There is no place for me

There is no place for me.
I spend my days laying low to charge my laptop at different Starbucks each day of the week to avoid being too much of a problem, and when I start to feel myself overstaying my welcome I purchased with a $1.50 coffee. I spend my days finding different patches of empty unused desert to park my truck and browse Sup Forums and listen to music to distract myself. I get an occasional massage and happy ending when my paycheck allows to satisfy myself sexually. My life is such a fucking joke and there is nowhere to be. Libraries are just places where gangs congregate for whatever reason, I feel safer parking my truck in desolation than around urban scum. There is only two independant coffee shops in a 70 mile radius, and they have already been claimed by the elderly and the single mothers who bring their noisy children there.
I just crave human connection..
No one real ever replies on craigslist, even when I respond to other ads, and no one in /soc/ lives around me. I wish like minded people existed, I want to have a relationship that is significant to me again, an yet altogether everyone in my daily life just makes me feel anxious and makes me crave solitude.
Suicide isn't even an answer, as all the methods I know of are either too painful for a wimp like me to attempt, or unobtainable (exit bag is out of thr question, all helium tanks are tainted with oxygen now. Legal suicide tourism just seems too bleak to carry out).

I don't know guys. What's the deal.

you in the GTA?

You should try Getting a job on a fishing or fish processing vessel, being out to sea is kind of romantic

Sounds like you ought to just move to the country/friendly small town, get a simple job and settle in.
Pretend to be Christian and go to church every Sunday.

Problem solved.

But I am opposed to the kind of blind religious zealotry that is present. I much prefer the 90's german rave/cyberpunk scene. But I feel like that doesn't really exist and perhaps never did. I love the backcountry, just not the types that live in it. Which would only satisfy me halfway.
How does one apply? This sounds perfect tbh, seeing as you kinda have no choice but to live on the boat (save on rent bigtime). Does minimum wage apply at sea? Will I be paid less than or more than minimum for an entry level position. I just want to leave all this behind. I feel like such a brainlet bc I excel at th degree specific sciences and math in college, but general ed is really holding me back. So can I expect to make a decent living doing this?

High Desert in SoCal

>I much prefer the 90's german rave/cyberpunk scene

someone like you is gonna have a hard time making friends

mocking aside, what's your fav Digital Hardcore album?

I generally like Aphex Twin's SAW VII, Autechre's Incunabula, and the HTID "Bonkers" collections with an emphasis on DJ Hixxy. Oh and pretty much anything by Hybrid. Goreshit is cool too, but on another spectrum. Shit like that. Not sure if it qualifies as Digital Hardcore, but I'll check it out. I'm more a fan of the aforementioned scene because of the aesthetics and the gritty side of Bauhaus.

You have a place and it's here faggot

You're no wrong I guess.

Fellow desert rat here.

I lived in my truck in Ventura for about a year and a half doing the same thing, minus the massage thing. I would usually just find a girl to hang with for a while and spend some nights there when I didn’t want to sleep in my truck. I also got a gym membership to shower whenever I needed. I loved the solitude, but it did get lonely sometimes.

Fuck that. Move the fuck out of there to a place with cultured individuals. It doesn't have to be the big city.

Learn to live alone, for the best company is oneself. If you can grasp that, you'll do just fine. Be grateful for what you have.

Sounds to me like you are just a picky
little princess. There are so many things most everyone does not like about their lives and about and other people, yet they man-up and continue on, but like a prissy little girl everything has to be perfect just for you.If you are too picky about everything you will never be satisfied in this world. Besides the fact that one day you will be diagnosed with cancer or aids and then will wish you had realized how good you had it when you had it good.

That works for a while, I mean I don't hate my solitude, it gives me time to practice the skills I want to have as well as ones I sorta have to have to satisfy the credentialist paradigm, as well as catch up on reading (c/lit/oris checking in).
The standard for "cultured" individuals is the usually the "big city", but I fear in my tax bracket all I'll end up doing is sharing a ventilation shaft with a smelly pajeet and working so many hours to maintain rent that I'll never have time to meet people anyway. What did you have in mind if not the big city?
How did you meet girls? Were they merely places to sleep, or did you manage to have relations with them? Most women are immediately turned off to my lifestyle, unlike what those instagram travel to aesthetic places in your truck with beautiful women meme would have you believe.

>how good you had it
what? driving around, fucking around on a computer and then fapping to traps later?
fuck you

you could live outside a big city and then go into town to do stuff
>smelly pajeet
stop being 12

Lmao what said.
Tell me what I can do do fix this. Fix myself
Im not picky, there is just no place that I fit in really.

why human connection is important to you so much man? why not enjoy the blessed solitude? while human connection can be productive and fruitful at times, it is the last generations great over-hype.

Do what, exactly?

how old are you OP?

go to shows
meet people
you could stop being such an insufferable hobo spider
3 things right there

>I excel at th degree specific sciences and math in college,
did you earn a degree?

Haha you're probably right. I just want to have sex with a woman and feel connected. I felt it once in my life, she was something else. Haven't found a woman like that since.
That's like 1 thing and a couple of vague suggestions.
No, things are slow going man
20

>That's like 1 thing and a couple of vague suggestions
.
I think you need the fuck beat out of you and your laptop taken

Argon gas from welding supply store.

You don't need helium (and argon is a fuckload cheaper!)

Don't use a bag over your head becuase you'll breathe in your expired CO2 and you won't nod off. Speaking from experience. A bag is a bad choice.

It’s mostly a meme, but I would usually meet girls at the coffee shops I went to. I would regularly go to this one coffee bean because the staff was awesome so I spent a lot of time there. I noticed that some girls do care, however a lot of them don’t as long as you have good hygiene and Clean your car. I always have a relationship, I can’t do the one night stand. Makes me feel empty inside.

You're only 20. I was 20 once. I couldn't fathom being over 30, and yet here I am. Life is long. When I was a kid, my parents allowed me to go nowhere. I had no friends I hung out with outside of school. No boyfriends. No drugs, sex, whatever. I went to college expecting my life would be fucking amazing. It wasn't. I was still angsty depressed have-not-actually-experienced much in life. So I went to a different college (near my parents because I was "homesick") and decided to fuck it all. I'll just go and do everything. I went to parties, had sex with the first guy I found decently attractive, did drugs (but then got addicted, so be careful as they all say). And lived life. You make your own drama. Or not. But give yourself time. You are constantly changing or growing (or not, and stagnate and don't go anywhere). Human connections requires you to go out and make the connections, and fail most of the time, and still keep trying.

Also, girls (and guys I hope) love a self sustaining man. A Math/Science college degree and then job helps with that. My husband is an engineer and when he flew first class, he said the level of interest he got from stewardesses was night and day compared to coach. But most guys I know want a self sustaining woman as well. College degrees and afterwards a job helps alot with that. Good luck.

Let's be honest, this guy doesn't wanna kill himself. If he was at all serious he would have figured it out by now.

He hates his life enough to complain but not enough to change or end it.

I don’t think he wants to kill himself. He’s disillusioned. There is no point in existing. I agree with this person. Now I just do shit because it’s something to do.

>t. hole

I kind of feel you. In highschool my life was awesome. Huge group of friends, fairly popular(enough to avoid ridicule, not too much to be involved in drama or be a cunt). Attractive, great with women and loved banging.

Graduated 3 years ago, now i barley leave me house. Havn't bought any new clothes since I dropped out of college. Lost all confidence, cant talk to women anymore. Frequent hookers and fap nowadays(which barely does anything for me anymore).

Don't smoke or drink anymore because I can't deal with the hassle of hiding it from parents. Im 21 and I feel my lifes over. Theres a chick I know whos DTF, weve been friends since HS and I know i could fuck.

She moved next door, and id literally rather sit home jack off and play games.

Cant even hold a job, I get paranoid that everyone around me is judging me, hating me for some stupid reason. Cant control my emotions and break down at the slightest comment. Cant focus, porns fucked my brain to the point I cant talk to women anymore and just judge them harshly.

Usually end up going to work mad as shit, dont talk to anyone until everyone gets fed up and I get fired.

tl;dr

First of all you're not a burden. You're alive and valid. Find a hobby, tabletop games are a good place to start and make friends with other losers. Learn to play magic or warhammer or some shit and hang out with other nerds

Chill dude? Are you alright?

You should fuck her. That will get the ball rolling and hopefully get you out of your rut. Maybe consider moving to somewhere different. A change of pace could help.

You have to remember that most people fear being judged. Everyone is thinking it, but you have to be able to put it aside and learn to laugh at yourself.

I want to be the person eating that beautiful woman's ass and pussy. Sex is the only time I feel ok.

Honestly, I can barely hold a conversation with a girl anymore without staring the fuck out of her tits or ass.

Idk if its the porn addiction or the hookers.

lmao my back up plan if shit hits the fan. go to church and pretend to be christian.

Try tnot focus a little more on conversation and a little less on tit staring. If she’s dtf then it wouldn’t be the worst to stare at her tits/ass which will show you are interested.

Take a photo of the interior of your truck

Maybe I'm depressed or have ADD, but after about 3 seconds of listening to someone talk my brain shuts down and I just want the conversation to end because it feels like actual torture.

My attention span is awful. My mind just drifts into sexual shit, doesn't matter who. I'm straight but ill catch myself just randomly paranoid with thoughts like "Yo does this dude think Im gay or something" then I end up subconsciously trying to do some dumb macho shit which just ends up making me feel like a poser.

I also have that. I end up staring at women like I'm a fucking rapist on the move and receiving a lot of gay/men stare and getting really pissed off

Read more, go on social media a lot less. This includes Sup Forums. Try to fap to sexual scenarios in your mind, rather than porn (could either end in worse sexual deviancy, or becoming less addicted to porn). Try it out, your attention span should improve.

This is it except mine is painted black

It's the opposite really, I WISH it was more of a porn addiction. Porn can barely do it for me anymore, I end up overthinking.

Then just fapping to memories I have of fucking in the past or messed up scenarios in my head.

Can't even be around my family anymore, even if I'm not attracted I end up staring. And if I don't stare I avoid.

Shit dude that sucks. Even if you drain your balls you still can't avoid looking? You may want to look into self control excercises or maybe legit meditation. Who knows? Maybe if you have a hot cousin (preferably not blood related, but if it floats your boat..) go for it and get it outta your system.

...

I feel you bro