Feels thread

Feels thread.
Tell me all about your feelz anons

My heart hurts right now. I'm stuck with this one girl who takes pleasure in leading me on. And I can't let her go.
How do you let go of someone who you love and still remain in one piece?

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youtu.be/fjg5TuXV09U?t=37
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This artist sucks dick, they have the shadow going the wrong way.

Nice eye there user

I met my wife and another girl about the same time. Other girl had a crazy boyfriend at the time. I never made a move. Obviously I love my wife, but I think about the other girl daily. We're both married and have kids and such, I wouldn't want to ruin it for either, but I used to enjoy talking to her on the regular, venting marriage shit, she would do the same. It all kind of came to a stop and it's almost like she refuses to accept that I exist anymore. I try and make contact and days go by, then I get a short nothing reply. I would like to get over her, but it would make it so much easier if she just said "There's no room for you in my life, move on" or something. For now I just feel lost, I figured she could be my next wife when my current one inevitably leaves me.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TO DO RIGHT NOW IM FUCKING SICK IF THIS SHUT MY MOM KEEPS CHEATING ON MY DAD, HAVING THIS NIHILIATIC CRISIS AT THE AGE OF 49 AND MY DAD CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE SHE'S RIGHT NOW NAKED AT MY EX UNCLE IN LAWS HOME WHO SEXUALLY HARRASSED ME AND MY DAD IS A FUCKING SPINELEAS........ BITTCCH. NOW IT'S NIGHTTIME AND HE KEEPS TURNING ALL OF THE LIGHRA ON AND I KIST WANT IT TO BE DARK AND HE'S A FUXKING 63 YEAR OLD MAN.... FUCKING.BITCH.HAHAHXUDUDHEUUWHW BC UXIDOWOWSJNDJCUDNS BC JCJCUDHDBDJXJCUCCHCHDHDBD XBXBXBXBBFDBBDBCBC BC HCJJDIDIE8EUDJCJCUDUDBDAOOAOSKSKJSSKISJDJDJHEEE÷IMFREAKING THE FUCK OUTRIGHTNOW. ADVICE?WWWWTF

I walked up to a girl at her work yesterday, who I've talked to maybe 5 or 6 times. I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me and she said yes and proceeded to give me her number. I texted her probably 4 hours later saying so i was thinking (place) on Wednesday at 6, if you're free. She said she'd get back to me.


Just tell me no.

If your parents are that old, you are probably old enough to be living on your own and let them be. They will figure it out.

mom died two years ago hating me, i just talked to my stepmom about it last night and that was the first time in a while i thought about it

my mom called me ugly, pizzaface, told me to kms, said she wanted to abort me, kicked me out, called me a fag when she found out i liked guys, etc etc.

inb4 “well you should be happy she’s dead” it’s different when it’s your mom dude.

Literally nothing can change. Just try and accept her for the good things and don't beat yourself over the bad, that was her problem, not yours.

thanks kind user

If you can't trust your best friend of 10 years, can you trust anyone?

Sitting here trying to repress the thoughts of suicide. I know that I don't want to but the thoughts still come up. Lot of shit going on to pile on the stress and it's just getting worse and worse.

i’m sure it means nothing but here’s a virtual back massage from me

Hey I actually.have the same(ish) problem but I'm the crazy one. I'm aware I'm the crazy one and wish I could change but I can't. I ruin every relationship I get into and now only have 2 actual friends. She's married now (again) and now pretends like I don't exist. I can't talk to her anymore.

Change anything. Change what you do in the morning. Change how you dress. Change some daily activity. I'd say mostly if you can, get outside more, soak up some sun, expel some energy and sleep well. You might be surprised how some small changes can impact life in a big way.

A few years ago, I picked up everything and moved halfway across the country. I literally threw a dart at a map and this is where it landed. I wanted a change in my life and wanted to become a new person and get a fresh start.

However, as soon as I moved here, I found it hard to stop being me. I was still shy, awkward, etc. I'd been living here almost a year and still hadn't made a single friend. I thought about this new me I wanted to become. Old me would just sit and sulk. But new me would do something about it. He'd be outgoing, he'd be social. He'd throw a party! So that's what I did. I invited everyone. Everyone at work, in my building, and just random people I'd seen before but never really talked to. I invited the cashier at the gas station for Christ's sake.

I went all out too. I bought a shit-ton of food, booze, and even a full-sized keg. As I was leaving work on Friday, I re-invited everyone. People were like, "Oh, sure! Sounds fun! See you there!"

So I went home, got everything ready, and waited. And waited. (Since this is a feels thread you already know where this is going.) No one showed up. Not one person. Not even to stop by for five minutes. I tried calling and texting some people. No one answered.

I stopped talking to people after that. Stopped trying to be social and friendly. The only time I bothered to talk to someone at work was if it was work related. No more chit-chat. No more forcing a smile. No more pretending that good things would happen to me.

I figured out then that there was no "new" me. I was stuck being my old, lame, loser self until the day I die, which I hope is soon.

I don't feel welcome in my own home anymore, and I've been forgotten by what once was my friends. I'm kinda just "there" now, as a background character. I don't want to be some attention whore that takes up the spot-light, but humans are social creatures and I'm a human too. I guess it just sucks having no one to talk to, and then not having a place to feel safe in. That's all I have to complain about tho really, I'm all good otherwise. I consider myself lucky.
How have all you anons been? I'm down to just hang out here and chat.

Alright I'll give you the story.

Pushed away a girl I loved (too scary)
Drank heavily and lived a.dishonorable life.
Now since what I do for work I'm getting severe respiratory problems.
I'm on all kinds of anti psych meds and I'm sedated as fuck 99% of the time. When I'm not I'm annoying and do wild shit.
Every day it feels like I'm drowning... physically not emotionally.

Thinking about doing things that'll make me more money but hurt others. I wish I could be different bit I can't.

I'm only 22. I don't know how much longer I'll be around for due to my condition but I guess I'll try to live it up with meaningless relationships as my body withers away

Some years back, a soap opera in the UK had a character who was the classic loser/underachiever. He decided he was going to move away, and start afresh.

A few days after his departure date, a friend runs into him, and asks him why he hadn't left. He replied that there was no point, as you take all your problems with you.

How'd you afford to do a move like that?
I'm in a similar situation of sorts. I moved from ky to ca, so a 2k mile move roughly, cause I didn't like where I was at. In a dead end job at retail going nowhere with my life and just barely living no gf or anything. So thought I'd come out to cali to live with a relative maybe college or job and have fun with more thigns but nope none of that, instead I'm being a neet and drinking every day instead of making progress with my life and at this point I'm too far gone I don't know how to recover.

Very true.

Wherever you go, there you are...

stop drinking and hit the gym and eat healthy. Maybe even meditate.

relevant

well, have you told her?

you can't escape yourself no matter where you go user.

You ever have a dream that fucks you up? I've been just completely off the last few days because of a dream last week.

Background, my dad passed back in 2011 with lung cancer. The last week before he died, I was tied up with paperwork, making sure his medical bills were taken care off, that we found and had a funeral home ready, that we'd found my mom a place she could move to, etc All stuff I didn't want me or my mom or sister to have to deal with after, you know? Day he's supposed to come home for home hospice, he slips into a coma and dies within like 12 hours.

I'd spent the last week not getting out to see him because there was so much to do, so much to work on, and felt like I didn't get to say goodbye while he was still lucid.

So the dream... what I remember of it, i was standing outside our old house, the one we lived in when I was younger. I go inside, and walk upstairs, and there's my dad just sitting on the couch, reading a paper. My mom is in the kitchen making breakfast, and I'm just sitting there looking at my dad just like I remember him before the chemo. My first thought, of course, is "Oh, this is a dream." I'm no stranger to lucid dream threads and stuff on Sup Forums, so in the dream I try out all the stuff that's supposed to help, I flip light switches (they all work), I turn on the TV and the computer(they work), I open books (they all have proper text, at least as far as I can tell). Finally, I just rare back and slap myself in the face as hard as I can. It hurts, bad. I can feel the sting, I can taste blood in my mouth where I bit myself. My mom yells at me asking what's happening. In that moment, I totally accept the dream. Everything bad that happened, the cancer, his death like six years ago, everything was just a bad dream and I'm finally awake and he's real and just sitting in there waiting to talk to again.

cont.

So I sit down on the opposite side of the couch to him. He's just reading the paper like normal, he still smells of old spice from having showered and shaved earlier. I don't want to be a spaz, I feel so sheepish about the dumb dream so I don't want to be all melodramatic and stuff. But I want to tell him I love him first, at the very least, and then we'll talk about the bad dream and laugh about it. So I'm about to tell him "I love you" and I wake up.

I love it if it were the cliche "alarm jerks you out of a dream" bit, but no, it was just a little after 8am and I had to piss and I'm laying there processing, and I look at where I am and what's happened, and I realize the truth of the dream and what it means. I had it. I had it, right there, a perfect opportunity, a real second chance to say goodbye and I love you to my dad(even if it was in a dream) and I missed it. I missed it too.

I had to call out of work, I kept breaking down in tears randomly throughout the day. I'm still really fucked up over this after a few days. It's just ugly in my headspace right now, I don't know how to fucking unpack all of this without rehashing my dad's death with my family.

if anyone wants to vent about something i'll listen and read

fuck man that really sucks. maybe the fact that you had a lucid dream, that you saw your father and your life as if there were no problems, maybe that was your dad telling you goodbye?
i've had dreams that were really unsettling too, they're no joke. it's hard to interpret them. i would think yours is your father visiting you, even though it was not that direct.

user, my grandfather (who stepped in as a dad) died of cancer too. I've also had a couple of incredibly lucid, real feeling dreams about him too. Realer than any other dreams. I've definitely woken up crying and spent the day to myself. I got you.

I saved up for a few years. I don't make much money, but I don't have many expenses either.

I know. I was born a loser and I'll die a loser.

...

Thanks for listening. Just working this out and typing it all down has helped alot.

Murmic fuck off

When I was in 6th grade I sent out an invitation to my birthday party to all my "friends" and classmates and was so excited for my first party, I had never really done something for my birthday before so I was extremely excited. I set everything up for everyone and I had a pinata too, I had hats, a cake, etc. It was gonna be great, the day of the party I sat outside waiting in excitement to my shock that no one showed up. I sat out there for hours. I cried for hours and hours. I have never recovered from that.

And also, I set everything up for more than just me. Waste of time and such, the good news about some of it was a few of my friends actually were not able to come because of deeper reasons so I felt a bit better knowing someone wanted to be there.

youtu.be/fjg5TuXV09U?t=37

Fuck this post is actually so sad. Just keep positive anf let her go it will pasa away. I recently broke up with mi girlfriend, who i saved from suicide and took her out from a huge depression, i loved her af, and then he left me and started throwing shit of me to her new friends. Fuck that bitch now i focus on muy friends

Thanks mate.

I've been changing things constantly, even to the point where i'm changing jobs because I hate it so much. I still feel, empty? I guess it's stemming from disdain of those around me outside of my closest friends. I can't seem to find people who're nothing more than surface slaves.

10 years bros
see ya on the other side

>caught feelings for a friend that I absolutely feel I click with despite knowing deep down that she doesn't feel the same way
>Not having any sort of luck with women at all
>Want to get myself back into school and get my education. All money goes to bills
>Losing interest in my hobbies, all time literally just going to work
>feels like the job would rather promote a mop over me despite being there for over 2 years.

I feel stuck, brahs. I honestly do try to keep my head up through it all, but sometime it really feels like I'll never hit the light at the end of the tunnel.

You know what you do? Work...your...ass...to...the...bones. Seriously. It's called a jumpstart. Crazy is doing the same thing over and over yada yada yada. So do yourself a favor. One year. That's all it'd take. One year out of what? 75-ish? Put aside all the petty crap like games and television and 1. Work out. I mean fucking seriously haul some ass too and from the workout room, one hour a day, four days a week. That's called television replacer...easily. 2. Take an extra job part time to scrape up some extra dough. 3. With that first extra bit of cash, buy a belt, nice pants (no bluejeans) I mean some nice khakis or dress pants, and dress shirts. Second hand is okay, just no stains or holes. The ones you tuck into that belt and nice pants. Shoes too. Nothing flashy, sporty, or average. Get some leather brands on your kickers. Rockports work for me and they're comforting as shit! Get some nice cologne. Not that axe shit, real shit. $20+ dollar shit. Trust me, it makes a difference, and she'll notice. The girl i like did. She has a bf, and she's all over me making sexual innuendos. "You smell nice." "I'd take that on." etc. Wanna have a motto? Nobody's gonna like you until you like yourself. Don't give a shit what people think of you. But give a shit what people think of you. Give them a reason to think of you. Not a reason to think of you only when you're in the room. Keep your mouth shut. Avoid that bitch you love like the plague. Make eye contact and converse only when necessary. Do NOT seek her out for conversation. She know's she has your balls in her pocket. You are her backup support. You need her to think you're changed and are too good for her. I know this shit sounds crazy and hard. And it is. But if it wasn't we'd all have that girl under our arms, am i right? So let's review. Dedicated gym time. Work on the side where and when you can get it. Fresh clothes that make you look nice and successful. Avoid girl, but stick around enough. GL.

i still dont know the answer to this, id like to say yes

Hugs find someone that really loves you and cares for you life is not too short it's a journey better have someone really cares for you as there are too many good women and more to life being stuck on one girl also don't drink it will escalate your depression human life is the most difficult experience you will get through breath take a another deep breath and she is gone now look for someone better.

i always think of myself as an autist, but when i hear shit like this my heart hurts

i actually went to a friend's bday party in elementary school once, my mom helped me pick out a gift for him and everything, then when i got there it was like that, all set up with games and a pool and snacks, but i was the only one there

as it turned out, i was the only one who bothered to show up. me and logan had a hell of a time, those other kids be damned. i just want you to know user, it's not your fault, and i'd be fucking honored to be invited to and attend your birthday parties.

i don't even know if you feel that strongly about it anymore, but i just had to tell u

Caresses your let's talk and listen you are struggling too much relax and breath let go of all in the head and take a deep breath you are being lonely showing signs of depression can please tell how was your childhood also do you drink or any drugs or medications? Please say I will be able help you much better

Fuck it. Feels thread right? I can say whatever I want. So here goes. My dream that I've been working for since I was 10 got ripped away from me 2 years ago and I never recovered from that shock. I was a month away from having it and now its gone forever. I wasted my youth preparing myself for it and my plan b is unachievable as well. I'm running out of reasons not to an hero and I've developed a drinking problem. All this is crushing me and I don't know how to fix it.

user. I lived this exact situation for years. I'm still not sure if i'm over her but I cut all ties possible and it helped.

Let it out just remember you are not alone cry if you have to but it will help to ease the pain and now take a deep breath and another deep breath drinking feeds depression and brings down emtional and mentally now deep more here is book it will help you quit a lot of stuff given you stay with all the mental excersises Rewire by Richard O Connor

> best friends got married and our friendships disappeared for the most part after that

> everyone else I knew moved away

> lots of bullshit in my life, too long to greentext

> feel absolutely empty now

It just fucking sucks now man. I got nothing. I could have been someone that matter and now I'm whatever the fuck I am now. Just drunk bitching at the wind every night till I tire myself out and fall asleep. I was close bro So fucking close.

Closed all doors, burned all bridges. I think I might do it today.

I'm 19 and I feel like my life's already over. I'm just too much of a pussy to actually kill myself.

Is drowning in a river a good way to end it all? It's 9am...

You can yell and scream talk in any manner you like I know it's pain and it hurts but sooner or later you will need to come to terms with this and need to take care of yourself you are your best friend and you will pull through this it's matter of time you struggle so much it's time to take a step back and see why life is fucking you also don't drink more it's your body after all and it will only worse the pain and it will not help if you was smoking a joint I would not say nothing but alcohol fuels depression and nothing more

nah a quick knife to the eye is a good way to end it

You are too young and have not seen nothing yet what makes you think your life is over?

moved around a bit. Got picked on coming up. Had very few comrades as a kid. School districts thought I wasn't smart enough for regular classes and got dropped to remedial classes, not just once either. Tried my hardest to prove that I was as smart and able as all of the other students and briefly made it back into the regular classes, but the teachers didn't see it that way. Felt like an afterthought to my father who ended up passing away at a young age. I admittedly indulge in weed and booze more than I should and likely is a contributing factor to me feeling the way I do. Gonna try and cut them out.

There is no way to end life any way you try it will hurt not only you but ones who care for you ones who loves so much

After 11 years of being with other people me and my childhood crush are together finally.
And we're so happy.
Life is good

It's probably tough sometimes dude. She might have think you seemed nice but then a friend got in her ear and said that's fucking weird to go out with a stranger who just saw you at work.

Or she just got cold feet. Don't obsess over it. Say when you're free and see if she's open. Don't push it.

If she's not interested she's not interested. You can get that without her saying no fuck off.

Your dumb bimbo of a childhood crush was fucked and cummed in all her holes for 11 years and you're picking up the scraps. Life is good indeed. Enjoy.

Fuck it. I knkw you're right. Everyone has always been right avout it. I'll find. My way eventually i hope

It's okay look and see your self in mirror and tell your self it's NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR FAULT you was not slow or dumb you went through traumatic experience at very young age and that cause deep depression it's okay and nothing wrong with it. This is part of being human try these two book and stick to mental excersises you will change your life Self-compassion by KRISTIN NEFF and Rewire by Richard O Connor you got empty emtional and no amount of alcohol will fill the void

Would you feel to share what was you attempting to do for that long time? Please also it's not matter of right or wrong you are hurting and going through sorrow we are sharing your pain

Does anyone else think that all people around them just want to isolate form them? I've been living in a new town for half a year now and I didn't manage to find anyone who'd get close to me. Had some tinder dates, went out clubbing and met new people. Hell, even got invited to a house party. But I still feel that everyone is distant towards me. I don't have anyone to talk to and meet up on a daily basis. I feel lonely and isolated...

>>feels like the job would rather promote a mop over me despite being there for over 2 years.

Oh jesus that hit too close to home. In a similar situation. They interview me for promotions at least but yeah... I'm transferring so maybe I can start over and impress them where I'm going. I'm actually a pretty competent guy but I'm a drunk. So yeah...I miss days at work.

This is why you're alone, user.

>be 28
>going to a restaurant
>ordering a pizza pie
>i said no ansjovis wtf
>girl says sorry i say is ok
>eat pizza pie while lying
>go outside wait till restaurant closes
>walk up to girl call her a bitch
>yelling I SAID NO ANSJOVIS CUNT
>punch her repeatedly in the left eye
>shit stars bleeding she yells "whyyyy whyyyyy"
>take her head and place it above my cock
>let blood pour on cock
>shove it in her mouth NOW SUCK IT
>manager comes out yells WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
>grab my pistol and blast him twice
>then blast girl in skull with my cock inside her mouth
>let blood pour all over my cock
>feels good man
>escape and go home
>masturbate with her blood still on my cock

If it's true you need long term help and therapy If it's not nice destructive trolling story was you abuse as a kid or pass through sexual voilence?

Fuck. Not like anyone is going to know its me. Was going to join the core and make my family and friends proud. Was going to be a proud marine standing in his dress blues and use all the fucking money and education i got in there to havw a decent life wheb I was done. Even thought about making a career of it after talking to a few 10 year vets. Then my body broke in training. Tried to an hero when they said I was going home for good and soent a month in balboa hospitol wishing I could painlessly end it with a spork in the psych ward.

We know your family know your friends know how much heart broken you got over it's gone now and you need to pull your self together you can do other things to make your family proud also you do not know but you already make all your love ones proud by being hero it takes courage and compassion to be that. You are good person don't let life beat you down stand up and fight win from life never let life make you her bitch also quit drinking that's NOT YOU its your over whelming emotions coming out and you are trying to numb them you got heart broken there is nothing wrong or bad in crying you are human in the end we all break down sometimes come on be a man and put the bottle down and see what you can do

ok and now in english pls?

Was you sexually abused? Or raped? Or pass through voilence?

I'll figure this shit out eventually. I need to sleep now. Or atleast lay down for a but. Talking like this gives me headaches

You take care of yourself have a good rest

I feel shitty. I love my husband more than I could ever put into words and yet, I can't manage to get turned on because I never feel any urge to have sex. It happens once a month if that, and the entire time my face is contorted in pain which turns him off, and he ends up unsatisfied. I don't know why I am this way, I never even need to masturbate. FML.

Do you drink? Any medications or drugs? I will try to help you much better also do you enjoy casual kisses with your husband and how does foreplay makes you feel? Any kids?

I would leave you. I don't mean to say that to be mean but shit man I couldn't even imagine being in a sexless relationship. Not only for getting off but it's just such a fun activity to do with your partner to be closer with them. Why can't you fake it? And why are you in pain?

My girlfriend has depression and I don't know how to deal with it. I try being quirky, funny, reassuring, but i'm met with an indifferent and dry attitude. This usually discourages me so I act indifferent in return. I wish I knew what to say to make her happy.

First you need to stop trying too hard to make her happy that can result in discomfort which can lead to anger. Please can you tell in few words what caused her depression? Death of love one or abuse voilence? Also do she drinks on any medications or drugs?

>I knew what to say to make her happy.
Maybe it's not about saying things user. Maybe she finds comfort in what you're doing anyway.
Her happiness is not on you user. I get it. You want what's best for her. You would let yourself bleed dry for her. You would do anything you could to make her happy. That's real commitment.
But, the secret to her happiness is not with you user. It's with her.
You just concentrate on being there for her, support her, be with her and show her that you care for her. Irrespective of how much she's cold and indifferent you just show her that you're there for her.
What I'm about to say will seem pretty harsh, but someone needs to tell you. And I'll be that guy.
Look for you own happiness user. Be selfish. Tell her how you feel. Tell her how her attitude is making you feel like you're not enough. Express your dissatisfaction. Tell her how you're being discouraged. You deserve better than that user

Either something is medically wrong with you or you aren't turned on and atttracted to him. Happens all the time. Ppl get complacent and the guys become idiots and don't even take their girls out for dates and have no romance

thanks for the advice, it's genetic, both her parents have it.

Not at all I want you and her to be happy and that will make me happy she got over her depression and you can enjoy life too also you didn't answer what caused her depression?

Try this book and this is for both of you as a couple and you will be her support. Self-compassion by KRISTIN NEFF also do the mental excersises every day

Not that person user. Just another user

Sorry

No matter what I do I feel like I could have done better or someone else will do better so it's not worth attempting. I've thought about killing myself plenty of times but this is the most seriously it feels within reach. I realized I wasn't happy when I was standing with a handful of pills deciding whether to take them or not. I was just as afraid of taking them as I was of throwing them away. What should I do honestly? I feel lost I can't hold a job. all my friends are just moving on with life and I'm still stuck in the same position I was 3 years ago. any advice?

I have sort of alluded to her attitude harming me, she responded with a

Wtf is wrong with you oh my god

which i completely understand, i should probably have waited a bit to complain. Good advice nonetheless, thanks user

i'll check it out, thanks

Sweetie first breath take a deep breath from nostril and let it out the mouth empty your lungs breath again Now relax....how was your childhood also do you drink any drugs or medication? I will be help much better this way

Any anons have advice/experience getting over the death of a lover?
My girlfriend of 4 years died this past Sept 8th, she got hit by a car. It's been rough to say the least. Lately I've been having conversations with her but it's just me talking to empty space. I'd like to think I can get through this by myself, without therapists and meds and that type of shit. So, any advice?

my girlfriend dumped me because she says we're not compatible because I'm too selfish... Yeah she's right. She was supporting me financially for awhile while I searched for a job in the big city and I wasn't able to find one... and honestly I should have been able to find SOMETHING but my ego,insecurity, laziness, etc. got in the way. So she dumped me and I had to move back to my mom's place. I miss her a lot. She does deserve better than my lazy ass but it still hurts . We haven't been talking. I feel like shit because I'm back at my childhood house, even though it is only temporary. I just miss her a lot. She was a sweet girl and I fucked it up and now I live in the shithole I grew up in still unemployed. I'm such a selfish prick... I guess I got what I deserved.

Just Always remember she is hurting all the time inside and that feeling being there all the time it's difficult and human experience is the most difficult be supportive and talk less listen more you will see a whole new side of her and might give you a boner

My mom and dad fought a lot. Dad used to beat everyone in my family. My mom used to try and get us to turn on him and he'd do the same. He used to always tell me I was worthless, I remember him and my mom got into a fight on my 8th birthday because he called me and my 2 friends losers because we didn't have jobs. My mom used to be hardcore addicted to pills and used to give me perc's for everything: Headache? percs. Sore tooth? percs. Anything was solved by a pill. Got to the point where she was sending me into dollar general and walmart to steal pills for her. I don't really drink, I used to smoke weed but it gives me panic attacks now. I've recently experimented with meth because I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere. And it wouldn't really matter if I got addicted or ended up in prison. I literally feel like a walking shell just witnessing others experience life. Sorry if I sound edgy.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Good times, bitch shouldn't have been in front of the car then.
>wasn't able to find a job in a big city
That means you were being too picky
The city has thousands of jobs, quite literally, and you were being too fucking picky and not really trying to find one. You could easily persue any shitty job at retail or soemthing similar by really showing devotion, calling them every few days, etc. Bet you didn't, bet you a piece of shit who just did online applications and hoped it'd all work out didn't you?
You don't deserve to be taken care of you deserve to be left to starve until you finally realize how to really get a job and take care of yourself.

Fucking neck yourself you spergie edgelord.

Hugs you it's sad to know this will help as long as you stick with mental excersises try this book I was not Ready to say Goodbye by Brook Noel

yeah you're right. I was trying to get a job along the lines of my degree but it wasn't working out. She started insisting that I get a shitty retail job or something like that and I was reluctant for awhile but then I did near the end there and I actually got a few offers doing shit things like dishwashing but then she dumped me and I was like "shit i can't support myself here on a dishwashing job". so here I am.