What's the dumbest thing you've ever done drunk?

What's the dumbest thing you've ever done drunk?

Your mom.

His mom.

Your entire female side of the family.

My wife. Kids happened. I told them they were drunk mistakes. Now Im divorced and they dont want contact with me. lol

I was drunk at a party and asked this hot asian girl if she was still upset about the hiroshima bomb

washing detergent with bleach

2nd to that grain alcohol mixed with monster energy

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. You get kids without the work. You can party and they'll try to get you back in their lives when they are ready to start a family so you get rational adults and cute babies you dont need to take care of.

Was she?

snapped a family member my dick We snaped back and forth a long whille. sent some stuff to let her know I was interested.She didnt seem weird about it. Sent me some suggestive stuff after...but never flat out said anything about it.

She did recently say she wants me to visit her but its not really possible.

So Im probably ganna miss the chance to bang a hot family member. I'm not bad looking either. I lift and cardio everyday.

She has a bf now, I have a wife now.

If I ever get the chance I will make a move.

Texted, facebooked, insta-ed my siblings

>whom i've not had contact with for 18 years

a fatty

...

Fucked my best friends wife.
I'm gay.

Crazy ex kept on making me drink vodka in a hotel room after I'd already had 80oz of beer, blacked out and told her it'd be cool if we ended up marrying eachother, and I apparently went on an autistic rant about the anime Parasyte.

We were engaged a few weeks later. I didn't know what I was thinking but I had to go through with it, because she brought it up and probably would have broken a few windows and killed herself if I said no.

I've never had a more autistic moment in my life.

Came in OP's mom mouth
Shit was cash tho

>I had to go through with it
How fucking cucked are you?

As if you remember anything you've done drunk

you shouldn't exercise every day of the week, also you shouldn't be doing lifting and cardio in the same days

Tackled my brand new GF in front of a bunch of her friends for no reason, then drove home despite everyone desperately trying to take my keys away. Woke up with face full of blood and a small tree stuck under my car. Had no idea how that happened. Dated GF for 3 more years.

well i just do a quick 2 mile. Then I do the usual chest n tris,abs,back and bis,legs n shoulders.

Last two day I just do a lil over a mile.

I eat pretty healthy...also BSN whey protein.

I am in pretty good shape for a 30 year old

I dont lift everyday and some days I just light cardio and swim/suana... I just like the gym

This is valid. I got to enjoy the cutest years of my son's life but got cut-off from seeing him due to drug use. Not ideal, but it's fine. I won't be around for the years when he's a pain in the ass and he'll look me up when he's older and better able to deal with things.

I was pretty beaten, yeah.
When found out she had a fling with someone else early on into our relationship, I left her and moved a state away in under 10 hours though. I handled her severe mental illness pretty well, but some things don't deserve a second thought.

tea made from piss of little boys from a chinese village. its theyr speciality

Had my friends wife blow me while he was asleep in my guest room and my girlfriend was passed out in mine. I had her swallow and during it made her call me daddy. To this day she compliments me on my dick and cleary wants me to fuck her.

Biggest mistake I did while drunk was shoplifting a few times. But mostly because I got caught because I was really drunk and wasn't sneaky about it, I got out of the store and home both times. But yeah not my finest moments, and weird since I'm against shoplifting.

I got in a few fights I lost while drunk and woken up swollen and bloody.

I've ranted passionately a lot while drunk about shit I couldn't care less about when sober.

Trashed my workplace (a gov dept.) in a colourfully nasty, massively insulting, expletive-laden Facebook rant. Ended up resigning to avoid being investigated for misconduct, but by that point it was a relief. Fuck bureaucrap anyway.

OK, so this happened in the 00's

>I was leaving a club with my 'dodgy' mate.
>You know, the guy who is always one wrong move away from prison.
>Both drunk as hell.
>see a car, decided to try and get in.
>I was too drunk to see how but doors open.
>Sit in the car trying to hotwire it as we had seen in the movies, playing with the mixtapes (Greenday or something).
>No success, so decided to torch the car, I think we set fire to a seat and left, no idea if it caught fire.
>this was in a large UK city center btw, that was just on a side road off one of the main streets.
>anwyay, we continue on. I remember seeing a champaign shop from my journey to and from work and mention it to the guy I am with.
>decide to check it out. No shutters, alarm or cameras that we could see.
>he bike locks the window and we make off with 6 bottles of fairly expensive looking champaign.
>drink a few on a bench somewhere and realize we want to get to the other side of town into the suburbs.
>Deside to try and get on a train. Trains not running but oh well, wait at station drinking.
>argue a bit and chuck a bottle at my mates head, smash.
>traffic police investigate and we talk to them but they do nothing, not even questioning why two punk kids have bottles of champaign or the smashed one. weird. So we piss off.
>decide to walk it, 3-mile walk, through a ghetto full of future BLM.
>amazingly make it out alive, two bottles left at this point.
>gatecrash my friends house on the other side of the ghetto.
>they were in! pass out for a bit on the sofa, wake up and mates gone, No idea how I really got to this place and realized I hadn't seen this guy in ages.
>his sister comes and rescues me, pours away the last bottle of champaign (gutted) and I then proceed to spend the next two days in her bed with a massive hangover.
>leave after a few days, still hungover, never speak of it again.
>Oh and I had left an 1/8th of weed and 10 CD's at the club
>Karma

Was at this party and asked this asian bitch if she wanted to plough, she said "no I have a boyfriend..." So I unzipped my pants and pissed in her face. Her boyfriend came over and bottled me and stuck the broken bottle up my ass. I went home and beat off.

I fingered my niece who was 9 and jerked off on her chest. She was clearly scared but hasnt said anything so far. I have 1 year left for the statute of limitations.

I shit on top of a toilet lid

>I think we set fire to a seat and left

I meant 'he'. I am a good boy :)

Legit tho, I was so out of it and just followed the leader that night mostly. Not that I am entirely innocent I guess but he was a nutter. Weird night to say the least. I have done many more stupid things while drunk. Broken ribs, been baseball batted shutting down a house party when the ambulance and police came. Taken 9 different Es in a night and ended up throwing up blood the next morning. So many bad bad things... Now I am only a part-time stay at home binge drinker. Now my biggest worries are shitposting the wrong people and spending too much on alcohol plus a 4-day hangover if I do. I am amazed I survived my 20's, I spent half of them in a youth hostel with 80 other 'kids' mostly from the BLM area who were gang members (I'm white and went to a bit of a posh school). Being an oldfag is kind of relaxing in comparison.

Suddenly a few nicked bottles of champagne and a vandalized car doesn't seem so bad... Fucking hell. that really is fucked up.

Just to be clear, she is really attractive. She also came for whatever that is worth.

You deserve a life sentence.

lol

Ex-wife and I had a drunk 3 way with one of her friends.

When it came time to nut, I came right in her eye and she closed her eyes and moved her eyes so much her contacts got stuck in the back of her eyes.

We had to drive her to the hospital.

Are you having fun with your larp session, edgelord?

Do you get satisfaction from thinking you are supperior to people on an anonymous message board? Im sorry ypu are fat.

(You)

love

Another one.

I got drunk at my gfs uncles wake (which I had promised her I would be good at because her EX had been drunk at a previous family gathering and embarrassed her... I insisted I wouldn't do that and wanted to go) and blacked out. Apparently knocked over a bottle and didn't clean it up so her mother uncle tried to fight me, I ended up hugging it out while she cleaned up my mess. That's not to bad, but on the taxi home, still blacked out I spent 20min telling her mother whos brothers wake it was what a cunt her uncle was making her cry. We are no longer dating.

Another one.

When I was 16 I got so drunk at my family Christmas party I ended up escaping to the local pub, came back with pints, started throwing them at the house. My aunties fried whos dad had died came out to 'comfort' me, she fed me a few bottles of wine. Blacked out and woke up next to her rubbing her leg with her saying 'no more' WTF? She was 50 and had been flirting with me since I was 13. She did a runner before the family got up and I was left to deal with the mess, my nan and uncle especially, were not impressed. Apparently I tried to fight him and made my nan cry in the process of screaming that the family didn't give a shit about me in that typical teenage way.

hmmm... Probably fuck a fatty. Also drunk text my one hot friend telling her I wanna fuck the shit out of her. Kinda got results but screwed the friendship up. oh and change my characters name on runescape to my ex fiances name

pissed myself

>Im sorry ypu are fat.

Thanks user. It's really difficult

invading russia

...

Drove home from the strip club. DUI. 4K bucks later....

>kek

Get pulled over for DUI and got out of car and pissed in from of female cop who stopped me. I really needed to go and went. To jail!

Both the men and women in your maternal side of the family.

[citation needed]

this is some shit tier broscience

>be me
>16yo living in Germany
>decided to go drinking with friends in a park
>police walk by
>me and my friends randomly decide to run away from police even though we did nothing wrong
>police run after us
>cops catch a friend of mine
>jailed for the rest of the night

I always cringe when I think of how many times I should have gotten a DUI. There were nights in my 20s that I had to drive with one eye in a squint just to keep my head from spinning and resolve the blurriness. Fucking idiot I was. Now I Uber it if I’ve had anything more than 2 drinks.

rofl thats actually fckin funny

Thats really good of you, man. Driving drunk is just fucked. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I ended up killing someone innocent over something stupid like driving drunk.

I shot up a music festival and pinned it on some random high roller, but I left my guns behind, fuck

Are you a nig?

turn yourself in faggot

Went to friends' Bachelor party. Didn't really want to. Friend was a dick. Pressured me into it and I had a free plane ticket so I went. It was fun but this dude was making everyone miserable by trying to drink 24 hours of every day and all of us were like "we're not 19 anymore, let's just have a good time without spending the weekend blacked out." he was yelling at us for chilling on the couch at like 3pm on saturday after we had golfed and went to a brewery.

Anyway. Go out to the bars that night. Drunk. Another friend is pissed off too and we decide to leave the bars and drive back to our place. We were too drunk to drive, but it didn't matter because we were also too drunk to find the car.

Called a taxi. At this point the booze kicked in to the point of serious blackout and I started to get paranoid. We were in some backwoods and wayyyy off course on my phone map. I assumed that we were about to be raped and killed.

Told the driver to pull over and let us out. He refused.

I grabbed the wheel of the taxi to get him to stop. We clipped the side of a barrier on the side of road and he stops. I punch him in the head a bunch and my friend and I jump out of the car as the driver is running away.

My friend and I make our way about 3km through some swamp before we get to parking lot and the cops catch us. I was arrested; my friend wasn't.

I somehow got away with it all. I paid restitution and had no priors and paid $7500 to an attorney. Went to court and driver was there. I apologized to him and his family and paid him for lost wages and to fix his cab. Prosecutor wanted to keep all charges but my lawyer got them all dropped contingent on me doing alcohol counseling.

Shithead friend who had the bachelor party told all of our other friends and my mugshot got circulated. It was found at my new job I went to and circulated there. I was dumb af, but people really suck.

I finally got the expungement order and got every single article removed from the interwebs.

tried to fight my friends dad.

Got blackout drunk and told my friends father that I respected him and that he raised an amazing son.

Told me I was too drunk and what I was saying meant nothing to him.

Called him a bitch for refusing my love.

why is there a third hole in the vaguu

...

I blew a 2.6 and I was also full of xanax. Totally fucked up.

lawl, you probably saved yourself and your friends life, not only that, but that faggot getting married is clearly a faggot who doesn't wanna marry so he's taking out his frustration on you guys.
going to be a nice marriage between them two, haha.
also fuck you and your leddit spacing, faggot.

Fight with my grandpa ghost

apparently you ain't that gay nigga

How would that have been any mistake at all?

took a shit in the toilet's water tank in the house of some bitch i hated

it was worth the laughs tho, they never told her who it was

>he'll look me up when he's older and better able to deal with things
Not necessarily. My asshole dad fucked off when I was one or two. I'm 36 mow and haven't once in my life considered getting in contact with him. I don't even know if hes alive or dead. Either one wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Peed in my gf boot last night. Then crawled back in bed with her like nothing happened. She woke up pissed this morning.

Maybe once you're older than 12 and can handle more than 3 beers without puking and passing out you'll realize its very possible to remember things when you're drunk

wut

Talked to some cop while having only a towel on my crotch.

you reek of desperation

Same story but I'm 28. I forget about that faggot for years at a time.

Fucked. So crazy retarded lady She was full retard. Not. Good at all

I went to Stockholm, Sweden with my girlfriend to visit her grandparents. I got so drunk with them on Christmas eve that I woke up on the linoleum floor of her grandparents' kitchen bare-assed naked Christmas morning.

Wait... wut?

To a point... 20 pints and a bottle of vodka tends to BTFO of your memory. Or one bottle for frosty jack and a can of special brew.

you sure she's japanese?

KEK

This is the best I've ever heard.

This one time when i was young and shit, me and some buds go so wasted that we killed like 6 million jews or something. Best 12 year bender ever. Then we blamed some dumb ass politician

Lol thank you for everything including the fucking me part.

Yes. Their marriage sucks and was always going to.

k

got divorced as well, 2 yr old daughter right now, i wouldnt like to miss the good parts nor the bad ones. at least i dodged the wife-bullet

spent over 2k at a strip club and texted my GF about it by accident

took on a drive-in security guard pointing a .45 at my head.
>oldfag here

>was buzzed getting off a plane
>guys right arm is amputated
>"must be nice to have both armrests when sitting on your right side"
>stubby replies "excuse me"
>repeat at a louder volume "Must be nice to have both armrests when sitting on your right side!"

How dare he format his post in a way that makes it easy to read not not a wall of text!!!!

...

an average Sup Forumstard

Hilarious...fuckng HILARIOUS!

General destruction of vehicles and property, mainly vehicles. Probably around 30K damage over the late teenage years.

Where the fuck do I start

>Broken into my old schools and written "user was here!" and smashed up everything
>Threatened to kill a guard who wouldnt let me in to the pub, then got chased by 4 bigger guards
>Pissed, in broad daylight against a lightpole next to my house whilst talking to the neighbours
>Drove my car into my friends car
>Argued with radical christians
>Got a girl thrown out of McD for being homophobe
>Got thrown out from McD for being a faggot
>Kissed a nazi, starting a huge fight
>Told antifa that homosex is an afront to god, starting a huge fight
>Fallen asleep on the train tracks
>Ran into my dads car whilst he was driving, collapsing on his hood
>Had sex on my front lawn in daylight
>Had a complete mental breakdown, walked home laughing like a maniac and then tried killing myself by drinking water
>Told biker gang that I was gay and wanted to have a gangbang with all of them, they then stood up and I saw "Hells Angels" on their backs

And so on.

made out with my 4 years younger sister
i was 18 at the time

Did $30k damage with my friends accidentally while drunk.