What's the stupidest shit you've ever done while drunk?

What's the stupidest shit you've ever done while drunk?

masturbate while riding bike, cum all over my pants because small dick

TOP KEK.

I once hit a security guard.
Other than that would have to be stupid injuries to my ancles or sum shit-

I have a friend who once asked if anyone would sell him amphetamine in a facebook post on his on wall, while being piss drunk.
(we the types who do that shit :b) He didnt delete it before next day so most of his family probably saw lul

Wandered around Minneapolis in the middle of the night, woke up in hotel room in pile of vomit.

Couldn't find my wallet or remember any of that night & had a flight super early the next morning.

I cant recall

> be in San Diego because navy
> just there for few days, at strip club with buddies
> they all leave and I stay because there's a bitch that looks like Scarlett Johansson
> club closes at like 3
> wander around this shit part of the city not too drunk it's all warehouses and shit motels all around me
> wander into sex shop
> see that they have those booths to watch porn in
> I'lltryanythingonce.jpg
> sit in booth put money in and pick my porno whip my dick out and start beating it
> realize there's some weird sandnigger walking around knocking on the doors, tell him to fuck off, blow my load and call a cab to bring me back to the ship for like a hundred bucks.

Jumped my truck in our dorm parking lot

Another San Diego adventure not even drunk this time. I wish I was.
> buddy of mine is weird as fuck
> he heard about a swingers club in San Diego so we go
> like a 10 to 1 ratio of dudes to chicks
> random fat regular that kinda reminded me of John Goodman takes us into a room to give us tips on how to pick up bitches there
> I end up walking around this trap house turned swingers club naked wearing just my cowboy boots and with no towel
> find a bitch that's into me, says she doesn't fuck the first time she meets people
> thenwhythefuckareyouherebitch
> get dick sucked by bitch getting railed doggy style and leave

Not the stupidest, but one of.
Climbed over this arch while totally smashed, didn't remember till the next day when somebody told me about it.

are there any nice bitches in such places? i imagine it being full of the typical Sup Forums cucks and a few sjws in latex suits

At a party in college
Drunk as fuck
Havent gotten laid in 2 months so horny af
Start to grind this guy i know
He gets diamonds
He tells me we should go to his dorm
I agree
We start to leave and his 2 budies are like where you going
I say something like "what the fuck do you think, , why dont you guys come too. You wont regret it"
They we all go to his dorm
I immediately give head to the 1 guy as the other 2 get undressed
The other 2 then pick me ip and put me on the bed and strip me
They stsrt to take turns fucking me in my mouth and pussy while i jerk the third
The one stsrts to get rough and stsrted to go too deep in my mouth
I tried totell him no but he went deeper
I puked all over but he kept fucking my mouth
He then pulled out and came on my face
I had puke and cjmm all over my fsce and tits snd i was crying
The other guy was still fucking my pussy and the third was jerking off waiting
He fucks me hsrder as im srill ccrying and finishes inside me
We of course had no condoms as we were drunk and i was not in the pill
The third guy then grabs me and starts fucking my cum filled pussy and grabing my neck
He finished quicky and puled out snd came on my tits and face
They thrn lesve me covered in alcohol smelling puke and cum
I felt like shit and just laid there for like 10 minutes crying
Part of me felt like a total slut, part of me felt used, and part of me felt turned on by it
I regret that night more then any night ever

Tits with timestamp or gtfo

The first time I was drunk I pulled down my pants and boxers in front of a bunch of my friends and girls because it seemed like a great idea at the time. not crazy, I know, but probably the dumbest thing I've done drunk

>In college, I used to have a habit of vaulting parking meters when drunk.
>I'd run at the meter, jump, push down on the top and clear the bastard
>But this one time I was wearing a trenchcoat
>Coat snagged on meter
>Acted as sling
>Flung me at full speed into the pavement
>Bloodied both my hands

Sorry. I dont have a problem with that but this isnt a tits thread this is a share stupid things you did drunk thread. Start a new thread and if i see it ill join in

You know rules: tits or get the fuck out

Got blackout drunk whilst on meds, stole a car. crashed it into a lamppost 200 yards down the road. Returned to the scene of the crash with a fucking sword. Got sentence to 18 months, served 9 did the rest on license.

All threads are tits threads

No they are not idiot

I am very sorry about your baby being eaten by a dingo, can you please place another put another shrimp on the barbie, you faggot?

youre so new

Your so jelly

why arent more bitches as dumb as you?
or are they all getting drunk gangbanged and not telling anybody about it lol

Although I'm not the other user I don't think it matters here

>inot samefag

>no one calls them shrimps here
we call em prawns

stole a pizza delivery car. have zero recollection of it, just read about it in the police report

Well i dont tell people i know that story snd i know my one friend had a simaler experience except she didnt puke snd she doesnt regret it. I think it is pretty common. I also have had other 3somes and 4somes snd still do. Just dont get shitfaced drhnk where ill puke lol

Told a girl a loved her.

i dont want to believe all women are like you but then again you're not really a woman are you?

Didn't happen to me but one time one my buddies got super drunk and suddenly just bolted off into the night. He came back 2 hours later with a shirt and had a shitty hub cap. He very proudly announced that he had traded his iPod for the hub cap (at the time iPods where like fucking $200).

>told a girl i loved im leaving

>this bitch is so new, """""she""""" doesn't even know the basic rules
>this nigga is so new, can't even greentext
Go back to facebook

What that we like to have fun? Sorry but guys are not the only ones who can fuck 30 people. I dont do it all the time but yes i like to be in "gang bangs" sorry your too beta to have that oportunity

One time I took a screencap from a video of Caroline Vreeland with her tits out and stuck it in a shitty Facebook status so I could post it on Sup Forums

Sorry your prawn was eaten by a dingo. Now can you please put another baby on the barbie?

Got so fucking drunk then decided to buy stupid shit off eBay by the time I had finished I'd cleared my rent money for the month and had to resell most of the items at a huge loss.
Fuck Alcohol, kek

Gave head to my brother. Didnt realize it was him, it was at a haloween party

Please tell me youre not a faggot

>14
>at afterparty for my sister's wedding
>drunk and high as fuck
>go inside for bathroom
>long ass line, by the time I get in the bathroom about 15 people behind me
>go in, pull down pants, immediately fall out door
>flash everyone behind me
>stand up, "SORRY HAHAHAHAH"
>pull up my pants and just walk away without even going to the bathroom
It wasn't that bad since everyone else was as drunk as me or drunker but it was pretty mortifying

no its the fact that group fun for you is being doubly or triply penetrated. i would love a girl who loves threesomes with another girl, but a girl who likes threesomes with another guy is not the girl anyone wants to take home. sorry, im not beta enough to share

*cringe

>at you

No im a girl. Worst night ever

Are you fat or ugly?

I'm pretty soft-core, only been drunk twice. I'm 20 and have never really had the friends or connections to get booze illegally (live in U.S.). Honestly not worth the read if you're looking for something cool or wild. Here's the gist of it:

>Friend and I go to pick up other friend to go get food
>He's totally fucking smashed, stole like all his parents' alcohol
>"Do you want some, user?"
>Fuck it.jpg
>Go through three tall cans of something in under and hour; don't remember what, drunk friend tells me one would have done the trick
>Stop at gas station because drunk friend wants snow cone and I agree
>Leave cans on trunk of car out in open (idk why); we're all under age
>Can't remember if we parked a little way away from a cop or if he parked there after we went in
>Anyway drunk friend and I are clearly drunk and loud in store, cop comes in
>Oh shit.jpg
>Friend smells like someone lit a brewery on fire
>We just shut up and stand there with big shit eating grins
>Somehow we make it out without being stopped, whip out of there and the cop never follows; not sure if he saw the cans (but how could he not?)
>Go get food, everything tastes amazing
>Get chocolate smeared all over my face while eating waffles
>Go into gas station to pay for gas and get hot dogs for trip back with sober friend
>Start singing "Send Me On My Way" while waiting in line

That's pretty much it. The singing part, I mean. But the leaving cans in the open was also pretty stupid, arguably more so. I envy the rest of you.

Timestamped tits or GTFO whore

well thats a let down

I think im ugly. Im not fat, im 5 7 and 125, but i dont think im hott

>be drunk at college party at some dudes dorm
>Drink a handle of fireball and some steel reserve
>Vomit in bushes
>Get up find who I think is my date to the party out front talking to some guy
>Slap her on the ass
>It's dudes girlfriend
>Yell at dude because his girlfriend looks like my date
>Find my girlfriend sucking my buddies meat on the back of my truck in the front yard
>Beat the shit out of her and drive home drunk
>Wake up at my dad's house passed out on his couch. He's mad because he quit drinking years ago and he hates when I drink hard.

The only thing that's kept drunk me from getting his ass beat is my size and tattoos. I'm very lucky. Drunk me is a monster while in real life I'm decently well educated and a productive member of society with no serious criminal record. I don't know why I'm such a bad drunk but I have a hundred of these stories. Truck pic related.

Did u swallow his sperm you ugly whore? Or did u take it on your mask?

Yeah that whole crying with puke and cum on part sounds real fun. GG homeslice

Face and/or body pic?

I have had groups with other girl and one guy. That story was 3 guys. It doesnt mesn i only fuck 3 guys at a time you prude fuck. I eat pussy too

I swallowed that time.

The crying and puke is what inregret moron. Do you now know how to read

Good for you, you sound like a blast. We should never get together and god free me of bitches like you

Holy fuck, you slut. Does he know? Do you have wet dreams about your bro now?

Kill yourself

You sound like a repressive asshole pig of a man. Only guys can fuck around but god forbid your girl ever have had another mans dick i her. Oh if you fuck that you may be gay. This is 2017 faggot not the 1800s

Since you're just a fat guy pretending to be a disgusting whore I'm not even going to suggest you end your life but you probably should.

Got your mom pregnant and born you

Yes. After i swallowed i took my mask offf to clean up my face where some cum dripped out and he freaked. When i reakized it was my bro, i freaked out.

>im a girl
You know what to do then
Share a pic of those ugly titties
Are you a southern girl btw? Its probably just your pheremones twlling yiu to fuck your brother, no shame in it, it's probably been in your family since the civil war

Holy shit bro, you're making my dick hard as fuck.

Since your a beta who cant get pussy maybe you should suck your daddys cock

Are you a fat chick?

keep in mind male prostitutes are far more expensive than female prostitutes
they really cant do anything better, can they?

>Go to another party
>Deep in the woods
>Drink about half a handle of Evan Williams
>Friends start giving me Jaeger bombs because they love drunk me
>Do 13 of them in under 3 minutes
>Elbow the windshield of my car hard enough to crack the whole thing (thank god for insurance)
>Slap my buddies dad after he punches me
>Almost killed the old bastard
>Whole crowd starts coming over
>I'm in trouble
>Slap the first 3 people the get to me and knock two of them over
>Buddies try to calm me, I'm mad no one will give me my car keys
>Suddenly there's 6 dudes beating my ass
>Very upset, manage to getthe smallest one in an ankle lock while getting the shit beat out of me
>He starts screaming when he realizes I'm going to snap his shit
>His friends get off, I jump up and run into the woods
>My friends give chase no chance they're catching me
>Hit barbwire lose clothes
> Six two three hundred pound man walking down street in underwear and socks at three am
>Made it nine or so miles in three hours
>Cop stops me and calls ambulance
>Get to little bandaid station
>Have nurse dial my buddie tell him to pull up to ambulance bay
>Haven't said two sentences since I got picked up
>They shot me up with happy juice and have it on a drip because of severe lacerations from barbwire
> I rip Iv out and run the 40 feet to ambulance bay
>Jump down eat shit and scramble into car

Surprised I'm still alive tbqh

5 9 and 133. You decide

Nice dubs you whore. How does it feel to have swallowed all thise nieces and nephews. You have one hell of a story there, i bet you'll be a great aunt some day. Hahaha

>3 cans
Do Americans really not drink at 20? I and most others here start drinking at 14 (Ireland) I'd love to go to America and drink, sounds great.

>be me
>drunk because 10 shots of pure vodka
>20 beers
>random shots of garbage alcohol dont know how many
>club is closing and friend is talking to a girl
>she is from a different state
>i go talk to her while friend gets annoyed because she wants me now
>he goes over to her girlfriends
>we end up sitting there on a couple of chairs outside of club
>girl is sitting on my lap
>herecomestheboom.jpg
>feel sick as fuck
>need to puke but dont want to tell her
>fuck it!!
>puke right next to the chair while she is looking to the other side to talk to her girlfriends
>she doesnt notice her girlfriends dont notice my friend notices
>no snitch though
>need to puke again probably wont be lucky again so i get her off my lap
>go behind a huge flower pot and puke my whole inside out behind the pot
>they notice and say wowww he cant even handle his liquor
>friend defends : bitch you dont know how much that idiot drank.

Have many more stories but then i need to think ill save my blue 69 story for some other time.

You sound like a faggot t b h

They totally do, I'm the rare exception. Kind of that guy everyone was always worried about bringing a gun to school: you don't get to go to parties or make the right connections when you're that guy.

I feel sick thinking about it. I didnt know it was my bro. We didnt talk. I just started sucking. We dont talk now. Im just glad we didnt fuck. I was horny and wanted to that night

:/
You have no idea why those rules are in place do you..?

Did you make the flight?

i have a friend who is an absolute cunt when he's drunk, he also thinks he's a fairly good person when he's sober, but he's not, he's just less of a cunt. you sound like him.

I'm not

you mean 5'7 and 150 so yeah, fat as fuck

Sold 50 bitcoin at $30 each

You sound like a total shithead. And you probably deserved what your girlfriend did

Frankly I'm offended.
I'm really not bad sober. And these nights are few and far between. I got off the liqour eventually and settled down. Abusive childhood and repressed feelings make me a bad drunk.

I wish my wife would do this. Prude bitch.

Some of these nerds don’t drink until they’re old, then some of us are degenerates

No i mean 133 this morning. Sorry im not fat like your girlfriend

You are a total slut, you know what probably makes you feel sicker? Knowing that deep down you still get turned on remembering it. You are sucha a nasty little whore! You swallowed so you must have loved the taste eh?

>What's the stupidest shit you've ever done while drunk?
Kept drinking

ahahahhaha

Wasn't my girlfriend. Just some whore I drug along because she looked good. I ended up beating her ass again at some other party. Me and all my friends have fucked her before. She's just some bicycle.

I wanna know more about this whole situation, lead up, moment, after math

with or without pics, but pics preferred I'm just not as much of an asshole user

What she look like

Oh you fucking imbecile

mass shooting at LasVegas

>too beta to have a weird probably homoerotic sexual experience with two other dudes and only one woman.

Yeah right sure thing mate.

Tits. NAO

>be me
>at exgf place
>still good friends so whatever
>4 a.m.
>watching Rocky IV because why not
>drinking to celebrate I finished college
>drink half of a vodka bottle
>had enough
>Wake up at home 12 hours later
>what the hell?

Aparently during my complete black out I did some shit I can't even start to remember

>start shouting "APOLLO! APOLLO IS ALIVE! APOLLO IS ALIVE!" while she was in the bathroom
>tell her that she treated me like a dog
>take my pants and underwear off
>ABOÜT to fucking pee in an umbrella stand
>umbrellas were there still
>gf drove me to the bathroom
>waste all the toilet paper avaliable and let it all over the floor
>fall half naked and hit my head with the door
>drop a picture when I tried to wake up
>arrive home shouting "IM OK IM OK I DON'T NEED YOU HERE"

She left me in my bed and flew out of there. Later, she sent me a picture of the vodka bottle. Apparently I had drink all of it in my unconscious tantrum.

I don't remember shit.

>Go to huge park where the Rolling Stones are playing on my bicycle(Netherlands).
>Park bicycle at some chicks house
>buy a crate of beer with my buddy and drink it within the hour
>Fuck it, buy some more alcohol.
>After that last stuff i lost my buddy somewhere.
>Find a drunk dude i know, and we got the brilliant idea for buying more beer.
>Get another crate, during way back crate falls so we need to get even more.

>At some point i forgot where the hell i even was, Rolling Stones were done playing for hours at this point.
>Forgot where the hell my bike was, so i ring everyones doorbell at 4 in the morning asking if my bike was there.
>gave up and proceeded to sleep in a ditch untill the police found me.
>Turns out people were worried because after 12 hours i still never returned and they asked the cops to look for me.

>those glorious bastards even brought me home.

>This was over 10 years ago and i still dont know where my bicycle is

Fuck off edgelord

dem titties tho

That is good titty