I am God

I am God.
Ask me anything.

Would you have a schlong?

cuantos años tengo?

Fuck you

Jews. Are they your chosen people?

To get some questions out of the way:
>Are you omnipotent/omniscient/omnibenevolent?
Yes, no, sorta.
I can do whatever I want, so long as it's in my immediate presence and I can sense it happening.
I don't know everything. I can't see the future, the past with perfect clarity, nor can I project my consciousness wherever I'd like. I have to be at-location, in body or spirit, to sense something there. That's not to say my senses aren't sharp. I can hear a whispered conversation a city block away and can see distant galaxies from where I'm currently sitting.
I try to do what's best. I love each and every one of you, but everything I know about right or wrong I had to learn over time, just as anyone else living their life would.

Do you like pineapple on pizza?

24

What’s my name

u gay?

No

Jeff

lotto numbers?

ew

WHY TF MY PEEPEE HARD

What's your opinion on feminists?

Why is everything so damn inconvenient?

Me voy a casar con quien?

Why?

Can you create a stone you can't lift?

When it suits me. I don't need to urinate or eat, but sex is fun now and then.

>cuantos años tengo
I can't say. I don't think we've ever met.

I probably deserve that.

No, why would they be?

I haven't had enough of either to really form an opinion. Eating requires forming a digestive tract, which has the unpleasant task of excretion to follow, so I try to avoid the process entirely.

That's what happens when you either have to piss or you become sexually excited. I can't tell which, in your case.

I haven't kept up with feminists. How did the whole "women's lib" thing go? Are we still worrying about that? If not, what ARE feminists worried about?

when will we meet aliens you cocksucker motherfuckerrrr

There's a name for that, it's called delusion of grandeur

...

well meme'd

Try being me for a day. Things go wrong because you're not helping? My fault. Things go wrong because I DID help? My fault.
None of you people know what you want.


If I were so inclined to create such a heavy stone, and to limit my capacities, yes.
If you're asking what I'm maximally capable of, then no. I'm not sure what to call myself if I'm not capable of doing everything, but are yet capable of doing the utmost extent of things that are possible.

You don't want to meet them, user. Trust me.
The ones that are capable of spacefaring travel either have only ill intent for you or don't want to talk to you. Those that aren't are generally so far behind technology that they haven't invented antibiotics yet, and you're liable to catch a disease that'll sweep through and kill you, while learning nothing from them you didn't already know.

I take no pride in being God.

I must say, for an omnipotent being you are a damn slow typer/captcha solver. And, if it is latter, also a cheapskate.

Why'd you make us weak

why im still alone

>and you're liable to catch a disease
God, do you fucking even biology?
At least, like, fucking 1 year of university even?

I put a lot of thought into my posts. I can actually type fairly quickly, I think.

Weak? Compared to what?
Ants? No. Elephants? Sure, I guess, but you've got thumbs and a good brain. Are you complaining that I didn't make you stronger? How much stronger?

Because you don't socialize as often as you should.

If you doubt what I say, look up what smallpox did to the people of North America when Europeans arrived.
Granted, you've got a much better chance of dealing with that sort of thing now that you've got a decent understanding of medicine, but still, not much incentive to deal with a race of creatures you've got little to nothing to learn from.

Relating to You could just taste and then spit them out, and since a tongue is needed for speech, you should already have one.

You know, I didn't think of that. Thank you. Give me a minute.

>Ask me anything

What's up?

Oh, you finally killed my suspension of disbelief. At least read some books on it. And on chemistry, etc.
>If you doubt what I say, look up what smallpox did to the people of North America when Europeans arrived.
Did you just unironically compare aliens with animals of the same exact fucking species? This is dumb as hell.
Medicine doesn't have anything to do with it. At least please, as a personal favor to me, read on what is a antigen-antibody interaction and how bacteria and viruses get inside cells. Jesus christ...

What's my name, nigger?

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

No it's not nigger.

They would cancel each other out

Can you make me not crippled? Getting kinda sick of it tbh.

И нaхyя ты здecь oбъявилcя? (answer the question in Russian, you fag)

What the fuck are you doing here?

I think I just fucking murdered A GOD.
I need to buy myself a fedora.

I've come to a conclusion.
Pineapple on pizza is okay... the low sweetness of it isn't quite what I'd put with the rest of the pizza, but not bad.

Not much. How are you?

Knowledge of medicine implies knowledge of how disease is spread. You people learned that the "humors" or the four elements of witchcraft did nothing for your health, and "miasma" wasn't really a thing either.
Unlike yourselves a couple hundred years ago, you're equipped to deal with diseases, preventing them, treating them, and using vaccines.
Further, yes, foreign bacteria can still kill you and diseases can cross species.
Then again, I don't have a body and disease isn't really something I've looked into, so yeah, you could be right.


Logical paradox. Either one is an unstoppable force, or the other is an immovable object. One of them will give way once they meet, proving it's not unstoppable or immovable.

I'd love to, but every time I do something like that, someone makes a big deal out of it.
I bring someone back from the dead and heal a few diseases, everyone makes a big deal about it. I get back a couple hundred years later, people are killing each other in huge wars over what I did.
I'm sorry user. I really am.

пoтoмy чтo я тeбя люблю

A нy чики бpики и в дaмки!

Did I make the right choice?

Sorry, I don't speak commie

Why do you people call it a fedora? I've seen your memes, and every time one pops up, it's a never a fedora. It's a trilby.

Are traps gay?

Ok smart guy, if bacteria are so dangerous that they would harm any "unprepared" organism (lol, that is also not how immune system works),how come we don't have epidemics of pine-pox every week?
Or fungi-pox? They are much more different from us,then,say, a chicken, or a goose, or a fucking human from other continent.

If you know there's a penis there, and you decide to go on ahead anyways, yes.
I was under the impression "trap" implied "a guy and I didn't know it", but people keep using it to mean "a guy in girl's clothes".


Hold on a second... you mean people DON'T catch diseases from animals?
What the hell have I been looking at this whole time?

Because only people who own one know the difference? And they would not like to meme about how autistic they are? Usually the joke like this have to be at someone's expense.

Fucking retard, I said that they don't catch it from plants and fungi. Can you fucking comprehend even the simplest sentences?

Relating to I can accept that. Thanks for sharing your opinion, my Lord.

Are you A God or THE God?

I have a hard time relating to anything I don't have, user. I'm sorry if I can't better answer your questions.
But honestly, I have a hard time with the English language. Every time I turn around, you guys are inventing new languages, changes the spelling of existing ones, mixing up context, and that sort of thing.
So, there's a distinct possibility I just missed something, yeah.
Why are you so angry though?

No problem, but please don't call me that.

If there are other beings like me, I've yet to meet them.
So, THE God, I guess.

What would you prefer to be called?

Whatever you'd like, but titles of authority don't do it for me.
If I had to have a handle, call me Jo. I like how it sounds.

>Why are you so angry though?
Because I would expect you to be omnipotent and omniscient? And you are most clearly not.
If you were omniscient, you would not fail that question so hard. And if you were omnipotent, you could make you omniscient, but you clearly not, therefore...
>I have a hard time relating to anything I don't have, user. I'm sorry if I can't better answer your questions.
Nice excuse. Too bad you didn't think of it before first stupid answer, right?

How do you prove that you are god?

I'm sorry user. I said here:
I'm not omniscient, which I guess means I'm not entirely omnipotent either. I can't claim to be able to do anything if I can't know everything.

I don't do that sort of thing anymore. You people lose your minds and start killing each other (and yourselves) whenever I do that.
I know this creates a lot of suspension, as there's no reason to to believe what I say. I understand though. Just know that, if you can somehow still believe in me , that I love you and I want what's best for you.

What do you think of PICKLE RIIIIICK

Sounds good Jo, it was nice talking to you.

why do i fail at everything?

>I'm not omniscient, which I guess means I'm not entirely omnipotent either. I can't claim to be able to do anything if I can't know everything.
Can you imagine the implications of this?
If you actually were a god, how sad would that be? To know, that one powerful enough not only to survive the creation, but to make it happen (which is 100% below are grasp) has limits so defined, that we ourselves can see it?
Being just a flawed creation of the most flawed god spells dying shortly, as insignificant speck among the stars.

you dont exist

Hey God, there's this girl I've wanted to ask out for a week now. The thing is, I don't know her very well, she's only been to the same summer camp with me for three years now. She is the closest I've ever been with a girl though (which is not very close). She likes to smoke and get drunk, which are two things I don't do. As I've said earlier, I don't know her very well, but we do share some "friends" (which I know from summer camp and from my elementary school). I think she might think of me as a loser of sorts, but not asking her out would also leave me with a hole in my heart. I've had a crush on her for two years, and only one of my friends knows, but he thinks I'm already over her. What do you think I should do?

Kind of annoying, and a bit confusing.
I don't watch tv anymore, is there some kind of joke in there I'm not getting?

You too. Have a good day user.

Because you take things too seriously and you don't try hard enough.
Just relax, keep trying.

In the eyes of an ant, a human being is a god, considering that human can change the world in ways unthinkable to it, to create paradise or to effortlessly kill it and everyone it's ever known. The human possesses powers and mental capacities unfathomable to the ant, but the human is still finite. The ant is confident that if it burrows underground, the human can't follow, but it CAN destroy the mound, if it so desired.
And that's what you are, in terms of power. Your mind and my own are about the same, only I'm much, much older than you are.
In any case though, I do the best I can. I love you more than you could ever realize user. Take comfort in that much, at least.


I think, therefore I am.


Pursue her.
If things go well, good. If they don't, you have your whole life ahead of you.
Everything bad, including the pain of rejection, is just "for now". Go for it, and know that I'm rooting for you every step of the way.

Opinion on sex changes and homosexuality?

>Take comfort in that much, at least.
Ok, bro.

Should I ask her out via social media? I wouldn't know where to find her IRL. Also, what should I say, or do? How should I act?

How does one "change" their sex? Have you really gotten to the point where you can be born a male, become a female, and have a working uterus and I didn't notice?

As for homosexuality, well... I've dipped into that sort of thing out of curiosity, coming down in male form and congregating in other males.
I'd probably be okay with it if most gay people in America didn't act like reckless teenagers. I visited Castro the other month, and it looked like a modern Sodom and Gomorrah.

You're overthinking things. Leave that to me. I'm the one whose actions have serious, serious consequences.
Don't think about what to do. Just do. All I can say is be confident. There are worse things in life than getting a "no".

Thank you. Can you do these kind of posts more often? I being in your comfort.

kooka moutlak ratatatatek admatar drun flecho ?

like*

Maybe, idk. Most people don't seem to appreciate my being here, but I'll probably stay for a while.

Is that an African or Siamese language? I never learned those.

Medical procedure and what not. I don't think it's fully functional. Not smart enough to really research. All my life I've heard the homosexuality is a sin bit but I never believed it. God is love right? It doesn't make sense that he would punish you strictly cause you like the same gender.

Thanks, you have a good day too Jo

Who's your daddy?

what am i doing

fapping

I've been watching over humankind ever since I saw one of your ancestors climb down from a tree to cut roots with a sharpened stone. I was impressed. I'd never seen someone do that before, using tools and cognitive intelligence. I didn't think I'd ever see someone I could have a conversation with.
But lo and behold, you eventually got there, and as I looked across the void, you weren't the only one. It was difficult, and going through the various planets to find one with life (let alone intelligent life) is like trying to find a needle in a haystack large enough to smother an elephant to death.

I've watched you grow, fight, kill each other, turn the landscape into something that didn't resemble what it once was before, and cover a large and wild world with your own kind, growing, changing, and screwing up in magnificently dumb ways.
Why would I care about something as insignificant as two men or two women going at it? Why would anyone? Are homosexuals homicidal or something?

I wish I had a father.

Talking to me.

Hey God I'm ready but I can't afford the van, help me out here?

>Then again, I don't have a body
Then how are you typing?

Nah not from what I've seen. Just kinda confused, no pun intended. On another side note, the shota threads on B. Is that disturbing to you? I know now I'm somewhere in the spectrum but I try to stray away from that cause I think it's a moral wrong. What do you think?

Is that a song reference? It sounds like a song reference.


I made a copy of a laptop I had when I last visited Earth, and a pair of hands to operate them.
I use what I need, when I need it, and I do away with it when I'm done. I gave myself a mouth and a tongue to taste a pineapple pizza earlier in this thread, for example, and now that mouth and tongue don't exist anymore.


I think it's a strange fascination. Everyone goes on about how they're fapping to children, but when you look at the pictures, they look nothing like actual children.
Then again, the whole concept of cartoon pornography seems asinine to me, or just porn in general. Why aren't more of you out trying to have sex? It's not that difficult, and you're always complaining about how much you want it.

Should I hit her up now?

I think mainly because they say sex is wrong even though one of the first things humans were told was be fruitful and multiply.

Yes.

Everything I've ever seen about human families indicates that, while marriage is something seldom enjoyed, it's better to be married than not when you're going to have children.
That's probably a factor.

Your the coolest to talk to on B God. I think you should keep making these posts. I'll keep praying every night too. Hopefully I get into heaven and we can talk face to face.

I can't lie to you... there's no Heaven. Yet.

I've tried, I've really tried to make a good Heaven, but things keep going wrong.
My first thought was to make a place with all the stuff humanity seems to like- art, poetry, good food, no pain, etc. After awhile, the whole thing turned out to be an even bigger cesspit than Sodom and Gomorrah.
And I'm not exaggerating either. Considering there was no death and all injuries could heal, the inhabitants of the first Heaven did things that would make your hair cult in disgust if you saw it.

The second time around, I made it like a big library- not as fun, but plenty to do, a place to answer a lot of questions. That worked for a while, then apparently humanity with the whole thing and asked to have a separate Heaven for everyone who wasn't interested in knowledge and understanding to go to, which turned out to be a miniature version of the first Heaven.

Up here, everyone just sorta... sleeps. Dreams are nice, but I might just do little individual Heavens for each person someday. I dread to imagine how that's gonna turn out though.

Can I be an Archangel then? Fighting for eternity to protect innocent souls sounds better than sleeping.

I could arrange that, so long as you remind me before you die.

I have to admit though, it's boring as all hell up here. Why else would I be browsing Sup Forums?

Can I too be some sort of helper of you?

Yeah sure. Can I have a few special powers while I'm still here on Earth? I still have people I want to protect.

which god?

kanye west. why?

Can you make a rock so big you can't push it?

Oh nevermind. I should have searched for "stone". Disregard my faggot question.

I can't imagine what I'd need help with.
Just be yourself. You are perfect, and I enjoy your perfection.

I'm sorry, but that is a firm, definite "no".
I did that with Jesus of Nazareth once. That was a terrible idea in retrospect.

The only god that I know of.

He's a smug one, isn't he?

I answered that here: