Alright, We tell people our perfect murder and others try to improve it

Alright, We tell people our perfect murder and others try to improve it.

Nice try FBI.

I choke you to death with my dick and then say we was just having hot gay sex

You can do better user. Also your murder has leaks in it.

...

I commit suicide and frame myself for the killing

Not realistic.
Solid but boring.

If someone literally get choked by a dick, that would count as a crime, or a sex accident? Is there any law for that? Is this the perfect murder?

OP look at how much of a faggot you aren't, can't even get quads in your shitty emo faggot threa

Thanks user, some1 else would have called me a faggot for this thread

stabbed with ice knife

Thats a good murderweapon but you can still get caught and you have no alibi.

psychological games, drive that person on the edge and make him/her suicide

stream live on fb while chainsawing randoms

Only perfect murder options are either the body is never found and you leave no DNA or a murder-suicide.

And how will you play those games? Computer? Phone? You will get caught easy.

push from high building/floor, make sure no one saw/knew you were with the guy, clean exit

...

Nuke target's country.

I heard of a case like that where someone had to defend themself in the court, as i recall his attorney and him ran with the defense that his genitalia was very large and it caused the accidental choking of his girlfriend and i think he got off pretty much free, maybe did very small time? Don't remember.

Yes, getting someone on top of a building and throwing them off it is so easy. Even easier is not getting spotted while doing it
Im behind 7 proxies

just get to know the person, know his weekness, profit from it.
Everybody has a weekness/vice, trust me. If you are smart, you can take advantage of it.

Fargo method, since i live in minnesota

Kill them, wrap them up in duffle carpet, drive out middle of a lake with auger, drill a hole, drop it in.

won't be discovered for months

...

Those tabs

It takes a few seconds to actually do it, and nobody looks on fucking buildings. You make it and make a clean exit, no one will see shit.

Trust me, did it one time from the 8th floor. Just acted casual, everybody's atention was drawn to the guy, nobody cared to look on people that are leaving the building.

>21th century

>learn klingon

Ice knife? C'mon now...

quads of truth

Pretty sure there are cameras, so not perfect.
It could work for some people, but not everyone.
How are you going 2 kill him/her?

i look what local speed pill look like,
i buy a press for it, and i press pill containing Colchicine, around 75 mg of Colchicine per pill,
i hide few of these pill in a bag in my smoker accesory box.
wait for a crazy chick to try to theft these pill, yes many of these crazy chick do drug and would go crazy to get some,
eventualy she will find them.
and od on Colchicine,
yes they will know there was Colchicine in her system, but they won't know where it came from, people don't want to tell the truth that they stole some illegal pill.
and she will probably not even suspect these pill during the intoxication.

Eh, with any old tool. Hunting shotgun maybe.

Methanol in liquor?

Checked

Lot of IF factors in this one. Also your box can have traces of you on it.

no way those are real. This must be fabricated

Kill them with a silenced sniper far away when nobody’s around, destroy sniper rifle, dig deep hole and bury it. Don’t say you don’t have an alibi because you just know that the person is bad, and you have no connections to them. Also no witnesses

Cut ex-wife and her new lover's heads clean off, drive off in white bronco, hire johnny cochrane.

Seems good,
This aint no movie user, silenced sniper. What if they live in the city?

>
well evidence to be remove as soon as the person is intoxicated.

>just get to know the person, know his weekness, profit from it.

That's probably the worst advice
If you want the perfect murder, ala OPs topic, you should have no connection to your target at all. It should be as close to an absolute stranger as possible, and not done anywhere near where you live.
Go to a secluded place, kill a stranger (pref with fewest people who care for them, like a homeless person), get in, get out, never go back.
Police always investigate outwards. They look to the people closest to the target and work out from there. If you are some new friend or a relative you'll be the top of the list. But if you are a literal stranger you won't be anywhere on the list because police can't investigate all 7 billion people of the world.
Also best if it looks natural or suicide. ie, Drug OD, or fall. Then there is no investigation.

This is what TV has taught me

The perfect murder would be shooting someone entirely random in a very rural area in the rain, dragging the body into running water and leaving.

Stranger because there is no motive to connect you. Rural obviously because no camera, witnesses and in the rain as it'll distort any footprints or tire marks you leave. Running water because that will wash away any evidence like fingerprints and bodies submerged in water are far harder to accurately pinpoint the time of death.
Disposal of the weapon would require destruction rather than hiding so for a gun you want to destroy it as much as possible and fuck the inside of the barrel to screw up any forensic ballistics. A knife you can just fuck the blade up as much as you want, take a file to it and screw the edges. It's the small imperfections on the blade that could screw you.

No motive, no weapon, no evidence, only circumstantial of you possibly being in the area at the time.

> pick up a rock.
> bash victms head in.
> throw rock in to the nearest river just to be safe.

How often will you be in the situation to kill someone who you have no personal background?

>aliby
>no witneses
>make it look like an accident

So nobody hears? Well if they don’t live in the city and live in the country side where there’s nobody living near anyone else, what’s the problem with it

i got one idea,but it will no longer be perfect after people know how it work.

Stupid concept.

The perfect murder would be one where you have no motive, nothing to gain from it, were completely sane and sober and were nowhere near when the actual death happened. In other words, why would it be worth any risk to even try?

give a fentanyl pill to a meth junkie,
tell him its meth pill.

he inject it, die and after its look like a fentanyl od because there is so many od of this right now.

>by wind up watch
>set ahead an hour and break it
>give victim watch
>kill victim
>visit friend after
>turn friends clock back 20 minutes and remark at the time
>tell friend you drank too much ask to spend the night
>set clock back to normal time
>profit

>How often will you be in the situation to kill someone who you have no personal background?

Almost every day.
you're surrounded by people who you have no connection to or background with.
If you're trying to kill someone specific for a reason, your "perfect plan" is already fucked because motive is a hell of a link. The only perfect murder would be like those serial killers who killed hitchhikers. People who have no connection to them at all.

Dont you wanna find out if its really perfect?
I like this one.
He says no thank you.

Not if you live in a small town/country side where everybody know everybody

>american fag detected

>create gloves that will dissolve in water.
>find victim with gun
>fuck their gf/wife/dog or kill their dog so they have a motive
>invite victim to dinner to apologize or something semi private
"I was supposed to see user that night"
>kill self with victims gun on bridge over river/body of water.
>no witnesses.
>their prints on gun/their registered gun, motive exists, you get to an hero

Definitely not perfect, but its something to leave them with

*knows

I did a speech on this freshmen year in high school. gonna try to summarize what i said pretty quickly.

>Study your target on paper notes
>When they leave for work, come back, what they do, why, etc
>this can be done by watching from a distance (i. e., car, or even going where they go but don’t talk to them)
>see if they have any pets, dogs bark, birds squak, know this
>invest in latex gloves
>learn the neighbors within a 5-10 hours radius
>figure out if any of them are night owls.
>it is time for the murder
>it will be done by a simple neck snapping
>pack a small blade in case of ‘issues’
>if you’re a fucking manlet stop reading here, get a gun to prepare for murder suicide, no hope for you
>park a mile or so away, time isn’t of the essence so take a walk to the house
>enter house at 2 am, or whenever he sleeps based on the notes you took
>crack a small window to enter, or pick a lock in the back of the house if there are streetlights
>enter the house and neutralize pets
>enter victims room
>do the diddly do
>prepare to leave
>do not kill any body else but your target unless they are an issue
>leave
>burn shoes
>burn gloves
>clean knife/hands, put knife in vinegar as soon as you get home
>burn clothes
>cut phone lines in the house before you leave and slash tires just so it makes it that much harder for their family to get help
>Take off the fake license place number you had on the back of your car
>leave and get ready for work in the morning

>Not if you live in a small town/country side where everybody know everybody
>american fag detected

Not American
Also buy a cheap shitty car (or rent a car) and drive out of your shitty town to another shitty city (not the next shitty city, but one hours away).
Now you're just being lazy

>Study your target on paper notes

Perfect, so if someone finds them you'll be instantly the no.1 suspect.

Want to stop someone from breaking in your house? Buy one of these, they hear everything.

>Shoot someone
>Shoot yourself
>Never go to prison
Do better Sup Forums, I'll wait

sit in a tree with a silenced rifle at night on a random trail and sit and wait for someone to walk by

Basically this.

Do it during hunting season, it might just get classed as an accident.

the paper is so you can burn them afterwards you flaming jackass. Didn’t think i had to point that out since it’s so blatantly obvious but here we go

>burn paper notes

happy?

Want to stop someone from breaking in your house? Deport one of these, they steal everything.

>choose victim based on house location
>end of the street, long driveway
>random person, no association
>at least fifteen miles away from me
>visit this home at night to scout it out
>use key blank to make impression of lock
>cut key with dremel or key cutting machine
>wait for Halloween
>dress in costume with mask and gloves
>ride black bicycle fifteen miles to victim's house
>likely few trick-or-treaters due to isolated location
>unlock door
>pap pap pap. Keep gun in ziplock bag to catch brass.
>dead
>leave
>slowly discard pieces of costume in various dumpsters on the way home
>take bike in garage
>use angle grinder to dismantle bike, keeping gloves on
>toss in random dumpster six months later
>repeat

>steal shoes from the guy and wear them
>get a hunting gun
>shoot the dud in the mouth
>take off one of the shoes and put it near the body

>detectives come, they dont notice any anormal footprints cuz of the stolent shoes you had
>they see the dead dud took one of his shoes off probably to pull the trigger with his foot (cuz hunting guns are pretty long) si they think it's a suicide
>Nailed It

>Study your target on paper notes
>When they leave for work, come back, what they do, why, etc

Excellent, so if your target lives in a city or any first world country. Police will track the victums movements on security camera footage (stop light, local businesses) and see you trailing this person

>cut phone lines in the house before you leave and slash tires just so it makes it that much harder for their family to get help
Excellent, so any chance the police might have thought this was a robbery gone bad is now gone. They now know this was a targeted attack. Also you're spending more time outside where you could get spotted.

>put knife in vinegar as soon as you get home
Always good to bring the murder weapon home. Especially putting it in a solution so anything the vinegar doesn't dissolve is easy to find in your home. Also, not destroying the knife?
>Take off the fake license place number you had on the back of your car
NOW I NEED TO GET A FAKE LICENSE PLATE. How do you even get one? why wouldnt you just steal one off another car?

I give you a 2/10. you tried.

Build a suppressor for a handgun of your choice.

Hang the streets of whatever the worst neighborhood in your city is.

Kill undesirables who would likely have been shit anyway at some point due to lifestyle.

Retrieve handguns at the scene from anyone who has one, so you can vary the ballistics of each murder.

You could probably do it for years.

You severely underestimate the capabilities of CSIs.

>judging my perfect method without giving one of your own

alright james bond how would you do it since you’re so smart?

Your mom's a hore

Haunt, not hang

Shot, not shit

Damn you, autocorrect.

There is just one thing, the hunting gun was purchased by you.

yes

>put country flag on a stick
>sharpen end of stick
>go to local muslim area
>kill muslim
>plant flag stick in his chest
>walk away

>im an arab, they will LITERALLY never suspect me

Nop, cuz it's stolen

beautiful

Wanna kill innocent people legally? Join the US marines!

scare someone to death

So now you have to steal a hunting gun, gotta plan that crime too so there's no chance it can be tied back to you.

>become chef
>enter MasterChef competition
>work my way through the ranks
>food face-off, it's spaghetti night
>now is the time
>use Ragu and ramen noodles
>switch plates with my opponents
>reveal the Ragu cans in my opponent's garbage after Ramsay has eaten
>you fucking donkey

Import a bunch of deadly spiders from ausland, breed them in basement then unleash on society.

Quite simple really.
> I befriend him
> I become best friends with him
> I buy some poison
> I tell him we are going to some sick ass rave in the woods or something
> Obviously needs to be a suprise.
> If he tries to tell other friends I will just tell him it is secret exe.
> Manipulate him to not tell anyone
> Give him his pill and ask him to take it on the way.
> Takes my pill (sugar pill)
> We start going out and he eventually faints.
> I drive off
> If Fbi asks why there is dna in my car simple excuse we were good friends

I know I do not have an alibi but that could be easily fixed by going to a diner or something. If I get caught on the way (Under the idea that I am far away of course) that will work perfectly as an alibi on it´s own. Say i am hungry af. Maybe smoke a bit of pot even to make it more believable.

U suck dicks

>JUST CUT HIS VEINS ALREADY

Like that chick in 'murica?

>tfw your spiders escape the basement
>tfw you feel something crawling on your legs under the covers at night

>burn a body's hair, pull teeth and pulverize into dust
>feed body to pigs, make sure they eat everything and leave nothing behind

>find the address of the person you want dead
>purchase uranium on the deep web
>don't forget to pay with bitcoins, very important
>use the uranium to build an atomic bomb
>search wikipedia if you don't know how
>browse craigslist, purchase a plane
>learn how to fly, plenty of tutorials on youtube
>fly over your victims house
>drop the bomb
>many ppl dead
>nobody suspects you, all think kim jong-un did it

Same user here. Forgot that I need to buy new shoes and throw them away afterwards.

Never involve your vehicle or license plates in a killing. Find a raver who is also into mountain biking. Tell him there's a rave out in the woods for super off-road athletes or something. Never involve a vehicle that can be easily identified, has any sort of registration, and can't be totally taken apart in your garage in an hour.

We talking murder someone you hate or just somebody randomly?

I feel like itd be alot easier to get away with a nurder when you have zero attachments.

Wear disposable clothes gloves and a mask is recommended.
Leave all phones home.
Sneak up on target from behind with large pointy ice shard.
Stab them in the neck with it till they are iced.
Leave weapon it will be water soon and no fingerprints or usable DNA.
Shower after to make sure.

For me, the real problem with these mass shootings is the fact that not a lot of them get people. The main problem is people running away. They get away from the noise of the shooting. You have to go to a place that has no cameras and is confined so they are naturally led to places while also being trapped.

A school in my opinion is the best place. Find one that is confined with long hallways with doors that are used for lockdown procedure.

Watch the school at night. Learn when it is vulnerable to being broken into. Use the time during Senior prank week as an excuse to break into the school and learn what you need to. Stash what you need for the next day.

Chains. Chain the doors shut do people can't get out or in. Kids are scared of things they can't see. Fire in the hallways? You can bet they won't be leaving their classrooms. Cho had the right idea, but he didn't plan enough. A few chains can increase the kill counts 3-4 times. Imagine a bunch of kids packed into the back of a hallways trying to get out the door and there you are at the other end of the hallway.

There's much more that goes into planning, but this is just the baseline.

They check for that. Unless they drank from some really shitty club, they will know it was poisoning and would look for who gave the target the drink. If you do guve the target the drink at the club, many things can go wrong. Someone can see you, the target doesn't take the drink or due to drinking too much ethanol, the effect of methanol is counter acted.

pretty much a Dexter style killing

Improvements:
> Bigger dick needed. About a yard.
> hot gay sex
> hot
> ...
> Only more likely scenario is that you say your gay lover chocked because of the fur in your fursuit.

1)
get ALL of your shit prepared before hand
2)
Quadrupedal check your shit
3)
follow them form a distance, preferably at night, wear something that will not make a lot of noise, you can move quickly and comfortably in and will both help you blend into the darkness and into crowds/backgrounds as it's best to hide in plain sight (people don't look for what they don't know to look for), street cameras have a bad tendency to be shit so you should have too big of a problem but you should still be careful
4)
Once they are isolated attempt to come up behind them (if you are seen act natural, and pretend to just be going in the same direction as them) once you're close enough take them out with your preferred method be it chemical, choke out, or if you're isolated enough just quickly smash their head into a wall (not hard enough to cause them to bleed out)
5)
(2nd most dangerous part) preferably you have a car parked VERY close by, if you fuck up and someone sees you just say you're carrying your drunk friend home (don't forget to smile like you want to be angry at them but you can't)
6)
Once in the clear if they're not already dead strangle them to death (no blood)
7)
the disposal method varies heavily on your location, could range form feeding the corpse to pigs to burying them in your garden with an acorn or other tree seed (last resort and only in you have no connection to them)
7)
For the alibi make plans with someone like your mother (someone you know would lie for you and at the same time would never suspect you) at the time of the abduction, meet up with them shortly after, try not to bring up the fact you're late, if they do then gaslight them if you can
8)
If cops somehow end up bringing you in bring act nervous (the innocent but scared because you don't understand what is happening kind, like a lost child), cry if necessary, try your best to act like you could never in a hundred years kill someone/ everyone you know should think of you as a gentle/kind soul

I forgot to mention I would do it in the night so there probably is no need to worry about it. Granted not perfect. Adding
> Buying a motorbike of the black market.
Can easily dump it somewhere or dismantle it.

Just kill a nigger, nobody gives a fuck.

What ever you do when killing someone never have a phone on you!