ITT: Embarrasing moments
>Be me
>8 years old
>in school
>have to shit really badly
>go to bathroom
>get on toilet just in time not to shit myself
>get a bit of it out
>feelsgoodman
>letting out some small farts alongside shit
>a bunch of older boys walk into the bathroom
>start fucking around like all the older kids did
>feel the motherload beginning to come out
>ohbabyherewego.jpg
>so big i can't get it out
>trying to push it out, I accidentally fart, and unlike the others, this one was double XL
>SHIT LAUNCHED OUT OF ANUS FASTER THAN A BULLET
>loud KTHUNK noise
>older boys start giggling like little fags they are
>try to look under the stall to see who it is
>they don't actually stick their heads in because they know every kid there is a tattletail
>they eventually leave
>wipe
>walk back to class worrying they knew it was me
>worry about it for the rest of the day
to this day i will only shit in public if it's an absolute emergency
ITT: Embarrasing moments
>be cashier
>finish ringing up woman's groceries
>she thanks me and says goodnight
>"love you too mom"
>she walks away
>20 seconds later I realize what I said.
>Decide girl I only met once before would take my virginity
>She refuses
>I make her cry for having a dead dad and for being a teenage mother
>Throw a temper tantrum and punch a hole in my wall
>Stalked her on Facebook for 5 years after
must feel pretty shitty, man
>be me
>be at friend's house
>unironically doing cod-kid screaming shit
>take friend's mic
>speak in a deep but loud voice
>"ay bruv with how much you're sucking, your uncle must have a huge black dick"
>friend looks mortified
>wut.jpg
>turn 90 degrees to the right
>his mom walked in right as i said that
>"i... uh.... hh."
>timidly put away headset and controller
>turn off console and go to bed
>wake up
>tfw she made breakfast
>tfw she never mentioned it once
every time i go back to his place my friend reminds me, the bastard
sorry, austist self forgot to add image
how embarrassing
bump
I once drunkenly shit myself seconds before getting my dick sucked
Everyone in this thread so far is either an autist or underage. Your stories are pathetic. You dont know true embarressment until you look down and see a slut look mortified by actual shit unexpectedly coming out your own asshole
>be in car with friends
>they're Bernie bros
>phone hooked into AUX, playing my liked videos playlist (almost all music)
>shuffle
>next video plays
>"Hitler speech at Sportspalast 1933"
>difficult to skip because I'm driving but I'm able to change it eventually.
>they don't hang out w/ me anymore
>mfw
you probably would've been better off without the picture
>LARPing this hard to try and fit in
>Be me
>7 years old and in 2nd grade.
>was doing whatever 2nd graders do.
>see 9/10 5th grade girl
>developed early, huge ass and tits
>whythefuckmypeepeesohard.jpg
>I started to stalk her for a few days
>found out that she worked in the library
>ok now heres for my master plan
>write a note and drop it right next to her, then she will pick it up and read it.
>I spend all day practicing my writing
>finally make the card with the best effort a 2nd grader can do
>paper is the size of a bottle cap
>decide fuck it, and keep it inside my lunchbox for safekeeping
>friday arrives
>pumped that my master plan is blooming into fruition
>speedwalk to library
>see her
>okayherewego.exe
>my dick suddenly turns diamonds
>I can't approach my beloved with my dick hard i thought to myself.
>decide to speedwalk by her and drop the note
>as she picks it up i usain bolt it out of there
>the note read; "hey your so cute, i want you to by my girlfriend, meet me at the playground after school." -user
>did not see if she read it or not
>realize that I didn't even know the bitch's name.
>family dinner with bf and his family
>mother in law was talking to her niece about children and babies
>says she has given birth 6 times
>I correct her "you have 5 sons"
>mfw she said she had 6 but one died months after giving birth
>she got emotional
>Be me
>dress up as mad hatter for a shitty school celebration
>in a group with other people dressed Alice in Wonderland characters
>in the gym, people getting prizes and shit for best groups
>people are there recording us and our costumes
>whatever
>person comes up to me
>"user, what the hell are you supposed to be?"
>"I'm the Mad Hatter!"
>"you don't look like it"
>oh fuck
>she's insulting my costume
>better act fast
>"of course I do, watch!"
>do the most fucking retarded dance
>a mix between riverdance and a seizure
>finish with a ta-da
>silence
>look over
>people were recording me
>tap dance away while maniacally laughing
>cry in bathroom stall
The worst part is that this was last week. No one has said anything yet, so I think I'm in the clear.
>you clearly
>have never
>greentexted before
>you
>fag
>be same cashier
>large man approaches
>"You got an ice chest buddy?"
>I think he's telling me I have a nice chest
>tell him he has a nice chest too
>he goes to another employee and they show him where the ice chest is.
Now this is truly embarressing. Thanks for the kek
bump
Did she show up to the playground after school?
>
>Did she show up to the playground after school?
yeah, i need resolution
>redditspacing, the post
...
No one will remember in a year.
kek, aren't you just special
lmao
you're pretty retarded but i laughed
I laughed
Better get use to this
Moar?
>be 11
>total faggot
>liberal teacher likes monty python, thinks its educational or some shit
>plays 'life of brian' for class on a rainday during recess
>everyone giggling or talking or texting
>full frontal nude scene by the guy causes sudden silence
me: that's a nice dick
>did I say that out loud? shit? kill me now
...
>be me 12
>molested by priest
sauce
Mine is similar
>be me
>be like 10
>friend and I are playing with G.I. Joe's
>always make them have secks
>forcing one to get a blowjob once while singing baby bottle pop theme
>baby bottle pop! Baby bottle pop! You can lick it, suck it, or crunch it! In new candy crunch!
>friend stops laughing and says "dude..."
>my mother is standing in the doorway mortified
>stutters out the dinner is ready
>she's quiet at dinner but I don't think she told my dad
Another one
>be me
>be with friend from other time
>playing G.I. Joe secks in the back of the van on way back from church
>making them fuck and whatever and announce in dialog "are you a lesbian?"
>say it way louder than anticipated
>entire car goes silent for the rest of the ride home
fucking kek
>>be 11
>>everyone giggling or talking or texting
>11
>texting
not underaged
Newfag here
>be me
>newbie freshman in hs
>halloween approaching, ppl talking about wearing costumes at school
>starts hand making best costume yet
>I should be a pro cosplayer
>halloween day
>dressed as gen 1 ash ketchum
>costume perfectly detailed, backpack and everything
>anime club chicks are gonna want me
>fuck, nobody came dressed up
>only the goth chicks went all out
>Everybody mocks me and makes a fool of me
>crush thinks I'm a dumbass
>rest of the year everyone calls me "that
Pokemon kid"
made me kek
Anybody with any sort of health consciousness feels this way bro.
>MFW we all got our war stories with feces
Faggot
Neato story. Tell it all the time.
Can you tell my friend, he just got here and wasn't here when you told it earlier.
I'll wait patiently for your reply!
>be me
>in army
>second deployment to the stan
>get dysentery for second time in my life.
>feelsbad.jpg
>wake up one night with knife pain in my gut, oh shit here comes poop
>roll over to bolt for door and start spewing from my ass on all fours
>liner in pt shorts creates seal on legs, no poop comes out
>think maybe I can keep it sealed and make the door
>move, shit cometh forth on everything, shit trail to door, tent smells like shit
>outside, now naked, pouring bottled water over myself to clean shit off
>user SOG comes by doing rounds
>"WTF user, why are you naked?"
>"shit myself"
>"carry on"
>tent smells like shit for rest of deployment, baking in hot sun only makes worse
didn't your phone send texts in 2005?
>shit myself
>carry on
40 keks, is this normal in the army?
all this shit is so fucking tame god damen
>be me
>16 or 17 at the time
>i can only get off to incest stuff at the time
>it started with videos at first but then i started saving pics from here and gifs and webms from /gif/
>eventually move on to taking creep shots of sis and put them on computor
>hide them all in the same folder (using the classic folder inside a folder inside a folder... technique)
>my mom is helping me get a job
>im lazy af so she types up a resume and emails it to me
>she asks me to write emails to some people and attach the resume
>im lazy af so i ask her for help writing the email (i wanted her to do all the work)
>she types it out
>she goes to attach file
>mfw
oof
...
Going to counselling for self harm and depression and being groomed at like 13-14 was pretty awkward.
>wants to fuck sister
>cant get job themselves
Epitome of Chan users
this was years ago
What happened next
Should've said you lost hearing in the war
when you attach a file it brings you to the last folder that you attached a file from or the last folder that you downloaded something to. so she saw my porn. there was a few seconds that went by when i was turned around and the silence was broken by her saying "uuuummm sam..." and when i looked over i ran inbetween her and the computer and hit the power button on the monitor then kicked her out really rudely. she would have gotten super pissed because of the way i was talking to her but she must have felt so violated by the momcest stuff or so shocked and mortified by the creep shots that she didnt say a word of protest
>working a gas station in summer
>high as a kite
>coworker comes up and says I need to man the front while she cleans out the bathroom
>noprob.jpg
>also guy needs his change when he comes back
>doublenoprob.jpg
>thinking about some cheddar cheese bacon bombs after work
>"I'm here for my change from pump 3"
>thinking hard about what that means
>see pile of quarters next to me on counter
>gears are turning in my head
>finally lightbulb
>hand him about 40quarters and 50 dimes
>he's just shoving it in his pants and not questioning it
>leaves with his pants sagging and jingling
>job well done
A short while later
>hey user did you give him his change
>yes ma'am
>oh you filled the auto changer too
>no ma'am
>then where's the change
>I gave it to the guy
>you dumb mother fucker. Thats not wha I meant
>gears start turning again
>I lean back and say
>well, all well that ends well
>proceeds to constantly get me fired
Never works cause I get high with my boss all the time
Or maybe she secretly felt moist u flaming faggot.
>elementary school kids having cell phones before 2014
grow up and get cultured faggot
Mega normal. We had a saying. It isn't if you'll shit yourself, but when. Viral or bacterial bugs are really common. I had dysentery twice, and caught a pretty hefty staph infection at one point as well. Hygiene on remote bases can suck sometimes, no electricity or running water a few months at a time.
>being this fucking new
I'm 25 now nigga.
>be me, business trip fag
>in Oklahoma
>the fuck is in Oklahoma
>drinking at the Hilton bar
>ask bartender for some direction to the action
>gives me the number to a couple escorts
>pick out nice petite Latina
>call her up arrange for a date in 3 hours
>begin to get up when I see bottomless hot wings
>maybe Oklahoma ain't so bad
>proceed to eat hot wings and drink heavily for 3 straight hours
>escort texts, she's at my room
>stumble up to my room to see petite Latina and burly black man
>uhhh I need my body guard here incase you try anything funny
>"Only funny thing about me is my hairy ass" and I begin to laugh really loudly
At this point let me say that I'm covered in stains from the sauce, I'm belching and farting with reckless abandon, and I smell of vinegar and ranch dressing.
>she's disgusted and says "it'll be 300 upfront"
>throw 6 50s at her while going wheel
>open up my hotel room and toss all my shit on the table by the door and sit on the couch
>black dude settles in sitting at same table, putting money in this pouch.
>Latina starts to blow me and black dude is just watching
>"fucking out of here I ain't paying you to watch me get my weasel greased"
>ended that statement with a surly fart
>he gets up and goes into the bathroom
>petite Latina starts blowing me when I feel a fart brewing
>I'm not holding it fuck her
>"I'm sorry for this"
>she looks up at me with my dick in her mouth as I cut one
>that fart came with a prize
>I start letting loose a torrent of diarrhea
>her eyes widen as she spits my dick out and screams
>black dude bursts out the bathroom to see me shitting all over the couch in front of her
>she decides to slap my junk
>I proceed to throw up on her in protest
>black dude pushes me away and falls on me
> start rolling around and still shitting
>shitting all over this nigger
>petite Latina runs away
>I just start pissing cause I don't care anymore
>that apparently was too much for the black man and he ran away with shit and piss on him
Well its one thing to like the idea of incest but you actually took pictures of your sister.
BOO THIS MAN! BOOOOOO!!!!
need more fakes like this
>Work as a bouncer
>Company get together on Christmas Eve
>Everyone is drunk as fuck and having a great time
>One of the waitresses looks almost identical to Beth from TWD, just bigger tits and a fatter ass
>I grab her by the hand and lead her away from the main party area
>We start aggressively kissing and groping each other
>We open the mop closet and close the door behind us
>She pulls down her dress and shows me that delicious puffy pink nips
>I pull out my cock and spit on it, spinning her around and lifting up her dress, no panties
>She's soaking wet as I plunge inside of her, we both get lost in the moment
>The music had gotten really quiet, I thought this was odd
>I'm getting close to cumming, she's moaning loud as fuck
>Right before I cum the door opens
>General Manager and 4 waitress are standing at the door, watching and laughing
>As this happens, I cum inside her
>As I thrust uncontrollably, I feel sudden pressure at my asshole
>Explosively spray liquid shit all over the wall as I'm cumming inside this girl, everyone was watching
>I had to clean it all up by myself, the waitress just left
>Find out that they were watching us on camera for the entire duration
>She got pregnant and now we have a little boy
>MFW she has a scat fetish
Ahaha I hope it's really
>Things that never happened for 400, Alex.
It's real I assure you. I have free reign to not give a fuck cause I tend to travel all over the country. Fuck up a hotel room in Oklahoma? Fine, I'll just us the Marriott next if o even come back
hot
>not getting what new meant
>using nigga like if hes black
This is why no one like you stupid monkey-folk
bestiality?
>being this fucking new
Libtards are so intolerent
>Newfag
also kek, bitches love pokemon they should be all over you
damn you're new.
>>hide them all in the same folder (using the classic folder inside a folder inside a folder... technique)
Fucking retard
Solid.
faggot.
>the classic folder inside a folder inside a folder... technique
Needs more folders, then hide your shit in a hidden folder somewhere in the middle.
At friend's house
His mom is in kitchen with us
Pick up a medication bottle
Mind you I'm 15
Loudly ask what it's for
Read it
It says for heavy menstrual flow
Prescribed for his mom
Silence
I put it back down carefully and go see what my friend is doing
>
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>be me
>17 years old
>"80's day" at school
>friends and I wear tiny running shorts to be funny
>lunchtime
>walk toward my table with tray
>friend runs up to me
>friend grabs the sides of my shorts and lifts
>be in the air
>ass cheeks bare
>excruciating pain
>scream and drop food everywhere
>be released from air and collapse on the floor
>go to hospital to have one of my balls pulled back out of my body
>classmates convinced that my testicles were removed
Should have just gone as The Crow, you could have gotten some goth poontang.
>mfw all the goths are dikes
Give birth to one yourself and then give it to her as a present.
Works 9/11