'm in my first relationship which has been going on since February

'm in my first relationship which has been going on since February.

The girl is pretty good looking - for a chinese girl. She's highly educated but still young (23). I'm 25. We have had some rough patches and it seems like everything is moving so fast that I can't really figure out how to regain control of my life.

When we first started hitting it off, she was "seeing" an older guy, 31 years old. She told me about him and it seemed like things were pretty much only about sex - even though they went on vacation together about 2-3 weeks before we first hooked up, and he went out of his way to rent her favourite car when they were there.

When we hooked up she told me that she had broken it off with him. Meanwhile, this entire time, from when i first met her, I always caught glimpses of her messaging someone who didn't have the same name as this person. I asked her about her previous relationships very early on, and she told me she had only one serious relationship which lasted about 3 years.

I caught the persons name and I noticed him messaging him whenever I looked at her phone. I started to even find it suspicious that she would always take her phone to the washroom when we were out (something silly to be suspicious about), but mostly it seemed like she was really in a rush to get to the washroom (as if she was late to reply to someone, and didn’t want to keep them waiting).

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therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/
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About a month into our relationship, I did something terrible. I kinda forced her into sex, because she gave me the impression that was what she wanted. She’’s been using it as leverage since then, even though she told me she really enjoyed it and didn’t even try to stop it when it was happening. Trust me, if she wanted to stop it, she would’ve. She can yell - she’s yelled when she’s been mad at me. AT that point, she didn’t yell. Instead, she bit her lips and let me finish….

I got her a dog, her favourite breed. Probably the biggest mistake, even though I love the dog to death. This was within 3 months of dating her.

VERY early on, I got the feeling that this person was her ex (I’ll save you the headache it took to get her to prove this to me, despite countless lies/dodges from her part). She had told me that this person was just a friend and yatta yatta… didn’t believe any of it. Gut feeling I guess. Even when we were going out 5 months later… (she still hadn’t admitted it to me by that point)… she would be texting him as she got to her car and was getting ready to drive off.

Mid-july, I got tired of waiting for answers. I looked online and found her ex’s profile. Her ex had taken a picture of the dog in her car, and took a picture of her holding the dog in her apartment. She posted these online giving him photo creds. Then I looked at his profile pic.. he posted a pic of him holding the dog… in her apartment… which of course she must have taken. I approached her about this and she turned it against me, blowing out at me in public and embarrassing me. Somehow, I still stuck with her after this.

Her ex finally changed his profile pic.. a couple of weeks ago. Just recently, he completely deleted his profile. I have no idea if this was the result of her talking to him or not.

n early August, I got a new job and a new apartment. She moved some things into my place. We went to China together, for 20 days. I met her father, her grandma, and her grandpa. I saw a lot of cool parts of China. We got into a couple of ridiculous fights, which i think broke our relationship severely. When we got back, for some reason, she decided to still live with me and moved the rest of her stuff here. We’ve been living with each other since, and have had some fairly heated fights.

Most of these fights are because of a couple of things which I still haven’t mentioned:

1) she refuses to be labelled as my girlfriend. To her, we aren’t even dating. We are “seeing” each other.

2) She tries to boss me around. I ain’t having none of that.

3) She hangs out with her “friends” and goes out without telling me who she’s going out with (details) or what she’s doing.

tldr

I’ll give you an example. Her birthday is approaching. Tonight she went out to a sports bar with her friends (ping pong, foosball). She posted a picture of her with a beer and never told me she was going out beforehand. We had both decided to go to our parents houses yesterday, so I never knew she was going out.

If I ask her about it, she gets furious and tells me I ask too many questions. She says I should wait for her to tell me. “that’s just how she is”

It’s time to end things, isn’t it?

For her birthday I got her her favourite cake, and booked her an expensive spa retreat. I’m talking $700+. I’m also taking to a romantic site the day before, with our dog. This will probably cost me an additional $300. Then I’m taking her out for dinner… another $300.

On top of this, I opened a trading account for her. Traded $1100 in some equities and equity derivatives. Was planning to hand her the info and tell her she can do whatever she wants with the money. It’s mostly a test - I’m seeing if she can save money or is completely careless. If she’s completely careless, I’d know it’s over between us, because I’m a serious person and want a serious relationship.

know I’m good. I know I can pull a bunch of girls. But I’m faithful.. and stupid. I make $85 an hour, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. That’s about 175k a year. I’m also fairly good looking, I usually get rated 7.5/10.

I’m inexperienced so I’m here asking for help.

She’s threatened to leave and when I let her go, she always comes back. Immediately. She’s very toxic to my mental health, but for some reason… i still love her. I still think that she’ll get better when she decides to be my girlfriend, formally.

She has kept our life separate from her friends. She told me that she told her friends about me, especially her best friend (a girl), but I’ve never met any of them. I met one of her friends in china, and her cousin. That’s it.

I should mention, most of her friends are guys, but this is probably because 85% of the people in her university are guys. She also has daddy issues. Her dad abused her (non-sexually) as a child, and followed her around because he didn’t trust her. Or so she told me. I really feel like I can’t believe anything she tells me.

I feel like I’ve been with her this entire time because I felt like I had a debt to pay for what I did to her - sexually. Even though I’m not that kind of person - I was merely confused (and tbh, still am), I feel terrible for doing it.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I keep seeing - or maybe just hoping for - a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

What should I do.. I feel so lost. I’ve never doubted my faith in humanity so much. MY mood always feels completely ruined. I feel like I can’t trust anything she says to me. I feel dead.

And, for the first time, I really want to leave her. I don’t want to fight for her anymore. She keeps pushing me to the brink. I’m sure its to test if i will leave her in any circumstance. Her dad left her when she started high school. Her parents are still married, but he works in a different country now. He comes back once or twice a year.

But I’m starting to realize.. she might be actually really fucking crazy. I’m afraid she might do something when I tell her. I’m starting to feel trapped, which is funny because she told me she hates feeling trapped in a relationship.

people don't change OP
so make a decision instead of pussyfooting and live with whatever choice you make

For real? What would you do?

How are other girls these days? Are they all like this?

>pretty good looking - for a chinese girl
you need to kill yourself tonight

welcome to 2017 faggot. where women are lying whores, and you are bound to get your heart broken. was to do?
next girl yu "fall" for? buttfuck her. buttfuck her till her butt bleeds, and her eyes water. then you will know redemption.

therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

>next girl yu "fall" for? buttfuck her. buttfuck her till her butt bleeds, and her eyes water. then you will know redemption.
but i've buttfucked this one. Til she bled.

user, you will feel this way any time you have consistent sex with a woman. this is how your brain is wired to respond. you can find this feeling again, preferably with someone who has a solid moral code. it seems your life is going good, no meed to complicate it for someone who in all reality probably isnt the best fir for you in the long run. stay strong my dude, i think you gotta end it.

>she refuses to be labelled as my girlfriend. To her, we aren’t even dating. We are “seeing” each other.

I didn't need to read anymore.

You're an idiot for staying. End of story.

Be a man. Make a fucking choice and own it.

I'm capable of doing it.

My point is, this is my first relationship. I don't know if my next will be any better or worse.

I don't know how girls are these days. I can't compare them to my mother's generation - who seem to be more loyal and give off less shit tests..

if your next relationship is worse then break that off too. not all women are terrible. find a conservative girl

don't want to waste time/money

if the next 5 or so are gonna be just like this, what's the point?

It's funny because my parents can hook me up with a person from my race (conservative), who is fairly pretty and in her final year of med school (to be a general ER doctor).

Sometimes I wonder wtf I'm doing in my life.

She doesn't see this as a real relationship. Break it off.

then wtf are you doing stupid

This is where i think a lot if guys fuck up. You dont owe her shit. shes staying with you to bleed you dry dude. When she comes back to you, dont let her back in. it will be good for a month and then go back to shit. Trust me.

Take this. Youre only 25 dude. 25 and not doing bad. You'll do fine without her.

never date women who have the capacity to just sex to other men, they will cheat for sure, dont be cucks

why does she want to bleed me dry?

you treat her well when she treats you like shit, she can just fuck dudes on the side and be treated great by you too. youre enabling this

so how do i get her to stop treating me like shit?

you
1 tell her all the shit you vented here wholeheartedly and hope she tries to fix it
2 leave her because thats not gonna work and shes always gonna treat you like shit

>2 leave her because thats not gonna work and shes always gonna treat you like shit.

Do this OP, there is no way she'll respect you after everything that happened.

So wait... you raped her?

?

Kay OP, just my two cents. Cause I know it's easier said than done. The human brain's a little strange with attachment. Even if you're in this shitty relationship it's always a good idea to look at things realistically from a long term perspective.

Basically if she's being a ripe cunt now and bossing you around, as much as you "love" her you either gotta set her straight, set some ground rules about how she should respect you more or just ham hock her and find someone else who's a bit more on that spectrum.

Asian women especially in today's society are at this weird fork in the road where they will take advantage of your weaknesses as a dominant male (not sure what nationality you are) and they will try to make you either buck up or fuck up.

I dated a few asians and have had quite a few asian friends and a big thing with them is money and power. As much as their women like to shit talk about how "modern" they are with their patriarchy and how they like to be equals, at heart, any asian man is usually really pissed off and dominant in the relationship (unless he's leeching off her or it's some arranged marriage).

Basically if you really are a 7.5/10 then you'll find someone else. But look at things from a realistic perspective and ask yourself, is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or ... well date long term? IF this isn't a part of your plan then why are you making such a big deal out of it?

Good luck man. Like I said I know it's easier said than done with this being your first and all but if she is your last, try to make it worth your while or find someone who you can make worth your while.

>a month into our relationship, I did something terrible. I kinda forced her into sex, because she gave me the impression that was what she wanted. She’’s been using it as leverage since then, even though she told me she really enjoyed it and didn’t even try to stop it when it was happening. Trust me, if she wanted to stop it, she would’ve. She can yell - she’s yelled when she’s been mad at me. AT that point, she didn’t yell. Instead, she bit her lips and let me finish….

I appreciate this, bro.

How about the terrible way I made her feel?

Yes, I know how it sounds.

Whenever we were about to have sex, she had ways of letting me know she wasn't down. Also, when she gets upset/angry, she yells. She did neither of these things when I undressed her.

I still feel absolutely shit for it even though she enjoyed it extremely. She told me she loved every second and she was hinting at me to do it prior to it happening.

I understand how it sounds, but I feel like I was suckered into it so that she could have leverage over me.

From my perspective, the sex has never been that good for me, anyways. This is because from the beginning I had felt a huge distance between us due to her constant manipulation and lying.

However, I still loved her and tried to stick around and make things work. As did she.

Man I was in a relationship like that, look up gaslighting user.

But the sex was amazing So I stayed way to long. Crazy bitches are the best in bed. She was a nut, and suicidal. If the sex isn’t good wtf are you doing

Hey man, a lot of this doesn't sound very real, but nevermind.

I was with a girl who did some of the things you talked about.
There are tons of red flags in what you say. You know they are. You wouldn't tolerate them from anyone else.
She IS a nutjob, and the longer you stay with her, the more damage it will do to your long term mental health.
You will start to question your perception of reality, you will question your judgement and decision making, you will fill up with self doubt.
You will lose trust in all females.
You will eventually lose her anyway, that part is inevitable.

I know, because it happened to me. I read a lot about it during and after, and none of it was worth it.
My life is pretty much ruined now, my health too, and I have no trust in girls. I can't even feel anything for them anymore.
She picked up on your personality traits, your low self esteem areas, your fear of failure, your deep need to care and fix things.
Whether consciously or not, she saw these things, and latched on as an energy vampire.

She will use you up, for your money and attention, and she'll keep on chatting with other guys, keeping her options open and very likely, given what you have said here, fucking them too.

She's fucking the ex boyfriend she showed the dog to.
Generally, people only keep in touch with their exes for one thing, sex.

Time to follow your gut instinct dude, do not second guess it.
What does your gut tell you?
If you want to keep your sanity and your health, follow your gut and thank the fuck out of him once you are out of this lunatic cycle and safe to be yourself again.

op, you had better still be here.