feel when she tells you that she is ready to leave everything behind just to be with you and even attepts language courses and everything
>That feel when you realize this is everything you ever wanted and you are ready to face all consequences, just like she is, because it is so worth it
>That feel when one day after your birthday on which she didn't write/call after a long period of time you aks why and she tells you it will never happen
>That feel when you wish you hadn't been born at all

cont

next day

>we are talking and she says she always thought i was snobby
>she thought i wsa popular
>shes a popular kid
>i used my lunch in school to go outside and listen to music down a hill
>anyway
>we eventually date
>its awesome
>her kisses make me smile and ive never felt so good
>we have sex alot
>perfect relationship
>all of her friends love me
>her family loves me
>i love her
>she loves me
>but
>all good things gotta end right?
>get in a depressing mood and ddont wanna be touched
>she thinks im pushing her away
>i explain im just sad
>it hurts her and it hurts me to see her cry
>shes not happy anymore
>i think about it alot
>i break up with her and explain its because I want her happy
>thats all i want
>she deserves it
>shes wonderful
>i love her
>destroys her
>destroys me


We both still love each other. Shes trying to move on. And im glad she is. I want her happy.
Feels when your soulmate and you are still inlove but your depression is killing you and making you incapable of accepting love. Dont be like me Sup Forums I hope shes happy

...

This makes me want to kill myself

fucking ouch, kill that bitch

This is literally me

What the hell is your problem fuckface. I swear humans can never just be content when they got a good thing going.

Apologize to her you fucking tard and try to win her back while there's still a chance before you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

you dont think ive tried?
i dont want to ever hurt her
i dont want to make her sad ever

Srsly tho,what the fuck,go to a fucking therapist or some shit,get your shit together,you shouldnt have pushed her away

>having a feels thread without the classic of classics

You sound like you're fucking 15.

People hurt eachother and make eachother sad in a relationship. It's a fact of life. It has ups and downs.

Fucking deal with it.

...

I hope this is fake.

She is everything you ever wanted and she loves you, but you're too selfish and whiney to stay with her, even for her sake if not yourself.

You best talk to her soon, before she really does get over you, because let me tell you boy, once the depression passes, and you realise what you've done, it's going to happen again.

You think breaking up is going to make her happy? You think she didn't cry more about the breakup than you being sad??? You're pathetic. You should bring her flowers and apologise, and ask for her to take you back.

I can't believe you ruined your relationship on purpose because of a mental health issue that is YOUR responsibility to deal with and she would have been able to support you through.

and this is just the short version without all the ups and downs

"Mental health issue"
mfw this nigger probably wasnt even diagnosed by a professional

...

If the dude claims he's depressed, believe him. Nobody should be proud of pretending to have a mental impediment, and if they are it just makes them look stupid.

Fuck me m8

this looks mean but honestly OP, he is right. I am very depressed in episodes where sometimes its really bad and sometimes its meh and I totally understand where your thoughts are coming from. In fact, its (on of the many) reasons I dont have a girlfriend for a long time, because I am afraid to let her down and therefor hurting her and me as collateral damage. But there is nothing more in this world right now that I want than to have a very nice girl love me the way that she loves you. I suggest talking to someone. Anyone really. Your mom, dad, sister, brother, someone that can make you happy and positive. Family is there to help you. Trust me. If you talk to someone and they can see the positive side of things and make you see them, youre gonna feel so much better. No it wont fix your depression or your anxiety forever but for a short moment it will and you will make the right decision.

>tons of people on this board, and especially in threads like these, are kissless virgins
>this guy wins the jackpot
>b-but I has a sad :(
>so I better break up with her
>y-yeah that'll fix everything for everyone
McFucking Kill Yourself.

...

>be 22
>haven't had a single friend since I was 9
>my lists of friends/contacts are completely empty in every site and device
>haven't had an actual conversation with anyone in over 2 years
>people who know that I even exist always seem uncomfortable when I'm around

How does one deal with this? I feel like I'm going to end up killing myself one of these days

I had teenage love like that

The benefit for all you who haven't is how much you compare other women to it. I got married years later, divorced. I realized I didn't love her because I haven't loved anyone since my hs sweetheart. Now, hs sh is with a total jackass and I get to watch her get abused on fb

What are your interests? What area do you live in?

Find a hobby where you actually have to go outside and preferrably interact with people.

Not gonna lie, it's an uphill battle. Making new friends as an adult is fucking horrible.

I live in Mexico, and I'm really into vidya, martial arts and reading.
I've been boxing and practicing Judo for almost a year but I'm fucking terrible at it, so some people just prefer to make fun of me and nobody has ever even tried to talk to me save for my instructors because they have to

this be my life:

> be me
> good life first 1/3 of my childhood
> lived it up with my preschool being the zoos in my city
> had playdates and shit
> had to move to shithole of a town eventually
> lots of deaths, uncle committed suicide, grandpa murdered by former step-grandma
> second grade and i had to see all the cops in front of grandpas house
> trauma
> on top of that, elementary was shitty
> got bullied a lot
> only had like, two good friends
> we played legos and runescape

fast forward to sixth grade

> tried to be emo so a girl i liked would like me
> she acted like she liked me but then also talked shit behind my back
> got talked shit to a lot by the popular kids i tried hanging with
> im beginning to feel isolated from my two friends
> begin to isolate self from popular kids too
> begin hanging with the gangsters
> got teased a bunch by them too
> middle school sucked, anxiety and depression began to seed
> finally move out of shithole central by 8th grade
> the better years, but was still bullied in the beginning
> never had the guts to ask girls i liked out
> past bullying trauma
> was oblivious to the fact that girls actually liked me back
> guess im an 8/10
> express my style more
> people still thought i was weird
> smoke weed for the first time
> fun and cool
> made out with two girls
> but they both liked me
> drama ensues
> not fun and cool no more
> end of year ends in argument with stoner friend
> summer before high school in isolation

cont?

get on some meds dude, you're letting depression ruin the best thing you're ever gonna have. Either get help or an hero

I lost my friends due to circumstances, Got two years before I can talk to them again. Making adult friends is hard unless you hangout with stoners

Cont faaag

> freshman year high school
> see everyone, hear "omg hi its been too long"
> no one asks to hang out tho
> i dont ask to hang out either
> anxiety of being disliked and viewed as weird
> start texting a girl i like tho
> guess thats pretty neato
> she seems to like me back
> i buck my shit up and ask her out
> is surprised, looks happy
> nice
> week later
> try to go in for a kiss
> she moves away
> "im not ready"
> ok, i gives her time
> four days later try to at least hold hands
> she pulls away
> feelsbadman
> month goes by and nothing more happens
> we break up
> she said she just viewed me as friend through whole time
> k
> get in bit of argument
> i asked her why she even said yes
> she didnt want to be rude
> fuck me
> angry, we dont talk for awhile

couple months forward

> lose my style
> hang with a friend group
> theyre all a weird mix - were a group of outcasts
> guy named k constantly bullies me
> "skinny", "ugly bitch", tries to take nut shots at me constantly
> i dont have the toughest skin
> too nice to him, i just take it like a bitch
> girls keep flirting with me in class though
> im genuinely confusion
> too nervous to hit on anyone tho
> thanks to the shithole central
> "friend" wants me to play football
> i follow his orders
> i want to feel good about myself
> i want to feel accepted

too much, too fast. she's out of my league and we barely relate to eachother anyways. looks like it wasn't meant to be.

fast forward through to sophomore year

> me and this girl hit it off
> k has crush on her too
> jealousy ensues, he bullies me more
> fuck him, ive got a cute ass chick on me
> turns out her parents are fucking christian as shit
> try to ask her out, "sorry... i cant... my parents dont want me keeping secrets."
> okay, respect her boundaries.
> football game, she ends up tryna get close to me
> holding hands getting all cutesy
> my dumbass gets confused.
> tell her that i dont think we can do this, gotta respect those parents
> sadness
> then i quit football because k keeps bullying me
> then i get bullied by head coach
> team mates liked me though, anxiety said otherwise

fast forward few months later

> depression kicks in
> it strong
> wanna kill myself
> keep isolating myself
> think the school is fucked because of its factory system
> start having existential crisis
> more isolation
> start drinking
> more suicidal thoughts
> ask parents for therapist, they say theyll look into it
> never get one, financial difficulties
> more isolation
> still 8/10 tho, still dont see it

junior year

> like a girl
> she has a boyfriend
> naive me thinks i got a chance
> we cuddle at a bonfire while drunk
> i feel fuzzy
> next day she says she cant do this
> we get into an argument
> i was an asshole this time, blamed everything on her
> move on
> meet a girl named A
> shes a cutie, she likes me
> i never get with her though
> was too picky
> meet another girl
> named R
> consistently flirting through class
> but i never go deeper with her

few months later

> more parties, i get drunk every weekend
> never hook up tho, im tryna find my soulmate
> feel alone as shit
> thinking of all this spiritual shit
> im eternal consciousness experiencing this body for some reason
> i think about physics alot, want to know the meaning of all this bullshit
> the world is a deadly place, humans are stupid, i want to know what the purpose is
> write "deep" shit on tumblr
> chicks dig me
> household not that great though
> parents fighting, dad gets flashbacks
> they get physical, sister and i cant stop nothing
> financial instability still, i only got a budget of 200$ a year for clothes
> some weeks we dont get food

>it all started whe i was born

no no no fuck that. thats a lie depressed people tell themselves to justify their sadness as a life destined for shittyness let me start over

>be me rocking infancy like a pro
>10 months in theres a horrible fire and im at the very center
>almost died (technically did die but was resuscitated)
>survive the ordeal with horrible permanent scarring

that was the beginning of the end for me

>be me in first grade
>look weird but i still have friends
>in comes teach with lesson on germs and handwashing
>"i user contagious" asked a student and teacher replies with "no"
>kids werent having that shit and i lost all my friends because they were all too scared to come in contact with me
>spend year in isolation
>new year new school (parents divorced and i live with mom now)
>still the weird kid because now kids are starting to become more aware
>never have more than 2 or 3 friends at once and its always the other "weird" kids
>try making friends in middle school
>make friends with spastic kid
>kid turns out to be a dick and steals stuff from me abusing my issues and need for friendship
>eventually get tired and say fuck the spastic kid and go basically friendless again
>try to make friends with a girl for like 4 months and finally ask her why she wouldn't be my friend
>"i don't like you because you're ugly"
>make friends with a german stoner kid
>was actually pretty damn cool

to be cont.

cont

> meet a foreign girl
> shes beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, ethereal
> immediately in love
> want to talk to her, she keeps looking at me in class and through the hallways
> too much of a pussy to do so until one month before she leaves
> text through snapchat
> very cool person
> language barrier sucked though
> my stupid ass asks weekend before she leaves if she wants to get pizza with me
> says she has to pack
> heart feels empty now
> later tho she tells me i have a beautiful soul and wishes she couldve not been so shy either
> fuck me, this hurts
> keep looking at pics of her on insta, im a desperate, sad fuck

senior year

> summer before, im getting drunk and high still
> during school, grades already drop
> party with these fake kids
> get shitfaced daily
> still thinking about my existence

> leave school for independent studies
> more isolation
> come back for friends
> feels weirder than ever
> hang out with big drugees, try lsd and that's fun tho
> go to crazy florida kid's house to get lit daily
> they do a shit ton of airduster
> im high off my ass off of good shit
> but now im having existential and identity crises
> am i formless consciousness observing through form?
> is solipsism correct?
> why is this guy always threatening to kill people?
> i am out of place, but didnt leave because i was lonely

Everyone dies alone when you think about it, even if you have someone by your side at the last moment they go on living and eventually replace you with someone else and you just become a memory if you're lucky huh neato

cont

> dad goes to jail for abuse
> turns out he was trying to defend himself, but police dont believe him
> feel bad because i called 911 because my parents were both fighting each other
> fuck the cops
> more financial difficulty
> feel less connected to parents, dad puts me in the middle of his and moms bullshit
> no wonder i was escaping at the crack house
> sister worried about me, somehow shes keeping her shit together even though shes younger
> daily suicidal thoughts
> broken dreams
> florida dude fucks sophomores
> hes 19
> why do i hang with this kid?

> date foreign girl
> was fucking great, lot of passion
> still a virgin tho
> cant get my dick up
> her and florida dude fuck after 4 days of our break up
> feels fucked man
> manage to get grades from Ds and Fs to As and Bs before graduation
> relief
> graduate
> isolation leaves me with only a photo of myself holding a diploma
> im alone, and lonely

Shit the fuck up n o ones reading your shit anyways

post high school summary

> look like a mess when in college
> drop out of college because of major suicidal ideation and desires
> finally diagnosed
> get shit meds by shit dr
> at least i get a job
> thanks to a really cool girl that i also blew it with just as friends.
> fuck me
> financial difficulties still linger
> dad on disability
> hit it off with a girl two hours away from me
> fuck it up because im getting harassed by a trans woman through texts
> my anger ends up going out on her when she says shes not ready for commitment
> realize my fuck up, try to apologize a hundred times
> she needs space
> go on rant on snapchat about my life and why im depressed
> that junior year foreign girl is trying to give me compassion
> feels good, but i then delete all my social media
> isolation again

> Living for around 3 years with bf, going to 4.
> He suffers depression by personal things.
> Always get irritated making me to apologize for everything
> I didn't anything and i have to apologize because of his rage
> Never understood that, why i'm suffering from your suffer.

> Fun fact: reverse he for she because i reversed the genres.

Don't know if this is pasta or really you, but women very rarely break up unless they already have the next partner. There is almost always overlap.

cont.

>end of middle school and family moves from suburban to a literal fucking mountain
>new location new school new people
>same old shit
>ive learned the ropes by now and just stay in isolation onl interacting when necessary
>doesnt stop people from picking on me and making live hellish somewhat
>still better than home
>dad died just before we moved and mom hates his guts so we couldnt go to funeral
>mom still tries to lie and make me and siblings dislike our dad but we see through her shit at this point

>find a girl i fall in love with
>finally confess feeling for her and she doesnt reject
>week later starts dating brother
>they have sex with me in the room because mom will only let them be in the room with door closed if im in there because there's no way they would fuck in front of me right?
>wrong
spend 9 months at least 3 times a week within arms reach of brother fucking the girl i loved

>skin grafts as a child werent supposed to grow with me......but they did
>skin grafts didnt grow fast enough though
now im getting big enough that the fgrafts are having very real effect on me
>due to isolation i developed a bit of a weight problem (never went outside to play with friends always sat on the side at gym etc etc)
>cant get (pretty damn expensive make free through a children's program) surgery for scars because weight is a risk factor and i could die
>eventually get too old and surgery cant be free anymore

at this point im now in my mid 20s

>no one has ever loved me
>only slightly crippled so all my dreams for hobbies/career are literally just outside my grasp
>just barely crippled enough that i might not be able to live the live i want and be stuck
>still in a mountain with some family that barely tolerates me with nothing for miles and no transportation and cant just fucking leave because i cant walk far

> realizing im doing this to myself
> admit self to hospital
> turns out im bipolar
> what is this, a dark night of the soul?
> mom drunk a lot, dad still pouring his feelings on me, im still suicidal
> girl from two hours away finds my work number and hits me up after im not in contact for 5 months.
> wants to meet up
> i feel better, i want to mend a friendship
> show her and her friends around town, thought we had a good time
> she kept looking at me so i thought she liked me
> tried to get close, my desperate ass is dumb
> after meeting up, never contacts me again, makes fun of me on her insta
> cool

fast forward to two months ago

> dad commits suicide because he cant take life any longer
> family has to move somewhere more affordable
> im moving to another state, something slow
> i finally come to my conclusion on what life is

and the conclusion is that there is only one consciousness in the entirety of existence that conjures up life to fuck around with itself. there is no meaning to anything besides what you apply to it, reincarnation is real but theres no meaning to it, were just going round and round for eternity in this game, you can do whatever the fuck youd like, and humans are fucking arrogant and stupid. the end.