I have a weird problem. I'm having a problem coping with the fact that my girlfriend ISN'T a slut.
Let me explain. My last GF was literally insane, diagnosed BPD. Made my life a living hell, but she was like a little sex slave... always wet and ready to go, and the sex was off the hook.
My current girlfriend is way hotter, completely grounded, and very educated. We have great sex and all, she does anal, and *generally* is up for trying anything I bring to the table.
But it's like she never thinks about sex on her own, her version of initiating is being home alone and saying "wanna have sex" basically. She isn't skilled in the art of seduction, she thinks wearing lingerie or slutty outfits has no point (she'll put them on once every few months just to appease me but I wish it was more often), and she claims she has zero fantasies, doesn't masturbate, and the only real "turn on" she has is turning me on which seems kinda like a cop out. Basically she tells me she's completely satisfied with everything we do sexually so she doesn't need anything else.
I don't know how to explain it, but my ex was very seductive. She would initiate sex, wear slutty outfits to turn me on, and generally make me feel like a king. My current girl and I have been together 4 years, and I'm not sure whether this is normal or not. I can't tell if I came from a fucked up situation so my expectations are skewed, or if she isn't putting in as much effort (or doesn't think/care) about sex as much as I do.
Thoughts? Pic kinda related. Not my gf but close.
Cooper Smith
bump for advice
Ian Gray
nah, every guy wants a slut, your girlfriend is boring. you need to tell her and talk with each other
Sebastian Bennett
So there is kinda my dilemma. I definitely want a slut in bed, but wife material outside of the bedroom. Seems almost impossible. The girls I dated who were slutty were crazy, and I would never wife them.
My girl is wife material, but needs work on being slutty for me. The frustrating part is we talk about it, she seems receptive, agrees to put more effort in, and then nothing ever changes. Or she'll put some sexy underwear on the next time and then we'll go another 3-4 months without seeing it.
She doesn't send nudes, no sexting, etc. Closest she gets is making dirty jokes or making innuendo in a joking way with me, but it's never sexy.
Bentley Foster
Holy shit OP, your story is identical to mine, even down to the detail of my current girl and I being together for 4 years.
I have no real advice to contribute, but damn, this is weird.
Jackson Peterson
What you're feeling is relatively common. You have the desire to feel desired. At its core it's a power trip.
Just have a serious, rational conversation with her. If she's as mature, educated, and awesome as you say, then she'll understand.
If not, then why be in a relationship where you build up resentment?
Kayden Campbell
Fuck you OP, same scenario no anal. Literally rich man complaining to me.
Ayden Reyes
Good to know I'm not the only one I guess.
After my last GF giving me such grief I was content just being with someone normal for a long time, that I think I kinda didn't pick up on some of the sex stuff.
It's a really weird situation. My GF is open minded, we've gone to porn conventions together, strip club, sex toys, love hotels, you name it. She'll do it, have fun, and genuinely enjoy herself.
....But she doesn't initiate it, and seemingly has no motivation to change that no matter how many times I express my need for that.
Ryan Perez
this is one of those things you need to work out sooner rather than hoping itll go away. dont want to be married 10 years and then have to go looking elsewhere for fucks. this shit breaks marriages/relationships... or youll just watch alot of porn.
Christian Garcia
i had this exact same situation either you can live with it or not then you have to end the relationship but thats a character thing which will never change in her , some girls are born with this sex drive and some not
Dominic Reed
I recognize that it's a desire to feel desired, but can you elaborate on the "power trip" part? I'm curious.
When we talk about stuff, she says she understands, but nothing changes. A couple times we argued about it, and she said it's just not who she is. Which I guess I do get kinda resentful about, since I changed how I operated on a few things to better accomodate her.
Gavin Taylor
Not op but I understand, it is the feel you get from a hot chick that only wants you right now and nothing can stop her. Feels good
Noah Reyes
Guy from this post here.Honestly, when I say power trip, it's the same feel you get when you're getting blown. You feel powerful. In control.
You want to feel like you're always in control. Like she'll do your bidding if you want. Which is why you are concerned that she's not always up for sex.
It's a latent feeling that you don't really know you feel, and you'll probably deny you feel, but in reality you want to be in control of it because you care, just like you'd want to be in control of anything you care about.
Angel Roberts
I wish I could find a girl like OPs gf. Every girl I get to know is the incarnation of a nymph. Now, being on lotsa meds my sex drive is kinda rip. That's a true dilemma
Brayden Turner
You try any form of BDSM? Experiment subtly to see if there's any kind of kink she's not actually aware of herself? IDK mate, lady is supposed to want you, to well; be thirsty for you. Maybe you have Sex too often and have never made her want for you?
Justin Hughes
broke up with my ex bitch, fucken wants me to pay everytime we go out while she owns me 1500$ fucken women I swear
Juan Jackson
I won't deny it, but I will say it's not something that is forefront on my mind or something I recognize. It's entirely possible I guess, I mean I won't rule it out.
I always kinda thought of it the opposite way though. Like I'm being a little vulnerable bitch for wanting to feel desired; Kinda like... aren't men SUPPOSED to be the ones initiating and pursuing? Maybe it's actually me with the issue, being a little beta fag about it.
I try to talk myself into that mindset, like, men are supposed to be the ones to initiate and take what they want. And really, I think my GF prefers this dynamic as well. She's never turned me down for sex in the entire 4 years we've been together.
It's a weird vicious cycle; I guess, she gets turned on by me being turned on by her - but I have a hard time getting turned on without knowing she is turned on by me.
It's complicated by the fact that she doesn't get wet until we're having foreplay - whereas, again, my ex would be a sloppy mess down there before I even put my hands on her. It definitely made me feel important, and made me feel like I was turning her on just being myself.
Brandon Jones
I wondered this too - we lived together and had sex like 4-5 times a week.
Long story short we moved back home due to money issues, and both got jobs with odd schedules, so now we have sex like 1-2 times a week and it's always back to back on the weekend.
Personally, I'm like fucking dying by the time the weekend rolls around, but she doesn't seem to get too horny unless we go like 2-3 weeks without fucking.
Robert Collins
calm the fuck down faggot.
You got a good one. Now get the fuck over it.
All men are pigs, and thats just how we are. Alot of women are just like men, and those are honestly not wife type. You seem to have done well.
But for real. You're putting irrealistic expectations from a past relationship on your current. Stop
Oliver Allen
Sounds like we figured out your problem OP. Your lady ain't got a drive. She take them stupid birth control pills?
Nathaniel Morgan
Die silver plated fag. When you want something you should strive to obtain it. If you're giving everything you are to someone then wanting back is natural. OP has a legit concern.
Nathan Gutierrez
Why do people want anal so badly? Why do you want shit on your dick?
Jeremiah Gonzalez
Yes. She's been on them for like 15 years or some shit.
Any recommendations on HOW to stop? I feel bad about even comparing the two, but it's hard not to when I've had it different - sometimes it actually kinda makes me mad, like my crazy ex is still ruining everything for me YEARS later when she isn't even in the picture.
Ignorance is bliss, I kinda wish I never knew that sex could be different like that.
Logan Mitchell
Some people would kill for a lesser relationship, man up princess. Excuse me while I play games alone in the dark for the next 30 years of my life
Gabriel Murphy
It's the taboo I think. And the excitement of trying a new hole.
It's nice and all, but pussy is better. Pussy is your favorite flavor of ice cream, you eat it every day 350 days out of the year and never get sick of it. But every once in a while you wanna try another flavor. It's really good too, but nothing beats your favorite.,
Hudson Sanchez
Depending on the pills they fuck with a lady's desire. Maybe see what alternatives are out there? Maybe go pill-less for a week? And believe it or not; chance of implantation is low in general so just be careful to pay attention to how you go about things.
Justin Taylor
haha, im in the same boat OP
I think we are supposed to "grow up" - not even joking, if your new girl is truly great keep her, get married. Its weird getting older right?
Kevin Smith
Feelsgood and different feel. Ass is kinda like trying spearmint for the first time if you've only ever had peppermint. Also you do realize nobody wants shit on their dick, and that most of the time recieving isn't fun if there's shit to be had... Oh wait duh. This is Sup Forums.
Luke Thompson
I want to marry her, and it might sound childish but the biggest thing that scares me between us is the sex thing.
I really really really don't want to end up in a sexless marriage, partially because I have a higher drive, and partially because I don't want to be tempted to cheat. Family issues... my dad cheated and I vowed to never do the same, so I don't even wanna get near it.
Ryder Foster
Not really mate. Growing up? Fuck you mean. Hm. I guess I gotta admit it was probably better picking out a girl who's 3.5 years younger than me.... Hips are starting to ache when we finish up a few rounds lmfao.
Grayson White
Go back to having a BPD partner if you want to be fawned over. Also: you're an idiot and a fool.
Andrew Adams
girl here, im really horny but grounded, i have only had sex with my ex (and we still have sex because i know i can trust in him). >and the only real "turn on" she has is turning me on which seems kinda like a cop out. turning on my partner is also my main turn on, i try sexy lingerie, tease him, try to act cute so he will want to fuck me, and when having sex i love to do whatever he wants
You should try to find your gf's weak point, she probably dont say she likes sex because she wants to feel dominating over the sex
Jackson Brown
The crazy ones are always freaks in the sack. All well and good while you're fucking them but when you're done they're still crazy. It gets old and not worth it and as we get older we're supposed to grow out of it somewhat.
Brandon Rodriguez
>turning on my partner is also my main turn on, i try sexy lingerie, tease him, try to act cute so he will want to fuck me, and when having sex i love to do whatever he wants
This is why I have a hard time believing my GF... she says her turn on is turning me on.... so why wouldn't she do the things I say turn me on? e.g. - wear lingerie, sexy underwear, costumes, stockings, etc?
She will do it, rarely, but doesn't see the point sexually and she's mentioned that she feels uncomfortable. I think it's a body image thing, because she thinks stockings "make her look fat" or something for instance. Which blows my mind, cuz she's like 110lb soaking wet, thick in the right spots, and I could probably make a million bucks if I filmed porn of her, so I have a really hard time understanding how she could see herself that way
Hunter Rivera
I feel ya
my ex gave the most enthusiastic bj's.....my new girl I will marry, but there is way more to her than just sex - something I'm starting to appreciate
be patient - fuck I sound old now
lol
Jaxon Sanders
I'm a thousand percent over being with crazy chicks, but I yearn for the sex basically and nothing else.
Harsh advice but real, thanks. You're probably right. I'm very open minded, but there is literally nothing that would make me date another BPD girl ever again. I literally lost my health to that shit.
Cooper Jenkins
Maybe you aren't attractive enough for her
Daniel Williams
If she looks like that and lets you put it in her ass, is loyal and kind to you I wouldn't be complaining. Does she have a sense of humour too? Tell you what, I'll take her off your hands and you can pick up the local crackwhore. Deal?
Asher Bailey
Lol she doesn't get why you being turned on by her doing those things are supposed to be her biggest turn ons consequently? No offense but obviously your current GF just cannot "Get it up" and I think those damned pills are to blame. ALSO CRAZY BITCHES? DO NOT STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY. Got my own stalker, and she only now just can't contact me but still just yesterday tried to follow my GF's twitter. And 10/10 was our 1 year anniversary, so....
Jose Gonzalez
>she feels uncomfortable
I feel uncomfortable whenever a partner asks me to do something that attempts to compensates for their insecurity. It's only ever temporary, and I hate being reminded of it.
Luke Fisher
I'm speaking from experience here. The reason she doesn't seem to be overly interested in sex is because by comparison you're a sex addict. Too much pornography and sex obsession has led you to think sex is more important than it is. It's clear by the fact you're complaining about something where there isn't a problem. She's healthy and well adjusted and unfortunately for you satisfied and happy. You can't relate to the fact that she's satisfied because satisfaction is very hard for you to come by. So either accept the junkie life and ruin relationships and lives around you or try to work on yourself and become normal and find your satisfaction in other things.
Blake Diaz
I'm over the sex as well. But then again I'm getting past my peak with that anyway. It's actually kind of nice. Non enslaved to stupid fetishes and stuff anymore. That shit starts to addle your brain.
Liam Adams
pretty much this OP
Kayden Butler
Same except 5 years, I have to ask for anything other than just plain old sex, she hardly initiates anything. Also she won't do anal because it apparently hurts too much.
Evan Sanders
best advice: TELL HER EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL BUT BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR WORDING, "WHEN YOU... I FEEL..." TELL HER WHAT YOU WANT SHES NOT A MIND READER, RELATIONSHIP 101: COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION, dont expect something from her if you dont tell her
Ethan Powell
You're supposed to trust your partner and be able to go on with it. Anyways you said she still did the things
There are people who is really low self esteemed about their bodies, i once talk to a tranny who was so ashamed of her body that asked her partner to not look while they were having sex
Nathaniel Morris
>Harsh advice
Yeah, well, but I've been there myself. You've got some of the same issue I did--I was positively attracted to that kind of crazy. You'll have to figure out what in you wants that and change it. A girl that initiates sex by asking plainly for it--you don't realize how good you're got it.
Sebastian Hall
How long have you been fucking MY gf?
Evan Ward
jesus christ this is weirdly similar to my story.
last gf was 6/10 chubby redhead slut, was totally crazy but the sex was 10/10 and she was always seducing and teasing
current gf is 8/10 and never turns down sex, very open to new stuff, but never initiates or seems to be sexual herself (you explained it better)
pls help, post advice for us
Wyatt Moore
No seriously... I'm not cool with you dating MY gf.
Dylan Nelson
If you think that's bad I once had one who's idea of dirty talk was "come on user. Get romantic!" *Shudder.
Juan Perez
Dude you sound so much like me it's not funny. Except my dad never cheated
Blake Bennett
This isn't very spontaneous, but you could set aside one night every week or so and have her fulfill your fantasy of having a slutty gf. And if she's not willing to do this, take a serious look at the relationship and see if this is the only need/desire that she unwilling to fill.
Evan Gomez
>she doesn't seem to get too horny unless we go like 2-3 weeks without fucking Dude all you have to do is find a fuck buddy for the couple of weeks in between, then when she has sex drive built up you guys can have crazy good sex. >>>Boom just like that everyone is happy dunno what your problem is op.
Easton Gutierrez
The problem is the ones who will be as slutty as you want them to be will most likely be actual sluts.
Robert Hall
If you really think its a body image thing, ask to be blindfolded and let her hands guide you where to touch.
Andrew Jones
Honestly I would settle for like once a month even.
I do also like our normal sex, like just plain old naked do what we feel like sex. I’m not one of those guys who needs her to dress like a pornstar or whatever every time we fuck, but even like a surprise once a month would be nice.
I told her years ago it would be a fantasy of mine to come home from work and she would be waiting there ready for me. In any way... naked, lingerie, masturbating, a massage laid out and ready... anything. She gets real clammed up when it’s her turn to take the reigns. She thought this idea was kinda silly and again, “it just isn’t who she is” and I’m trying to change her.
Luke Green
this
Hunter Myers
All I'm gonna say as little fags are telling you the opposite; You are not wrong to want your lady to want you and to offer you these simple things. Part of being in a relationship is making concessions, so this kind of thing is part of that. Good luck with the rest but I'd still check on any hormonal supplements.
Brayden Ortiz
I guess to elaborate on this a bit, I think part of my problem understanding her is our different view on sex.
I think sex should be fun, open, and not at all a big deal between two consenting loving partners. Especially long term relationships. So it’s hard for me to understand how almost ANY sexual act could feel frustrating or daunting.
She could ask to peg my ass and call me her bitch and I’d just be like ok I’ll try it once and see if i like it. I would never shut anything down until I tried it.
Jeremiah Robinson
I'm gonna say what these virgins won't tell you op, maybe she just isn't right for you. If that's something that you want from a relationship and something she can't provide you are either going to have to move on and find someone else, or become a cheater. Up to you, many men don't have the balls to get up and try again and instead turn to cheating, depends on your morals and willpower.
Daniel Young
Not OP. My gf has body image issues and doesn't like being naked for too long even before me. Some cunt told her she's not enough and she's taken it to her heart. What do Sup Forums? How to convince her she's enough?
Jayden Nguyen
>She thought this idea was kinda silly and again, “it just isn’t who she is” and I’m trying to change her.
You're not listening. This sounds spot on.
Liam Jones
You should be thankful for what you have.
Thomas Sanchez
Don't try and change her, just tell her that is what turns you on and that you want her to act out a part in your fantasy. But don't do it with empty hands, offer to do something for her, sexual or otherwise.
This guy is right though, if she doesn't change you will have to deside if you're fine with the status quo for the remainder of your life.
Matthew Butler
I get it, really I do. But there’s also part of me that thinks relationships = compromise, and kinda like... what’s so hard about putting on some lingerie or something once in a while?
I wouldn’t feel offended if she wanted me to put on a uniform or something once in a while if she got off on it, even though it would do literally nothing for me sexually. I would be happy to please her, though.
If you twist it this way, doesn’t it seem kind of selfish for her to care so much about something so small, yet, brings me joy?
Zachary Jackson
This is the worst, I came home one day to find my ex had blindfolded and tied herself up in the bedroom, and not in some "I can get out easily way". She put a sign on the door that said come in for a surprise and something to the effect of "do what you want. I'm yours." Fucked the living daylights out of her. Now, I'm the one who swears you're fucking my current girl. She claimed she was vanilla, but when the relationship was new, she was fuck-crazy... like wearing me raw. I was taking some meds and couldn't cum practically. For whatever reason it made her want to fuck me until she got the ending she was expecting. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes it didn't. Then, when I wasn't on the meds anymore, she almost never initiates and only after I complain. Lingerie sits unused in a drawer. If I rub her ass, we're off to the races (as long as I'm the one putting in 90% of the effort). But, sucks to ALWAYS have to be the one initiating and then there's that risk of "not tonight" and by then, I'm already worked up and seeing as I have to be the one to work for it, am not in a happy mood to be shut down.
She won't masturbate, doesn't have fantasies, and although she's willing to participate in most things I initiate, there's always that chance of mid-coital rejection on trying something beyond the usual.
Joseph Martinez
>something so small
Are you sure it's so small for her? Seems like there's something lurking there.
Hunter Morris
>If you twist it this way, doesn’t it seem kind of selfish for her to care so much about something so small, yet, brings me joy?
In a way that makes sense, but you have to get it through your head that she doesn't give a single fuck about that sort of thing and probably has no idea why you would even care that much >you aren't going to change her my dude.
Brody Sanchez
Same situation bro, i think its good tho, took my gfs virginity. Nice to know ur not fuckin a dirty cum dumpster
Carson Rogers
My ex didn't even wanted to fuck me lmao it didn't matter if I initiated or not, kinky, slutty or not.
Christopher Mitchell
You don't, she has to convince herself. As for what you should do, I'm not sure, bare minimum would probably be to stop complimenting her looks as that is something that will seem empty coming from a bf. Instead, show her that you find her physically pleasing through your actions. (Longing stares, kissing, touching, groping, raping, etc)
Joseph Allen
>Longing stares, kissing, touching, groping, raping Kek. One of these is not like the others
Jace Davis
Literally all the same, as they are all forms of sexual violence.
Dominic Clark
Ooo! OOOOoo! I know. Who is Andrea Dworkin?
Nathan Martin
bump
Ryan Howard
For what? This thread is dead.
Eli King
Holy shit the fact that I'm not alone is the most reassuring thing ever