ITT: Choose your own Adventure!

ITT: Choose your own Adventure!

Dubs Decides our next move.

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You wake up at the mouth of a cave. your head is heavy and your eyes are blurred from the late night at the tavern. You have no recollection of anything that happened after sundown last night. Stand up, you brush the dirt from your peasant garb. Looking in the distance, you see smoke rising from cook fires, which leads you to conclude that you must not be more than a couple miles from civilization. Behind you, the entrance to the cave looms pitch black. Checking your pockets, you realize that the only things you have with you are five gold pieces and a small key. You have no idea what lock the key belongs to.

What do you do?

Touch yourself inappropriately with the gold pieces.

I fell into a wood chipper

lol

WTF

nice trips

Leave the cave and start heading toward the fires

God damnit.

Niggas...I got dub trips....respect

And turned into goo.
Suddenly I woke up

He's dead, user. Let him rest.

Suddenly, a strange mechanical device appears on the moutainside next to you. As you walk toward it to inspect the contraption, you trip on a rock and the last thing you see is whirling blades rushing toward your face.

You jerk awake at the mouth of a cave. Your head is heavy and your eyes are blurred from the late night at the tavern. You have no recollection of anything that happened after sundown last night. Stand up, you brush the dirt from your peasant garb. Looking in the distance, you see smoke rising from cook fires, which leads you to conclude that you must not be more than a couple miles from civilization. Behind you, the entrance to the cave looms pitch black. Checking your pockets, you realize that the only things you have with you are five gold pieces and a small key. You have no idea what lock the key belongs to.

I am not dead!

Shit...off by 1

Fuck sake, user.

Ha! Dubs bitches!

walk towards the fires, punch the first person you see.

Call me butter...I'm on a roll!
>bless me get gods!

Find nearest person and ask to get laid

Balls.

Balls!!!!

My awesomeness ends here. Godspeed anons.

Take off clothes and walk to civilization

So close, yet so far away.

rolling for

DAMMIT!!!

This but I also stick gold up asshole

Reroll

Insert the key in your butthole while touching yourself

Still waiting on those dubs boys.

Lodge key up asshole, find nearest person and get them to remove it

Could you not?

You mutter to yourself "Still waiting on those dubs boys."

Having no idea what a "dub" is, and not knowing who you could possibly be speaking to has you thinking that perhaps you may have hit your head while drunk last night. Oh well.

You still stand indecisively at the mouth of the cave.

Clothes off, gold in ass, then to the city

Fuck off by one

>rolling

Swallow the gold then strip naked. Proceed to civilization

Strip, then make your way to civilization, cock in hand.

I knew we could do it

winrar

run naked in the forest

let the females know that the only way to become a princess is to SUCK THIS DICK

A strange compulsion starts to come over you. For some reason, an overwhelming desire to strip naked starts to flood your entire being. Ripping your clothes from your body, and grabbing your flaccid penis, you start to walk in the direction you saw the smoke rising from. You descend from the rocky cliffs, leaving your clothing, gold, and key in a pile on the hillside, and start to cross a large field, which is bordered by woodland. As you approach the woods, you notice that there is a overgrown, almost unnoticeable path leading through the forest.

What do you do?

Actually not a bad idea kek

return for the key

Dick-first into the path we go.

Rolling, get the key back

I grab a stubby-type rock from nearby, and head into the cave.

Eat bark off of trees and fuck the tree

Stabby

You stop to pick up a pointed rock. Having no place to put it, you decide to keep it in your left hand, as your right is still in a vice grip around your limp phallus. However, now the forest appears to be a less inviting option. You turn around and head back toward the cave. Entering the tunnel, you realize that the blackness is almost overwhelming. You see some scraps of animal skin and bone near the entrance. It becomes clear that you won't be able to navigate this cave very successfully unless you find some kind of light source.

Cock and Rock in hand, what do you do?

Yell out for all the world to hear "MY NAME IS KLAUS MIKAELSON AND MY COCK IS MIGHTY"

Realize i have to take a shit but am still afraid of the toilet witch so i decide poo in the loo is out of the question, take a hefty shit in my hand then eat it

reroll

You mean in the hand holding your cock or the rock?

Find materials to make a fire at the forest entrance

let go of cock long enough to shit and eat it then grab cock again

Satan has spoken

>filename
>LOGo

Game Over

Eat the shit!

Another mad compulsion wracks your naked frame. As you feel the rage of a fecal demon-spawn start to roil around in your lower bowels, you know that you must conserve whatever nutrients you have, as you may not find any food out here for a while. Squatting, you unclench your sphincter, and release the chocolate shotgun into your hand. As it mainly consists of ale from the night before, and little food, it is difficult to catch. However, you make the best of a bad situation and lick you hand clean before it can drip off.

Moderately sated, you pick up your sharp rock, and with you hand still firmly gripping your limp tumescence, you wonder...


What will you do?

Run into little red riding hood in the woods and molest her

shove the rock in my ass

fuck a badger

drink the blood of a vampire and become immortal

From out of the cave, a man with pale white skin emerges. His eyes burn with a cold hatred of anything living, and you know at once that he must be a vampire, as there was a clan of them giving your village quite a bit of trouble not long ago. Not a problem for you however. He hisses as the sun touches his skin and he starts to return to the cave, but he notices you standing there, in your naked glory, gripping your small, lifeless cock, and pointy rock. He starts to come toward you, but recoils as a wave of putrescence from the shit stained ground (and your breath) overwhelm him. Tightening your grip on your rock, you begin to stab him repeatedly. Toward the end, you realize that you have almost decapitated the beast, and decide to drink some of the blood you spilled. There had been rumors that this would make the drinker immortal. As soon as the ice cold blood touches your lips, you feel the cold, unmoving feeling of immortality rush through your veins. Your breath now reeks of shit and blood. You stand, blood dripping from your face, and look at the world with a new eye. You're going to be here a while, you'd better decide..

...What will you do?

fuck his corpse then find a child to molest

molest all the children in the village

Clean myself, let cock go, take clothes from vampire, pick up gold and stuff and walk to civilization

Kill jester

Kill jester, she's shite

Suck my own dick

molest all the children in the village

...

...

...

guess we are done here

KILL JESTER!!!!

Molest a child

Of course. Anything for you lexee.