So next week is my 28th birthday and I'm a kissless virgin. For my birthday I think I'm going to get a hooker...

so next week is my 28th birthday and I'm a kissless virgin. For my birthday I think I'm going to get a hooker. What is a good price? I have $2000 saved up

For that money you could probably get a rifle and commit a mass shooting

Hookers are like cars. There are nice ones and shitty ones.

>How fancy do you want to go?

Agree
You fucking loser.

i want someone hot and clean and preferable one that won't judge me

Use condom, stupid.

>28

>only 2k saved up

you are doomed later in life and you dont even know it

im not a psycho just a little weird

I have afreind who got one for about 300 but he said she only licked the tip.

id say for full head you'll need 500 and for anything else ya need 1000 or more


(Or you could buy a gun and shoot the hooker, then have sex with the carcass)

cant i just get a clean one

Yes for 2000 you should be able to hire an ESCORT, like quite literally you could buy a pornstar for a few hours.

If you commit a mass shooting then we'd have something to shitpost about, so please do it.

Agree, do the world a favor and kill some jews

no i have 2k that doesn't need to go toward anything. I was thinking about going on a trip or buying a car but i would rather finally have sex

Fucking discosting, go to the store and buy one box of Troyan clasic.

Where do you live op

chicago

if you think 2k doesnt need to go toward anything, you really are dooming yourself

please, take it from someone who used to think exactly like that, and save it for something that really matters

>(Or you could buy a gun and shoot the hooker, then have sex with the carcass)

The only reasonable solution.

That's a tall order. It'd probably be at least a grand for a night.

Well you could buy a console....or that rife

You'd be a hero . . .
>to us at least

i have more money saved up. i work full time and still live at home so i dont buy food or rent or internet i have money. i just have 2k for whatever use most of my money is in savings account

im an 18 year old kissless virgin how do i save myself from becoming this over the next 10 years

i have every console already

Then buy the rifle

hm i wonder why youre a virgin

Where do you live user? If close to Bay Area you can come out sometime with a few of my friends and I and gal pals and they can wingwoman for you. Save your money for a decent hotel. Can getcha laid no problem. May have to take ya shopping first and give you a few pointers but I'm up for the challenge.

...

One option would be to take a trip to San Diego and have a vacation, then take a few trips to the red light district in Tijuana.

The brothels there have the hottest girls from all over Mexico. It's like being able to fuck the Instagram model of your dreams.

You should just kill yourself

it just never happened for me.

sorry man I'm in Chicago

But you have to like Latinas because that's all that is on offer there

You probably want to steal his kidneys or something

hire a tranny hooker and ask him/her if he/she wants to play some of your video games

> i work full time and still live at home so i dont buy food or rent or internet i have money

Are you 28 and still in your parents house?

fuck thats my same reasoning
am i doomed?

no more than $200

...

i like latinas but aren't brothels in mexico dangerous not only for stds but cartels

Not sure where you're at but in Vancouver $600 will buy you 3-4 full contact 2-girl lap dances for 2 songs each at No. 5 Orange. Once they notice you are spending the big bucks on getting more than one girl at a time for longer than one song at a time, every girl in the place starts treating you like a king. Buy them a few drinks and they'll be nice. One set of girls are each other out on top of me while I'm groping them. Good times. Then, once you're good and horny, head over to the Platinum Club where you can get a full service "massage" for around $300 per girl. Haven't tried two at once yet, but it's on the to-do list.

Along with drinks and some food, maybe a cab to not die on your way home, and you can easily make that $2,000 last all night and it'll be a blast.

200$ If you want to get AIDS

not true, i don't have aids

Can't a guy just be nice.

are you fucking retarded? no more than $20 OP

$20 gets you a decent handjob
but you don't want that

Then what STD do you have?

Shit dude just 2k? Get some more and go to some third world yellow nigger country and bang a buncha 10/10 ladyboys. God tier have some 4some 5some whatever you want.

but if I do this I want someone hot and clean. $200 seems kinda cheap

Not really, girls have to have health cards to work in the bars and are tested regularly.

Cartel danger is not a problem. They have an incentive to keep the red light district safe (money laundering) as long as you don't get too drunk and don't deal with the drug dealers you'll be fine

If you're serious, $500 is plenty. Shouldn't even be that. Take another $500 and get a gym membership, sign up for some cooking classes or something and buy some clothes for yourself, and save the remaining grand

found the virgin

Go to a strip club, and fuck one of them.
There is no clean guarantee, not even from a person you are married to.

ate each other out*

Also, someone said something about a condom. It wouldn't be an option at most places; you have to use one. And for good reason.

Let's say a girl let's you fuck her without one. Even if she thinks she's clean, the fact that she's letting you means she may have let some other dude also fuck her raw earlier, and how often is she getting checked for STDs? Play it safe, man.

Darn that's a tad to far haha. Well if I were you I would use that 2,000 that you saved up to help build a foundation for yourself and a future. One that can allow you to get laid much easier bc you will be in a more desirable situation for a gal to be intetested. It's really all about how you set your life up if you are able to do so. Buy a car but make sure you have enough for your insurance and etc. Good first step in the right direction. How have you been able to get through life so far without one?

OP just buy weed and a vaporizer

I mean you could use protection,but whatever,I'm no expert

A lot of places pat you down so you can't bring in a gun

Damn it cole go pick some niggresse at like $20 and fuck the living shit outta those smelly gorilla pussies already.

use that 2k to fucking move out already

buy a plane ticket to costa rica or brazil and get a hooker over there

The biggest club will have 100+ girls on the busy nights. Tones of them are in the 8-10 range. 60-80 to fuck them

Wejdziesz w koncu na tego jebanego skype? Tak, to ja, Mutant.

i live 2 blocks from a train station and I don't really go anywhere except work so a car never really made sense

get a live oak savings account man
1.40 interests.
I blew 27k on this shit.
>I WANT MUH MONIES!!!

Jesus,why would you want to fuck 8 years old girls?

no man. i got a pretty sweet deal here they pay for everything and they literally only ask i clean the house and take out the trash scoop the backyard for dog poop. shit like that so i can take my full paycheck and do whatever i want

I bet you won't murder him

>that won't judge me
Dude ... it's a fucking walking fuck hole that probably gets beat around by her pimp on a daily bases anyway. Who the fuck cares if she judges you, she's a fucking whore.

It's not like she's made any better life decisions than you have.

Some of the bars have soap shows. Basically 2+ girls get fully nude on stage, eat eachother out, finger, dildo fuck...

For a simple $1 tip you can touch anything you want, finger their pussys...

>daily *basis
God fucking dammit

except youre beta as fuck and will never reproduce because you have to wait until moms out getting groceries to show your non-existent gf your peepee

dude
28
grow up

Then go and buy a rifle together.

Gotcha. College degree? How long did it take you to save that 2k up? What do you normally spend money on? what are your expenses? I know you said no rent or utilities but surely you spend money on some stuff?

well i've never really been completely naked in front of someone before and I don't know how to have sex. the shits pretty embarrassing and i get social anxiety bad

I've seen guys get pulled op on stage and blown right in the middle of the bar.

First time I was there they had this dildo saw that they were fucking eachother with. I liked what I saw and threw like $3 at them.

The one girl then hands the tool over to me and turns around so I can fuck her with it. Pretty crazy experience...

dude i have no problem with my life

Just imagine she's in her underwear and you won't be embarrassed

And a dildo?

im fucking w u
u do u mang

I heard about the girls being hot ass hell you won't believe , but I just can imagine that being down in Mexico , I'm Mexican myself but haven't seen brothels

So hey I just got your message I will be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes

How's your green card?

Anybody here ever fuck an escort?

What did you pay?

What did you get?

How was the experience?

I'm not sure if I can make it to the meeting tonight but I will be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there

i got my gen eds from the community college. takes me about a month to make $2000. and my only real expenses are bus/train/uber-$50/month liquor-$120/month netflix/hulu/amazon prime/hbo go/fx now- i pay all those monthly not sure how much that goes up to and videogames is what alot of my money goes towards

I will be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes and I'll be there in a few minutes

Buy the goddamn rifle already preston

not preston and im not crazy

>well i've never really been completely naked in front of someone before
Unless you have a micro-benis or are super fat, you should be okay.

>I don't know how to have sex
That's fine, this ain't your sweetheart you've got to win over; a hooker's there for as long as you've paid for, and no matter how bad you perform she's still going to moan and all that. Basically, the only thing to really keep in mind for sex is "pelvic thrust". Other than that, just let your instincts take over.

>the shits pretty embarrassing and i get social anxiety bad
I get that, but remember, unless you're planning to beat her with something or something like that, there's no reason to really be worried. This isn't like your girlfriend or someone who actually matters, this is probably some drugged-up bitch who just wants you to fuck her until the time is up and then go. You're not going to impress her, and there's probably little you could do to 'disappoint' her.

This is basically like being the music entertainment at a nearly-empty bar full of winos: There's very little you can do to fuck up, and if you do, it's not like it really makes a differences. So just relax and fuck that whore!

The brothels are a 5 min drive from the border.

You park in San Diego, walk across, pay $5 to take a cab to the RLD.

If your scared of Mexico, just get out of the cab and go straight into HK club (biggest and arguably the best).

When you want to fuck a girl, you do it in the hotel above the club.

I would say that you are missing out on a lot of potential if you just stay there. There are a lot of interesting experiences to be had and I honestly fell less safe in parts of LA

I can go into more detail if you want.

Also... The Tacos.... Best al pastor I've ever had is on one of the corners in the RLD

shut up chris we were talking to preston

You don't have to be crazy to commit a mass shooting if do it for the lulz

It's a pretty surreal experience grubbing down on the best tacos I've ever had in my life on a street littered with hookers, whore mongers, and drug addicts.

I would say that it adds to the experience...

im overweight and my dick isn't huge but thats not the problem. judt thought of her talking shit would fuck me up or just the thought of her talking shit about me to her friends

4 beers should do it

In that case buy the rifle and go out with some dignity

Your worried about what a hooker thinks about you or what she says to her degenerate friends?

just pump, dump, and move on with your life. I'm sure she will move on with hers

^110% what this man said.